Summary: Jade is worried if she cries, she won’t be able to stop. A little exploration into her thoughts and feelings during the recent chapter of ES Book 3.
After the past few hours, all Jade wants is to fall into a deep sleep, to wake rested and ready, for whatever the next day has to throw at them. But the sand is uncomfortable, the crashing waves on the beach taunting her instead of soothing her, and thoughts of Sean plague her. Memories of their time on La Huerta make her smile faintly, and then she remembers the look on his face when she fell from the helicopter, and the smile disappears. A few noiseless tears take its place, trailing down her cheeks and making grains of sand stick to her face.
Jade squeezes her eyes shut tight, willing the tears to stop. The last thing she wants is Estela or Jake or Yvonne hearing her crying. She’s supposed to be the optimistic one, the one with the iron-clad determination and positive outlook. Not the one crying in the sand, even as her throat tightens and her eyes burn from not letting the tears out. Eventually she drifts into a fitful sleep, tossing and turning and waking at every noise. She’s nowhere near rested when the sun comes up, but it’s a new day, and she forces herself to focus on finding a way around this island. They need to find the others and figure out what to do from here.
Relief floods over her at finding Diego and Varynn and Raj and Michelle, but Jade’s heart sinks when Sean and Craig aren’t nearby. It hurts not to really mention how worried she is, but Jade’s a little afraid she’ll burst into tears if she talks about Sean too much. Winning the ship from Malatesta lifts her mood, though, partly because of the utter satisfaction of besting him, but mostly because she feels like they’re finally getting somewhere and doing something.
Finding Quinn on the ship makes things even better, and as they make their way around the island, Jade finally feels hopeful that they’ll find everyone else. But when everyone disappears below deck to sleep for the night, Jade finds herself alone, and that hope dims slightly as her worries flow over her. The moon is full, the water gently hitting the side of the ship, and she can’t keep the tears from falling now as she looks out at the island. It’s dark and silent, no sign of anyone apparent from here. She’s hoping, half-imagining, to see the faint flicker of a fire, or hear indistinct shouts from somewhere on the shoreline.
“Jade?”
She startles, turning around as Michelle approaches, swiping furiously at the tears on her face.
“Hey,” Jade says, clearing her throat when her voice cracks.
Michelle leans against the deck next to her. “Hey.”
They’re silent for a few moments, watching the waves and the moonlight reflecting off the water below.
“We’ll find them, you know,” Michelle finally says resolutely. “We have to.”
“Yeah…I hope so,” Jade answers.
Michelle turns to face her, a stern look on her face. “Listen. You’re allowed to be upset, okay? You’re allowed to cry and fall apart.”
“I can’t,” Jade protests. “I…”
She sucks in a breath. “I’m afraid if I start, I won’t be able to stop,” she finally confesses, and Michelle’s face softens.
“Just…don’t feel like you can’t,” she says. “I know we all look to you. Rely on you. But that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to lean on other people or need help.”
Tears prick the back of her eyes again, and a wry, slightly painful, smile crosses Michelle’s face.
“You and Sean have that in common,” she says quietly.
Before Jade can reply, Michelle pushes off the deck. “Get some sleep, okay? I have a feeling we’ll need it to keep Malatesta and Yvonne from killing each other.”
Jade lets out a watery laugh at that. “You’re right. Thanks, Michelle.”
Michelle shrugs. “It’s nothing.”
The next morning, as Jade slowly wakes from a half-decent sleep, she can hear Raj start shouting. She rolls out of her bunk, attempting to yank her shoes on as she clambers up to the deck.
“What?” she asks urgently. “What did I…”
She stops suddenly, the island growing larger as they head toward the shore, and she sees it. Sees them. A handful of people, their waving just barely visible from here. Jade can’t make out their faces and finds her fingers digging into the splintered wood of the ship as they get closer. Jake grabs the back of her shirt as she leans over, desperate to see who it is.
“Don’t jump ship now,” he says, tugging her back.
Please, Jade thinks to herself as the shoreline slowly gets larger. Please please please…and then, as they finally get off the ship and head toward the shore, she can see who it is.
“Sean,” she breathes, a smile splitting her face.
She’s impatient as they finally disembark, running through the water, ignoring the way it drenches her pants and soaks her shoes, until she makes it to the beach and all but throws herself into Sean. He looks stunned but still catches her easily, his arms strong and solid around her waist as he lifts her, his face buried in her neck.
“Jade,” he says, so many emotions in his voice that all she can do is close her eyes and hold on tight.
Jade briefly wonders if she’s squeezing too tightly as she wraps her arms around his neck, but he doesn’t say anything, and it feels so good to have him warm and real and here against her that the thought disappears as quickly as it came on. His name is a gasping laugh as she finally lifts her head up enough to press her lips to his. Their kiss is desperate and frantic at first, then gradually slow and reassuring.
“I’m sorry,” Sean says when they part, his forehead resting against hers.
He lowers her down to the sand after a minute, though his grip around her doesn’t loosen.
Jade frowns slightly. “Sorry for what?”
“For letting go,” Sean says, his face so remorseful and sorrowful that she pulls his head down to kiss him again.
“It’s not your fault,” she murmurs against his lips. “Don’t think that. It’s not.”
He doesn’t quite look like he believes her, his eyes searching hers as he lifts his hands up to cup her face.
“But-“ he starts.
“It’s not your fault,” Jade says again, firmer this time. “Okay?”
A half-smile crosses his face as she brushes her nose against his. “I’ll try and remember that.”
“Good,” Jade smiles, then burrows into his chest.
She’s dimly aware of the others talking behind them, and her heart is finally so at ease and she’s so happy that she laughs a little at the bubble she and Sean have been in.
“I guess we should figure out a plan,” Sean says, reluctantly letting her go and taking her hand in his.
“Yeah,” Jade agrees. “But…in a minute?”
Sean’s smile warms her as he leans down, brushing his lips against hers again. “In a minute.”