Summary: Celia struggles with her emotions after her breakup with Raleigh and the conflict with Shane, and reaches out to Raleigh for support.
As Celia set down the phone, tears fell from her eyes. Had she lost her best friend for good? Shane hadn’t actually said that their friendship was over, but he wanted time to himself to think, and sometimes “needing space” meant wanting to end a relationship. Although her life had changed since her music career took off, she still felt like the same person, but Shane thought their worlds were too different.
She’d let him down and really hurt him by missing his premiere at the Five-Minute-Film Fest. When she realized that the MoDA Gala was the same night, she didn’t know what to do. She had told Shane that she would be at the film festival, and she didn’t want to miss an important moment in his life. But going to the MoDA Gala would be good for her career. How would it look to Ellis Knight if she turned down the invitation? Letting her boss down could have consequences. She told Ellis and Fiona that she already had plans that night, but then Fiona started talking about all the big names that would be in attendance. And once she heard that Raleigh would be there, she knew she had to go.
It had killed her to break up with Raleigh. On their last date, she had finally confessed to him that her feelings for him were real, and he told her that he felt the same way. That should have been the point when their relationship became serious. Instead, they had to end it. Fiona had scheduled their breakup for that night. She had hoped that Raleigh would tell her that they didn’t have to go through with it, but he didn’t, and she hadn’t dared to suggest that herself.
Fiona told her that playing the heartbroken card was a good call, but it was the only choice she could have made. The words she said to Raleigh in front of the paparazzi that night were fake, but the heartbreak wasn’t. It had taken every ounce of strength she had to go through with it. And when she got home that night, she had drowned her sorrows in a bottle of vodka, mixing it with orange juice so she could at least try to enjoy the flavor, and in the hope that adding a non-alcoholic liquid would give her more hydration and help her ward off a hangover. Unfortunately, the next morning she felt sick anyway, from both the alcohol and her emotions.
She couldn’t even openly speak to Raleigh at the MoDA Gala, since they were supposed to be broken up on bad terms. But when they snuck away together, she knew that going to the gala had been the right decision. Raleigh told her that when they were together, it was the only time he felt anything real. Her heart ached for him. He needed to be with her as much as she needed to be with him. Then they made love for the first time, and she was seeing stars, and not just because they were in the planetarium. Being with him felt so right. She couldn’t regret it, even though she regretted hurting Shane. She would make the same choice all over again. Did that make her a terrible friend?
She headed into the living room and picked up her lyrics notebook. As she looked at the chords and lyrics for “Who Will I Be,” she wished she hadn’t had to sell the rights to her song. Yet another loss for her. Overwhelmed by emotions, she threw the notebook back onto the coffee table. It landed next to the issue of Advert with her face on the cover promoting Smoothie Star. Looking at the cover, she felt like a different person. Maybe Shane was right.
She toasted an English muffin and poured herself a cup of coffee. After eating breakfast, she picked up her phone. She wished she could talk to Raleigh; maybe he could make her feel better. But would he be up this early? She set him a text message: Hey, you up? When she didn’t get a response, she turned on the TV. She needed to get her mind off her troubles.
A little while later, she heard the text notification sound and reached for her phone. She opened the text and read Raleigh’s response: I am now.
She quickly texted him back: Can we talk? As soon as she sent the message, she had second thoughts. Maybe she shouldn’t have put it like that. He might think something was wrong. Well, something was wrong, but it wasn’t something he had done. She started typing another text, but before she could finish, the phone rang.
“Hey Celia, what’s up?” Raleigh asked when she picked up the phone.
“I’m just feeling really down, and I thought talking to you might make me feel better,” she explained.
“Missing me?”
“Well, yeah, but it’s more than that. My friend Shane doesn’t want to talk to me, at least for now. He thinks he doesn’t fit into my life any more.”
“That happens. I lost touch with my old friends in Puerto Rico. That’s just the way it goes.”
“But it shouldn’t have to be like that!” Celia couldn’t just give up on her friendship with Shane. And he was right there in New York with her, not far away like Raleigh’s friends had been. “Our friendship means a lot to me, even if he doesn’t think I feel that way.”
“Why would he think that?”
“I let him down. I promised him I’d go to his film premiere, but then I got invited to the MoDA Gala. Ellis and Fiona wanted me to go. It was a good career opportunity. And I heard you would be there, and I really wanted to see you.”
“Good to hear. I wanted to see you too.”
“But I’m such a bad friend! I’m so selfish. I hurt Shane, just because I couldn’t stay away from you.” Tears began to well up in Celia’s eyes again.
“We have to look out for ourselves. If you don’t, who will? And you just said that there were other reasons you went to the gala, right?”
“Yeah, but I was torn about what I was going to do, until I found out you were going.”
“Well, I’m glad you went. I can’t stop thinking about what we did.” Celia could hear the desire in Raleigh’s voice.
“You were incredible. That was the best sex I ever had,” Celia confessed.
“So far,” Raleigh smirked. “Let’s see if I can do better.”
Celia smiled slightly. “Definitely, whenever I can see you again.” She really needed to feel good. “I wish you could come over.”
“The damn paparazzi are everywhere. Otherwise I would.”
“I just feel like such a horrible person. Shane has done so much for me. He’s been so supportive. And I couldn’t even do the same for him.”
“So you’ve never done anything for him? It’s always been one-sided?”
Raleigh’s words made Celia think. “No, not really. It’s not like that was a pattern or anything. When he came to see me on Last Call, I introduced him to Josh Morello, and he helped Josh out with the dialogue for the script.”
“So you have helped him out. And if he promised you he’d go to one of your performances, but something came up that could help his career, what do you think he’d do?”
“Like, if one of his film professors strongly encouraged him to go to a festival where he could meet important contacts?”
“Yeah. You think he’d go?”
Would Shane have made the same type of choice that she’d made? She wasn’t sure, but he certainly might have. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
“If he did, would you be mad at him?”
“I’d be disappointed, but I’d understand. When I told Shane I couldn’t make it after all, he seemed like he understood. But then after the gala, we didn’t text each other that much, so I called him this morning to make sure everything was OK between us, and that’s when he told me how hurt he was.”
“So you thought he was fine with it, then he got distant afterward, and didn’t tell you he was upset until you called him? What the fuck? That’s not cool. He’s supposed to be your friend, but he can’t be straight with you?”
Raleigh had a good point. “Yeah, I don’t know why he didn’t tell me how he really felt at first.”
“Look, I don’t really know Shane, but maybe there’s more going on.”
“Like what?”
“Well, our breakup was all over the news. Did you tell Shane about us having feelings for each other?”
“No, we just texted briefly after the breakup, when I told him I couldn’t go to the festival after all. And I never really said much about you to him.” For some reason, she just hadn’t felt comfortable sharing those feelings with Shane. Besides, until that day, she hadn’t been sure of how Raleigh really felt.
“Maybe he figured now that you were a free woman, he had a chance with you.”
“What? Shane and I are just friends!”
“You really think he’s never thought about getting in your pants?”
“Raleigh! Come on! It’s not like that!” Celia insisted.
“Not for you, but maybe it is for him. And he lost a golden opportunity to make his move.”
“Men and women can be friends! Guys aren’t always after more.” Suddenly she thought back to the night of the gala. “Although, actually…”
“Did he say something? Or do something?”
“Not Shane, no. But at the gala, Avery told me that he’d been craving alone time with me all night, and he invited me to his place.”
“Oh my God! You didn’t go, did you?” Raleigh sounded horrified.
“I was with you, remember?”
“Yeah, but not all night. I don’t know what happened after you left.”
“I went home. Do you really think I’d go be with him after being with you?” Didn’t he realize that night meant something to her?
“I hope not. You never know what people will do. And when we first met, you seemed like you were so into him.”
“I admit I used to have a crush on Avery. I was in awe of him when we met. But then I got to know him, the real him. He’s a great guy, really sweet. His friendship means the world to me. But I just don’t feel that spark with him, not like I do with you.”
Raleigh breathed a sigh of relief. “Yeah, you’re in love with me.”
“Oh, I am?” Celia wasn’t about to admit that he was right.
“You know you are. I’ve gotta go, but if you want to talk more, give me a call.”
“I will. Thanks, Raleigh. Bye.”
Celia set the phone down and stretched out on the couch. Raleigh had given her a lot to think about. She still missed Shane, but maybe things weren’t as black and white as they seemed.