Regret

Summary: While in the hospital, Bastien thinks about Constantine and the orders he wishes he’d never followed.

Author’s note: This was written for Round 69 of #ChoicesCreates: Wrong Choices and takes place after Hospital Visit.

Lying in his hospital bed, Bastien had plenty of time to think. Although Riley had assured him that he had not failed Cordonia, believing that was easier said than done. The traitor never should have gotten into the palace. Thankfully no one had been killed except Constantine, who was dying anyway and had been able to take the secret of his illness to the grave.

He hadn’t been able to attend Constantine’s funeral. After years of service, he didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye. Riley had suggested that he go visit Constantine’s grave after he was out of the hospital. It was a good idea. After all, it was only right that he pay his last respects to his former king.

He thought of what he would want to say to Constantine: Rest in peace. You died heroically. And then another thought came to him, one he would have never dared to actually say to Constantine: I’ll never forget what you made me do.

When Constantine had asked him to help make it look like Riley was involved with Tariq, he didn’t like the idea, but had gone along with it anyway. It was his duty to obey his king. He never imagined that Riley would be in her underwear when Tariq came into her room. When the scandal broke and he had to escort Riley out of the palace, he felt so guilty. He tried to push the events out of his mind, but when his role in the plot came out, he couldn’t escape from the guilt and shame he felt. It still amazed him that Riley had forgiven him, and that they had gotten so close. He had told her many times how sorry he was. Surely she could see that the night she found him in his train car, drowning his sorrows. She knew he had only been following Constantine’s orders.

But that wasn’t really an excuse, was it? After all, the Nazis had used that defense in the Nuremberg trials, but that didn’t absolve them of their responsibility for their crimes. He knew that what Constantine had asked him to do was wrong, but he had still chosen to obey the order.

What would have happened if he had refused? Bastien knew in his heart that he couldn’t have stopped Constantine from carrying out the plot against Riley. Constantine would have found another guard who was willing. Bastien might have lost his job, or worse. If Constantine had thought that he might expose the plot, who knows what the consequences might have been? Constantine could be ruthless.

Still, he would always regret his actions. And now that he had fallen in love with Riley, he felt even worse every time he thought about what he had done. Maybe it was just as well that she was engaged to Drake. He didn’t deserve her.

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