Aesthetic Credits: Viktoria – FC Joanna Prus
/ Istvan – FC Rob Evans
/ Both images borrowed from their Instagram
/ I own none of these images, all used with love and respect <3
/ Rings – enoirvado / Vegas view – Instagram sin1city / Quotes – all taken from Pinterest and none had credit for where they came from.[/caption]
They continued the journey back to the palace in relative silence. Istvan absorbed in his thoughts, wondering if she was thinking about the same thing he was. He’d tried his hardest to be respectful of her feelings, he’d backed off like Drake suggested he should. He’d showered her with affection and compliments, not that he’d have usually have acted differently, but he’d specifically gone out of his way over the past few months to make her feel safe and secure in their relationship. He’d given her space and time to think, to get her head round the idea of starting a family. Almost half a year had gone past. Surely broaching the subject again wouldn’t be overstepping the mark? They would have to talk about it sometime…
It hadn’t gone unnoticed how quiet Istvan was. Viktoria’s stomach was turning somersaults. She didn’t need to ask what he was thinking about. She knew the question he would ask her tonight…
As they entered the royal apartments, Viktoria slipped her shoes off, letting out a sigh of relief and shrinking about five inches. Istvan stepped behind her, enveloping her in his arms,
“You did so well today, I wasn’t lying when I said you’re remarkable.”
She leaned into his embrace, relishing the heat and tension of his strong arms wrapped tight around her,
“You did great today too you know, thank you for being there.”
He smiled and kissed the top of her head. They stood together in silence for a few minutes until he leaned down, nuzzling her ear, then kissing the side of her neck,
“Vik, my love… Have you thought any more about our family…?”
He felt her instantly stiffen against him. A small voice breathed,
“Istvan, I…“
This was exactly what he’d expected, but still, his heart fell; her tone, her body language. She didn’t need to say anything else. He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head, letting go of her and walking to the bedroom, fighting back his bleak disappointment.
—
Viktoria stood there hugging herself. Cold. Alone. By the time she climbed into their bed, he was laid facing away from her. She knew that he didn’t want to snuggle with her. She could hear a sniff every so often, she hated herself more than she could express for reducing her beautiful, strong, kind husband to tears. The gap between them was only a few inches, but tonight it could have easily been a million miles. Viktoria shed no tears, maybe she was numb, but Istvan’s tears had pushed her towards a conclusion tonight, one that she’d been drawing to over the past few months.
—
The next morning, she threw some clothes into a weekend bag, she didn’t have a plan beyond the next 24 hours. She would stay at the Beaumont Estate tonight and work out what to do next. She felt like a disgusting hollowed-out shell of herself, but finally – finally – she was going to doing the right thing.
“Viktoria, please will you stop this? Please put the bag down”
Istvan implored her. She looked up at him, throwing her hairbrush into the bag,
“What’s the point Istvan? We can’t just keep having the same argument again and again. We’re going round in circles. I can’t keep doing this over and over until you hate me. I won’t. I’m stringing you along that I’m suddenly going to wake up one day and want a baby, when I can’t promise you I will, and it isn’t fair, it isn’t right. You deserve better than that.”
“Viktoria you’re my wife, I could never hate you! I LOVE YOU!! AND I KNOW YOU LOVE ME!! We just need to sit down and talk-”
his eyes were wide, he couldn’t believe what was happening,
“For the love of God please stop this! This is fucking insane!!”
She zipped the bag up and slung it over her shoulder, her eyes pink with tears but her face calm, her voice measured,
“Istvan don’t you see that talking isn’t going to fix this? Loving each other isn’t enough anymore! You’re desperate for a baby and I’m just a horrible, selfish bitch who won’t give you one. The only thing you’ve ever asked me to do, and I just can’t.”
She shivered as she touched his face, whispering,
“I’m hurting you sweetheart. I’ve known it for a while but last night…”
She shook her head sadly, blinking back tears,
“I’m so sorry I can’t be what you want me to be. Be honest with yourself Ist, you know it deep down as well as I do. You need to find someone else who can. All I want is for you to be happy, but all I’m doing is making you miserable.”
He clutched at her shoulders, trying to shake some sense into her, his voice cracking as spoke,
“No! You’re not! You’re all I have ever wanted Vik, please don’t do this to me. I shouldn’t have said anything- I’m sorry! Viktoria… I can’t bear it. Don’t…”
Her pale eyes bored into him; his stomach was sick and his heart fractured.
“Istvan…. Please don’t make this any harder than it already is my darling…”
He sobbed, pulling her close, touching her face, kissing her hair,
“No, Viktoria, I’m begging, don’t leave me. We can still work this out, anything you want – anything! Forget having a family, we don’t need one, you’re my everything, I love you…”
Hot tears rolled down her cheeks as she summoned all her strength to disentangle herself from his arms. She took his hand and pressed her wedding rings into his palm as she closed it, kissing his knuckles. Pulling her shoulders straight and exhaling a long slow breath, she tried to smile at him,
“You can’t see it right now, but I’m doing this for you Istvan. Because I love you more than anything.”
She turned and headed out the door, blinded by her tears. She dared not look back or she’d never be able to leave him.
—
TBC – VP 💖
