All We Can Ever Be
By Misha
Disclaimer- Not mine. I’m just borrowing them for a little while and will return them when I am finished.
Author’s Notes- This is part of my “A Modern Romance” AU. This takes place directly in between “Too Much” and “The One That I Want”. This one has been in the works for a while but it was hard to write because it’s the angsty climax of the series. This is their low point and Kenna’s breaking point. This is also the response to two prompt requests “Eye contact is a dangerous, dangerous thing. But lovely. Oh, so lovely” and “say you want me, need me, love me”.
Pairing- Kenna and Diavolos
Rating- NSFW
Summary- Kenna and Diavolos discuss the state of their relationship after Kenna tries to end things.
Words- 2634
I’m back. Can we talk?
Kenna stared at the text, trying to decide how to respond. She’d ended things with Diavolos before he’d left for his trip, she’d been clear about how their arrangement couldn’t go on any longer. She had told him it was because it was pointless, they could never be more than a secret and she was done sneaking around.
That was the truth, but not the whole truth which was that her heart couldn’t take it any longer. Their relationship had moved way past sex and casual friendship and every stolen moment made her ache for what they couldn’t have. As much as the idea of not being with him hurt, she knew a clean break was best because there was no other option. There was no chance of a happy ending.
Before she could respond, there was another text. I really want to see you.
Kenna sighed out loud. Despite everything, she wanted to see him too. She’d missed him these past two weeks and while she told herself it was for the best, that didn’t stop her from longing for him.
I have a dinner to attend. She typed after a moment. Then paused. Maybe I can come by after?
The response was immediate. I’ll tell the doorman to expect you.
Kenna put her phone away and continued getting dressed. At least this would be an opportunity to give him Diavolos his key back and end things for good. And they did have to end, he had to see that. They had gotten too involved with one another. Hell, they had exchanged keys. This wasn’t sex, it was a relationship, except they weren’t allowed to have a relationship because too much stood in their way,
At the end of the day, she would always be a Rys and he’d always be a Nevrakis. They were the modern day Romeo and Juliet, except they weren’t stupid teenagers, they were adults who knew better and no one was going to die, but there was a lot at stake, especially for Diavolos. He had dedicated his whole life to the Abanthus Corporation and Kenna wasn’t going to be the one that jeopardized that for him.
The benefit was dull and Kenna found it hard to focus on small talk when all she could think about was Diavolos. Finally, she was able to make her excuses and headed towards Diavolos’s apartment. She paused outside his door, wondering if she should let herself in. She had a key and he was expecting her, but she was here to break off their relationship and letting herself in felt too intimate for that. Or at least, a reminder of everything they couldn’t have. Still, after a moment’s hesitation, she took out the key and opened the door.
Diavolos stood at the sound, a glass of scotch in his hand. “I’ll get you a glass of wine,” he offered.
Kenna knew she should turn him down, she was here to end things, not to get cozy, but… “That sounds lovely,” she said instead.
Diavolos put his glass down and headed towards the kitchen, emerging a moment later with a glass of white wine. “I picked up a bottle of that Reisling you like,” he told her, handing it to her.
Kenna bit her lip, trying to prevent the frustrated sound from coming out. Why did he have to be sweet and considerate? It just made it all so much harder. Diavolos was not an easy man to walk away from.
Kenna took a seat on the couch, purposely trying to avoid eye contact with Diavolos. If she wanted to do this, she had to keep as much distance as possible and if she looked into his gorgeous eyes, well… It would be a lot harder to maintain her resolve.
Diavolos took a seat next to her and immediately wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “I missed you,” he murmured as he pulled her close, “two and a half weeks apart is too long.”
His words made her heart melt and it felt so good to be touching him, but she reminded herself she had to be strong. “Diavolos…”
He sighed and let go of her. “Are we going to do this now?”
“You’re the one that wanted to talk,” Kenna reminded him.
“Talking wasn’t all I had in mind,” he admitted, reaching for her again. “So now I’m a booty call?” Kenna asked, raising an eyebrow and evading his touch. She didn’t know why the suggestion bothered her so much, given that this was supposed to be a purely sexual relationship, one that had no future.
“I can’t say anything right, can I?” Diavolos asked, running his hand through her hair. “Kenna, we’ve moved way past that and we both know it. I asked you here because I wanted to see you because I wanted to be with you. I’ve spent the last two and a half weeks thinking about you.”
Kenna bit her lip. It was hard to remember all the reasons that this was impossible when he was looking at her like that.
“This isn’t just about sex,” he continued, “it hasn’t been in a long time, it’s about us. We’ve built something real, no matter how hard you try to deny it.”
His words were too much for Kenna.
“I can’t do this,” she told him getting up from the couch. She needed to be away from him because she couldn’t think when he was so close. “I just can’t.”
“Why not?” Diavolos asked her, getting to his feet as well. “It’s your right to end things, but why? I deserve an honest answer.”
“Because I love you,” Kenna blurted out and then froze, staring at him in horror. “Please forget you heard that.” She begged him.
“Never,” he told her stepping towards her. Before she knew what was happening, he was pulling her into his arms and crushing his mouth against hers. Kenna sunk into the kiss, helpless to resist him. “I love you,” he told her when they finally broke apart, staring deep into her eyes.
Oh. This isn’t how this was supposed to go. The words made her heart soar, but also filled her with panic and sorrow because, in the end, it didn’t matter what they felt.
“You can’t,” Kenna reminded him a little helplessly, “this can’t… We can’t…”
“But we are,” Diavolos pointed out, his arms tight around her.
Kenna knew she should say something, anything, but the words wouldn’t come not when Diavolos was looking at her like that and holding her close. She knew it was just going to lead to more heartache, but she wanted to pretend for just a little while that this could be something, that they were allowed to be in love.
“Make love to me,” she whispered, staring up at him.
Diavolos immediately swept her up into his arms and carried her towards his bedroom, their drinks totally forgotten. Once they were inside, he set her down gently on her feet and then moved behind her, lowering the zipper of her gown and placing light kisses on the exposed flesh. He undid her bra next, his hands moving to cup her breasts as he kissed her neck.
“Ohh…” Kenna sighed, leaning back into his touch. She turned in his embrace, her mouth seeking his as her hands tugged at his clothing. She eased his pants down over his hips and then slipped her hand inside his boxers, running her hand over his length and taking pleasure at the sounds he made and the way he hardened under her touch.
“Kenna,” he groaned against her mouth, “that feels so good, baby.”
The rest of their clothes soon followed, amongst kisses and caresses, the two of them unable to stop touching even for a moment and once they were both completely bare, Diavolos took her hand, leading her towards his bed.
“What do you want?” He asked her once they were both on the bed.
“I want you,” Kenna admitted, finding the words easier to say in the moonlight of his room. At this moment, the rest of the world didn’t exist and neither did the obstacles keeping them apart, it was just the two of them.
“How do you want me?” Diavolos asked as he parted her thighs with his hands, teasing her with his fingers before slipping two of them inside of her. He pumped at a slow leisurely pace. “Is this what you want?”
“Yes…” Kenna sighed, impatiently pushing her hips towards him. “Faster,” she begged as he continued to tease her.
“Tell me you want me,” Diavolos replied.
“I want you!” Kenna cried out impatiently moving against his hand. Diavolos sped up his pace, his fingers pumping in out of her frantically and it wasn’t long before she knew she was close.
As she felt herself getting close, Diavolos suddenly slowed down again. “Say you need me,” he urged her.
“I need you,” Kenna assured him hoarsely.
He picked up his pace again and it wasn’t long before she was coming apart against him, sobbing his name. Diavolos immediately kissed her again and then maneuvered them so that he was poised over her. “Say you love me,” he requested, almost desperately as he teased her entrance.
“I love you,” Kenna admitted, “I wish I didn’t, but I do.”
Diavolos entered her then, his mouth pressing kisses along her neck and shoulders as he did so. Kenna clung to him, sighing at the way he filled her. They moved in time, their bodies in sync with one another. This part of their relationship was always perfect. Actually, most parts were, it was just that pesky family blood feud that was the problem.
“I want you,” Diavolos assured her as he pumped inside her. “I need you,” he continued, his stubble rubbing against her chest as he pressed kisses to her breasts, “and I love you.”
His voice was tender as he made the declaration and Kenna didn’t know how to respond, so she just held him closer and continued to move with him. They came together moments later, calling each other’s names, their limbs entwined and their bodies pressed together. For one brief moment, they were in perfect sync and nothing else mattered.
Diavolos stayed where he was for a moment, peppering her face with kisses before he rolled onto his back. He immediately pulled her to his side, his strong arms locking around her.
Kenna didn’t protest though, instead, she snuggled against him, letting herself bask in the feel of him. This is the last time, she promised herself.
She couldn’t survive another night like this, because if they had been playing with fire before, now they were walking through the flames. This wasn’t a physical relationship, it wasn’t too people who genuinely liked each other acting on an intense attraction. Now real emotions were involved and Kenna wasn’t sure how she was going to survive walking away from him, but she had to because she couldn’t go on like this, wanting him so much, having him in her bed and her life and not being able to claim him. Not being able to have a future with him.
Those were the thoughts plaguing her as she fell asleep in his arms and it was still on her mind when she awoke the next morning to the feel of his hands on her bare skin.
“Morning beautiful,” he whispered, looking at her with an affection that took Kenna’s breath away and broke her heart at the same time.
She immediately pulled away. “We can’t do this.”
Diavolos sighed, flopping onto his back. “How many times are we going to have this argument?”
“This is the last time,” Kenna said as she got out of the bed. “Because it’s not an argument, it’s a fact.” She walked across the room, grabbing the clothes she had left there out of the spare dresser, trying to ignore the implication there and how entwined their lives were. “I can’t keep doing this,” she told him quietly as she got dressed, “we both know there’s no future.”
“Do we?” Diavolos challenged as he got out of bed.
Kenna tried not to let her gaze linger on his body because she needed to focus. “You know why we can’t be together,” she reminded him, “and that there is no future for us, but you’re right, this isn’t just sex and that’s why I need to end this. Because being with you like this and knowing we can’t be together, is killing me.”
“What if I told you to forget about my father?” Diavolos asked as he pulled on a pair of track pants and then pulled her into his arms. “What if I told you I don’t care about the consequences?”
Kenna wanted so badly to believe him, to hope that this could be the beginning instead of the ending but then she thought of how hard he had worked to get where he was and how awful and incompetent and malicious his brother was. And how many people depended on Diavolos. She couldn’t be the one to mess all that up.
“It doesn’t work like that,” she said quietly, “not for us. Not when there are so many other people involved.”
Kenna stepped back from his embrace and headed for the door.
Diavolos sighed and followed her from the bedroom to the living area. “I’ll give you time,” he conceded, “but I’m not letting you go, Kenna. I can’t.”
She wanted to throw her arms around him and kiss him deeply, but she continued gathering her belongings, forcing herself to stay strong. She took his keys off her key ring, despite the ache in her heart as she did so, and handed them to him. “You should probably take these back.” She needed to make a clean break, to make it clear that things could continue on like this.
Diavolos kept his hands at his sides. “No. I gave them to you and I don’t want them back.”
Kenna sighed, silently cursing him. Why couldn’t he make this easy, but then when had he ever made anything easy? One of the things she found so attractive about this man was the way he challenged and pushed her. She loved his commanding side and how he didn’t just bow to her demands. She was used to giving the orders, but it was nice to have someone who didn’t automatically take them. However, at this moment it was frustrating.
She continued to hold out the keys and he continued to stare at her. Kenna knew that she should just leave them on the table, but for some reason, she couldn’t bring herself to do that, so instead after a moment, she slipped them back in her purse. She’d just make him take them back the next time she ran into him at a social event.
Kenna turned to go and then suddenly she felt Diavolos’s hand on her arm, she hadn’t even seen him cross the distance between them. Without speaking, he gathered her towards him for a kiss. Kenna kissed him back eagerly, pouring everything she had into the kiss. Finally, they pulled away and they stared at each other for a long moment before Kenna wordlessly reached for the door.
It wasn’t until she was back in her apartment that she let the tears out. But she tried to tell herself that as much as this hurt, she’d done the right thing by walking away and she had to stick to her guns. She had to let him go, because he wasn’t for her, no matter how much she wished others. There was no happy ending here, not for a Rys and a Nevrakis.
- End
