Who We Become
By Misha
Disclaimer- I don’t own any of the characters in this story and I’m just borrowing them for a little while.
Author’s Notes- This takes places at the end of Book One, on the night of Kenna’s coronation. It is mostly a reflective Kenna piece with some Kenna/Raydan romance thrown in.
Pairing- Kenna/Raydan
Rating- PG
Summary- The night of her coronation, Queen Kenna reflects on the enemies who tried to break her and the allies who put her back together and how each has shaped her.
Words- 1880
“We are made of all those who have built and broken us.” – Atticus
Kenna ducked out the great hall, needing a chance to catch her breath and be alone for a moment, though the sounds from the great hall brought a smile to her face. It was the was the night of her coronation and the celebration was still going strong.
Part of her still couldn’t believe the day had finally come. She was Queen of Stormholt. In the distant past, the one before the Nevrakis family had torn her life apart, she had never given much thought to her eventual coronation though she had known that her mother’s plan was to step down once Kenna was ready.
She had been too busy escaping the castle, practicing her sword and dreaming of great adventures. While she knew that becoming Queen was her destiny, it wasn’t something that interested because she saw it as the end of her home for adventure. Back then she had wanted so much more out of life than the mundane restrictions of royal life.
Kenna laughed at the thought. How wrong she had been. Her time as Queen had been anything but dull. No matter how much she had dreamed of adventure, she couldn’t have ever imagined the events of the last few weeks: challenging mercenaries to combat, hidden cities, leading an army to reclaim her home.
She was not the girl she had been when she had left Stormholt two years earlier and she supposed that, better or worse, she owed some of that to Luther Nevrakis. He had destroyed her comfortable life. He had killed her mother and stolen her home, but he had also forced her to become a stronger person.
She had once been a princess dreaming of adventure, now she was a queen born in battle and willing to fight to the death for her people. If Luther had never tried to break her, she might never have reached her potential. However, he didn’t deserve all the credit.
He had broken her, but other people had helped re-build her. She was forged from the actions of her enemies, but also the actions of her friends. She had gotten her strength from the people around her and they had all helped make this day possible.
None of it would have been possible without Gabriel. She was filled with overwhelming sadness at the thought of him. He had sheltered her for years and watched over her long before that. He was the one who had given her the tools she needed to be queen. He had also loved and encouraged her and gave her the strength to pursue her destiny. Then he had sacrificed his life for her. She owed him everything and could only hope that she was making him proud.
It was more than Gabriel. There was her mother. Kenna knew there would never be a day that she didn’t miss her. That she didn’t long for her guidance. She was not the Queen her mother had been. She did not share her mother’s gentle nature, but she would always remember the lessons her mother had taught her and would do her best to make her proud. She could see Leon standing in the distance, keeping a careful watch on her, and knew he would be there from that point on forward. He was a connection to the past, to her mother and while they were just starting to know each other, Kenna was grateful for that connection.
As much as she was shaped by the memory of her honored dead, she was also shaped by the living. There was Dominic, the most loyal friend anyone could ever ask for. He had been at her side for as long as she could remember. For years, he had been the only person who had seen the real Kenna, and not just the princess, and their sparring sessions were amongst her happiest memories.
He had proven his loyalty over and over again in the years they were apart. Spying on Marco for her, doing his best to organize the rebellion from inside of the castle and then fighting by her side. He had always been a source of strength for her.
Kenna glanced inside the great hall to see if she could get a glimpse of him and found him deep in conversation with Sei. Which reminded her that Dom had a journey of his own ahead of her as he explored what he was capable of. She just hoped, selfishly, that that journey wouldn’t take him too far from her side because she needed him.
Not romantically. She had loved him once, but with a girl’s innocent love. Two years was a long time apart, long enough to make hearts change and her feelings for him had shifted from romantic love to deep affection. However, what would never change was how much he meant to her.
It wasn’t just old friends who had changed her, but the new ones she had made on her journey. Like Whitlock. So young, but so brilliant and more than that, full of compassion and wonder. In the short time that she had known him, he had given her a new perspective with his desire to minimalize casualties and protect human life. As a ruler, it was easy to get swept up in the big picture and forget the human cost so she was glad that she had Whitlock to remind her.
She looked for him and found him in a corner, a notepad in his hand, obviously working on some new invention. As she watched, she saw Annelyse bring him a plate of food and then tease a smile out of him, which in turn earned a smile from Kenna.
She had misjudged Annelyse at first and written her off as a frivolous party-girl, but there was so more to the other woman. Annelyse was a very different type of ruler than Kenna, she was never going to lead an army into battle and sometimes she made choices Kenna wouldn’t, but she always had the best interest of her people in mind. Annelyse had a big heart and the ability to see the best in the world and Kenna envied that.
She also admitted she needed someone like Annelyse in her life, just to help her appreciate the small moments. She hadn’t even wanted to have a coronation ball, but the other woman had insisted. “Kenna, people need something to celebrate, it helps keep them going. Plus we all need a break.”
Kenna watched Tevan approach Annelyse and offer her his hand, obviously asking her to dance. Tevan, another person that it would have been to write-off as shallow. But he had been a loyal ally and a loyal friend. His messages had been one of the things that had kept her going during her years of exile, one of the brief contacts with the outside world. Saving him had been the right decision, one she knew she would never regret and she vowed that she would always remember that lesson and that it was always worth it to try and save a life.
Suddenly a raucous cheer rings out from inside the great hall, so loud that Kenna wouldn’t be surprised if they could hear it down in the village, and she laughed at the sound, knowing it came from Severin, Val and the other mercenaries who were drinking ale and celebrating like there was no tomorrow. The soldiers were being a little more restrained, though they were still enjoying themselves. Earlier she’d shared a drink with Val and Jackson, though Val had managed to go through three drinks in the time it took Kenna to finish one.
Another change. The old Kenna could never have imagined drinking with a bunch of mercenaries. It wasn’t something proper ladies of the court did and she wasn’t sure her mother would approve, but… Kenna was a different type of queen than her mother, she had to be, and part of that meant relating to her soldiers and earning their respect as well as their loyalty.
Facing Severin had been one of the most terrifying things she’d ever have to do, but also one of the most important. Not only had she won herself an army, but it had helped her become the leader she needed to be and had given her the courage to take back her kingdom.
“Deep thoughts, my lady?” A familiar voice asked from the shadows.
“Just thinking about how much has changed since I was last at Stormholt,” she admitted, “how much I have changed, thanks to the people I met in my time away. If the invasion had never happened, I’d be a very different person.”
“But still remarkable,” Raydan told her, stepping closer, “because your strength of character comes from you, no one else. But I do agree that our friends and enemies both have the power to shape us in invisible ways.” His lips curved into a smile. “Tell me, my queen, have I changed your life in any notable way?”
“Perhaps.” Kenna demurred, unable to fight the blush that tinted her cheeks when she thought of the ways in which Raydan had changed her.
As if guessing the direction of her thoughts, he pulled her into his arms and claimed her lips in a deep kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck, savoring the feel of his body against her. He ran one hand through her dark hair, while the other rested possessively on her waist.
There was no denying the ways Raydan had changed her life. Before him, her only experience with love had been her youthful romance with Dominic, which had never progressed past a couple chaste kisses. Her relationship with Raydan hadn’t progressed past kissing yet, either, but the nature of the kisses were very different.
There was nothing chaste about Raydan’s kiss, about the way his hand spread over the curve of her waist, his fingers lightly pressing on her hip, or how he pressed his body close to hers. His kiss was a promise of things to come, an introduction into the world of romance and intimacy. It was both terrifying and exhilarating.
The kiss ended too soon for Kenna’s taste. She wished these moments could last forever.
“We should continue this later,” Raydan told her with a hint of regret, “I’m sure your absence has been noticed.”
Kenna nodded. “I’ll be inside in a minute.”
Raydan nodded, squeezing her hand quickly before moving back to the shadows. She watched him go, knowing that they would indeed continue it later. She had a feeling that the future would hold lots of stolen moments with her man of shadows and maybe that is the best change of all.
She looked out at the horizon one more time. They had won back Stormholt, but the war was far from over. There would be many challenges ahead, but she felt ready. Luther Nevrakis might have torn her whole life apart and tried to break her, but the people celebrating inside her castle had built her back up again.
It was because of them that she knew she could meet any challenge that might come her way.
- End
