Not Worth the Risk

Summary: Noa Keawe reflects on painful memories after declining to help Kenna and her companions. Set during Book 2, chapter 4 of The Crown & the Flame.

Author’s note: This was written for Round 25 of #ChoicesCreates: Any Choices character who is NOT a love interest for MC

Noa turned around and glanced to the other side of the tavern, where Kailani was still talking to Queen Kenna Rys and her companions. He reached for his mug of ale and took another sip. Why did Kenna and the others have to come to Alriel? Now his sister was going to put her life at risk. When Kenna told them about her plans to overthrow Florian Tartassis and offered to supply the people of Alriel with Heart Oak from Thorngate, Kailani had been receptive to the idea. But as much as Noa wanted Florian out of power, he knew it was not worth the risk. He had learned that the hard way.

A year ago, he and Kai had been so hopeful. Florian’s maid had told him that Florian kept a key in his desk drawer. Once they had the key, they would be able to unlock the weapons locker and seize the weapons, and then attack the garrison while the troops were sleeping. Kailani had stood on his shoulders and climbed through a second-story window to enter Florian’s mansion. But things had gone wrong, and Kailani was tossed out through the front door. Florian had ordered the guards to take her to the town square and give her twenty lashes with a whip. Noa had taken full responsibility, telling Florian that the plan was his idea, and pleaded with him to be the one that was punished. Kailani had refused to let him take the blame, and was bound and brought to the whipping post.

Noa had followed them to the town square, where he had watched the guards whip his sister. He cringed at the memory. The guards might as well have been whipping him, because the pain was just as excruciating. As soon as Kailani was unbound, he had picked her up and carried her to the doctor. Her wounds were so severe that she had needed stitches. Once she was back home, he cared for her, and worked twice as long so that she would be able to rest and heal.

She was so strong and brave. She wouldn’t admit that she was in pain. But he knew the truth. Every night, he had heard her crying. The sound had pierced his heart as deeply as if he had been stabbed. He knew that it would haunt him for the rest of his life. And it was all his fault. If he hadn’t come up with the plan to steal the key to the weapons locker, Kailani wouldn’t have been hurt. The guilt weighed on him as if it were a ton of boulders sitting atop his chest.

And then there were the nightmares. In one, he had watched Kailani being whipped, only to look down at his hands and see that he was the one holding the whip. In another, his hands were covered with her blood. He kept washing them, but no matter how hard he scrubbed, they were still stained red.

What would happen this time? Would Kailani pay with her life? He couldn’t bear to think about it. But he knew that if he helped the others with their plan and Kailani were to die, he would never be able to forgive himself. He already couldn’t forgive himself for what had happened last year. No, he would have to stay out of it. He took a big gulp of his ale. Surely this would end badly. He couldn’t shake the feeling of dread that had come over him. There wasn’t much that he could do, except try to numb the pain.

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