This Time I Mean It

Oh, Florida, please be still tonight
Don’t disturb this love of mine
Look how she’s so serene
You’ve gotta help me out
And count the stars to form the lines
And find the words we’ll sing in time
I wanna keep her dreaming
It’s my one wish
I won’t forget this

The kiss had happened days ago, maybe even weeks, Lennox seemed to lose all concept of time. Her pulse quickening every time she was near him. She had been handling her feelings before, they were contained. Now they were strewn across the ground out for the world, him to see.
I’m outdated, overrated
Morning seems so far away

They hadn’t spoken about the kiss, both too afraid to voice their feelings out loud. Both thinking if they ignored it that maybe it would just go away. It was easier to pretend it never happened than for either of them to open their heart up again, both fearing ending up with a broken heart yet again. Neither could handle going through the pain ever again.
So I’ll sing a melody
An hope to God she’s listening
Sleeping softly while I sing
And I’ll be your memories
Your lullaby for all the times
Hoping that my voice could get it right

So they ignored what happened, keeping the proverbial elephant in the room locked away in the corner of their minds. Ignoring the truth seemed easier than speaking it out loud. How do you voice to your boss you fell for him years ago when you first met? How could Lennox allow her Pandora’s box of feelings to be truly opened? Letting it out, letting him in would mean exposing herself in a way she hadn’t allowed since Liam. She was over him, but the scars he left behind when he broke her heart left a lasting impression deep in her soul. It seemed to have changed her on a cellular level, she no longer believed that true love existed. She knew she was better off alone than ever risking that kind of pain ever again.
If luck is on my side tonight
My clumsy tongue will make it right
And wrists that touch
It isn’t much but it’s enough
To form imaginary lines
Forget your scars
We’ll forget mine
The hours change so fast
Oh, God, please make this last

Lennox couldn’t allow herself to believe that this time really truly would be different. She’d suffered enough pain the last time she wore her heart on her sleeve, she couldn’t ever risk her heart ever again. She wished she was strong enough to take a chance, once more put her heart on the line. She wanted to allow herself to love and be loved, but she didn’t have the strength she needed to allow herself to be so open and vulnerable once again.
‘Cause I’m outdated, overrated
Morning seems so far away

It was easier to close that part of her away forever, just completely give up on ever having love. Lennox had a job, a career she loved, that could be enough. Couldn’t it? It had to be. She couldn’t ever allow herself to be in a position to have her heart ripped from her chest ever again. She’d learned a tough lesson trusting that a prince could love her, someone common. She couldn’t allow anyone in ever again. It didn’t matter how many times her heart screamed at her mind ‘this time it will be different’, she never listened, never believed. She couldn’t let her mind listen to her heart, she couldn’t dare to dream it might be true.
So I’ll sing a melody
And hope to god she’s listening
Sleeping softly while I sing
And I’ll be your memories
Your lullaby for all the times
Hoping that my voice could get it right
Could get it right

Rashad had felt his wall he built around his heart come crumbling down the moment her lips met his, his heart singing a beautiful melody. The second they broke apart he felt the wall come back up, he was too broken. Lennox deserved someone better than he could ever be. He slammed the door on his feelings, locking them up tight to never be seen again. It was better this way, better to hide them away, ignore the feelings she stirred in him he thought had long since died. He wasn’t good for her, for anyone—he worked to hard, too much. She’d do nothing more than break his heart once again. It was better to act as if nothing happened.
You could crush me
Please don’t crush me
‘Cause baby I’m a dreamer for sure
And I won’t let you down
I swear this time I mean it

Rashad listened to his brain, allowing to drown out his heart, believing ignoring it was for the best for both of them. He was getting through, he wasn’t truly living, but his heart would remain intact and that’s all that mattered. Wasn’t it? It’s what he told himself over and over until he believed what he was saying was true.
Somewhere something changed, something inside Rashad snapped. An executive started showing interest in Lennox, his heart ached watching him flirt with her. The pain blinded him, he couldn’t see that she was staving off each and every one of this other man’s advances. His mind was clouded, panic setting in that she could have been his if he’d been brave enough to let her in.
And I’ll sing a melody
And hope to God she’s listening
Sleeping softly while I sing
And I’ll be your memories
Your lullaby for all the times
Hoping that my voice could get it right

Rashad soon saw the other man for who he truly was. Watching him flirt with someone else in the building, he felt his heart fill with a burning rage. His heart and head once again warring with each other, his heart telling him to say something, his brain telling him it wasn’t his place.
Jealousy blinding him, unaware of his actions the first time in all his life. Working together like they had been since the beginning, more awkward since the kiss, both blindly ignoring what was before them. Thoughts of the kiss started swimming in his head, his heart taking over for his brain. “You deserve better. it doesn’t have to be me, but you deserve better.” The words fell from Rashad’s lips before they registered in his head.
Rashad felt his face grow heated when understanding set in. He wished more than anything he could the words back, shove them back to whence they came. It was too late for him to backtrack, the words were hanging heavy in the air.
Lennox’s head snapped up at his words. She sat in stunned silence, thoughts running through her head trying to make sense out of his words. Her breath caught in her throat, why had he said that? She wasn’t even interested in anyone—well anyone but him. Why would he be under the impression that she was seeing someone? Her heart raced at the implications of his words. You deserve better. it doesn’t have to be me, but you deserve better. His words echoed in her head, turning them over end over end trying to make sense of them. Had she been wrong? Did he feel the same way about her? Was there a chance that things could be different, that things could actually work out in her favor this time? All it would take is a leap of faith and trusting that this time things would be different.

Published by

bobasheebaby

Choices addict with weird love for crack pairs. I love drama and sometimes my stories take on a mind of their own.

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