Cycles
By Misha
Disclaimer- I don’t own the characters of “Endless Summer” or the song “Cycles”, I’m borrowing them both for a little while and then returning them.
Author’s Notes- mrswalkerwrites got a request asking if she would write a story to “Cycles” by Brett Elridge and as soon as I saw the request and looked up the song I knew I had to write a Jake/MC fic to it. It was just so perfect for them. I also used a ton of dialogue prompts for this one. “I chose you. I still choose you.” “Let’s just stay in bed all day”. “Stay with me?” “Always.” “What do you want from me?” “The truth.” This one is NSFW but more implications and mature situations than explicit content. It’s set about a year after they get back from La Huerta.
Pairing- Jake/MC
Rating- NSFW
Summary- Since returning from La Huerta, Jake and Stephanie have fallen into a vicious cycle, unable to stay away from each other, but unable to make a life together either.
Words- 1363
I know you too well
Sounds like you’re on your way
The highway’s on your voice
Three exit signs away
You know how I think
I’ll play it tough and cool
Like I always do
At the airport, Top Gun. Be there soon. I sent the text and then shoved my phone in my purse as I stepped off the plane.
It buzzed a second later.
You know where to find me.
I did. This was second nature to me now. In the year since we’d come back from La Huerta, I’d made half a dozen trips to Costa Rica and they always followed the same pattern. A little while later, I was getting out of a cab at the small beachside bungalow. I didn’t even bother knocking, I just walked right in.
He stood as soon as I did. “Hey Princess,” he crossed the room and then his mouth was on mine.
I kissed him back hungrily. “Not even going to offer a girl a drink first?” I teased when we pulled apart.
He grinned. “Forgive me.” A moment later, he was pressing a glass of whiskey into my hand. “You look good,” he told me, gripping his own glass.
“So do you.”
But then he always did. His tan was deeper than it had been on La Huerta and his hair was shorter as if he had just recently bothered to get it cut, but other than that he looked the same.
“I got the pictures you sent,” he said after a moment, “the ones of your graduation. Congrats.”
“Thanks.” I had hesitated before sending them.
On one hand I wanted to include him in my life, on the other hand, it was a reminder that I had a life that didn’t include him. I also didn’t want to talk about what came next, because those kinds of talks were always what got us in trouble.
I put down my empty glass and placed my hand on his arm. It was all the encouragement he needed before I was in his arms again, our mouths fused together, our hands tugging at clothing. We didn’t even bother attempting to make it to the bedroom, we just stumbled towards the couch.
I landed on my back and barely noticed, all I was aware was him. His hands on my skin, his mouth against mine. I wanted more. I wanted all of him. I wanted us to become one.
Then you knock, and you’ll come in
If you come in, you’ll sit down
If you sit down, I’ll pour us a drink
And if we drink, then you’ll be laughing if we laugh
We’ll get closer, if we get close
We’ll lose our clothes, and then we’ll
Fall back in love for a while
We always go in cycles
On and on in cycles
The first few days were always great. We made love constantly, on pretty much every surface available.
“Do you want to go get a drink, explore the island a bit?” Jake asked on my second day there, tracing circles on my bare skin with his fingertips.
“No,” I whispered, “Let’s just stay in bed all day.”
When we were in bed together, everything was perfect. We didn’t have to worry about the outside world or the fact that our lives didn’t mesh. It was just the two of us and that intense connection that had brought us together in the first place and kept bringing us back together, no matter how many times we parted.
He didn’t protest, instead, his hands just trailed lower, his movements becoming less lazy and more purposeful. Soon, I was gasping his name. “Jake, Jake…” and clinging to him, desperate for more.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered against my skin, “I wish I could keep you like this forever. Beautiful, naked, mine.”
He entered me as he said that last word, almost marking his territory. I didn’t care. I welcome him eagerly. I was his completely. I had been since the day we met. I clung to him as he moved inside of me, my legs around his waist, my nails in his back.
It was fast and furious, both of us desperate to be one.
We can’t be together, sure can’t be apart
Every last goodbye, is just another start
You gone and grab your things
And walk out the door
Say the hurt is over, and that we’re done for sure
Unfortunately, reality always had a way of intruding.
“When do you have to go back?” He asked after a few days.
“I should have been back yesterday,” I admitted, “day after tomorrow at the latest.”
I might work for close friends, but it was still a job and I was expected to show up. He just nodded, but I could feel him pulling away from me like he always did.
“I don’t have to go back,” I suggested, not for the first time, “we could set me up an office and I could work from here.”
He didn’t say anything for a long moment and I felt the hope beginning to build, that maybe this time would be different.
“You know that isn’t how this works,” he said after a moment, dashing those hopes. “You get on a plane, we have some fun and then you go home again and we both go back to our normal lives.”
Yes, that was what we had been doing for the last year.
“And that doesn’t bother you?” I asked, trying to keep the anger out of voice.
He shrugged. “Why should it? That’s how it is. Until the day you don’t come anymore, of course.”
“Top Gun…” I began.
“Please don’t,” he cut me off, “I don’t want to hear fairy stories about things can be different, how it doesn’t have to be this way.”
“What do you want from me?” I asked, feeling my temper start to boil thanks to his dismissive words.
“The truth.” He said, pouring himself a drink. “I want you to acknowledge that we can’t do this forever. Eventually, it’s going to burn itself out.”
“It hasn’t yet,” I reminded him, “no matter how much you push me away, tell me it can’t be more than this, it doesn’t change how I feel. I love you.”
“You shouldn’t.” He said flatly. “I can’t give you a future, Princess, and I’m not going to let you throw away your life on me. I’ve never made you any promises and that’s not going to change.”
I fought back tears, knowing that crying wouldn’t change anything. It never did. Instead, I headed towards the bedroom and threw my few belongings into my bag. Jake watched me with a blank expression. I knew he was hurting, but I also knew he’d never show it.
“You can push me away all you want,” I told him quietly as I headed for the door, “but it doesn’t change how I feel, Jake. I chose you, I still choose you. I’m always going to come back because you’re it for me.”
We’re meant for each other
Till we ain’t made for each other
Once I was back in the States, I buried myself in my work. I went out with my friends. I focused on that ‘real life’ that Jake thinks is so important. But at night I dreamt about him. I imagined a life on the beach, just the two of us. But I also started to wonder what I was doing, why I was fighting for something only I wanted.
Maybe it was time to end the cycle.
Then one night I got a text message: I miss you.
Those three words are all I needed to throw my resolve to the wind and book myself another flight. A couple days later, I was standing in his bungalow once more, his arms wrapped around me.
I wanted to ask him what we’re doing. If things were ever going to change. But talking was what always messed us up, so I stayed silent and kissed him instead and then that kiss quickly turned into something more.
It wasn’t frantic this time. Maybe because we hadn’t been apart as long. Or maybe because we were getting closer to the breaking point and we both knew it.
But whatever the reason, we took our time. The touches were slow and gentle, bringing each other to the brink over and over again before sliding into oblivion together.
Afterward, I rested my head against his chest, wishing we could stay like that forever. After a while, he started to get up, but I stopped him. “Stay with me?”
He nodded and wrapped his arms back around me. “Always, Princess.”
If only that were true. If only he would let it be true.
I turned my head so that he couldn’t see the tears that were forming. I didn’t know how much of this I could take. How much longer this cycle could go on, but for now we were together and that was enough. It had to be.
On and on in cycles
On and on in cycles
- End
