Disclaimer: The following is a prequel to Choices The Freshman and The Sophomore stories. It is a fictional adaptation. I do not work for Pixelberry Studios, the game developer or own the rights to the characters Chris Powell, Jo, Kyle or Nicole. All of the characters, story line and events were originally developed by me, some areas in part with @maxattack-powell, in conjuction to her adaptation of The Freshman.
Chapter 12: Please Forgive Me
Monday
At exactly 6:30 a.m. the door to Mrs. Woodson’s physics classroom opens. The only sound in the room is the hum of fluorescent lights and the tap of Ryan’s sneakers hitting the linoleum beneath his feet. Tay is sitting on a stool and reading through notes from Friday’s class. She, like Ryan is bundled up in warm, winter attire and layers. The snow and ice over the November weekend is only a small precursor to the artic-like winter ahead for Cherryfield, Maine. She thought she had dealt with some rough winters in Pittsburgh. Turns out, that was just the tip of the iceberg.
Tay looks up and watches Ryan as he walks towards her. This does not look like Ryan Hawkins: one of the heartthrobs of the senior class, Louisville football recruit and ambassador of fun and chaos at their school. He looks weary and uncharacteristically burdened. Whatever weight rests on his shoulders, Tay can see that it’s permeating sadness through the rest of his being. His face can’t hide it.
He puts his backpack down on the table, sliding out of his coat and gloves and wipes his toboggan off his head. He runs a hand through his thick, black hair but quickly thinks it’s pointless and stops. He takes a seat and looks at Tay.
“What are we working on?” he asks.
She chews on the end of her pen as she studies him, her gaze making him look down at the table.
“Inertia stuff from Friday,” she says disinterested. He nods and unzips his backpack to retrieve his notebook.
“You…uh…you okay?” She asks. She clicks the pen a few times as she waits for his response.
“Yeah, why?” he lies.
“You just…the past few times we have met, you look like you’ve had stuff on your mind. More so today….So, are you okay?”
He shrugs and picks at the skin around his finger nail, avoiding looking at her.
“I know, I’m probably not the ideal person you’d want to talk to or whatever,” she says and clears her throat. “But, if you need to talk, I’ll listen.”
Ryan lifts his head and glances over at her briefly. Tay’s eyes are honest and her tone isn’t undermined by her displeasure at having to tutor him as it usually is. They still bicker when they work together, that is a given. But lately it’s become more playful and less bitter.
He rubs at his cheek. “Someone…that I’m really cool with, that’s family really, did something, something that hurt someone that I care a lot about. I’m trying not to be mad at that one person. I don’t think I ever even have been mad at him before, ever. You know? Like really mad at him, it’s never happened before now,” he looks at Tay and she nods her head in understanding. He turns his eyes back to the table in front of him. “But the person that got hurt, means something to me too and…I don’t like seeing them sad. That’s what made me so angry. I just…” he trails off.
“You feel like you have to pick sides?” Tay questions, leaning on the table and resting her chin on her hand.
“Yes!” Ryan exclaims throwing his hands up. Tay’s understanding of the conflict he feels inside gives him temporary relief. Someone gets it. “Exactly! It’s not like they asked me to, but, I feel like if I choose one person’s feelings over the other, then I screw up for good with the other one.”
“Whew,” she blows out a slow breath. “That’s tough. Do you think…there’s any way that they will work it out?”
Ryan sighs shaking his head no. “Probably not for a long time. This whole thing sucks. I just, I just want to see both of them happy and now…with all of this, that doesn’t seem possible.”
“I don’t really know what to tell you,” Tay says sympathetically. “That definitely sucks, especially since you say you care so much about both of them.” She lifts her eyebrows slightly surprised. She had not pegged Ryan for anything other than a self-centered, self-entitled jock. Lately she is beginning to see more and more that he was capable of being very caring and committed to the people around him. “Maybe, maybe it’s just best right now for everyone to have their space and then, when you feel like they are ready to talk it all out, you can with them. But, really it sounds to me like they have to work this out between them more than anything. I know you care about both of them, but…you can’t do that part for them.”
Ryan closes his eyes. “I just want everything to be right. Like how stuff used to be before it got all screwed up.” When he opens his eyes again, Tay is looking at him concerned.
“I’m sorry,” she says earnestly.
Ryan nods. “Thanks….”
“I know, I don’t really have any advice for you-“
“It’s cool,” he nods again, keeping her gaze fixed with his own. “Just…thanks for letting me get that off my chest.”
“Any time,” she says. The buzzing of the lights is the only sound in the room again as they look at one another.
Tay gives a small, nervous smile and laugh suddenly. “I guess we better get to it, huh?”
He only nods and gets his textbook out of his backpack. He turns to the page with Friday’s assignment and places the book between them on the table. As she cranes her head to look at the text, he scoots a little closer, pushing the book over, narrowing the space between them.
***
Coach Madison wheels the projection cart into place before hitting the power button. A tube of light streams from the front of the machine and onto the screen at the front of the room. He mutes the sound on the computer attached to the device, then cues up the video of Amherst’s playoff matchup from the Friday before. The screen is illuminated with a freeze frame of a two teams at battle on the football field.
He glances at his watch and it is eight minutes till 7:30 in the morning. Usually the boys lift weights for strength and conditioning on Monday mornings, but with the playoff game on Saturday instead of Friday, the schedule is modified this week. This morning they will watch film.
Chris is the first to arrive and that does not surprise the Coach. Since he was benched for one game and they had a serious heart to heart, Chris has responded by being the leader the Clippers could rely on again.
He says good morning to coach, but silently takes a seat at the front of the room, dropping his backpack down on the floor beside him. Chris folds his arms over his chest as he leans back in his chair, looking at the screen but not seeing the image in front of him.
He is filled with apprehension. The scale in his life has been unbalanced for the last month as he has nursed his broken heart and tried to carry on with the rest of his young life. But no matter how the scale tipped, whether he leaned or swayed between darkness and light, he was able to lean against his very best friends Ethan and Ryan. They were the crutches under his arms helping him to take steps forward. Now, the relationship with one of those crutches is broken and Chris finds himself in imbalance. Not only that, he’s worried about the future of his friendship with Ryan. The offense of making a move on the girl your best friend has eyes for is a serious one, whether Chris was aware or not.
The door swings open and in walks Ethan. He greets Coach Madison and then slides into the seat next to Chris. The quarterback is not the only one filled with anxiety. It was a restless evening for Ethan as well. As close knit as they are, sometimes bickering as brothers, there has never been a rift between them he feared could not be repaired. Ryan’s outburst the day before was like a shockwave rippling through their lives. The aftershocks were just beginning. Ethan just hoped their worlds as they knew them didn’t come crashing down all around them.
A few more of the starters begin to stream into the film room. Ethan looks over at Chris. His face is stoic. He is still unshaven, his hair unkempt on the top of his head.
“Hey,” Ethan says.
Chris gives a head nod. “What’s up?”
Ethan shrugs. As the room grows louder with the conversations of teenage boys telling exaggerated stories about their weekends all around them, Chris and Ethan sit side by side in silence. Ethan glances around the room seeing who all is there. Alex walks in and moves to the front, taking a seat on the opposite side of Chris.
“We were about to put your face on a milk carton Saturday night man,” Alex says.
“Yeah…sorry about that….” Chris trails off. Alex frowns at Chris’s lifeless response, looking over at Ethan. Ethan only shakes his head. The door to the room opens again and Ryan steps inside, his backpack over his shoulders and hood up. Alex gives him a what’s up head nod and smile. Ryan returns the head nod but glances at the seats on the front row. He stops moving for a moment before turning and taking a seat on the back row in the corner. Alex jerks his head back as he watches him, turning to look at Ethan once more. He throws his hands up in a questioning motion. Ethan shakes his head, a warning not to discuss it right then. Alex looks from Chris to Ryan confused.
Ryan slouches in his chair, leaving his hood up and placing his backpack on the seat next to him to keep anyone else from taking a seat beside him.
Coach Madison flips the lights off and steps behind the projector. “We got Amherst Saturday night, neutral site for round two….” He begins. Chris tilts his head up trying to focus on Coach Madison’s words as he begins discussing the offensive scheme of this week’s opponent. The feeling of imbalance returns. Ethan is there, and so is Alex, but usually seated at is left is Ryan. Chris turns in his chair to survey the room, pausing when he sees Ryan sitting in the back corner. Their eyes connect for just a moment, Chris’s expression full of regret. Ryan stares back at him, eyes narrowing slightly. Ryan is a little shocked at how angry he feels just at the sight of Chris right now. Chris sighs, turning his attention back to the screen and trying to focus on Coach Madison’s words.
***
Just before the start of 2nd period, Alex finds Ethan at his locker. Alex is surprised Ethan is alone. If Chris is not beside him then Ryan is usually there. Something is wrong. Alex felt it during the film session and when Ryan left the room without a word to any of them, Alex became even more suspicious.
He leans against the lockers, staring at Ethan’s profile. Ethan looks tired. He’s already drained from this entire situation and it has not even been a full 24 hours.
“Okay, what is going on?” Alex questions. “Chris ghosts on us Saturday night. Ryan not sitting with us this morning, not a word to anybody, what’s up?”
Ethan rubs his forehead before reaching inside his locker for his biology book. With a deep breath he looks over at Alex.
“It’s about Saturday night,” Ethan says. “Ryan’s pissed at Chris for what happened and…things got out of hand yesterday when they talked.”
Ethan looks at him. It’s the truth, but not the complete story. He does not feel the need to explain the real source of Ryan’s anger towards Chris. Nor does he believe Morgan would appreciate anyone else knowing what happened between her and Chris. He feels a duty not just to protect Ryan but her as well. It’s not that he doesn’t trust Alex. He absolutely does. Ethan simply does not feel it’s his place to share details.
“They’ll work it out. Ryan and Chris are boys man, just…some petty stuff,” Alex shrugs.
Ethan looks at him closing his locker. He knows this is more than a petty spat. He has never seen Ryan express care for any girl in the way that he has for Morgan and that in itself is enough to worry him more. Matters of the heart never just blow over.
“I hope so,” is the only reply Ethan can muster.
***
She is not at school today. When the last bell rings signaling the start of third period, Morgan Price is not sitting at her desk in Mrs. McWhorter’s English Literature class.
Chris had watched for her all morning. When he left the athletic hall, silently walking beside Ethan, he looked for Morgan in any of the faces that passed by. Ryan had already grabbed his bag and was out the door ahead of them before Ethan and Chris were even fully out of their seats.
In between each of his classes he scanned the area near his locker for a glimpse of Morgan.
He looks over at her vacant desk. He knows this is no coincidence, that she is not ill. She chose not to come to school today rather than to face him. He is sure of it. He knows because he once did the same thing, avoiding someone who had deeply hurt him. At this realization, Chris closes his eyes . He crosses his arms on top of his desk and lays his head down.
***
Ryan exits the lunch line and takes a deep breath. He’s been dreading the next 40 minutes for most of the day. The inner conflict he feels only seems to be getting worse.
He doesn’t want to be this way. He does not want to avoid his best friend. He does not like the fact that he is not speaking to him. He does not like looking at Chris like some villain in a teenage movie drama. Chris has not been thinking straight, Ryan has reminded himself of that fact over and over again. There have been glimpses of Chris Powell over the last month and a half. Glimpses of the amazing friend, teammate and person he is. But then there are the moments where he sinks back into sadness and is almost unrecognizable.
On the other hand, Ryan thinks of Morgan. He thinks of the tears streaming down her cheeks as she sobbed the day before. He thinks of her face, beautiful and sweet to him, red and stained with tears. Ryan’s primal instinct is to protect the people he cares for and loves. It’s almost vicious. He has had more than one altercation in his life defending his single mother. She was the only woman in the world he truly loved. Or, so he had thought. For the first time in his life, Ryan Hawkins believes he has fallen in love.
It’s because of that belief a part of him wants to hurt the person who made the source of those feelings sad. Still, Chris is his brother. A brother that put his hands all over the girl Ryan is in love with.
At odds with every emotion he is feeling, it has been even more difficult to focus on school work today. His mind is always like a hornet’s nest, never at rest, buzzing with activity. Yet today he has wrestled with thoughts of Chris and Morgan together and the tightness it brings to his stomach.
He looks at the table he typically occupies in the lunch room. His takes a deep breath and grits his teeth. He doesn’t want to be that guy, but he can’t help himself.
He walks over silently. Chris is seated next to Ethan. On the opposite side of the table, Alex sits and a spot is open in front of Ethan. Ryan drops his tray onto the table with a thud and takes a seat. He puts an arm on the table, resting his cheek against his hand and staring at Ethan. Ethan looks up into Ryan’s face and knows any anger he felt yesterday has yet to subside. He will not look at Chris.
Chris lifts his eyes and head slowly to peer at Ryan but he does not look his way. Ethan looks back and forth between the two. He is seated next to Chris but the last thing he wants to do is give the impression that he is taking either side. Ethan was actually very disappointed in Chris as well. Whether his head was on straight the last few weeks or not, he had dragged Morgan into the middle of his emotional hell. No one deserved that, none of them, but especially not her. She had only tried to help and her feelings for Chris had clouded her own judgment, so much so, she couldn’t see when it was time to back away. Saturday night those two emotional worlds had collided and….
Ethan pauses. He is about to scoop some mashed potatoes into his mouth when he realizes. Saturday was probably not Chris’s first offense with Morgan. He remembers it suddenly and it seems clear: Ryan’s party.
Chris had stormed out of the house, demanding Ethan take him home. On his way to the door, Ethan had spotted Morgan standing in the kitchen, looking shocked and wearing Chris’s jacket. How had he forgotten? At this, Ethan slowly turns his head and looks over at Chris. His eyes are back down on the plate in front of him but he has barely taken a bite of food. If Saturday was not the first time for something to happen, why in the world would Chris have gone back to Morgan?
Ethan exhales and tilts his head back, closing his eyes. This whole situation is getting crazier by the minute. At his gesture, Ryan, Alex and Chris all look at him. Ethan exhales slowly and looks back and forth between Chris and Ryan again, shaking his head.
Alex wants to leave. The table is so uncomfortably quiet. The tension is thick and suffocating. This has never happened. His senior friends are the epitome of brotherhood. No one has spoken at the table all of lunch.
As soon as the warning bell rings, Ryan is the first up, grabbing his tray. He strides over to the trash can, dumping the leftovers inside and stacking his tray on top. He pushes out the doors without looking back.
At the table, the other three disperse, each silently heading in opposite directions.
***
It’s one degree above the freezing point outside but the Clippers football team is headed to the field for practice.
The boys dressed out at each of their lockers in the field house, all lined up next to each other, still no words spoken between them.
The discord between the three team captains is felt through the entire locker room. The life of the party, Ryan, is unusually quiet. It does not take long to pick up on the fact that Ethan and Chris have not joined in on his antics. There are a few curious stares from the others but no one dares to ask.
As they step onto the field, it’s time for business. They have a playoff game to win this weekend.
Coach Madison heads to one end of the field with the offense and the defense moves to the other with the assistant coaches.
“PUP drills,” Coach Madison calls out and the starters line up at the 20 yard line.
Alex bends to simulate the snap and launches the ball back to Chris. Ryan runs around and takes the handoff from Chris sprinting behind the offensive linemen. They run the same drill again, this time Chris handing off to Ethan.
“One more Ryan,” Coach Madison barks. His breath creates a fog in front of him as he speaks. He is wearing ear muffs, thick gloves and a coat in the cold. The players are all in sweats with helmets and their football gloves.
The boys line up and Ryan runs around, but this time, there is a problem during the handoff. Ryan’s hand collides with Chris’s and the ball pops loose and rolls across the grass.
Ryan cusses under his breath and then turns, hands on his hip, and glares at the quarterback.
“Fumble, recovered by Amherst,” Coach Madison says. “Look, I get that it’s cold and your hands may be a little tight, but we can’t make those types of errors on Saturday’s guys.”
“Yes sir,” Ryan says. He jogs over and grabs the ball. He walks up to Chris and looking him dead in the eyes, slams the ball against his chest before turning his back to walk away.
“What the hell, man!” Chris says grabbing the ball and taking a step after Ryan.
Ryan keeps walking and lines back up to rerun the drill.
Chris gives a frustrated sigh and then steps back into place behind Alex. The ball is snapped and Ryan runs around again, this time taking the hand off and racing towards the end zone.
“Good job,” Coach Madison says and slaps Ryan on the helmet as he jogs by. Ryan locks eyes with Chris, a glare of defiance. Chris simply shakes his head. He knows he can either exacerbate the situation with Ryan by saying something, anything at all, or cool it off by not responding. Chris decides to take the high road and keeps his comments to himself.
***
Tuesday
“I need to talk to you,” Ethan says to Chris. It’s the start of the school day and Chris is at his locker, loading the books for his first few classes into his backpack.
Chris looks up at Ethan. His brow is creased. Lunch and football practice were not the only things silent. There was radio silence with their phones, too. No text messages or calls between any of them the night before.
They left the football field, putting their gear in their lockers and each climbed into their vehicles to head home. In the past three years, there had not been one day where at least a text message wasn’t sent amongst the three of them, not even when they were on summer vacation trips.
Chris feels like there is a boulder on his back, weighing him down with the guilt and responsibility of what happened on Saturday night.
“Okay?” Chris says looking at his typically laid back friend. Ethan’s face is even wearier than the day before.
“Morgan,” Ethan begins.
Chris sighs and his eyes instinctively close. “Yeah?” he asks, opening them again and looking back at Ethan with hesitation.
“Saturday wasn’t the first time something happened between ya’ll, was it?” Ethan asks.
Chris sticks his tongue in his cheek and reluctantly shakes his head no.
“What the hell Chris!”
“I know! Alright! Look, I didn’t exactly plan for any of this to happen!”
“What did happen before?” Ethan asks, frown lines on his forehead and around his eyes.
Chris looks around to make sure no one else is listening or watching. “I kissed her.”
“That night at Ryan’s?” Ethan snaps.
Chris only nods.
Ethan turns and leans back against the lockers like the wind has been knocked out of him. “How do you even begin to explain that? You said Saturday you just weren’t thinking. Okay, I could maybe see that. Things happened, you got caught up, sure okay. But you kis-“ he looks around and lowers his voice and leans in closer to Chris. “You kissed her before then. I knew something was up with you guys weeks ago, I knew it!” Ethan shakes his head and slaps the locker behind him.
“She and I had worked it out, we were cool again,” Chris says slowly.
Ethan shakes his head harder. “It’s not Morgan I’m thinking about here. It’s Ryan!” Ethan says full of dismay. “You made a move on her once, and yeah, you said you didn’t know how he felt, but it wasn’t just once. It was twice. That means this shit has been building up to what happened for a while. Do you like her too?” Ethan questions.
Chris opens his mouth to speak but can’t. He closes his mouth and licks his lips. He isn’t sure what Saturday night meant to him. He knows the thought that Morgan has feelings for him makes him feel good inside. But he also knows that he doesn’t want more from her right now. She’s pretty and sweet, and now he even knows how funny she can be. He likes what he has learned about her. She was in Nicole’s shadow for so long in his life. But liking what he has learned about Morgan is all that he can give her emotionally right now.
“You don’t know how you feel about her do you?” Ethan says looking at him.
Chris can only nod. “I just know that I can’t date her, not now.”
“As long as you are planning on being friends with Ryan, the right thing to say is not now and not ever,” Ethan retorts. Chris is taken aback.
Ethan is completely put out by the shock Chris is expressing. “I’m sorry were you not there when he shoved you Sunday? Did you forget about that? Or did you notice that he hasn’t said one damn word to you and has been right next to you? Chris, when I said Ryan likes Morgan, I don’t think you understand how much.”
“He told you he, you know, wants to be with her?”
“He didn’t have to!” Ethan exclaims. “Geez! All you have to do is look at him to know! You really have not paid attention to anyone else’s life but your own lately have you?” Ethan says gesturing wildly as he speaks.
Chris feels about two feet tall. Ethan is like an angry father lecturing his child that has stepped out of line. Chris also knows what Ethan is saying is the truth.
“I can’t fix this,” Ethan sighs. “If it was like you said, that Saturday happened and there was nothing more to it, that’s one thing. But it’s not Chris. It’s not! Whatever the hell has been going on with you and her has been going on for weeks. Don’t say it wasn’t either because it was! I don’t know how to make this okay!” Ethan runs his hands over his face. “I don’t know how to make it so that my best friends don’t end up hating each other!”
Chris stares back at his exasperated friend. Ethan feels like a child of divorce, running back and forth between one friend and the other, trying to keep them both happy. It’s not working.
Ethan rolls his shoulders and shakes his head. “Shit.”
***
“My feet hurt, my back hurts and I have a headache, I am not cooking tonight,” Lisa Hawkins announces as she enters the home from the door to the garage. With a grunt, she sits her purse and tote bag down on the kitchen counter, where they will sit for the rest of the night. She does not care.
She throws her coat and scarf over the back of one of the kitchen chairs and puts a hand to her lower back, stretching and arching, working her shoulder.
Ryan is sprawled out on the sofa, an arm thrown behind his head, the other pointed towards the TV as he mindlessly pushes buttons on the remote.
“You are home early again tonight,” Lisa says. There is no reply. Ryan was home immediately after practice yesterday. It is rare that he beats Lisa home from work. He is usually off gallivanting around Cherryfield with Ethan and Chris or at lord knows what girls house or in her car. The fact that this is now two days in a row, and Ryan’s downtrodden mood a week before, is a red flag to Lisa.
She walks into the living room, sitting in the recliner by the sofa. Ryan does not look up as he flips the channels. She reaches behind her back and grabs a throw pillow and tosses it at his head. He flinches and sits up when it his him square in the face. Wild-eyed, he looks at his mom.
“I was talking to you, did you even hear me?” She asks.
“Sorry mom,” he mumbles.
“Do you want to get some take out, burgers or order pizza because I am officially dialing it in as mom tonight,” she declares.
“Whatever you want, it’s fine, I don’t care,” he replies.
She takes in his response for a minute. “Okay, who are you and what have you done with my adorable baby boy Ryan Brendan Hawkins?”
“Huh?”
“This mopey-Twilight-kid Ryan,” she points and motions up and down with her finger. “This is not my son.”
With all his efforts to fight it off, a sideways grin emerges on Ryan’s face and he lets out a chuckle. “You don’t think I’d look good in all black?”
“You look good in anything because you have my genes,” she says. “But for the sake of this argument, no. I don’t want you dressing like the newest band member for 30 Seconds to Mars.”
Ryan laughs and shakes his head. “It’s alright Mah,” he says.
“Mmhhmm,” she says knowing he is lying. “Does this have anything to do with the girl problems you mentioned last week?”
Ryan looks away from her, nodding his head.
“Does this girl trouble also somehow involve Ethan and Chris because don’t think I don’t notice you haven’t been with them,” Lisa says.
Ryan only nods again.
“Chris?” she questions.
There is a pause but he nods slowly.
“Oh please don’t tell me it’s that Nicole?” Lisa groans.
“Hell no Mom, give me some credit!” Ryan shouts.
“Oh thank, God,” she says putting a hand to her heart.
Ryan huffs but laughs slightly. His face is crestfallen suddenly again as he thinks.
“Are you going to tell me what’s the matter or do I have to sit here and play 20 Questions with you all evening?” She throws her hands up. Ryan has always been open with her, but she has always let him do the talking. Usually. Whatever is going on this time, she wants to know, especially if Ethan and Chris are affected.
“I will mom, just…not right now. I really just don’t want to talk about all of it. Just a lot of drama,” he says.
She nods, even though she desperately wants to pry. She stands up and leans over him, kissing the top of his head. “I’ll call in for some Chinese food,” she says turning to get the menu from the kitchen. “But please remember something. Girls can come and go in your life. Even the ones you think are special. A good friend, a close friend, is really hard to find. I know you guys are in high school and your lives will change a lot over the next few years, but, brothers are forever.”
***
Wednesday
Part of the modern Hippocratic Oath states “I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures that are required.”
Morgan Price never hated those words until today. After two days of complaining of cramps and migraines, she had exhausted all reasonable health excuses for not going to school. She woke up Wednesday morning, lying in bed, trying to think of another reason to stay home.
There was a knock at her door, just before 5 a.m. Her father always got to his practice early to prepare for the day and have a few quiet minutes before the influx of clients. Flu season had started and it was merciless on Cherryfield and its surrounding communities.
“Hey,” he said gently sitting on the edge of her bed. He is somewhat surprised that she is lying there awake. “Still having those headaches?”
“Uh, yeah,” she said.
“Hm, okay. Well…if it’s still a migraine that could be cause for concern,” Dr. Price said. “Might need to get some tests done, make sure you don’t have anything neurological going on.”
Morgan paused, accepting her fate. “It’s better today, Dad. I’ll be fine,” she nodded.
“Okay, but if the symptoms get worse, I can give you a pain medicine,” he says.
Morgan feels bad. She has hated lying to her parents but at the same time, the little white lie of being ill is worth telling instead of facing Chris Powell at school.
She nods at him.
“You sure everything is okay, Pumpkin?” he asks patting her leg.
“Yeah….” She says softly. “Yeah….”
He stares at her, leans over and kisses her forehead. “Have a good day. I’ll see you tonight.”
“Bye….”
A couple of hours later, she dragged herself out of bed and dressed. She brushed her teeth and hair and put on lip gloss and went out the door with Micah. She dropped him off at the elementary school before parking at the high school.
She made it from class to class, moving through the morning as teenagers at school are trained to do. She knew which halls to take and which halls to avoid to keep there from being any chance encounter.
There was one thing she could not avoid: Third period class.
She gripped her binder and book to her chest, her backpack over her shoulders as she walked in the door.
Chris who had been slouched in his chair instantly sits up straight when she walks in. She does not look his way, putting her backpack down next to the desk and taking a seat. She flips open the binder and takes out a pencil.
She knows he is watching her every move. Out of her peripheral she sees his head is turned towards her. He leans forward slightly as he tries to look at her eyes. She closes her binder and the bell rings. Mrs. McWhorter moves behind her podium to begin class.
Morgan sits up straight, keeping her focus on the front of the class. Don’t look at him she tells herself. She knows if she does, she will crumble. At the sight of him, she always melted. She refuses to be that girl any longer.
Mrs. McWhorter begins instruction. “Last day on The Scarlet Letterbefore we move on to The Great Gatsby,“ She says. She begins to drone on about the fate of the two lovers in the novel. Morgan studiously takes notes, well aware that the young man at her side has not stopped staring at her.
After a few minutes of class, Chris tries to pay attention but he cannot. She’s here. He has wanted to reach out to her, to scream from the top of his lungs that he is sorry. Ryan’s warning that she did not want to see him or talk to him had been hard to accept. He had stayed away, but he hoped now, as she sat there, he could begin to explain himself and set this entire situation right.
“Morgan…” he leans over and whispers. He ducks his head behind Jeffrey Novak seated in front of him, using him to shield him from the disruption he is making in class. She hears him clearly but ignores him.
“Morgan, could we please talk, after class or at lunch?” he says. His eyes are pleading with her but she still does not look over at him. She grips her pencil tighter. She frowns slightly, fainning an attempt to hear their teacher.
“Morgan!” he says louder and Jeffrey turns around, glaring at Chris. Chris returns the glare daring the kid to say something to him. Jeffrey huffs and turns around. A few others look at Morgan and she bitterly turns to look at Chris, feeling forced to do so.
“I’m sorry,” he says. He exhales as he does. “I’m sorry,” his eyes beg her for a chance to explain himself.
“Chris, Morgan whatever you two are discussing it can wait till after class I am sure!” Mrs. McWhorter’s voice rises from the front of the room. Morgan returns her attention to the woman up front, irritated she has now gotten in trouble because of him.
Chris scratches his head and quickly flips open his notebook. He begins to write, feverishly. His hand can’t move as fast as he wants to get the words down. Morgan can see him moving almost manically as he writes. A few minutes later, he tears the paper from the notebook. He reaches over and slides it onto the desk in front of her.
Morgan hesitantly looks at the sheet of paper then over to him. His eyes are wide and he nods his head, encouraging her to take a look at it. She takes the paper in her hands.
I am really, really sorry about what happened. Please give me a chance to explain. I never wanted to hurt you, please believe that. I was not trying to use you. I would not do that to you. Please let’s talk. I didn’t understand how you felt about me, but I do now and I’m very sorry.
Morgan stares at the note. She frowns and runs her fingers through her hair. She gives herself a pep talk. She does not want to give in to her foolish heart like she has done so many times before.
She thinks for some time and then writes a message of her own below his.
She does not give it to him right away, making Chris more anxious with every second that passes in class. He has long stopped paying attention to what Mrs. McWhorter was saying. He licks his lips nervously.
The bell rings and Morgan stands. She grabs her backpack, flipping her long locks out of the way before she slides it on her shoulders. She grabs her book and notebook and the sheet of paper. As she stands, without looking, she leans over and places the note on Chris’s arm. Silently, she walks away.
He looks down at the paper. He grips the sides and gulps, eyes shutting after he reads it.
You kissed me and felt nothing. I kissed you and felt everything, but in the end it means nothing. There’s no point in talking. Doesn’t matter anymore.
READ CHAPTER 13