Disclaimer: These characters belong to Pixelberry, I’m just borrowing them.
Author’s notes: This is a rewrite of the feeding and diamond scene from chapter 11. I realized it had the potential to be an interesting moment for my MC, Faye, and decided to run with it. Contains some dialogue from the chapter.
Credit: I’m borrowing the idea that Jax uses the pet name ‘love’ from violetflipflops. Brilliant idea, K, thanks for letting me use it!
Summary: While allowing Lily to feed from her, Faye jumps at an irresistible opportunity and her true feelings for Jax rise to the surface.
“What if I do it?”
The idea barely has time to form in my mind before the words tumble from my mouth. Lily is my friend, a title I allow few people to claim, and it’s partially my fault she’s in this situation to begin with. I suppose I owe it to her to help as much as I can.
Plus, I doubt her recent outburst, though unintentional on her part, helped our reputation around the Shadow Den. I noticed the wary and almost accusing look the vampire in charge of the feeding tent shot Jax before leaving. And while such things don’t normally bother me, Jax is already risking enough by agreeing to help us. The last thing I want is to be a burden or unnecessary cause of trouble for him. If offering to have Lily feed from me will help him in anyway, it’ll be well worth any possible risks.
The worry which flashes over Jax’s features at my offer sends a bolt of warmth into my heart. He cares about my safety, about me.
As quickly as the warmth hits it’s gone, reality settling in. Of course he cares about my safety; he’s a protector by nature. While it’s one of his sexiest qualities, it also means his worry for me is more instinct than a sign of any feelings for me. Which is fine, really. It’s not as though I want or need him to care about me in that way. The only emotion he inspires in me is lust, incredibly intense and previously unmatched lust, but nothing more.
Right?
Warm puffs of air tickle my ear, pulling me into the present.
“It’s risky. She might lose control again.” His voice is laced with concern, and though I try to push it down the heat in my chest returns.
“I don’t care about the risk.”
“You’re brave.” His lips nearly brush against my ear as he whispers and I find myself aching for them on my skin, for the feel of his fangs on my neck, not Lily’s.
I shake the thought away. “I’m loyal.”
“It’s your choice.” I catch the proud smirk on his lips as he pulls away and my stomach flips.
It flips a second time at the concentrated concern burning in his eyes when Lily flashes to my side, her soft finger caressing the pulsing vein on my neck. Fear flits across her features when I warn her to go slow, reminding me this situation isn’t exactly a piece of cake for her either.
“Hey.” I lock gazes with her, hoping there’s some semblance of compassion in my gaze. “You’re my friend and I want to help you, but I happen to like my neck in its current, intact state. Try to take it easy, okay?”
“Yeah, Ok.”
Her fangs prick my neck, pain engulfing me for a brief moment before a gentle wave of pleasure replaces it. Lily’s fangs pulse under my skin to the rhythm of my heart beat and a dreamy fog rolls over me. She hums in satisfaction, her warm lips vibrating against my skin, drawing a contented smile on my features.
The sensation is not as intense as it was with Jax. There’s still only minor pain, but the shots of pleasure hitting my stomach are more subtle shocks than powerful lightning bolts. Lily is a cooling rainstorm on a blistering summer day to Jax’s blinding downpour and building-rattling thunder.
I find myself longing for the overwhelming high I get with Jax and wonder if I can entice him to feed from me again soon. When Lily takes a brief break I glance over at him. The deep hunger in his expression gives me all the answer I need.
“Hmmm, like what you see Matsuo?” My voice is low and teasing. I brush one finger down the side of my throat, lingering over the bite marks and drops of blood inching toward my shoulder. His eyes widen and I watch with a smirk as his fangs prick his own lip.
My breath catches when those same red eyes shift to my body, their fiery gaze searing into every inch of me.
“I certainly wouldn’t say no. To anything you offer.” His body is practically pulsing with desire now and I feel a yearning stirring in my core. His gaze flickers over to Lily.
“Me neither. To either of you,” she says with a suggestive raise of her brow.
Oh. Ooooh. I inhale sharply, considering the offer on the table.
I’d thought about hooking up with Lily briefly, back when we first met. She’s gorgeous enough I would have been crazy not to. But knowing how relationships tend to end for me, I held myself back; figuring roommates-with-benefits would be too big of a mess to create so soon after moving to the city. Then, despite a complete lack of effort on my part, I actually started to care about her as a friend, and the idea vanished entirely.
But feeding is not sex. Yes, there’s a certain intimacy involved and near orgasmic levels of pleasure are possible. Still, it’s more foreplay than anything, at least in my mind. Surely I can bend my own rules, just this once (or maybe more) for the chance to experience something bound to be extraordinary. Besides, it’s not as though I have feelings for Jax which could complicate things further.
A sour feeling fills my stomach. I don’t care about Jax, not in any deep way… do I? Him, The Clanless, and their cause as a whole, sure; I’m sympathetic towards them and will fight with and for them however I can.
But Jax on his own… he’s simply someone I find extremely attractive and with whom I found a very enjoyable way to relieve some stress. We don’t mean anything significant to each other, not on a personal level. Not on my part at least.
… Right?
“Faye?” Jax asks with a hint of concern, ripping me out of my own head. Growing desire replaces the sourness in my stomach- two drop-dead sexy vampires are staring at me like I’m a four-course meal.
I smile slyly, motioning for Jax to join Lily and me.
Lily sinks her teeth back in without hesitation and a soft grunt escapes my throat. Jax brushes one finger along my jaw, the mix of longing and tenderness held within his eyes doing more to stoke the fire rushing through my veins than Lily’s feeding.
His fangs ghost over my neck briefly, an intense hunger for him reaching my bones. Then, within the blink of an eye, they sink deep inside me. The slow simmering in my stomach turns into a rolling boil before hurriedly spilling over.
“Fuck!” I pant, pure bliss wrapping around me.
A strong, callused hand covers one of mine and I grab hold tightly. Jax presses closer, the natural earthy scent of him wafting past my nose. My legs stiffen, my heels digging into the ground beneath them, before relaxing once more.
Two sets of fangs pulse underneath the surface of my skin. An ecstasy I’ve never experience before builds with every passing second, and yet I want more. I yearn for more, for Jax.
Somehow, in between jolts of pleasure, my hands find his head and carefully pull him upward, guiding his lips to meet mine.
Our mouths move in tandem, guessing the needs of one another almost telepathically. The slightly metallic taste of my own blood on his lips sends a shiver of excitement down my spine. I tangle my fingers in his wild dark hair, pulling him closer and deepening the already bruising kiss. His mouth yields under my pressure, allowing my tongue entrance.
The pleasure has all but halted my mental functioning now, however one pesky thought manages to sneak through; a memory from the night before.
“Thank you. For everything… because of you I feel safe.”
To say I was shocked by the words when I uttered them is a vast understatement. Not that I’m not used to being surprised by something I’ve said. Never in my life have I had a filter and I likely never will; a truth about myself I accepted long ago. But usually a snarky or overly blunt comment would slip through, not something so… sentimental.
I’d managed to avoid discussing the statement with Jax too much, instead welcoming a conversation on the attack on the ball and who may have been at fault.
I try to push the thought aside now, focusing instead on the toe-curling satisfaction, unsure why my mind chose this moment to dredge up this issue. But the damn in my mind refuses to be plugged. My lips continue messily tangling with Jax’s as the onslaught of thoughts flow forth.
My declaration was true then and it remains true now; I feel safe with Jax.
What is wrong with me?
I don’t need anyone to keep me safe. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself and take pride in not needing help from anyone. The few people who’ve broken through my walls of stubborn independence earned their way into my life and my heart through back-breaking perseverance. Apparently it’s a defense mechanism of sorts, a way I’ve found to keep most people a safe distance away to avoid the risk of getting hurt. At least that’s what multiple therapists have told me. I prefer to think of it as a test, a way to prove who’s truly worthy of being part of my exclusive inner circle.
And here a man I’ve known less than a month has managed to claw his way inside without my knowledge.
No, not even a man, a vampire. Of course I feel safe with a vampire, why wouldn’t I? It’s not completely illogical at all. And not just a vampire, but one who could turn into even more of a monster in the blink of an eye.
Seriously, what is wrong with me?
Usually I hate having someone take care of me like Jax has recently, constantly coming to my rescue in situations I’m confident (possibly overly so) I could have handled myself. But with him it feels… good. I’m more relaxed around him, even with all the chaos brewing around us. I don’t have to handle everything on my own, he’ll be there to back me up; I trust him to be there.
Shit. I trust him. Yet another honor bestowed upon a select few I’ve given to him freely.
How did this happen? How has he gone from rugged acquaintance to a trusted confidant so quickly?
We barely know each other, yet something about him is so familiar, as though I’ve known him my entire life. In his presence I feel more invincible than usual. He stirs a fire in my soul, one no one has gotten close to sparking before.
I don’t want to lose that feeling, or him, ever.
Fuck. I care about him, don’t I? Could it even be possible that I’m… falling for him?
The faint sensation of rough fingers sneaking up my bare midriff illuminates an even bigger issue. I have feelings for Jax, true meaningful feelings for him… and I fucked him.
This never happens. I never allow it to happen. For years I’ve lived by my own rule- sex is sex, no feelings involved. If feelings do start to make an appearance on either side (usually on theirs), the relationship is terminated.
So that’s it then, I have to end this with Jax. Our one night of breathtaking ecstasy has to be our last.
And I should probably stop making out with him at present.
A deep, lingering ache fills my heart, the truth barreling down on me.
I don’t want this to end.
Not just the heated passion we’re exchanging currently or the mind blowing sex, but all of it, all of him.
He’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met, not only his body, but his mind, soul, and heart. Something seems to… click… when I’m around him, everything feels right. And when we’re apart, I crave to be with him. I assumed it was intense lust, the likes of which I never experienced before. But clearly it’s more than that. I’m falling for him, for everything about him.
And I’m not sure I want to stop.
I still my lips abruptly, unable to focus on anything other than my runaway thoughts. Jax’s eyes switch from glazed over with desire to soft and questioning, sending a shock-wave to my heart so strong I worry I may keel over right there.
Suddenly everything feels wrong.
My heart pounds in my ears, my breathing coming in shallow bursts. The room appears to be shrinking, the elegant walls of the tent closing in around me.
I have to get out of here. Now.
“Stop,” I demand breathily. But my voice is soft. Though I know Lily likely didn’t hear me, I’m still overcome with anger when she fails to listen.
“STOP!” Lily startles at my bellow, her fangs pulling out of me at an odd angle. I feel the prick of something tearing under my flesh.
Warm blood trickles down my neck, but I don’t care. I spring up. Though my legs have the stability of wet noodles, I manage to hold myself up. My head is spinning, as is the room. Adrenaline mixed with stubborn determination propels me out of the tent into a (thankfully) empty corridor.
A brick wall jumps out to meet my forehead and a scream of pain, one I faintly register as my own, resonates in the air. I stagger backwards, agony throbbing in my head and neck.
Unable to hold me any longer, my legs buckle. My vision blurs, darkness threatening to envelope me. I barely register firm, familiar arms wrap around my stomach and a gentle voice whisper in my ear, “I’ve got you.”
Then my world goes black.
——-
Rhythmic, though somewhat frantic, footfalls filter into my mind as I fade into consciousness. Something is slowly caressing my brow, feather-soft streaks from right to left. The sensation is soothing, nearly lulling me back to sleep.
“Shouldn’t she be waking up soon?” A tense voice snaps. It’s familiar, the voice, but I can’t quite place it through the fog in my brain.
“Yes, Lily. And obviously asking me the same question every five seconds will make her wake up sooner.” My lips curve upwards ever so slightly at the louder, deeper voice dripping with sarcasm- one I recognize immediately.
The footsteps stop sharply and what I now identify as a finger ceases its movements across my forehead. Thick tension fills the air, Lily’s likely crestfallen face nearly visible in my mind’s eye.
Jax’s tone is softer, reassuring yet serious all at once, when he continues. “Faye is strong, a flesh wound won’t keep her down long, but she’s only human- she needs rest. And your pacing isn’t helping the situation. At all. Why don’t you head to the square I showed you both earlier? There should be some food and water there somewhere. I’m sure she’d appreciate both when she finally comes to.”
Lily mutters something unintelligible before agreeing to the plan. I wait until her footsteps have faded completely before allowing my eyelids to flicker open. Coffee eyes peer down at me, relief glimmering in them when they lock on mine. Further down the familiar face, a smirk forms on lips surrounded by dark stubble.
“You heard that, didn’t you?”
“Yup.” A wide grin adorns my lips. “Nice job with the distraction tactic by the way. I mean, Lily’s my friend and all, but she has the patience of a toddler.”
Our laughter floats through the air of the feeding tent as I sit upright on the firm couch, Jax’s hands hovering along my sides ready to aid me at a moment’s notice. I scoot towards him until our thighs are lightly touching and electricity jolts between them. He loosely wraps an arm around my back, his hand settling on my other leg. My head rests on his shoulder before I manage to direct it otherwise. The welcoming warmth of his embrace blankets me, stirring up thoughts from before.
I don’t cuddle, or snuggle, or anything remotely touchy-feely with… well anyone other than my family really. And even that level of intimacy took years to develop. Yet here I am, relaxed and soothed in Jax’s arms for the second time in twenty-four hours.
How did he demolish every wall I’ve ever built so quickly? And why am I giving into this so easily?
My breath catches when Jax whispers in my ear a few minutes later, “I’m glad your okay, Faye.”
I pull back a touch so we’re face to face and his tender gaze rips through me.
“Hmm, did I scare you there, Vamp-Man”
“For a second, yeah. Then I remembered how you don’t seem to back down during a good fight.”
“Damn right I don’t. I have no flight response, just fight or fight harder.” We trade devilish grins.
“And I find that quality highly attractive, but,” his expression quickly grows serious. “I hope I didn’t weird you out, feeding on you with Lily. You know I find you irresistible and I sensed something between you and Lily so…”
“Oh! No,” I cut in, my mouth once again moving faster than my brain, “Lily and I are just friends. I don’t get involved with people I care about.”
Hurt flashing in his eyes for a fraction of a second before his usual mysteriously stoic expression returns. Though I question whether the reaction was all in my head, a bolt of regret insists on striking my soul.
I should leave it be, move on with the conversation and let him believe I carry no meaningful feelings for him whatsoever. Normally I would.
But nothing about this situation is normal. And I’m not sure I would want it any other way.
I attempt to meet his gaze. The dullness of his normally glittering eyes shames me for my callousness, forcing me to turn away. My heart thunders in my ears and ice cold fear fills my veins. For once, I have to force the words forming in my brain to leave my lips. “I mean… I didn’t, before now. Before you. I ran away earlier because… because I care about you Jax, and it fucking terrifies me.”
A hand cups my chin, gently directing my head forward once more. Jax’s lips curve upward in a pleased grin. His other hand grasps mine, giving a reassuring squeeze. “I care about you too, Faye. I don’t know how it happened, but I do.”
The pure adoration dancing in his dark entrancing eyes melts a majority of the terror left in my body.
Our mouths connect in a gentle, yet passionate kiss; our conjoined lips expressing our emotions better than words ever could. Arms wrap around backs and necks, fingers tangling in and pulling hair. I lose myself in him as the kisses become , hungrier.
His hands wander under my mesh shirt to cup my breasts over my bra and I moan.
“This black leather look suits you, but I’d rather see you out of it,” Jax growls in my ear, heat rising from deep in my belly.
“Then take it off me,” I whisper into his ear. “But just so ya know, once I’ve decided something is mine, once I really care about it… I do not share.”
“As long as I can have you, Love, that’s fine by me.”
Warning bells sound in my head at the pet name. I manage to silence them quickly, desire beating out panic, and focus on his touch scorching my skin. I’ll deal with the nickname later. But now, now all I want is him, every last cell in his body.
He makes quick work of my clothes and I’ve just pulled his shirt over his head when Lily bursts loudly through the tent’s entrance. We all stop in our tracks, Lily’s mouth slightly agape, the words she was about to say seemingly stuck in her throat. She quirks her brow in intrigue and smiles slyly.
“Wow, you two are… hot. Please, do continue.”
“Yeah, uh, sorry not sorry, Lil. This is not a spectator sport.” I send a laser-sharp glare in her direction.
“I see you don’t have what you set out for, Lily, so… did you need something or do you just have bad timing?” Jax replies calmly, his hands gripping my waist possessively.
“Oh, yeah, right. I think something’s wrong, Jax. You may want to come check it out… if you’re not too busy.” She winks at me and I roll my eyes.
As if on cue, angry shouts fill the air around us. With a defeated and slightly worried sigh, Jax throws on his shirt and I follow his lead. He grabs my hand as we’re following Lily into the chaos that has suddenly unfolded outside, sending a tremor of calm determination shuddering through me.
I’ve never felt this fiercely connected to anyone, not in such a short period of time, and I highly doubt I will again. I care about Jax, possibly more than myself. Even more astonishing, he appears to return the sentiment.
And while I don’t know what we may face today or the many days following, one fact remains true: I will not lose Jax, not without a fight. No matter what happens, I will battle anything or anyone threatening to come between us… even if it means starting a war.
– The End
