Summary: A little blurb/look into some of Allie’s thoughts and feelings during I Will Wait (NSFW).
Allie gets the negligee on a whim. She spots it in a corner of the boutique, a few nights before the Coronation, and she almost misses it as her eyes scan the store for a dress. It’s pretty, white and lacy and subtly sexy, though not necessarily what she would have picked out if she would have had options. She likes black, and sometimes pink, when she gets in the mood to buy things other than her standard underwear.
But (and in hindsight, as she’s going to Liam for the last time, she miserably thinks this was what she got for being so certain of what the future was going to bring) it says bridal to her. A fleeting thought of how Liam would react if he saw her in it goes through her mind (cheeks flushed, eyes wide, lips slightly parted, his hands reaching for her instinctively) and she grabs it off the rack before she can think about it too much. She sneaks it up to her room and keeps it safely tucked away in her bag, counting down the days to the Coronation. Counting down the days to finally, finally, being with Liam.
She hadn’t counted on him being so bold and making love to her in the garden maze, but the negligee is the last thing on her mind as he kisses her and whispers to her. As they head back to the palace, Allie flushed and deliriously happy, Liam unable to stop looking at her, she decides she’ll wear it for him the first chance she gets.
And then, in the midst of being dragged out of the palace, for some reason she can’t stop thinking that she bought the negligee for nothing. The world is crashing down around her in a haze of lies and confusion, and she keeps thinking about that lacy white negligee tucked in her bag. It comes to her, sitting miserably in the airport, why she couldn’t get it out of her mind: she bought that negligee for him. She won’t wear it for anyone else, and the thought of getting rid of it nearly makes her sob. Getting rid of it will mean admitting that they’re really and truly over, and even though her brain tells her to let go, she can’t. Not yet.
~~~~~~~~~~
As the engagement tour nears its end, Allie starts to accept, with a heavy heart, that being Liam’s wife isn’t going to become a reality. It hurts, makes her ache and almost sob into her pillow at night, and makes the smiles and pleasant words she forces during the day agonizing.
Liam’s face when she tells him she’s going home nearly crumbles her resolve. Allie can’t stay in Cordonia like this, knows in her heart and her head that she won’t be able to take it, but it doesn’t make leaving him any easier. She hears a faint click as his door opens behind her after she walks out, and forces herself not to turn around.
Allie is packing late one night, rearranging her bag, when her fingers slip over the silky fabric of the white negligee. She sinks to the plush carpet, packing forgotten, and lets thoughts of Liam wash over her. She imagines what life with him would have been like, even though it’s making her miserable to know she won’t have it.
It’s late when she finally pulls herself up with a shuddering sigh, tucking the rest of her belongings in her bag. Allie methodically gets undressed and heads to the shower, knowing she won’t be able to sleep. When she’s done, she dries off and goes to put her pajamas on, then stops, her eyes flickering over to her unzipped bag.
Almost without being aware of it, she pulls the white negligee out and slips it on. She glances at herself in the mirror. Her hair is damp and tousled from the shower, her face scrubbed clean. How can she still look exactly the same when inside she’s a wreck?
She so desperately wants to have a memory of Liam seeing her in this, and not just her imagination. Allie wars with herself, wanting to go to him, wanting to feel him kissing her and touching her and telling her he loves her one last time, wanting a goodbye, but knowing it will probably make this hurt more. But will it, she wonders? Will it really hurt any less if she stays here alone, and goes home without making love to him again?
Her hand reaches for her robe, and she hesitates for half a second before snatching it up and putting it on. Halfway down the hall, Allie realizes she was so distracted thinking about going to Liam that she forgot to put underwear on. If it wasn’t for the situation, she probably would have laughed at the fact that he can bring her to the point of forgetting to get fully dressed.
She could go back to slip them on, but she’s already so worried about getting caught that she just walks faster. The last thing she needs is someone finding her creeping to Liam’s room in the middle of the night, especially when she’s only wearing a negligee and her robe.
Liam’s door cracks open when she knocks, and he nearly throws it open when he sees her. He breathes her name and reaches for her, holding her tightly against him. His bare chest is warm under her cheek, his arms solid and strong around her, and how is she going to leave him?
His face drops when she looks up, biting her lip, and tells him she wants him one last time.
“Don’t say that,” Liam murmurs. “It’s not the last time.”
Tears spring to her eyes, a sob rising in her throat. “I wish it wasn’t,” she says in a whisper.
“I said I wouldn’t cry,” she says after a moment, clearing her throat and shaking her head, forcing the tears back down.
Liam looks like he’s going to say something, but she doesn’t think she can take any sweet, romantic words without falling apart. So she unties her robe and takes it off, and his reaction is even more than she could have imagined.
He sucks in a breath, his eyes going wide as he stares at her. His expression is one of sheer desire, but oh, the love she can see behind it too.
“Oh god,” he whispers.
Liam runs his hand over the fabric of the negligee, groaning her name. As he makes love to her, whispers to her and calls her “baby” and nearly makes her fall apart with how reverently and desperately he touches her, she tries to comfort herself with the fact that at least she’ll have this memory when she goes home.
She won’t be able to hold on to Liam, but she can hold on to this moment, and that will somehow have to be enough.