I Need You

Summary: An alternate ending for the last chapter, in which MC (Lydia) goes with Jax instead of Adrian and Kamilah.

Note: I loved this last chapter, but I really wanted my Jax MC to be able to go with him.

Jax’s words at the safehouse hit her hard. It hurts, aches somewhere deep down, knowing that she needs to-has to-tell him no. Lydia wants to say yes. She wants to tell him that of course she wants to come with him, that she hates the thought of them parting yet again, to remind him that he still makes her feel safe.

But how can she? Adrian brought her into this world. He let her stay. He saved Lily’s life, and has saved her life more times than she can remember. Lydia feels guilty, thinking about not doing everything she can to help Adrian.

And besides that, although she won’t let the words out now, the deep intensity of her feelings for Jax scare her a little bit. She’s fiercely loyal and protective over people she cares about, but it’s never happened this fast before. If push came to shove, there’s very little she wouldn’t do for him.

Lydia looks at Jax, his earnest expression, and feels her heart crack a little.

“But…I can’t leave Adrian like this,” she says, and Jax’s face falls, just for a brief second.

It’s so quick and so subtle that she doubts the others notice it. But she notices, and it makes her hurt even more.

She forces herself to continue, needing Jax to understand why she can’t just let Adrian do this without her.

“Yeah. I understand,” Jax says, and even though he looks disappointed, she can tell from the look on his face that he really does get it.

“You stay with Jax,” Lily suddenly interjects. “I’ll go with Adrian and Kamilah.”

Lydia looks over at her. “What?”

“I’ll go with them,” she repeats. “Look. I obviously don’t…fit into this world. The corporations and businesses and following all these rules.”

Lily smiles wryly. “But Lydia’s right. You saved my life, Adrian. I want to do what I can to help with whatever comes next.”

Adrian and Kamilah share a glance.

“And no offense, Lydia, but you are very human,” Lily adds. “I know I’m no match for Senator Jackass, but at least I have a little advantage.”

Lydia fails to bite back a laugh. As much as she wants nothing more than Vega’s head on a platter, Lily’s right. Lydia looks between Jax and Adrian.

“They aren’t as likely to look for you with the Clanless,” Adrian says slowly. “Not right away. You’d be safer there, for now.”

“And I can help them prepare,” Lydia adds, thinking out loud. “That would help you too, wouldn’t it?”

Adrian nods, and smiles. It’s weak, but warm. “It will.”

Jax narrows his eyes at her words, and Lydia looks at him and hurriedly explains, “Vega is going to come for all of us eventually.”

She hopes it’s later rather than sooner, but she’s not holding her breath.

“If we can help Adrian, it will help the Clanless in the long run,” Lydia continues, hoping Jax understands.

She wants to help Adrian, but she wants to help Jax and the Clanless too.

Jax frowns, then nods. “In any case, we need to prepare. No matter what happens with the Council.”

It’s Kamilah who finally gets them all moving. “We need to leave soon,” she says. “The sooner we can get out of the city, the better.”

After a flurry of words to stay safe, Adrian and Kamilah hurry out the door with a set of car keys that Jax hands to Adrian. Lily follows behind them, glancing back once to wave at Lydia. And then they’re gone.

“Come on,” Jax says. “We should get going.”

The ride to the Shadow Den is quiet at first. Lydia can tell Jax is still thinking about what she’d said, about helping Adrian. She slips her hand over his where it rests on the middle console, and Jax laces their fingers together.

“Hey,” she says, squeezing his hand. “You know I’m going to do everything I can to help you, right? I’m not trying to…use you or the Clanless to save Adrian.”

Jax sighs. “Yeah. I know. I’m just used to being seen as expendable.”

The words make her ache all over again. They stop at a red light, and he looks over at her. He grips the steering wheel tightly with the hand not holding hers.

“You’re not expendable, Jax. Not to me,” she says earnestly.

It’s the closest she’s come to admitting her real feelings for him, and the heat and the emotion in his eyes warms her right down to her bones. She trails her fingertips lightly over his lips just before the light changes, and he kisses them softly.

Back at the Shadow Den, Lydia waits in Jax’s room while he checks on a few things. She wants to go with him, but she’s all too aware that she’s not the most popular person among the Clanless right now. So she waits. And waits. And keeps waiting. She wonders where Adrian and Kamilah and Lily are.

Eventually, when she’s going stir crazy and about to say screw it and go look for him, Jax walks in. She’s in the middle of putting her shoes on. He gives her a half-amused, half-exasperated look.

Lydia shrugs. “You were taking forever. And I don’t do well sitting and waiting.”

“So I’ve noticed,” Jax says with a smirk.

She takes her shoes back off, watching as Jax locks his door and heads for the kitchen.

“Are you hungry?” he asks.

“Starving,” she admits. “Can I do anything?”

He inclines his head towards one of the cabinets. “There’s pasta in there, if you want to grab it.”

Lydia retrieves the box of fettuccini, and they chat easily while she watches him. She likes watching him cook, how at ease and relaxed he is. There’s an unspoken understanding that they won’t talk about everything that happened tonight. Not yet. She needs food and sleep and Jax, to clear her head enough to come up with a plan that she hopes won’t completely fail miserably.

“Mmm,” she mumbles around a mouthful of pasta when they sit down to eat. “So good.”

She grins at him when she’s almost done and asks, “Are you going to ask if I’m satisfied again?”

Jax smirks. “Do you want me to?”

Lydia sets her bowl aside and inches closer to him. She notices immediately the way his eyes darken. His bowl clatters quietly as he sets it down. When she’s in his lap, her legs locked around his back and his arms around her waist, she leans in and murmurs, “I do.”

Jax nips at her neck, making a low moan bubble in her throat. “Are you satisfied, Lydia? Or can I get you something else?”

Lydia presses her hips into his and threads her fingers into his hair.

“Yes. I want you,” she breathes in his ear. “I want you, Jax.”

His eyes are glowing red when she leans back. He pulls her shirt over her head, then grips her hips and helps her stand. Lydia strips out of the rest of her clothes, Jax rising and watching her hungrily. The way he looks at her makes her flush.

“What?” Jax asks when he sees her expression.

“Nothing. Just…the way you look at me,” she says, groaning quietly when he runs his hands down her sides and pulls her against him.

Jax tilts her chin up and kisses her deeply.

“You’re beautiful. I want you,” he says simply, and those few words say it all.

She pulls at his belt, then his shirt, and he laughs when she huffs impatiently.

“I only have two hands, Lydia,” he says.

“I do too. Let me help,” she says, and tugs his shirt off.

Jax carries her to his bed, his clothes strewn across the floor. He looks at her curiously when she slides her legs down and stands at the edge of the mattress. She gently nudges his shoulder, and he lays back, propped up on his elbows. The way he groans when she straddles him sends a flood of moisture between her legs.

There’s something incredibly flattering and gratifying about this man wanting her so badly. She knows he’s been with others, and briefly wonders if it’s just been a long time, or if it’s her. It’s been a little while for her, but she can admit to herself that the way she wants him is all him, and not just a lack of anyone else.

Lydia sucks in a breath as she lowers herself onto him, bracing her hands on his shoulders. Jax’s hands come up to her hips, then drag slowly up her sides. Her nipples harden when he brushes his thumbs over them, and his eyes lock on hers.

Lydia leans forward, rocking back and forth, and whimpers when Jax lifts his head up and captures a hardened peak in his mouth. His teeth scrape pleasurably over her sensitive skin. He pulls her down across his chest after a moment, kissing her hard, and thrusts into her.

“Mm. God, Jax,” she moans.

They fall into a natural rhythm, moving together instinctively, his hands on her hips and hers tangled in his hair. She can’t stop kissing him, groaning softly with each gentle scrape of his fangs over her bottom lip. Her muscles quiver when she gets close, and she buries her face against him.

Jax bands his arms around her back and rolls them suddenly. She watches, breathing raggedly, as he leans back and brings one of her legs up to rest on his shoulder. His lips brush over her calf before he surges back into her, and she moans loudly.

Her hands fist in his sheets, her hips arching up instinctively, wanting him closer, deeper. Lydia can tell he’s holding back again, can see it written all over his face. She doesn’t want him to hold back.

“More, Jax,” she pleads.

His eyes flare with heat, and he slams his hips into hers. A scream nearly rips out of her before she bites her lip. It’s almost overwhelming, how good he feels.

“I need…I can’t…” Lydia gasps.

Jax thrusts into her harder, faster, his grip on her leg tightening, and she hears him groan and stiffen against her right when she comes apart. Lydia opens her eyes slowly, and sees Jax watching her. He kisses her calf, his stubble lightly scraping her skin, then lays back down beside her, his lips finding hers in soft, slow kisses.

She curls against him, her fingers drifting through his hair. Lydia smiles when she hears him sigh quietly.

“You like when I do that?” she asks, her fingers continuing to slip over his dark strands in soothing motions.

Jax presses a kiss to her shoulder. “I do. It feels good,” he murmurs.

She wonders again, as they lay there, if the intense way in which he wants her is because it’s her or just out of a physical desire. So she lifts her head up and asks him.

“Jax?”

“Yes, love?”

He smiles at the little grin that crosses her face at the affectionate word.

“Do you want me?”

Jax raises his eyebrows. “Are you really questioning that?”

Lydia shifts against him, glancing away. “I don’t mean like that. I mean, I do, I just…”

She scowls at his amused expression. It softens when she mutters “Never mind” and drops back down next to him.

Jax tilts her chin up and kisses her so deeply that it leaves her almost gasping for breath.

“I care about you, Lydia,” he says.

His voice is open and honest, almost vulnerable.

“This isn’t just a physical thing for me. I wouldn’t have asked you to come with me if that’s all it was. I want you here.”

He pauses, kissing her again, and his voice shakes the slightest bit when he admits, “I need you here.”

His words take her by surprise. She can’t come up with a reply right away. There are a million words on the tip of her tongue as she looks at him, but none of them sound right. So she kisses him again, cupping his face between her hands, and pours her every emotion for him into it.

“I need you too,” she finally whispers against his lips.

Jax caresses her cheek with his thumb, and Lydia blinks furiously at the sweet, simple gesture.

Ridiculous, she almost laughs to herself.

He has you full of feelings and protective and near happy tears without even trying, her brain and her heart shout simultaneously. Maybe you should listen to that.

“I don’t need people very often,” she confesses.

“That makes two of us,” Jax replies with an affectionate smile.

“I guess we should probably stick together then, huh?” she asks.

He kisses her again. “I think it’d be a mistake not to.”

“Me too.”

She slowly presses her lips to his, then down his jawline, then settles back against his side, pressing close to him. Her fingers automatically run through his hair again.

“I’m really glad you asked me to come with you,” she murmurs.

“I’m really glad you came with me,” Jax says.

The last thought in her mind before she falls asleep is how good it feels to be holding onto him.