Summary: MC (Charlotte) makes an impulsive decision and Kaitlyn rips her a new one.
Notes: Thank you to everyone who has been so encouraging and supportive of this series so far, you are all wonderful and I appreciate you so much ❤️ We’re getting closer to the end! Only two more installments!
After lying in bed for several hours, Charlotte finally hauled herself out of bed and into the shower as the sun began to dip below the horizon. She stood under the steady stream and thought about everything that had happened that day, from Frankie’s announcement to Kaitlyn wanting to ask Annisa to move in to Zig. Charlotte knew she’d done the right thing with Zig, but she felt emotionally drained all the same.
Eventually, she turned off the shower and toweled off, dressing herself in a pair of leggings and a Trash Panda t-shirt. She pulled the sheets from her bed and dumped them in the washing machine, barely remembering to add detergent, before she flopped onto the couch with her laptop. Just because her romantic life had gone to shit didn’t mean her professional life had to do the same. Charlotte opened her computer and opened up a new file for the revised ending she’d promised Zack. But as she sat there, the words simply wouldn’t come. No matter how hard she tried to focus on the task at hand, her mind kept wandering away to her phone beside her. She’d promised Chris she’d call, but, if she was honest with herself, she was afraid to dial his number.
“God dammit,” Charlotte muttered as she forward and set her computer on the coffee table before dragging her hands through her damp hair. Why was she always so afraid? Had she always been like this? For once in her life, she wanted to be impulsive. Brave.
She sat quietly for a moment and then, tired of thinking, grabbed her phone, keys, and wallet, and headed out into the early night.
“I think I did something stupid.”
Charlotte heard Kaitlyn yawn over the phone. “Do you mean leaving your sheets in the washing machine? Because I already put them in the dryer for you. You’re welcome, by the way.”
“Nope, not that. Something stupider.”
“Like you need bail money stupid or we need to ask for Frankie’s help hiding a body?” Kaitlyn asked.
“Like I’m driving to Maine stupid.”
“Wait, what?” Kaitlyn exclaimed. “What do you mean you’re driving to Maine?”
“I mean I just got in my car and started driving,” Charlotte said, painfully aware of how ridiculous she sounded. “I was supposed to call Chris, but I couldn’t.”
“So instead you’re …”
“Driving to Maine, yes.”
Kaitlyn snorted. “God, your life is one dramatic gesture after another.”
“Kaitlyn, I’m seriously freaking out right now.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean why?”
“Yes, you’re driving to Maine to see Chris. Why are you freaking out?”
“Because this is stupid, he doesn’t want to see me. He just asked for me to call him and I’m just going to show up at–”
“Oh my god, Charlotte, SHUT UP!”
Charlotte was stunned into silence as the highway continued to pass beneath her. Kaitlyn took a deep breath.
“Look, I love you, and that’s why I have to tell you this,” Kaitlyn said. “You can’t decide how other people are going to love you.”
“What does that even mean?”
“It means that you have a hundred excuses for not being with Chris. He has a business, a house, a family. You’re afraid he’d leave Maine for you but you wouldn’t be enough for him and he’d hate you.”
“It’s not a fair trade!” Charlotte protested. “I can’t let him give up all that, and I can’t leave Boston, which means me driving to Maine right now is really stupid!”
“Why can’t you leave Boston?”
“What do you mean why can’t I leave Boston?”
“Charlotte,” Kaitlyn said gently. “You have never made a major decision about your life yourself until the moment you got into that car tonight.”
“Excuse me?” Charlotte demanded, annoyance flaring up at the edges of her words.
“Twin, I’m not trying to be mean, but think about it: you applied to college in Boston because that’s where I wanted to go and I wanted you to come with me. You became a writer because James and your professor wanted you to. And yes,” Kaitlyn said quickly over Charlotte’s protestations. “I know you love writing and you’re happy doing what you do. But if I’m being honest with you, I’m not sure you would’ve pursued it had they not pushed you. And then this summer, you went to Maine because James wanted you to.”
Charlotte felt the first tear fall down her cheek and she wiped it away angrily. “So, what, I’m just this weak person who lets other people dictate her life?”
“You’re not weak, but yeah, you do that,” Kaitlyn said. “You’re so scared that things aren’t going to work out that you let other people decide how your life should play out. It’s like you think that if someone else makes the decision for you, you can’t be hurt as badly because it wasn’t your choice. And don’t get me wrong, I love that you went to school in Boston with me and I actually do love living with you even though you’re a gigantic pain in the ass who never puts her spoons in the dishwasher. But I want you to be happy and live your own life and if that means you go to Maine or Germany or the moon for a while, that’s fine.”
Charlotte was quiet for a long time, but Kaitlyn stayed on the line, patiently waiting for her.
“What about The Plan?” she asked with a weak laugh. Kaitlyn chuckled.
“The Plan is still a thing. You and I are still going to grow old in a giant house with a hundred cats and shout obscenities at the neighborhood kids. Womb to the tomb, baby! But that doesn’t mean you can’t have adventures before then. And who’s to say we have to be the only crazy people in the house? We could let other people in there to make a group of geriatric weirdos. People will think we’re a cult, it’ll be awesome.”
Charlotte sniffled. “That would be pretty cool.”
“Charlotte, you being in that car right now is a big deal. You are being stupid and impulsive and brave and I have never been more proud of you than I am right now. And I swear to god, if you turn that car around without talking to Chris, I will pull a Lisa ‘Left Eye’ Lopez and set all of your fucking clothes on fire.”
Charlotte was quiet for a moment, considering this.
“Didn’t she end up burning down the whole house?”
“That’s a risk I’m willing to take if that’s what it takes to get my point across.”
Charlotte sighed. “What am I even going to say to Chris? This doesn’t make any sense, he still lives in Maine and I’m in Boston and–”
“Oh my god, stop talking about geography!” Kaitlyn exclaimed. “Yeah, you’ll have to figure some shit out, but it’ll be fine. And I know you’re freaked out that Chris has such strong roots in Maine, but did it ever occur to you that he has those because he had to?”
“What do you mean?”
“Think about it. He was all set to move away from that town and go to college but then his mom died and his ex got pregnant and he tried to make the best of a situation. Rather that sit around and be unhappy, he made a life for himself because that’s what was available to him at the time. Things can change. And who knows, maybe I’m wrong and he doesn’t want to leave everything in Maine, but then would being there with him really be that bad? Or maybe you guys could go somewhere else, I don’t know.”
“I hear the moon is nice this time of year.”
“See? You have plenty of options.”
“Kaitlyn … what if he doesn’t want to see me? What if he only wanted to talk on the phone to get closure?”
“I don’t think that’s the case, but even if it is, at least you’re trying and putting yourself out there. You’re making a concrete decision about what you want for your life. That’s a huge step for you.”
Charlotte considered this as she drove.
“When did you get so emotionally intelligent?” she asked.
“Are you kidding me?” Kaitlyn asked. “I’m in a punk band. Literally all punks do are obsess over feelings. If I hadn’t figured out one or two things along the way, I’d be a fucking moron.” Charlotte laughed and Kaitlyn’s voice lost its humor. “Charlotte, I’m serious–don’t use me or anyone else as an excuse to keep yourself from being happy.”
They were quiet for a long time as the miles vanished beneath the wheels of the car.
“I didn’t even get dressed,” Charlotte said. “All I’m wearing are a pair of leggings and one of your band shirts.”
“Well, at least your top half is fashionable.”
Charlotte pulled up in front of Chris’s house just after midnight. Shit, I should’ve called or texted that I was coming, she thought when she saw the dark windows. Then again, she considered that she might’ve lost her nerve if she’d done that.
She took a deep breath and stared at his house, the garden still gorgeous under the waning moon. Part of her wanted to run away, but she’d spent the rest of the drive thinking about Kaitlyn’s words. If not now, when?
Charlotte climbed out of her car and shut the door, locking it behind her. She jumped in place a couple times as she shook her hands, trying to shake out the nerves to no avail. Charlotte steeled herself and walked to the front door. Before she could talk herself out of it, she rang the doorbell. She heard it chime throughout the house, but then it faded into silence. She waited anxiously, bouncing on the balls of her feet.
Charlotte rang the bell again. Still nothing. Could he be at the bar? No, he said he wasn’t working today. Where else would he be? What if he was with someone else? What if–
The front door opened and there stood Chris in a pair of gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt. He stared at her and, to Charlotte, it looked like he was trying to process if she was real or not.
“Hey, um, so, I know it’s late, but can I come in?” she asked, her anxiety knotting in her throat.
He said nothing, but he opened the door wider to let her in. Charlotte willed herself to take a step forward and into the house. She was nearly past him when he gently caught her arm.
Oh my god, he changed his mind. He’s kicking me out, she thought.
Instead, he tentatively stepped towards her and wrapped her in his arms, holding her to him as if she might shatter into a thousand pieces. Charlotte returned his embrace, resting her head on his chest. She didn’t know what would happen next, but for that moment, Charlotte knew she was exactly where she wanted to be.
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