Breakdowns and Breakthroughs – part 1

Author’s note: I don’t even remember how this idea came to me in the first place, but it became what it is now through lots of venting and brainstorming with enmchoices. Without her help and support this wouldn’t have been possible,  so thank you so much L! This was written as a birthday fic for violetflipflops, and while it’s a little late… happy birthday K! 

More notes: In this fic, I assume the junior fellowship position is announced before the end of the interns’ first year.

Summary (part 1): Ethan hears some shocking news about Nic and races to find her, while dealing with his rather confusing feelings.

Ethan trudged down the hallway housing his office, his head angled downward while his thumb rubbed the center of his forehead. It had been one of those nights when it seemed every disaster and complication possible hit at exactly the same moment. Somehow they’d made it through, as they always did. And by no less than great doctoring and a little luck, all his patients were stable, if only for the time being.

Now, he was attempting to figure out his next step. He wasn’t sure what he needed more: a few hours of sleep, a stiff drink, an IV of coffee, or time alone somewhere he could not be bothered – somewhere like a black hole. A glance at his watch informed him it was barely 9am. Well, maybe he’d hold off on the stiff drink for a couple hours.

“…know her well. Doctor Carter is one of the top medical interns in our program this year.” Doctor Larissa Lowell’s voice drifted out of her nearby office.

Ethan slowed his steps as he passed, his interest peaked by the name mentioned.

“Yes, of course it’s a loss for us, but she will be a valuable asset to your program there at Boulder General. There also happens to be another deserving candidate eager to take her place. I’m sure you’d agree this arrangement would benefit everyone involved.”

The cheerful tones of his colleague, and head of the residency program at Edenbrook, drifted away as Ethan continued down the hallway.

“It’s a loss for us…valuable asset to your program…candidate to take her place”

The words danced in his mind, skirting around like a boxer avoiding the jabs of his opponent, refusing to stand still before finally settling a blow of understanding straight between his eyes.

He stopped dead in his tracks, only feet from his planned destination.

Nic…was leaving? But why?

Confusion flooded his being for a split second before clarity struck.

The junior fellowship. Of course.

The ‘lucky’ intern had been announced yesterday and, as he had predicted, that intern had not been Nic. It should have been. He knew that without a doubt in his mind and was working on a plan to fix the error. But as far as anyone knew right now, the position had been filled by someone else.

He had planned to tell Nic once the announcement was made, to explain everything to her as soon as he had a spare moment. And while they’d both just worked the overnight shift, there had barely been a moment for them to share an exhausted look of understanding, much less have a private discussion.

He figured she would be upset. As well she should be. But…leaving? Nic was a reactive person, it was one trait of hers that both annoyed him to no end and -though he would never admit it to her- would make her an exceptional doctor if she could only get it under control.

Transferring to another program because she didn’t get what she wanted was the farthest thing from keeping it under control. It sounded like something a bratty teenager would do, not a relatively mature, semi-professional adult like Nic. This didn’t make any sense.

As he entered his office Ethan shook his head, hoping the simple movement of his skull would cause all the jumbled pieces in his mind to suddenly settle into place and everything would become clear.

It didn’t.

Not that it mattered; his next move was obvious. He had to find Nic. He had to talk to her, to explain everything before she could make any further plans to leave.

After quickly changing and grabbing his coat, Ethan began to make his way out of the hospital. Fortunately for him, one of Nic’s fellow interns- and a roommate, if he wasn’t mistaken- slipped out of the locker room at the precise moment he was passing by.

“Dr. Olsen,” Ethan said, raising his chin slightly in greeting, “ have you seen Dr. Carter? Do you know if she’s left yet?”

The curly-headed intern merely stared wide-eyed at him, as though he wasn’t sure Ethan had spoken to him or someone behind him who happened to have the same name. Ethan tapped his fingers against his thigh.

“While I applaud your accurate demonstration of a ‘deer in the headlights’, now is not the time for imitations. Do you know where I might find doctor Nicolette Carter or should I ask another one of your cohorts?”

“I…uh…she,” Landry sputtered then cleared his throat. “That is, Dr. Ramsey, sir… I saw her a little bit ago but she was leaving. She had to go home and pack. I think she said something about catching a flight to Denver later. I’m not sure. She was in a rush and I was just getting in and then Jackie…”

“Thank you, Olson,” Ethan interrupted, holding up his hand. “I must get going, but you were actually helpful. I expect you will keep my patients alive until I return.”

And with a curt nod of his head he was off again, striding down the halls of Edenbrook,  projecting his usual air of cool confidence.

He was vaguely aware of the usual sounds of the bustling hospital filling his ears and the familiar figures of people and objects he saw every day passing by his retinas. He felt the blast of cool spring air on his face and inhaled the comforting scent of freshly fallen rain when he stepped outside. But he didn’t fully register any of it, his mind was too busy trying to shove pieces into a puzzle he assumed he’d already solved.

Nic was transfering to a new program. She was leaving Boston behind for Colorado. And she was leaving today.

Was she picking up everything and running off already? How could she have set this up so quickly? Why was she in such a hurry to leave?

Why hadn’t she even bothered to tell him goodbye?

He shoved the last thought away the instant it entered his head, to make room for more ones which were actually useful and relevant.

Yet a dull ache still took up residence in his chest.

He needed to find her as soon as possible. He needed to convince her not to leave. She couldn’t leave Edenbrook. The hospital needed her, the program needed her, he…

Ethan leaned against the wall of the hospital and inhaled slowly, focusing on the feel of the rough brick under his palm. His runaway thoughts came to a crashing halt, as though he had absorbed the material through his hands and built a wall in his mind directly in their path.

A few more concentrated breathes later, he was ready to make a plan.

Landry mentioned she’d headed home to pack, so he would start his search at her apartment. If she wasn’t there he would head to the airport and give her a call. And if he still couldn’t find her… well he wasn’t going to let himself dwell on that possibility.

Suddenly, an all too common sharp pain flared up behind his left eye, a hundred tiny needles jabbing directly into the nerve endings there.

But first, he thought, I need coffee.