All My Love

Author’s Note: This uses the prompt “I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, I just did”. This is my take on the balcony discussion between Drake and my MC Eliza. However, I decided to re-imagine the end of chapter 15 and have the balcony scene take place on the night after the Bridal Shower (after the group returns from Coney Island), before Liam proposes.

Music Inspiration: Segments of the song “I won’t give up” by Jason Mraz are included in the story. 

There he is, the man she wants to spend every day of the rest of her life with. He stands at the railing of the balcony, facing out towards the city she’d briefly called home.

Eliza thought, all those months ago when she left New York, she was leaving in search of adventure and maybe she would find love too. But really, she realized recently, she’d gone looking for people to call her family and a place that truly felt like home again. And she’d found it, in her new friends, in Cordonia, but mostly, in him.

The man with the shaggy chestnut hair standing on the balcony, wearing his usual denim shirt, was the true home her heart had been searching for all along.

Eliza was lying in bed, staring up at the tiled ceiling, reflecting on the whirlwind of events the last few days had delivered when she heard the knock. It had been so faint she initially thought she might have imagined it. But she investigated anyways, only to find a note had been slipped under her door; a note from Drake.

He wanted to meet her on the balcony as soon as possible; they needed to talk. Her hands shook, from excitement as well as worry, while she quickly pulled on a shirt and jeans and shoved her phone in her pocket out of routine.

We need to talk.

The thought echoes in her mind now as she begins to make her way onto the balcony. She should be excited, she knows, this could be the moment she’s been waiting for since returning to court. Her name had been cleared. Now she and Drake can discuss the future, discuss them. But while excited butterflies flit in her stomach, her heart beats hard in chest with trepidation.

We need to talk.

Those four little words sound so ominous, so threatening to her. Eliza wants to believe Drake will sweep her into his arms when she approaches, capture her in a passionate kiss, and whisper softly in her ears the three little words she’s waited so long to hear. But in her gut, she knows a conversation about deep feelings with Drake Walker will never be quite so straight forward and easy.

Drake hears her faint footsteps approaching and turns. His breath catches in his throat at the woman before him. Her slightly mussed raven colored hair cascades freely down her shoulders, her indigo eyes shine brightly, and a tentative but stunning smile adorns her lips.

She’s so beautiful.

And though he’s had the thought a thousand times since they met, he feels it has never been truer than in this moment.

His heart aches as he remembers the reason for their late night meeting under the stars.

“Hey Larson,” Drake says, moving towards her until they meet in the middle of the balcony, barely an arm’s reach between them. Eliza sees a blissful gleam flash across Drake’s features as he takes in her appearance up close. It’s all too quickly replaced by his normal sullen look, causing the heaviness in her gut to grow.

“We need to talk… about us.”

Drake rubs a hand through his hair and bites at his lower lip while Eliza rubs her thumb and pointer fingers together nervously, neither knowing exactly how to begin the conversation, afraid what it might bring.

“Yes, we do,” Eliza says after a moment, breaking the tense silence. She takes a deep, steadying breath and strides towards Drake again, attempting to close the distance between them. He steps back briskly and Eliza knows this discussion might be more difficult than she feared.

“I’m sorry if I disturbed you, but…”

“It’s ok, Drake, you know I can’t get to sleep this early,” Her lips curve into a reassuring smile and she laughs lightly.

“I’ve been waiting for this talk for so long, I’d have met you here at 3am in the pouring rain if you’d asked.” She tries to reach out for his hand, but he pulls it behind his back.

She can see the struggle in his face, the hurt and resignation behind his eyes. He’s battling to keep a storm of emotions locked inside, but it’s slowly breaking through the cracks in the mask he wears.

“Liam broke off his engagement to Madeline,” Drake states matter-of-factly.

Eliza’s smile falters, her eyes widening, and a gasp escapes her lips.

“Liam just told me,” he continues, taking in a deep breath, and realization dawns on Eliza.

Oh, Drake, no.

“I think he’s going to propose tomorrow and…”

“Drake,” she cuts him off, stepping forward quickly, catching him off guard long enough to close the remaining distance between them. She manages to grab one of his hands and she feels his fingers tremble in hers.

“We have to tell him now, Drake, about us.” Her voice is soft yet serious as she brushes a finger against his cheek. She feels him shudder and take in a sharp breath before releasing her hand and stepping back again.

“No, I’ve been thinking about this, Eliza and…”

“Drake, please,” Eliza says breathily, her voice almost stern and barely pleading. She fears she knows exactly what he’s about to say next and she want to stop him. She needs to keep those words from coming between them.

“Damn it, Larson, let me finish,” He snaps, and she freezes. Eliza clasps her mouth shut, a look of annoyed determination creeping across her normally soft features. She frowns slightly and raises her eyebrows as she waits for him to speak again.

“You came here for Liam, Eliza, not me. He’s the one you should end up with. You should marry him and become Queen. He deserves you. Cordonia deserves you.” His voice is quieter now and he looks down. “They deserve you more than I do.”

Eliza stays silent. Drake glances up after a beat and finds her glaring at him, her face wrought with disappointment.

“What about what I want, Drake? Doesn’t that matter in the least?” Her sharp voice pierces his heart like a dagger.

“I… of course it does. But I can’t offer you what he can. He can give you palaces and a kingdom,” he states, keeping his tone steady, but Eliza can see the glimmer of longing in his eyes. Still, she feels the frustration continuing to brew in her stomach, bubbling higher and higher with every word he speaks.

He still didn’t believe her, didn’t understand he was the one she wanted, the only one she wanted. After everything they’d shared, all of the stolen kisses, every cherished moment in-between, every tender touch and love infused gaze she had given him, he still didn’t believe her. She’d finally found someone she felt comfortable opening up to completely, someone to share her greatest hopes and deepest fears with, and he didn’t understand, couldn’t understand how she could want him.

“You say you want me now,” Drake continues, interrupting Eliza’s thoughts.

“You claim I’m the one you choose, but what about in a month, or a year? Will you still want me then? You’ll have a better life with Liam, the one you deserve, and…”

“I’ll be stuck in a marriage with a man I don’t love, Drake. Is that what you really think I deserve!” Eliza snaps, her frustration finally boiling over. Her eyes are fierce now, burning with an unbridled intensity Drake has never seen from her before. When she speaks again, her voice is filled with fire.

“Do you really think I can’t make my own choice or trust my own heart? You know how I feel, Drake, and I know you return the sentiment, even if we haven’t said the words yet. Why won’t you believe me when I say it’s you I want, it’s you I lo… “

“Because everyone always leaves, Eliza!” His voice spills out into the night, and the bitter truth in the words he’s just spoken lingers heavy in the air.

Everyone he’d loved had left him; his father, his mother, even Savannah. Everyone except Liam that is, and if he ever found out about his love for Eliza, he would surely leave him too. How else was he supposed to expect this thing between him and Eliza would end. Life had never been a fairytale for him and he assumed it never would be.

Eliza steps back with a gasp and her eyes soften as they try to meet Drake’s gaze, but he refuses to look at her. His body is stiff, his mouth forms deep scowl, and his voice is hard as he continues.

“I had my walls up for a reason, but you had to come along and start knocking them down, didn’t you?” He shakes his head and lets out a quiet scoff. “I didn’t ask for this! I didn’t want any of it, the lies, the deceit, the guilt that have come along with this, with us!”

“You didn’t want me,” her voice is faint, almost a whisper, but the hurt in her words speaks volumes.

Drake’s heart drops as he looks towards her again. All of the fire and fierceness that graced her features only minutes earlier is gone now, replaced by a heavy sorrow. Her eyes are flat, their usual playful glimmer suddenly missing, and he can see the shine of tears welling up in them.

Shit. This wasn’t what he wanted; this wasn’t how the conversation was supposed to go. He hadn’t sought to hurt her. He never wanted to be the cause of her pain.

The utter anguish in her features makes him feel as though he’s just stabbed her in the heart, and in a way, he supposes he has. He’s never been good with words, with feelings. But he has to make her see, somehow, what he’d been trying to say. He loves her so much, but he’s afraid, no, absolutely terrified of someone he loves with all his heart leaving him. He hadn’t planned on falling for anyone, least of all her, the woman adored by his best friend. But now that he has, he knows if she gives herself to him, really allows him to believe she’s his only to give up on him and leave, he may not be able to continue on.

Tentatively, Drake steps towards Eliza, his gaze warm.

“I… I didn’t mean it like that. I just… I guess…” he locks eyes with her as he fumbles to find the right words. “I want you, Larson, I really do, so much, but… everything got so complicated and it’s … I mean…” He takes a deep breath and the words on the tip of his tongue spill out before he has time to stop them.

“I never meant to fall in love with you, I just did.”

A gentle gust of wind swirls his words through the air, surrounding them with this long hidden truth finally revealed.

Eliza simply blinks at him, a single tear escaping the corner of her eye, and Drake’s heart breaks at the sight.

“Damn it, I’m sorry Liza, I…” Drake starts, but his words are cut off by silky lips meeting his, gently at first, like the soft brush of a feather.

Eliza’s arms are around him in a flash, her hands insistent as she pulls him down to her level and captures his mouth fully in a tender kiss. Drake reacts in kind, wrapping his arms around her back, pulling her even closer and deepening the kiss, his lips almost bruising hers. His fingers tangle in her hair and he hears her groan as he nibbles on her lower lip.

All of their pain, every ounce of frustration, doubt, and worry that had built up over the past weeks and months begins to drain away with each second their mouths remain interlocked.

Finally, they break away, breathless, and simply gaze into each other’s eyes, both trying to catch a glimpse of the other’s soul.

“The people I loved most left me too, Drake,” Eliza starts, her fingers tracing circles along Drake’s shoulder blades.

“I’m not a stranger to loss, you know that. In fact, you’re the first person in a long time to really understand how deep the deaths of my parents and sister cut me. But I refuse to let that pain stop me from living my life and going after what I want. And that’s you, Drake, I want you, I want us.”

Drake’s gaze is tender now, Eliza notices, but she can still see a glimmer of worry in his eyes. Suddenly, an idea strikes her like lightning and she pulls away from his secure embrace. Startled, Drake stumbles back with a grunt and watches Eliza pull her cell phone from her pocket.

“Come here,” she murmurs, grasping his hand and pulling him toward a set of chairs near the railing.

Drake follows her lead and drops into a chair, watching with intrigue as Eliza fumbles with her phone until a soft guitar melody begins to trickle out of the tiny speakers. He immediately recognizes the tune as one he’d heard coming from her cabin many times during his late night walks around the train.

“Do you know this song?” she implores softly.

“I’ve heard it before,” he admits, a small smile forming on his lips.

“But have you listened to the words before, really listened the meaning they’re trying to convey?”

When Drake shakes his head, she starts the song over. Placing the phone in his lap, she grabs both of his hands, interlacing their fingers.

“Listen,” she commands gently, locking onto his gaze.

Soon he hears a man’s smooth voice begin to sing. Watching as Eliza’s eyes twinkle with each new word that filters into her ears, Drake listens.

When I look into your eyes

It’s like watching the night sky

Or a beautiful sunrise

Well, there’s so much they hold

As the song continues, Eliza begins to mouth the words out of habit. With her eyes still locked on his, Drake feels as if she’s actually singing the song to him, sending the words and their meaning from her lips straight into his heart.

I don’t want to be someone who walks away so easily

I’m here to stay and make the difference that I can make

She squeezes his hands gently and her gaze intensifies at those lines, writing the words into his soul.

I won’t give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I’m giving you all my love

I’m still looking up

As the song ends, Eliza’s lips form into a small, pure smile. Drake’s heart feels full, but surprisingly light, and he realizes, maybe this is how it feels to be genuinely happy and loved. Eliza breaks his gaze and gives his hands another tender squeeze.

“I’ve listened to that song every night we’ve spent apart since I returned to court,” she admits, a slight blush painting her cheeks.

“I listened to remind myself to keep fighting and to remember why I was here, why I continued to put myself through all of this. I did it for you, Drake, I want to be with you.” Her eyes meet his again and the pure love contained within them makes Drake’s heart melt.

“I mean it, what the song says. I’m staying here, with you, for you. And I won’t give up, on you or on us. You’re the one I choose, the one my heart chose for me months ago. You are my Agent Marshmallow and I love you, Drake Walker, with all of my heart.”

Warmth spreads through Drake as those three little words float into his brain. The three words he feared to hope she’d ever speak now sank into his mind, filling his heart and soul with a peace he’d long since forgotten existed.

“I love you too, Eliza, so much more than I ever thought possible,” He responds, placing a gentle kiss on her lips before resting his forehead against hers.

“We’ll tell Liam in the morning.”

-The End