Worth It, A TRR Fanfic, (Liam x MC)

Disclaimer- I don’t own Choices, The Royal Romance, Liam or any of them other people.  I kind of own Halle Yvette Berry since I made her up.  Dassall.

Summary: Halle struggles with being the woman on the side versus being by his side.

This is the dress Halle is wearing.  If you care about that kind of thing.

***

“Another day, another ball,” Halle thought to herself. She smoothed over her simple, cream, one-shoulder satin gown. It was her second night on the Parisian leg of the Engagement Tour. The first day they arrived Liam and Madeleine had engagements that did not require the court’s participation. Halle spent most of that day wandering the streets alone. Being in the city of love when her own love life was a mess was a mindfuck for her.

Halle wasn’t naive enough to think that watching the man she loved love someone else in public and bed her in private was going to be easy. Nevertheless when the Engagement Tour first started, living the life of the other woman wasn’t hard. Liam said that she was the woman he loved and not a scandal waiting to happen. That was all Halle needed. The messages, the secret rendezvous, the scowl on Madeleine’s face when Liam looked at her, that was all fun. There was a romance and a thrill in all of it for her, was being the key word.

The secret lovers’ thing stopped being fun really quickly. The last few clandestine meetings weren’t as enjoyable as the first. Halle told herself that all of this was just a part of the grand love story that she and Liam share. All of this would be worth it when they end up together. Every fake smile she gave when she raised her glass to the happy couple, every time Liam would be sure to leave her bed by dawn. All of the little indignities she would have to endure while she worked to clear her name so she could be the woman on his arm and his bed would be worth it.

Lately, Halle kept doing the mental math of putting up with all of this stuff and getting to be with Liam. She would count and recount it, but it didn’t add up. Liam was an amazing man. A wonderful man, but even a great man like him was not worth the growing pit of shame she felt when she stared at the mirror for too long.

The last few days the feeling was just too great.

The feeling that this was more than she could take started Halle came back from meeting with Liam in the Blue Grotto, she was cold inside and out. While walking back to the train with Drake after he poured his heart out to her over carbonara, all she could think of was Liam asking her to stay and be his mistress if he married Madeleine. The fact that Liam has gotten so comfortable with their current circumstances that he could ask that aloud made Halle feel like a fool. Every advice that Halle had ever heard said to sidechicks flooded her mind. She couldn’t look at Liam the same after that. Halle didn’t leave the tour entirely because leaving caused more problems than it solved. Also, she wanted to clear her name, just not for him. Not anymore. At least that is what she told herself.

Over the next couple of days after that Liam sent several messages through Maxwell asking for them to meet. Halle rebuffed all of them. He sneaked glances at her that were met with a neutral expression. When she felt that Liam was trying to make a move to get close to her, she made herself scarce. Halle couldn’t avoid Liam forever, but she was not ready to deal with him right now.

After Halle returned from roaming the streets of Paris alone on the tour’s first day in Paris, she found Madeleine waiting for her in her room.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of your unannounced and unwelcome intrusion?” Halle sneered.

Madeleine smoothed out her usual green gown as she stood.

“Can’t a bride to be check-in on one of the members of her court?”

Halle crossed her arms over her chest. “No, you can’t.”

“Well as queen-in-waiting, I can.”

“Just what do you want Madeleine?” Halle said rolling her eyes. “You have better things to do than to hang out in my room.”

“You are right about that Halle. I do have better things to do.” Madeleine agreed. A small smile flashed on her face before her cool demeanor returned.

“However I have to come and talk to you because you and Liam have been distant and it’s been affecting his appearances with me. I have already had to neutralize three gossip blogs from posting about our rift.”

Halle shrugged. “Why should I care? You don’t want the man. You want the crown.”

Madeleine took a deep breath as she paced the room. “I see that I am not making myself clear. Let me provide some clarity.” She stopped and turned to face Halle. She steepled her fingertips as she started to explain.

“You have a job, Halle. Keep Liam happy.” Madeleine gestured with her hands as she said the last three words. Halle tightened the grip on her arms as she spoke.

Madeleine resumed pacing and speaking, “When Liam is happy with you he can be happy with me. I know that my happiness is not a priority for you but you were allowed to return on my good graces and my happiness keeps you here.”

She stopped and turned to face Halle once again. “So whatever little lovers’ quarrel that is keeping you from doing your job,” her eyes narrowed, and her voice became firmer before she finished, “resolve it.”

Halle furrowed her brows. She gritted her teeth to keep from shouting. “First of all, what goes on between Liam and me is none of your business.”

Madeleine’s cool expression remained unchanged as she waited for Halle to explain her next point.

“Second, you should have an easier time with Liam now that I am not there to ‘distract’ him,” Halle said distract with air quotes as she spoke.

“Whatever problems you have with Liam you should address with Liam.”

Madeleine sighed with a huff. “I know that you are not as familiar with Cordonian customs and culture,” the strained tone her voice took on like she was dealing with a difficult child clearly evident, “but let me remind you of how a monarchy works. Everything is in service to the King and the Crown. The Royal Guard pledge their life for the Crown.”

Madeleine changed the direction of her pacing and moved towards Halle. Halle stayed as she was, quietly seething.

“As his betrothed, I do my duties not just for him but for Cordonia” Madeleine lowered her tone, “and he is Cordonia. Our lives are in service to Cordonia, and it’s King.” Her cold, steely gaze turned fiery as she spoke. Her eyes were wide open a wild with fury.

“Halle, as a member of the Royal Court this applies to you too.” She pressed her finger into Halle’s chest to emphasize her point. Halle smacked it away, her breathing became labored as she fought to not completely go off.

“So I need you to stop sulking, do your job and get back under him.” Madeleine finished, pointing away from the woman in front of her.

“The only thing getting is you out of my room Madeleine,” Halle sternly replied.

“I beg your pardon?”

Halle walked to her door and opened it for her. Pointing, she shouted, “Get out!”

With a huff, Madeleine grabbed her purse and headed towards it. Before exiting, she turned on her heel. “I’ll leave with this. Reconcile with Liam or I shall be forced to ask you to leave court.”

“Go the fuck ahead heifer! Leave.”

Madeleine slammed the door behind her.

Halle shook the memory out of her head and focused on her now. She was at another dinner and the evening had turned to dancing. She was planning to stand on the sidelines as long as she could before respectfully retreating to her room. Halle will explain her early absence again with another headache. She was so deep in planning her escape that when Rashad approached her, she didn’t even notice him.

“Lady Halle?”

“Oh, hi.” She stammered as she left her head. “Just Rashad, right?”

“Just?” He asked with an eyebrow raised.

“Well,” she corrected. “I remembered that you bristled when Madeleine mentioned that you were heir to a duchy. I did not think you would have wanted me to use your title, Duke Domvallier.”

He nodded his head. “Yes, I did. Rashad is more than fine Lady Halle.”

She smiled. “Halle is fine for me.”

“Halle I came over to see if you would be interested in joining me for a dance?”

“It would be rude of me to refuse such an offer,” Halle said placing her hand in Rashad’s.

Currently, everyone was doing a classic waltz. Rashad led Halle through the basic box steps before the turn.

A smile grew on Rashad. “For an American, you are a fantastic dancer.”

Halle cocked her head to the side. “I suppose I could say the same for you, a man who wears a leather jacket and no dinner coat.” She flicked a speck of dirt off of his jacket.

Rashad twirled Halle under his raised arm before returning to a box step. Before their conversation could go any further, it was time for them to switch partners. At this point next to them were Madeleine and Liam. Rashad and Madeleine quickly assumed the position to continue the waltz while Liam and Halle hesitantly did the same. Once they did, they resumed dancing.

“Good evening, Lady Halle,” Liam said in his usual pleasant tone.

“Good evening Your Majesty.” Halle stiffly replied, avoiding his eyes.

“It is lovely to see you this evening.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Liam and Halle turned when the other dancers turned around the room.

“We need to talk,” Liam whispered.

“We do not. We need to dance and then switch partners when the time comes.” Halle kept her focus trained on the couples behind Liam.

“No, we need to talk.” he pushed back. “I want to know why you have stopped responding to me. Why won’t you see me?” Liam glanced down at Halle whose gaze was firmly away from him. “Why won’t you look at me?”

Halle remained silent as Liam twirled her.

“Halle, we can’t work through whatever is bothering you if you keep it inside.”

“Liam,” she hissed through her teeth. “What is there to work through? Your fiancée is dancing nearby. You cannot abdicate.”

“Halle.”

The live band finished playing their song. The crowd turned to applaud them. Halle slipped into the mass of people as the applause died down before Liam could ask her to stay. She didn’t know if she could maintain her resolve with him so close and her body still so responsive to his.

The Parisian night breeze blew her curls off her face. The fresh air was a nice change of pace compared to the suffocation she felt when Liam was nearby. Halle knew that she should probably end things. Liam was a great man who could love her in every way except publicly. When that was a temporary problem, it was something she could begrudgingly deal with because, in the end, it would be worth it. There was an end to look forward to. With Liam asking if she would continue like this while he was married to Madeleine and Madeleine assuming that her official position in court was “royal mistress” and chastising her for not doing her job now she wasn’t so sure that she could live this life just to be with him. The further she walked, the more she knew what she had to do.

Halle knew that she could stop having sex with him, though the sex was undeniably good. She could stop being alone with him. Those steps she knew she could carry out. It would be hard, but she could do it. There was one step she could take that would solve all of this. She could leave. Halle could go back to New York and forget this ever happened. This isn’t the first time that she has thought this. The same thing that held her back then is holding her back now. She loved him. Halle loved Liam enough to stay, but she didn’t love him enough to stay and be his secret. She knows that she shouldn’t stay, but she was not strong enough to go. All Halle had were half measures.

After Halle walked the Paris streets until her heels told her she should stop, she returned to her train car. When she opened the cabin door, Liam was sitting on her bed and turned to face her.

“I was beginning to wonder if you were going to show up at all.”

Halle took a deep breath and pressed her back against the door. “I said I was not going to meet you.” She kicked off her heels to give her feet a much-needed break.

“I know. I just needed to talk to you.” Liam raised his hands, surrendering to her. “Please Halle. Give me 5 minutes of your time and an honest conversation. If you would like for me to give you space after that, I will respect it. Deal?”

Halle closed her eyes and took another breath. “Deal.” Halle took her large suitcase and positioned it in front of Liam and sat down, being mindful not to tear her gown.

Liam nodded. “Why are you actively avoiding me? Did I do something wrong?” He hesitantly took Halle’s hand in his. His eyes focused on her hands. When she did not immediately pull her hands away, he cupped them, massaging them with his thumbs as he spoke.

“These last couple of days have been torture without you. I have wanted to touch you. Hold you. Feel the warmth of your embrace. The first time I looked at you from across the room, and you didn’t smile,” Liam looked up at Halle. The hurt that he felt in that moment was in his eyes now.

“Your face didn’t radiate its natural affection. I felt like my heart had been stabbed, just like the night of the Coronation Ball and I had to choose Madeleine when I knew my heart and soul belonged to you.” Liam tightened his grip on her hands.

“I can’t stand being away from you like this. I can’t stand your sudden indifference. Tell me what I need to do for you to come back to me. I’ll do anything.”

Halle yanked her hand away from his. She saw him flinch at the suddenness of her action but didn’t want to fall under his earnest spell again.

“Liam. It’s not that simple.” Halle said as she stood. She started to pace the room as she the reminder of the past few days washed over her yet again. This time she didn’t feel shame, she felt anger.

“Do you want to know what my last few days have been like?” She looked at Liam, her nostrils flared. His eyes were wide awaiting her next words.

“I met with you, my boyfriend.  Boyfriend?  Lover?” Halle shook the questioning look off of her face as she continued. “Doesn’t matter what your official title would be because you are an engaged man. You told me that our situation, our predicament, was temporary but 2 nights ago you alluded that it might not be the case.”

Halle stopped pacing to directly face Liam. Liam looked up to see rage burning behind her gaze. Halle’s face scrunched up in disgust before she could speak the words.

“Not only did you tell me that, you asked me to continue being your mistress while you married someone else.” Halle paused. Liam can see her chest rise and fall as she breathed. Her face softened as disgust turned to sadness before she looked at him again.

“After that happened, yesterday your fiancée came to my hotel room to confront me. Not that I am sleeping you or that you love me.” Halle shook her head and kept it down as she started to pace again.

“No.  She confronted me with accusations that I am doing a shitty job of being the other woman. That the only reason I was allowed back at court was to be the other woman so that you would be a good king.” She stopped pacing again to look at Liam. His mouth agape when he heard what Madeleine said. Halle’s eyes shined with the tears she was trying to hold back.

“So pardon me if I am less than eager to jump your bones and ride your dick when everyone but me knows that my official job at court is to be the king’s whore.” Her voice cracked as she said “whore.”

“His sexual plaything. His–”

He interjected, “Halle, stop calling yourself that.”

“Why, Liam?” she croaked. The tears already started to stream down her face. “Because if I don’t say it, then it’s not true?”

“It was never true.” Liam firmly replied. He stood up and grabbed Halle by the shoulders. He held her tightly until she looked him in the eyes.

“You are not my whore. You are not my sexual plaything. You are the woman that I love.” He reached his hand up to tenderly caress her cheek, wiping away one of her tears. “The love of my life.”

Halle tore herself away from his grasp and turned her back away from him. “With all due respect Your Majesty, I beg to differ.” She turned to face him again.

“We are meeting in secret. We can never show our love anywhere that isn’t behind a closed door.” She gestured to her closed train cabin door.

“If we have children, they will never be heirs. Which for the crown is fine, but I don’t want to have children with a man who can never publicly acknowledge that he is their father. We have not even gotten that deep, and it’s already become too much for me.” Halle looked into Liam’s eyes again. He was becoming teary-eyed as well.

“It’s too much, Liam.”

Halle shuddered as her tears took over. Liam held Halle close as she sobbed into his chest.  All of the emotion for the past few days that she kept in came out all at once.

When the tears seemed to stop, she pulled away to look at his face. Her red eyes met his. Tears streaked his face like they did hers. Halle wiped away an errant tear from his face. Liam’s hands cupped her face as he kissed her. His kisses were always more than kisses. He kissed her because he needed her. He wanted to lose himself in her. As much as Halle knew that she shouldn’t, she needed him, wanted him. She pulled away. Coming up for air.

Halle ran her fingers under the lapels of his dinner jacket. Liam did the same with the back straps of her gown. Wordlessly they resumed kissing. Liam’s hand found her zipper, and he pulled it down exposing more of her naked back. He paused to let Halle remove his jacket and his shirt. His breath hitched when he pushed the shoulder strap down her arm, and her gown pooled at her feet.

After Halle relieved him of his pants, Liam led Halle to the bed. He trailed kisses along her neck as he moved down to her breasts. She gasped as he took a dark nipple into his mouth, his tongue massaging the nib. His hands went to her pussy, and she was already wet for him. Halle was used to Liam commenting on it, but instead, he kissed down her belly towards her core. Once there he paused for a moment looking up into her eyes. They begged for him to put his mouth on her. That was all Liam needed to see before he kissed her nub making her moan and writhe beneath him. Halle bit her lip to muffle the noise coming from her mouth. While she knew most people were still at the ball dancing, it didn’t guarantee that no one would hear the King of Cordonia making her lose control. As Halle felt Liam’s mouth on her sex, his warm hands were everywhere. They glided along the tops of her thighs, the sides of her torso. He would grab her breasts every now and then as his mouth still worked her pussy. The warmth of his hands on the cool naked skin of her body made his touch affect her all the more. She raked her fingers through Liam’s black hair as her orgasm approached, arching herself into his mouth.

He stopped just short of Halle completely falling apart, trailing kisses and her juices up her torso. Liam effortlessly entered her in one stroke and started to move, steadily and purposefully. When they kissed he swallowed her moans while she tasted herself on his lips and tongue. Their breaths became ragged as they got closer to their peaks. Liam’s thrusts became faster as Halle pulsed around him. With a hoarse groan, Liam came inside her. He pressed her body tightly against his as he came. She followed shortly after muffling her cries into his broad shoulder.

They held each other as they came down from their orgasmic high, and even after that. No words were said between them. The only thing they could offer each other were tender caresses. They stayed like that for hours. Finally, Liam mustered the courage to speak.

“Halle,” he croaked. His voice was hoarse from the crying and the fucking.

“Yes, Liam.”

“I know that this has been difficult for you. Especially when I want you to be with me, and I am asking you to suffer this way.” He looked down into her sex-strewn curls. His fingertips lightly caressed the smooth skin on her shoulders. “I know you are thinking of leaving.”

Halle sighed into his chest, pausing her caresses.

“I want to ask you to wait until the tour reaches New York.” He waited for Halle to reply or object. When she stayed silent, he continued.

“We don’t have to meet like this again if you do not want to or if it’s too much right now,” he offered. “I–I can’t stand to have you leave. I just am asking for more time. More time to look into who is behind the scandal.” Liam paused again for her objections. Halle had none to offer.

“If by the time the tour reaches New York, you still want to leave.” He took a deep breath. “I won’t stop you.”

“Could you do that? Stay until the tour reaches New York?”  Liam tilted her chin up to face him. “Please?”

Halle nodded her head. He brushed away a cluster of errant curls and kissed her deeply. They spent the rest of the night in silence and fell asleep.

As dawn crept up, Liam snuck out of bed. Before he left, he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. With that, he was gone. He hoped that she would keep her word and not leave him.  That is all he had.

Halle later awoke in her bed alone. She turned to where Liam would have been sleeping, should have been sleeping and took a deep breath. The empty space filling her with sadness and shame.

Trying not to think too long or too hard, she got out of bed and got ready to meet with the Beaumonts and Justin. Halle could not afford to sit and stew in once again waking up alone. She had to strategize for Madeleine’s Bachelorette party.