Summary: Audrey reflects on her first few weeks in L.A., and has a heart-to-heart of sorts with Seth.
Audrey can’t bring herself to tell her parents she can’t fly home for her mom’s birthday. So she tells them she’s working, and though they’re disappointed, they both get a tinge of excitement in their voices when they tell her they’re happy for her.
It’s not a lie, she tells herself miserably when she hangs up. She is working, and on a highly anticipated movie at that. Even if the director is sometimes a nightmare, and some of her costars are insufferable, and some days she dreads going in. She’s grateful for every opportunity, and she knows being in Tender Nothings is huge. But being on set is far more frustrating and exhausting than she expected, as naive and cliché as it sounds.
Her tiny apartment simultaneously drives her crazy and feels like her sanctuary. When she’s had a particularly grueling day, sometimes she likes to flop down on the crappy sofa, eat cheap ice cream, and watch the same DVD’s over and over again. And some days, she feels like the walls are closing in on her, mocking her, and she walks around the block, or escapes to the roof.
Seth has taken to joining her when she makes her way up the fire escape, bringing her beer and funny stories and a sympathetic ear. Audrey likes having him there. He always manages to distract her from her worries and make her feel better, both with his words and the arm he usually wraps around her when it starts getting cool out.
She likes him, a lot, she realizes after a few weeks. He’s genuinely nice and funny and listens to her, waving it off when she apologizes for ranting. It doesn’t hurt that he’s also really attractive, Chazz has told her.
“It’s not because he’s good looking,” Audrey insists.
And it’s not. But she can’t deny that he is.
After she gets off the phone with her parents, Audrey rummages in her fridge for the beer Seth has turned her on to and climbs up the fire escape. She sits on one of the cheap lawn chairs someone has dragged up, watching the sun slowly sink behind the buildings. The air cools, and Audrey realizes she didn’t bring a sweatshirt with her.
“Damn,” she mutters.
She wraps her arms around herself, debating whether or not to go in for the night or get something warm and come back up.
“You know, Iowa, one of these days you’ll finally remember it gets cold here,” a voice says from behind her.
Audrey turns her head, smiling as something soft falls in her lap.
“It’s L.A.,” she laughs as Seth drags a chair next to hers. “I will never accept that it gets cold here.”
Audrey tugs his sweatshirt on. It’s well-worn and too big and smells like him when she burrows into it.
“I guess I’ll have to keep bringing you sweatshirts then.”
She hands him a beer, and they settle into easy conversation, about how his stand-up is going, the new script he wants to start, how Tender Nothings is going for her. Seth looks at her thoughtfully when she lets out an unintentional sigh during a lull in the conversation.
“What’s wrong?” he asks her.
Audrey picks at the label on her beer, letting out another sigh as she explains the conversation she’d had with her parents.
“I know I haven’t been here long, but…I don’t know. I mean, I’m working on a movie with a well-known director, and some days I feel so ungrateful.”
She rolls the corner of the label between her fingers as it peels off.
“I love acting. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time. But it’s frustrating when Markus tells me I’m a genius one minute, and a disappointment destined to be a failure the next,” she admits, blinking rapidly.
She will not cry, she will not cry, she will not cry.
Seth covers her hand with his, squeezing gently. “Hey. You’re not going to be a failure, Audrey. This a hard town, full of hard people. There’s always going to be someone who doesn’t think you have whatever it is they’re looking for.”
Audrey turns her hand up, linking their fingers together, and realizes for all the time she’s spent with Seth, they’ve never gone beyond her kissing him on the cheek. She likes holding his hand, feeling his thumb run circles across her skin.
“I know,” she murmurs.
They’re quiet for a few minutes, Audrey thinking over his words. Their fingers are still laced together, she realizes, Seth tracing his thumb over her knuckles every so often.
“Thank you,” she finally says.
Seth shrugs and offers her a smile. “For what?”
“Listening to yet another one of my rants.”
He chuckles, finishing his beer, then squeezes her hand again and stands up. “You really don’t rant that much, Audrey. But I’m always happy to listen.”
Seth offers her his hand, pulling her to her feet. They stand there for a minute, his hand still firmly holding hers, and then she lets go to wrap her arms around him. His arms come around her back easily, and she can feel him burrow his face slightly into her hair. He’s warm and solid and smells good, and she wonders, for a minute, what he would do if she kissed him.
“We should head in,” he murmurs in her ear, and she swallows down her disappointment.
“Oh. Right,” Audrey says, stepping back.
Seth tucks a few of her curls behind her ear as the wind picks up. “Hey. I was gonna watch a movie, maybe order some food. If you want to join me?”
They’ve been in each other’s apartments a few times before, for one reason or another, but her heart still races a little faster at his invitation.
“I’d love to,” she answers, and follows him down the fire escape.
They order pizza from the place around the corner and watch a comedy she’s seen a million times that still makes her laugh. She doesn’t realize how tired she is until her eyelids grow heavy as the movie goes on, but she’s warm and comfortable sitting on Seth’s couch, leaning up against him, his hand occasionally brushing against hers, and can’t bring herself to get up quite yet.
When she wakes, she’s still on his couch, a blanket carefully tucked in around her. The room is dark, the noises of the city outside sneaking in through the thin glass of the windows. Seth’s bedroom door is half-open, and she feels heat pool in her belly thinking about him in his bed. Audrey shakes her head. Don’t go there, she tells herself. She finds her phone and tries to quietly slip her shoes on so she doesn’t wake him.
“Audrey?” Seth’s voice is thick with sleep as he comes out of his bedroom.
“Sorry,” she whispers. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s okay,” he yawns, running a hand over his hair.
She swallows hard, trying to find something to say.
“I had fun” doesn’t sound right, even though she did.
“Let’s do this again” sounds awkward and stilted.
Audrey’s about ready to just tell him good night when he softly says, “Come here.”
She moves toward him on quiet feet, nuzzling against his chest and looping her arms around his neck when he wraps her into a hug. It feels good being held by him like this. It’s easy. It’s comfortable.
Her lips brush over his neck, inhaling his scent, and his arms tighten around her.
“It’s late,” Seth murmurs. “You…” he hesitates, sounding a little nervous. “You can stay. If you want. I can take the couch.”
Her apartment is ten feet away, but it feels like miles, when it’s this late and Seth feels this good.
“You don’t have to take the couch,” she says softly.
Seth reads her meaning, cupping her face in his hands and pressing his lips to her forehead. “You sure?” he asks.
“Mm-hm.”
She follows him into his bedroom, accepting the long t-shirt he hands her and changing in his bathroom. She feels herself almost trembling as she climbs into his bed next to him. Seth is laying on his back, watching her as she scoots closer.
Her hand trails slowly across his t-shirt clad chest, feeling the solid muscle underneath. Audrey rests her head against his shoulder as she scoots down, tangling her legs with his and trying to suppress a shiver as his arm comes up around her waist.
“I like you,” she whispers as their breathing slows.
Seth tucks his finger under her chin, tilting her head up.
“I like you, too,” he murmurs.
Her lips find his in the dark, a slow, gentle meeting. She glides her hand over his jawline, his stubble scratching her fingertips, then runs her fingers up into his hair.
Seth tugs her down closer, kissing her harder, and she groans and closes her eyes as he gently bites her lower lip. They kiss again and again, more desperate, more insistently, until Audrey realizes she’s practically crawled on top of him, one of his hands on the small of her back, and forces herself to pull away. She likes him, and she think they’ll get there, but not quite yet.
His other hand is buried in her hair, his breath slightly ragged, and he turns to kiss her again briefly as she scoots back against his side.
“Just…not yet,” she murmurs, and Seth smiles at her in understanding.
“Not yet,” he agrees.
In the morning, she wakes slowly to the sounds of traffic outside, a door slamming just down the hall. They’ve shifted during the night, Seth spooning her, their fingers tangled together. It’s nice, waking up with him like this. She feels him stir behind her.
“Morning,” he greets her, his voice still sleepy.
“Good morning.”
Audrey turns in his arms, grinning at the way his hair is sticking up every which way. She reaches out and tries to smooth it down, and Seth laughs at the look on her face.
“You haven’t seen your hair, yet, Iowa.”
“Oh, I can imagine.”
Her fingers draw random patterns across his t-shirt as they lay together, his hand running over her hair.
“Hey, do you want to get breakfast?” Seth asks her.
She’s going to tease him about inviting her to eat with him two times in a row, but her stomach decides to rumble loudly just then, and she smiles sheepishly.
“Breakfast sounds great.”