Late Night Reflections

Summary: The night before Azura’s troops invade Stormholt, Kenna reflects on her love life.

Kenna lay in bed, trying to sleep, but to no avail. She had far too much on her mind. Soon the battle against Azura would begin. Florian had given her some very dismal odds when they had spoken earlier. Even if they somehow managed to defeat Azura, there would surely be casualties. She tried to put the thought out of her mind. It wouldn’t do her any good to dwell on it. But as soon as she managed to do so, the thoughts of another battle came to mind: the one that had been waged in her heart for far too long. And as much as she wished that the ending would be peaceful, she knew that casualties were coming.

Things had not always been so complicated. Ever since they were children, she and Dom had been close friends. She knew that he loved her, and before they parted as she fleed Stormholt, she told him that she loved him. Although he was a commoner and was not considered an appropriate partner for her, she hadn’t wanted anyone else. After two years apart, when she returned and reclaimed Stormholt, they joyfully reunited. He was her first love. He had given her her first kiss. He had taken her virginity.

But by then, he was no longer the only man that had caught her eye. When she had traveled to Aurelia, Raydan had noticed her immediately. And when she met him in the royal gardens that night, she found herself drawn to him, and they shared a kiss. Still, once she and Dom found each other again, she assumed that they would be together. Even though she and Raydan kissed a few more times, he hadn’t tried to get any closer. And she knew that Dom loved her.

Then Dom was captured by Hex. She was worried sick about him. The celebration at Lykos after the victory over Luther’s troops was a welcome distraction. Raydan had asked her to join him that night for his initiation into the Order of the Black Asps. And after the initiation, he met her in the command tent, and they made love for the first time. Never in her life had she experienced such burning passion. It was as if the earth had moved beneath her. Raydan had told her that he was hers, that night and always. She drifted off to sleep in his arms, but when she awoke, he was gone. She headed back to the party, and found him there. He looked at her and smiled, but made no further contact.

Afterward, things went back to the way they had been. Had Raydan only wanted a one-night stand? Was he backing off because he thought she would choose Dom over him, or because he didn’t want her to have to make that choice? Was he scared of getting too close? Or was it just that they were preoccupied with other things? They were facing the threat of the Iron Empire. Then she went to confront Hex in Aurelia, and Raydan traveled to Fydoria.

She rescued Dom in Aurelia, and late that night, he climbed up to her room in the airship. Surely Dom must have noticed the difference in her, her newfound assertiveness in the bedroom, but he couldn’t possibly have guessed the reason. She had asked him to use his power to heat things up, but as good as it was, nothing could match the heat of her night with Raydan.

When Val had returned from Fydoria with the news of Raydan’s betrayal, Kenna was shocked and grief-stricken. No, not Raydan, of all people! How was this possible? When he appeared in her bedroom, holding a knife, she was sure that he had come to assassinate her. He denied it, and claimed he was there to warn her, but how could she believe him? She asked him to give her a reason that she should ever trust her again. And that’s when he said it. Because I love you. I love you, Kenna, and you alone.

She looked into his eyes and knew that he was telling the truth. And then the assassins came. She and Raydan fought them, but then he collapsed, bleeding from his stomach. She ran over to him and held him in her arms, her heart bleeding every bit as much as his wounds. After slaying the assassins, she rushed back to his side, and then he lost consciousness. She sobbed as she held him, fearing the worst. She realized the truth: she loved him too.

She sat by his bedside all night, watching over him. It had been such a relief to learn that he had mainly collapsed from exhaustion. After he woke up, once his interrogation was over, she climbed into his bed and showed him how much he meant to her.

After leaving Raydan’s room and speaking to Zenobia, she climbed to the top of the gatehouse to give a speech to the troops. That’s when she came face to face with Dom. She struggled to look him in the eye. They had never actually made promises to each other, but nonetheless, she knew how he felt, and he probably had no idea that there had ever been anyone else. Whenever she and Raydan had shared close moments, Dom was far away. But this time it was different. She had just come from Raydan’s bed. Did he notice her flushed face, and the way she glistened with sweat? It was almost a relief to turn her attention to the Nevrakis troops.

At the feast that night, Dom had invited her to spend an hour or two alone with him. But after the events of the last twenty-four hours, how could she accept? So she made excuses about being too tired. She didn’t have the heart to tell him the real reason she had turned him down. With the battle against Azura coming, it wasn’t the time. Maybe they wouldn’t even survive, and he would never have to know. She just hoped he didn’t hear it from someone else. Aurynn had been asking about Raydan, obviously interested. She had told Aurynn that she and Raydan were in love. No need for her to get any ideas! But would Aurynn mention anything to Dom? And what about Zenobia? Zenobia had been waiting for her outside Raydan’s room while they were being intimate, and was jealous that she wasn’t the one getting the action. Had she been spreading gossip? Kenna knew that she would have to tell Dom herself, if they lived through everything.

Kenna stretched out in bed, wishing Raydan were beside her. But he had gone to bed early, alone. He was still recovering from his wounds, so he probably did need his rest. And it would have been awkward if Dom saw her leave with Raydan after she had turned him down. Still, it would bring her comfort to have him next to her. Would they ever spend another night together? What if they didn’t live through the battle? She rose, walked to her window, and waited for morning to come.

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