Summary: An unexpected reunion at the mall during the holiday season brings back a rush of memories for James and MC (Beth).
James was dreading this trip to the mall. Dreading, dreading, dreading. But he’d waited too long to buy his mother a birthday present and dinner was in a few hours so it was really his own fault. James sat in his car in the parking garage, trying to rouse the strength to go inside. He didn’t like malls at the best of times, but it was a week before Christmas and now the mall would be especially intolerable. All the anxious shoppers racing around trying to find last minute stocking stuffers, cranky from holiday stress while Christmas carols piped unceasingly throughout the mall’s speakers. It was enough to make even Tiny Tim say, “Fuck it, this isn’t worth the aggravation.”
When had he become such a scrooge? When James was younger, he’d rather enjoyed the holiday. The soft glow of the Christmas tree, cookies and eggnog, the cozy feeling of love and togetherness. Now, the whole thing felt like such a hassle. James had contemplated just skipping the holiday altogether, but he knew that wasn’t an option because his presence at his parents’ annual Christmas party was mandatory. Then, with his mother’s birthday only a week before the holiday, there was no escaping the season.
James sighed and climbed out of his car, steeling himself for the mall. When the automatic doors slid open, he cringed.
“JUST HEAR THOSE SLEIGH BELLS RING-TING-TINGLING-RING-TING-TINGLING TOO!”
In the center of the mall was a faux winter wonderland surrounded by rings of parents and bored children, all standing in line waiting to see Santa.
Our kid would’ve been ten by now.
The thought makes James stop cold. It’d been awhile since he thought about the miscarriage, but that memory always surfaced when he least wanted it to. Not that he ever really enjoyed thinking about it. He shook his head, trying to push away the memory. No matter how hard he tried, he could never forget the way Beth looked that day, her mood as gray as a winter sky. James suddenly felt desperate to get away from the Santaland. He glanced around and walked quickly into the closest store.
James looked around and took in the shop, which was filled with overpriced kitchen equipment and gadgets. His mother didn’t cook–he wasn’t entirely sure she knew where the kitchen was–but he resolved to find a present in here if it meant he could get this godforsaken shopping trip over with faster. He marveled at the endless rows of equipment and was surprised to find how few things he actually recognized. He wasn’t completely ignorant in the kitchen, but did people actually need to banana slicers? James looked around, lost, and noticed a row of cookbooks in the back of the store. Maybe he could find one about cooking with wine, his mother might actually try with a bottle from the vineyard. James headed back towards the books, past several aisles, when someone crashed into him, nearly knocking him into a display of teapots.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” the woman exclaimed, catching his arm just before he hit the breakables.
“No, it’s okay, it’s my fault,” James said. “I wasn’t watching where I was–” He looked over at the woman and the last word stuck in his throat. There, standing beside him, was Beth.
“Beth!” he exclaimed. “How … how are you?” he asked. It took him a moment to notice her belly, swollen underneath her green sweater.
“James,” she said, her eyes wide. “Um … good. I’m good. How are you?” she asked. She tried to smile, but James recognized the tightness of it, the forced curve. Even after all these years, he could still read her expressions like they were his own.
“Good,” he said. They fell into an awkward silence while “Up on the Housetop” started up over the store speakers. “Um, so, I guess some congratulations are in order,” he said, gesturing towards her stomach.
“Oh, thanks,” Beth said. James noticed the glittering ring set on her left hand. When did she get married? “Only a few more weeks to go. I’m due in January.”
“Well, congratulations, that’s really exciting,” James said. His throat felt tight, too many memories tugging at his attention.
“I can’t do this anymore,” Beth said. “Every time I look at you, all I see is what I’ve lost.”
“You’re not the only one who lost something!” James yelled. “This isn’t just about you!”
“So … what have you been up to?” Beth asked. James knew she was just being polite, but he answered anyway.
“Teaching. At Hartfield,” James said. “I’m actually in Vasquez’s old office.” James regretted mentioning that detail as soon as the words left his lips. Beth flinched. That was where it had all started, the beginning of the end.
Beth leaned back on the desk, pulling him deeper into her as she arched her back, closing around him as she came, pulling him over his own edge until they were both panting collapsed into each other.
“Oh, shit,” James said.
“What?” Beth asked, sitting upright. “Are you okay?”
“It … it broke.”
The flush in her face drained.
“That’s good,” Beth said quickly. “I bet you’re a good teacher.”
“They haven’t fired me yet,” James joked. She didn’t laugh. “Listen, I don’t know if you’re busy, but do you want to grab a cup of coffee or something and catch up? Decaf, of course,” he added, forcing a smile.
“Oh …” Beth looked uncomfortable. “Actually, I can’t, I have to go. It was nice to see you though, James.”
“Yeah, you too,” James said, but she’d already turned and was heading for the front of the store. She left and faded into the mall’s holiday crowd, leaving James by the teapots as the carols played on.
“RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER HAD A VERY SHINY NOSE!”
James waited for a moment, trying to give her a head start, before he left the kitchen store without a cookbook. He avoided looking at the Santaland line and he headed straight for the exit. James hurried to his car and climbed inside, cranking up the heat. He’d just get his mother some flowers; that was a much safer gift anyway.
James sat in the car for several minutes, reliving the encounter in his head. She’d looked beautiful. Pregnancy suited Beth; it always had.
“Promise to love me even when I’m huge and sending you out for pickles and ice cream at 2am?” Beth asked.
“If anything, I’ll love you more,” James replied with a grin, kissing her forehead.
A man and a woman walked by James’s car, a little girl in a puffy purple snow jacket on the man’s hip. Her hat was yellow with a large puff ball on the top. The man tickled the girl and she laughed, her voice ringing out in the parking lot, audible even over the sound of the fully cranked heater in James’s car. As soon as they’d passed, James buckled his seatbelt and drove out of the parking garage, far away from the mall.
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