Aesthetic Credits: Viktoria – FC Joanna Prus
/ Istvan – FC Rob Evans
/ Both images borrowed from their Instagram
/ I own none of these images, all used with love and respect <3
/ Rings – enoirvado / Vegas view – Instagram sin1city / Quotes – all taken from Pinterest and none had credit for where they came from.[/caption]
The next morning, after eventually giving up on a fitful sleep, Istvan rose, threw on some sweatpants, a vest and trainers and went for a run to clear his head. He left his wife asleep in their suite. His feet his the ground, synchronising with his breathing and the beat coming through his earphones. A run always re-energised him, some of the tension from last night began to slip away; it was a new day. He carried on to the end of the grounds, around the maze, the smell of the lavender and bougainvillea wafting on the morning breeze from the perfectly cultivated flowerbeds. He’d go back, take her some coffee and they’d have a heart-to-heart and everything would be ok. It was him and Viktoria, of course things would be ok, there was nothing they couldn’t conquer together! He ran back up the palace steps, removing his earphones and catching his breath. Bastien nodded cordially to him
“Good morning Your Majesty, good run was it?”
Istvan smiled back, glancing at his tracker,
“10km in 47 minutes 10… Not bad Bastien, not bad! I best go and see if I can awaken Sleeping Beauty now…”
Bastien grinned,
“Very good Sir, I shall see you at the security review later today.”
Istvan clapped his arm, nodded and headed towards the Royal Suite.
He opened the door, pulling his vest over his head; the shower was running in the bathroom. She was up already, he discarded the rest of his running gear and headed in to join his wife,
“Good morning beautiful”
He grinned, deliberately cheerful as he entered the shower cubicle.
“Good morning darling”
Viktoria murmured, eyes closed, pushing her wet hair back, rinsing out her shampoo. He leaned in, kissing her forehead, hands on her hips. God she smelled good. She opened her eyes and pulling his face down into a deep kiss as the warm water cascaded over them both. When they separated he cupped her cheek, “We’re ok aren’t we Vik?” Something flashed across her face that he couldn’t quite read in the seconds before she looped her arms around his neck, whispering “Of course we are”, burying her face against his muscular chest. She seemed different, possibly a little insecure he mused; unlike her. It was almost like her mouth was saying one thing but her body language was betraying her. He sighed lightly, stroking her hair,
“Vik, you know how much I love you, you don’t doubt it, do you?”
“No… I love you Istvan. Please don’t ever think that I don’t. You mean everything to me.”
She hugged him tighter. Returning her hug, he ventured,
“How about we get some coffee and chat for a bit…?”
She nodded, chewing on her bottom lip and looking at her feet.
—
After changing into a pretty pink tea-dress and braiding her hair, she headed towards Istvan’s study. He’d left her to change, saying he’d sort out the coffees. Her stomach was knotted. She didn’t feel quite so overwhelmed as she had last night, she had lain awake half the night trying to collect her thoughts, although she didn’t really know what to do with them! She knew that she would have to have a proper conversation about this with him at some point, the way she behaved last night wasn’t fair… But still, she was dreading it. She knocked the door lightly as she walked in to alert him to her presence. He smiled at her from the small sofa, patting the seat next to him. Beside Istvan on the table was a plate of warm buttery croissants and her favourite mug filled with milky coffee. She plopped herself down beside him, tucking her feet under her, making a huge effort to act normally,
“Wow this is a lovely treat, thank you!”
He beamed,
“Anything for my beautiful girl!”
An awkward silence hung for a few seconds until he filled it in a quiet voice,
“I didn’t mean to upset you last night, I didn’t – Well – If I’m honest Vik, you just didn’t react the way I thought you would?”
She took a long sip of her coffee, looking at him sheepishly,
“Yeah, I didn’t react very well did I? I apologise for that.”
His brow furrowed,
“You’re my wife Viktoria, I’m worried. I suggest starting a family and you freak out completely.”
She sighed, fiddling with her wedding rings, not looking at him again… He reached over, taking her hands in his. She lifted her head to meet his eyes, biting her lip again, blurting
“Ist, I should want a baby, with you; I love you more than anything. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just don’t feel it, I thought it would come when I met the right person, but… I still don’t want to be a mommy, and I don’t understand why not… God you must hate me, I hate myself.”
He gazed at her intently, when he spoke his voice was strained but kind,
“Let’s straighten one thing out, I don’t hate you. But I wish you’d spoken to me about this Vik, it sounds like you’re saying you’ve never wanted a family?”
Her voice shook as she answered him, “No, but I thought I would. It’s what you do, isn’t it? Meet someone, fall in love, get married, have babies… When the time was right, I’d want all those things…” He put his head in his hands.
“But you don’t want this, do you? A child, with me? And I’m not convinced that’s going to change from what you’ve said… Vik I’m the reigning monarch – you’ve married someone who needs an heir? I don’t want to pressure you into something you don’t want to do my love, but this is a real problem… And, Cordonian succession aside, I do want a family of my own. A family with you sweetheart.“
She nodded her head, an involuntary tear rolled down her cheek, “Of course you do. Don’t you think I know that? It’s why I’ve been so scared to tell you how I feel… I just kept hoping the idea would grow on me by the time we got around to this conversation… You think I don’t want to want this?” He reached up, gently wiping her cheek with his thumb,
“Vik, be honest with me, please. What are you afraid of?”
Blinking back her tears, the word choked in her throat,
“Everything.”
He raised his eyebrows, ‘Everything? What does that even mean?’,
“I don’t get it Viktoria, please talk to me… Help me to understand?”
He implored her. He really wanted to see it from her perspective and he desperately wanted to fix this. But how? This wasn’t a stupid disagreement over which colour to have their bedroom painted; this was a massive life event they were talking about. If what they wanted was chasms apart, could it be reconciled? He was a keen negotiator, a skill honed his whole life, but how do you reach an accord on something like this? There’s no happy compromise.
He swallowed hard, an uneasy sinking sensation inside; cold. It suddenly felt like his marriage was disintegrating in front of his eyes. They had been so happy together, they’d gone through so much to get here; could everything be unravelling?
TBC -VP 💖
