Don’t Let Me Fall

Disclaimer: I’m just borrowing these characters, they belong to Pixelberry

A look of utter bewilderment stains Kaylee’s face as she stares up into the sparkling blue eyes of her neighbor, whose unbridled excitement is radiating off of him in waves. It is a Saturday, one of the first in weeks she’s had completely free since they’d started re-shooting Tender Nothings, and she’d planned to sleep in.

Seth had mentioned something the night before about getting together in the morning for a reason she’d only half caught in her exhausted state. Seeing as it was Seth though, she figured ‘morning’ would be closer to mid-day, giving her plenty of time to get moving as slowly as she pleased. She had definitely not expected to see a very awake, very spunky Seth practically wiggling with anticipation in her doorway at 8 am, as was currently the case.

“Iowa, I know I’m not up on the latest fashion trends, but I’m pretty sure ‘bedtime chic’ has never been appropriate for a day at the beach,” He quips, flashing his signature eye-crinkling smile.

“The beach…right. Remind me again why we’re doing that today? ” Kaylee asks mid yawn. She moves aside to let him in, attempting to rub the sleep out of her eyes.

“Because, you’ve lived here for two whole months and still haven’t managed to cross ‘see the ocean’ off your life goals list. Lucky for you, I know just the place to right this horrendous injustice,” Seth responds.

He quietly shuts the door behind him, then hands her a steaming to-go cup and a white paper bag, both brandishing a logo she recognizes from the coffee shop down the street. She gladly accepts his offering and breathes in deeply. The rich and comforting scent of coffee completely fills her senses before she carefully takes a sip. A contented sigh escapes her lips when the perfect blend of sweet and bitter touches her tongue and she hears Seth chuckle.

“I’m beginning to think you may have a bit of a coffee addiction, Iowa,” he jests, settling into one of the worn but sturdy wooden chairs around Kaylee’s undersized kitchen table and taking a drink from his own cup.

“It’s not an addiction, I can stop anytime I want. I just don’t want to,” Kaylee retorts, a sly grin creeping across her features.

She joins him at the table, setting her coffee down momentarily to explore the contents of the paper bag. Her eyes widen and a joyful squeal fills the air as she pulls out a perfectly golden donut with shiny chocolate glaze; a Boston Cream, her absolute favorite.

She passes the bag to Seth so he can grab his own donut, and then quickly sinks her teeth into the delectable looking pastry in her hand. As the sweet, creamy custard filling touches her tongue Kaylee wonders how she could possibly be so lucky. Out of all the neighbors she could have ended up with when she moved to LA, she was lucky enough to have Seth; her caring, dorky, good looking, and ridiculously silly friend.

Well, her sort of friend.

The thoughts and feelings which brewed inside her when they spent time together were far more than just friendly. She knew he felt more for her too, she could feel the wanting inside every deep yet tender kiss they shared and saw the affectionate gaze he gave her when he thought she wasn’t looking. But she wasn’t sure she was ready to be all in just yet, to jump head first back into the deep end when her last relationship had left her half-drowned and gasping for air.

She’d told him as much that night on the roof weeks ago as he held her tight under the stars, after reassuring her that everything with the tabloid debacle would work out eventually. He’d been so understanding and sweet, not that she’d expected anything less from him. And ever since then he hadn’t pushed her, not even an inch.

They still spent plenty of time together both in and out of work, watching movies, having in-depth conversations or simply joking around, and even making out on more than one occasion. But there was no push for anything more; they hadn’t even been on an official date yet, not that their current schedules really allowed it anyways. Seth was quite possibly the sweetest, funniest, and most genuine man she’d ever met and she could see herself falling head over heels for him.

Except something was stopping her.

Every time she got close to letting down the protective shield around her heart, a small but annoyingly insistent voice in her head told her to stop. It reminded her of how she’d given her heart to someone she trusted completely once before, only to have him flatten it with a steamroller.

But Kaylee was persisting anyways, trying to chip away at her own doubts, because deep down in her gut she knew he wouldn’t hurt her, she just needed to convince her brain that it was safe to trust again.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying breakfast, Iowa, but we should probably hit the road soon,” Seth says suddenly, mistaking the contemplative look on Kaylee’s face for a food induced trance. “We’ve got a bit of a drive ahead of us, but I promise, this place is worth the extra effort.”

His words yank her out of her own head, back into reality. She notices a teasing gleam in his eyes and meets it with one of her own, her previous thoughts forgotten amidst the brewing battle of wits.

“Eh, I don’t know, I’m not really in the beach mood. Maybe I’ll stay here, spend the day inside, and have a shark movie marathon.”

“Oh no, I didn’t spend half the night planning the perfect beach day only for you to bail on me now. The car is all packed up; all that’s missing is you.”

“Hmmm, that’s nice, but this chair is pretty comfortable. Maybe you can take Rocket instead?” Kaylee jokes, relaxing back into the stiff wooden chair as best she can.

Seth stands quickly, abandoning his half drunk coffee on the table, and glides the two short steps towards Kaylee, his broad frame towering over her. His eyes stay locked on hers, the playful smirk painting his features nearly identical to the one she wears.

“As fun as that sounds, I did have my mind set on you accompanying me today. I guess I’ll just have to take you there myself,” he replies, his hands grasping her hips firmly as he bends down and hoists her over his shoulder in one swift, seemingly effortless motion.

His touch is warm and welcomed, but as her feet leave the ground her heart drops into her stomach. She feels his arms wrap tightly across her thighs, hugging them close to his chest in an attempt to keep her secure and safe in his embrace. A rational voice tries to reassure her she’s fine, but it’s drowned out by the pounding of her heart as shock and fear boil over into panic.

“Seth, stop! P…put me down! Please!” She pleads, her voice cracking.

Solid ground is back under her feet in an instant. Seth’s hands hover over her hips momentarily as she steadies herself, then he pulls them to his side awkwardly.

“Shit! Kaylee, I’m sorry, I didn’t know…” he starts, his eyes remorseful and forehead creased with worry.

“Hey, it’s ok.” Kaylee replies softly, reaching for his hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I’m just not a big fan of floating in mid-air,” she jokes, trying to shake off the awkward tension settling between them.

It wasn’t his fault she freaked out, she knows. She’d never mentioned her fear of being picked up, in fact it hadn’t even crossed her mind that she should. Now, as she watches him, his shoulders drooped in sorrow, eyes melancholy and dull, her heart aches for him. He hadn’t wanted to scare her; it had only been a joke, and it’s clear as day he’s sincerely sorry he did.  She should have said something sooner, should have realized what was coming and warned him. But it’s too late now. All they can do is move forward, and Kaylee is bound and determined not to let this moment of awkwardness ruin their impending day of fun together.

Kaylee takes in one final deep breath to soothe her frazzled nerves and a comforting smile tugs at the corners of her mouth. She gives Seth’s hand another squeeze before pulling away.

“Really, Seth, I’m fine now, you just startled me. But now I say we get this beach day started!” She starts for the door, still clad in her pajama shorts and tank top, her grin growing big enough for the shallow dimple on her left cheek to make an appearance.

“Uh, Iowa, aren’t you forgetting something?”

“Ah, yes of course.”

She pivots with a surprising deal of grace for someone known for tripping over her own feet, glides over to the table, and snatches up her coffee cup before turning back for the door. Seth’s smile returns as he joins her at the door, opening it and gesturing with a grand sweep of his hand for her to go ahead. They stand there for a beat, both gleaming brightly and waiting for the other to break first. As if on cue, the duo simultaneously bursts out into a fit of laughter, the misunderstanding from moments earlier seemingly forgotten.

Once she’s properly dressed, Kaylee and Seth head to his car, greeting an amused Gloria on their way out. The weather for their drive is beyond pleasant and the view of the ocean once they reach the Pacific Coast Highway leaves Kaylee blown away. She isn’t surprised when they settle into easy conversation in-between singing loudly to the radio. Though comfortable discussions and witty banter rarely seems difficult with Seth, Kaylee is especially relieved today for the lack of nervousness between them.

After nearly two hours pass in a flash, Seth pulls into a gas station just off the highway, explaining he needs to grab some fresh ice for his cooler. They’re both settling back into their seats, taking a few minutes to enjoy their newly acquired sodas and sketchy looking yet delicious tasting hot dogs when Kaylee feels it; the slightest bit of tension beginning to poison the otherwise relaxed atmosphere. She lets her gaze flicker over to Seth only to find him nibbling his bottom lip and staring contemplatively at the Coca-Cola label on his bottle.

“Hey, Seth, everything ok?” Kaylee asks, trying to keep her voice light.

“Oh yeah, just double checking the sugar content. I swear I tasted sixty-three grams, but nope, there’s sixty-five as always.” A teasing sparkle flashes in his eyes for a split second before his features cloud with worry.

“Actually, I… I was just thinking about earlier, back at your apartment.” He locks gazes with her now, his eyes apologetic once again. Kaylee has to fight the urge to interrupt him, somehow knowing from the look on his face how important it is for him to finish his thought. “I really am sorry Kaylee, I didn’t mean to scare you. I hope you know I’d never intentionally hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable.”

“I know, Seth, I really do,” she replies, reaching over the center console to give his free hand a squeeze. “We’ve never discussed my… intense dislike… of being lifted off the ground. I wouldn’t expect you to know I’d react like that. I mean, you’re not Gloria.” She flashes him a cheeky grin.

“And normally I’m A-OK with that, but in this case, I kind of wish I could have at least read your mind.”

“I don’t think it would’ve helped much. I was busy trying to figure out my next witty comeback when boom, it was all alarm bells blaring and red lights flashing. Time travel though, that might have come in handy.”

“Well darn, here my Delorean’s in the shop again,” Seth responds with a small smirk. They both let out a soft laugh and Kaylee watches the relief ripple through him, his muscles visibly relaxing. “Thanks though, for reassuring me we’re good.”

“Anytime,” Kaylee responds earnestly.

They sit for a beat, before Seth breaks the quiet, “Well… I suppose we should get back on the road.”

Kaylee simply nods and then quickly realizes her hand is still lying atop his, the same one that is quite necessary for driving. Heat spreads through her cheeks as she pulls it away rather reluctantly and she notices a hint of red coloring Seth’s cheeks as well; he’d been enjoying the moment too.

They continue onward, a comfortable silence lapsing between them as Freddie Mercury’s telltale falsetto fills the car. Kaylee stares absentmindedly out the window, not really noticing when the ocean view is replaced by houses and businesses. Instead she’s focused inward, considering her discussion with Seth.

She could leave everything as it is, with Seth simply knowing the basics of the situation. After all, that was the extent of an explanation she usually gave anyone outside of her family. But that doesn’t feel like enough this time. There’s something about him, about being around him that feels so natural, so comfortable, she can’t quite help but let him in further.

“I’ve always been the short one in my family; even my baby brother is taller than me now,” Kaylee starts, turning her gaze toward Seth, pausing in anticipation of a clever quip from him. However, he merely reaches to turn down the stereo and flashes her an authentic look of interest, so she continues, her eyes focusing on her fingers as they begin to fidget.

“Growing up surrounded by strong guys who towered over me, being randomly carried and twirled around was the norm for me. I was never really bothered by it, even into my teens; it was just one way my older brother and cousins goofed around with me and I had complete trust in them.

“But then, a few months into my Freshman year of college, I went to a party with my friends. We ran into some guys from the basketball team there, including one from my English class I had a massive crush on. Apparently in their rather drunken states, ‘Pass the Kaylee’ sounded like the perfect party game. Honestly, it was exhilarating at first, being passed around by upper classmen jocks who weren’t too bad on the eyes. Of course, then my crush decided to turn it into a game of keep-away and started to run, tripped over his own feet in a glorious display of drunken grace, and dropped me right at the top of a flight of stairs, which I then preceded to roll down.”

Seth lets out a quiet, aghast “Oh my god”, but Kaylee doesn’t look up.

“I was very lucky; I ended up with some nasty bruises and a gash on my leg that required a couple stitches and the next few days I felt like someone had dropped an anvil on me, but still, I’d been able to get up and walk away from the incident. Needless to say, I was completely turned off of Basketball Boy after that, as well as any games involving someone lifting my feet off of the ground.

“My… fear… has gradually gotten better over the years. Shortly before I moved her, my older brother was finally able to lift me while giving me a bear hug without any issue. Still, it’s obviously something I struggle with, as you saw.” Kaylee finishes, taking a deep, calming breath she didn’t realize she needed.

“You were lucky and I’m glad; that guy, all of those guys, were first-class idiots,” Seth responds, a hint of anger in his voice.

Kaylee turns towards him just in time to see the briefest look of indignation cross his features and butterflies flutter in her stomach at the subtle show of caring.

“Thanks for sharing that with me,” he continues, his voice tender now.

“Thanks for listening,” Kaylee says, her lips curving upwards, before she lets out a small snort as their current surroundings finally register with her.

“How long have we been parked?”

“Since about two minutes into your story, but I didn’t want to interrupt you. But, now that you’ve noticed we’re here, how about we get out of this cramped car and I can introduce you to the world famous Pacific Ocean?”

“Hmmm, getting impatient to see me in a bikini, Levine?” Kaylee jokes, smirking wildly.

“You’re a sight to behold anytime, Iowa, but I certainly won’t scoff at seeing you a little less covered,” Seth remarks, his own beaming smile brightening his entire face. “Now let’s go. The daylight is wasting away!”

———-

Despite having witnessed Seth’s thoughtfulness in action multiple times before, Kaylee still finds herself surprised with how perfectly he’s planned their outing. The beach he chose is secluded, nestled behind wetlands and rolling farmland; only several dozen people populating the relatively small stretch of shoreline with them.

Of course, upon Seth’s insistence, they must run into the ocean before doing anything else. Kaylee jokes again about Seth merely wanting to see her in a bikini, but when he sheds his shirt to reveal firm yet undefined abs speckled with golden-brown hair, Kaylee is the one who feels heat pool in her stomach which has nothing to do with the burning sun overhead. Helping him apply sunscreen to his faintly muscled back and him returning the favor only serves to make matters worse. When the chilly saltwater waves first crash into her, they’re both shocking and a welcomed relief.

The pair engages in friendly splash wars and swimming races until they are both slightly winded and ready for a hydration break. As they’re lazily making their way back to the shore, Kaylee trips over an unseen object (quite likely her own feet). Reacting quickly, Seth manages to grasp her hand and gently pulls her backwards and towards him, spinning her around and rerouting her momentum so her face collides with his chest. They both laugh as he places his other hand on her waist to steady her.

His touch sends shockwaves of desire throughout her and when he pulls back slowly after a beat, Kaylee immediately misses the comfort of his embrace. She tilts her head back to find Seth’s big blue eyes staring down at her and briefly gets lost in their depths before her eyes flicker to his mouth.

The sudden urge to feel his lips on hers overwhelms her. Kaylee is grateful when Seth bends down at the same moment she stretches up on her tiptoes, their mouths meeting in a deep yet surprisingly tender kiss. She feels him smile against her lips before they pull away, laughing breathily, and continue on their trek hand-in-hand under the guise of him keeping her balanced.

After spotting a family with two young girls enthusiastically building a sandcastle nearby, Seth suggests they try it themselves. At first she assumes it’s a spur of the moment idea, but when he runs back to the car only to return with plastic shovels and buckets, she suspects the children merely provided the perfect segue into an intended activity.

The feel of damp sand between her fingers stirs up fond childhood memories. Kaylee finds herself momentarily transported back to the Midwestern beaches where she’d spent countless summers with her family when she tells some of the tales to Seth, then listens fervently as he shares his own reminiscences.

After far more time passes than Kaylee initially realizes, she and Seth stand admiring a sizeable fortress of sand elaborately decorated with seashells and small stones. She happily dubs their masterpiece ‘The Duchy of Penumbria’; earning a grin, gentle elbow nudge, and “that’s brilliant, Iowa,” from him that fills her with unexpected warmth.

When they’ve had their fill of direct sunshine for a while and Kaylee’s stomach begins to grumble loud enough for Seth to hear (and snicker at), they retire to their beach towels carefully laid out beneath a large striped umbrella. As she’s making quick work of the simple but delicious meal of sandwiches, chips, and raw veggies Seth had packed, a thought worms its way into Kaylee’s head: this outing they’re currently on, the one Seth obviously spent a good deal of time planning, contains all the components of a date.

She mentions her thought to Seth and he quickly explains that wasn’t his intention at all, he simply wanted to give her a memorable first day at a ‘real’ beach, but Kaylee notices his already flushed cheeks turn as red as the cherry tomato he’s holding. It may not have been his plan, but she knows he wouldn’t mind if this was a date. From the overwhelming presence of nervous excitement coursing through her veins, she’s pleased to find she wouldn’t mind that either. However, she decides to keep that revelation to herself for the time being, a voice in the back of her head still whispering that she shouldn’t move too fast.

After their food break, during a lighthearted sea glass finding contest, Kaylee finds herself hyper-aware of the obvious couples she passes. She spots a dark haired duo of model-caliber attractiveness sitting together nearby, both of whom likely not too much older than Seth. The man stands, giving the woman a quick peck on the lips before sauntering towards the waves. Kaylee overhears the woman teasingly shout something to him about an addiction to exercise, to which he responds with a smirk and a wink, “Enjoy your iced coffee, Al.”

The pair’s amused laughter is music to Kaylee’s ears. The air of loving wit radiating from them makes her think of Seth. Is this the vibe she and him give off when they are together? To those who encountered them today did they seem like just another ordinary couple, playfully enjoying a beautiful day together?

I hope we do, she thinks, wondering if maybe they’re closer to that reality than she previously thought.

Later as she’s excitedly making her way back to Seth, a smooth oval of cornflower blue sea glass clutched tightly in her hand, a couple only a few yards up the beach catches her eye. They’re snuggled together; the woman’s back pressed against the man’s chest, her head resting on his shoulder so their brunette locks almost seem to flow together. He kisses her forehead and appears to whisper something in her ear and she tips her chin up to look at him. An audible gasp slips from Kaylee’s lips at the look of absolute adoration held within the woman’s eyes. The pair doesn’t seem to notice the sound, so intoxicated by each other’s presence Kaylee suspects nothing short of a natural disaster could pull them out of the love bubble they’ve created.

Could that be her and Seth in a few years, she wonders; would they become such a sickeningly sweet couple that their friends would complain of getting cavities around them?

Her stomach flutters at the thought, her lips curving upward into a contended smile as she continues on her journey to meet up with him. She wants that, she’s almost certain. She wants that kind of future with Seth, or at least the chance to have it with him, and as long as he wants that too she’s going to fight through all her insecurities to make it a reality.

———-

Many hours later, Kaylee feels her eyes grow heavy as she watches brilliant shades of pink, purple, and yellow paint the sky while the large orange orb of the sun dips ever lower on the horizon. She and Seth sit sprawled in the cooling sand, Seth’s arm draped loosely around her back, her head resting against the side of his bare chest. A comfortable silence has once again fallen over them, exhaustion from spending many hours in the sun rapidly setting in. Kaylee’s thoughts drift to the spectacular day she’d just spent with Seth as she loses the battle with her eyelids and they snap shut.

A gentle tapping on her shoulder rouses Kaylee from a slumber she hadn’t realized she’d slipped into.

“Kaylee,” Seth’s smooth voice wafts into her ears. “Hey sleepy-head, wake up.”

She groans softly and hears him chuckle.

“Unless you have the burning desire to discover just how big of a temperature difference there is once the sun is gone, we should probably get going.”

Kaylee pries her eyes open, noting that the sky is much darker now, only about half of the sun still visible above the deep blue ocean. Seth stares down at her, his eyes softening at what she can only assume is a look of utter fatigue in her own gaze.

“You ok, Iowa?” He ponders with clear concern, his brow furrowing.

“Yeah, just really tired,” she mumbles, trying and failing to move her leaden limbs.

A look of careful consideration flashes across Seth’s features and he hesitates briefly before speaking again.

“If you want- I mean only if you’re comfortable with it of course- I could… carry you to the car.”

Kaylee inhales sharply, her mind swimming with conflicting thoughts at his suggestion. She is awfully tired and her muscles do seem to be refusing to cooperate with her. Taking Seth up on his gracious offer seems like the obvious choice, but the familiar tickle of trepidation stirring in her chest reminds her there’s nothing obvious or easy about her current predicament.

“I don’t have to do this if you don’t want me to, but I won’t let anything happen to you, Kaylee. I promise,” Seth adds quickly and Kaylee’s heart swells at the tenderness dripping off every word. She considers her options for several moments before responding, her logical brain fighting to beat back the niggling thoughts swimming her mind.

“Ok.”

“You’re sure?”

“Mmmhmm. I trust you, Seth,” she says sincerely. She feels it in her gut; she does trust Seth, more than she’d ever realized before now and more than she’s trusted anyone in a while. All she needs to do now is take that final leap of faith and allow him to prove just how worthy he is of her trust.

She wraps her arms loosely around his neck and Seth’s arms slide under her. Her breath catches as he carefully lifts her off the ground and she feels the anxiety trying to pick up again. Seth pulls her close, softly assuring her that he’s got her and won’t let her go, before beginning to walk at a slow, gentle pace. Kaylee rests her head against his chest, the steady beating of his heart in her ear soon aiding her own in regaining a normal pace.

Her eyelids grow heavy again, her body relaxing further as she’s rocked gently by Seth’s rhythmic steps. The night air is cool on her skin, yet cradled in Seth’s arms she feels warmth growing in her chest which gradually spreads throughout her body. She can still hear an apprehensive voice somewhere in the back of her mind, telling her this was a bad idea, but she pushes it back, reciting a mantra of “I’ll be okay, I trust him,” over and over again until she drifts off into a quiet slumber.

Her first trip to the ocean had been a monumental one for many reasons, the most significant of which she’d never truly realize. Unbeknownst to her, Kaylee  managed to knockdown the last of the walls she’d previously erected around her heart and was ready to entrust it to Seth at long last.

-The End