An Heir – Chapter 32

Two weeks passed since Viktoria’s admissions of her fears about the pregnancy to her husband. Istvan had watched her closely during that time. He was concerned for her wellbeing; she was his wife and he loved her more than anything and god knows, he hated to see her struggle with this: something that should be bringing them both so much joy. Throughout all their time together, the challenges they’d faced to be a couple – his fathers death, the Tariq scandal, Anton’s plans to foil their wedding – he’d never seen her confidence flounder like this; he’d never felt such a vibe of uncertainty around his wife. On more than one occasion he’d found her sitting with her hands gently stroking her stomach and tears threatening to spill down her cheeks, an anxious expression on her face that instantly flipped to a grin as she spotted him enter the room, greeting him and swallowing down the fears that she was clearly still feeling. Trying to hide them, doing what she always did, putting him first, trying to shield him from her darkness. But when he watched from a distance, it was like she was walking around in a daze… Istvan had to admit that he now felt like he was handling her with kid gloves; up til now he’d been so open in rubbing the tiny bump and talking to it constantly, now he felt like, maybe he shouldn’t? Was he making the situation worse for his wife? But in there was his precious little button and he wanted to do talk to ‘her’, he wanted ‘her’ to know that he was ‘her’ daddy, he wanted ‘her’ to recognise his voice, he wanted to build an connection with ‘her’ before ‘she’ arrived… He felt like he was in an impossible situation right now…

Viktoria had noticed Istvan’s reticence since they’d talked and it made her hate herself even more than she already did; this was exactly why she didn’t want to share her anxieties and reservations with him in the first place. The sad truth was that she was ruining something that she wanted to be a beautiful experience for him, and it broke her heart to acknowledge that, especially when he was the person in the world that mattered to her more than anything. He was so wonderful and supportive and understanding when she expressed her fears, there was a part of her that felt like it would have been easier if he’d just yelled at her… She was so utterly ashamed of the way she felt, and she couldn’t shake it. It was unnatural; she was going to be a mother, she should be over the moon… She stood in front of the full length mirror in the bathroom once again. She was now what the doctor had supposed would be twelve weeks gone; her scan was tomorrow. She wasn’t really showing anything much yet, although her tummy had a curve that she didn’t have before. All her yoga and running over the past few years had kept her super taught. It was enough that she could see it, but not so much that anyone else would click yet… Viktoria felt like her hips looked wider but it could just be her imagination, her boobs had definitely gone up a couple of cup sizes though, she absolutely couldn’t deny that. She had to admit that she loved the way they looked, as did her husband, it was just like having a padded bra but without the padding, but god they hurt… Fortunately the morning sickness seemed to have passed, a few days of vomiting and a couple of weeks of being horribly nauseous, but given what horror stories she’d read online, she reckoned she’d got off fairly lightly… Viktoria rubbed her belly gently, she felt like she had butterflies, probably because she was so nervous about her scan tomorrow. She’d been banking on the scan since Mr Kolettis had visited a couple of weeks back… Maybe it would help her and make it all real: she would look at their baby and everything would just fall into place… She inhaled and exhaled deeply a few times as she tried to settle her nerves. As her fingers grazed back and forth rhythmically, she was suddenly very aware that she she was talking out loud. Viktoria felt herself choke; it felt like she was listening in on someone else’s conversation as a soft whisper left her lips, ‘Your daddy gets to see you at the hospital tomorrow… I hope we can get this scan right for him, because he’s so excited… I’ll try my best for him if you will… He’s so wonderful… You’re going to love him so much… Just wait and see. You’re so lucky to have him; he’d do anything for you and you’re not even here yet…’

—-

The morning of the ultrasound was finally here. Unsurprisingly, Viktoria hadn’t slept, her hand had been on her tummy half the night, butterflies dancing around and around. As the alarm clock blared through their bedroom, Istvan groaned and thumped the snoozed button, reaching across the bed and finding his wife’s warm body, his strong toned arm wrapped around her waist drawing her closer to him, spooning her into him from behind, his hand resting softly on the little bump as he placed tender kisses against her shoulder, sleepily confessing his love for her. Viktoria placed her small hand on top of his, biting her lip, anticipating the events of the morning. They gone over it ten times last night… They would take Istvan’s own car to the infirmary so none of the palace staff would become suspicious. Mr Kolettis was allowing them to enter through through the basement car park to avoid raising any speculation… The royal couple had endured plenty of that during their five years of marriage already for sure… From there, one of Mr Kolettis’ team would show them discretely to a private suite to have the scan carried out… Viktoria had watched a dozen YouTube videos of scans being performed on her phone in the last couple of days to psyche herself up for this appointment, so she knew exactly what to expect… But even being well prepared wasn’t stopping her nerves from jangling this morning. This morning was what she’d been waiting for, this would be the moment that would assuage all of her fears. When she saw the baby she would ‘feel’… Viktoria smiled and exhaled as she wriggled ever closer to Istvan, leaving no remaining gap between them, the safest she ever felt was pressed up against him like this.

After another 30 minutes of snooze, the couple finally unwrapped their tangled limbs, Istvan padding off to the shower as Viktoria announced she’d make a start on toast and coffee. As Viktoria yawned and ruffled her hair she laughed, she could hear Istvan singing in the shower. Guns n Roses ‘Sweet Child’… He was probably doing air guitar too she supposed… He was so damn happy. After everything he’d been through in his lifetime, she felt like this was genuinely the happiest she’d ever seen him, and she was so glad of that, because if anyone deserved happiness it was him. One hand grazed her stomach gently as she felt those butterflies start up again thinking about the scan; the monitor, the probe, the cold gel… She was in a world of her own when Istvan reappeared. He watched her from the door, touching the bump, he knew she was scared deep down, but every time he saw her do that it made his heart weak. Istvan knew what she was just too stuck inside her own head to see right now: they would be a beautiful little family In a few short months and all this worry would be a thing of the past. He knew she would be a great mommy deep within his heart, even if she couldn’t see it… He wished he could make her see. She was so good and kind and thoughtful. He just couldn’t understand her self-doubt. They just needed to get the scan today and things would start to feel better, he was sure of it.

He came up behind her placing a loving kiss in the crook of her neck, making her jump. King Istvan smiled as she buttered the toast,

“Are you feeling ok about today?”

Viktoria nodded her head,

“Mmhmm.”

Anyone else would have believed her, except him. He could see through the sparkly teeth and big blue eyes,

“Vik?”

His wife shook her head and blew out a shaky breath,

“Kinda? I’m so nervous, my stomach is doing flips. I want to go though Ist. I want so much for you see the baby. And I need to see too, maybe I’ll feel happier once I do.”

Istvan turned her around to face him, pulling her close, kissing her forehead and tilting her chin up to look into his eyes,

“You don’t need to be so nervous, we’ll do it together my love…”

She bit her lip as she nodded. As her eyes glassed, she gave him a quick peck, pulling away,

“Yep… I need to hurry up and get in the shower. I love you Istvan.”

—-

Viktoria sat there in a floaty grey dress with big pink roses dotted over it, black suede booties and a soft pink cashmere cardigan wrapped around her in the passenger seat of Istvan’s black Porsche Carrera as they zipped though the streets of the capital. Istvan didn’t drive himself very often, but when he did, you could tell that he enjoyed it… She’d tried so hard to look nice; it was an important day for Istvan. Her hair was in a bun like a ballerina, her face full of make up, but in soft, sweet pastel shades rather than the deep contours, smoky eyes and red lips she so often opted for. Istvan had breathed a ‘wow’ when he saw her before they left the palace, her cheeks had flushed as his eyes roamed over her…

Istvan’s hand rested on her bare thigh between gear changes, looking round at her every chance he got when his eyes didn’t have to be on the road. He’d gone for a casual look today, dark denims, a long sleeved white fitted top with a charcoal blazer over the top. He was trying to be inconspicuous for when they arrived at the hospital. Viktoria felt her heart skip when he smiled at her. Five years of marriage and she still turned to jello when she looked at him, so stylish and handsome, with that gorgeous grin and those soulful eyes that could see right through her… She smiled to herself as her mind drifted… Would the baby have Istvan’s eyes? His dimpled smile? She knew it was a boy although he kept telling her otherwise… It’s hair would be dark for sure as they were both dark…

Vik suddenly felt a stab In her chest, a panicked feeling. Her breathing start to get very shallow and fast; she was hot. Was it hot in the car? ‘Oh dear god…’

“Istvan, stop the car, I’m going to be sick, please, stop the car!”

Istvan looked at his wife with a horrified expression as he slammed the brakes, veering right into a side street, he’d barely stopped the car before Viktoria was on the pavement gulping in breaths of air, shivering as she tried to ride out the waves of nausea as they crashed over her. Istvan killed the engine and got out hurriedly; he pulled her close, rubbing her back in a soothing circular motion as he placed caring kisses into her hair,

“Aww Vik..?”

Looking at him through watery eyes, her face chalk white, Viktoria apologised to her husband. Istvan pulled her to his muscular chest,

“What the hell are you apologising for my love? Are you ok?”

Viktoria nodded,

“I think so. I-I don’t know what happened Ist. I’ll be ok, I just needed some air, come on, we need to get back in the car, we don’t have time for this.”

He nodded, guiding her back into the sports car, hand on her lower spine, closing the door behind her as she took her seat.

Arriving at the infirmary a few short minutes later, Istvan raced round to open Vik’s door, taking her hand to help her out of the vehicle. As they walked towards the elevator, his arm snaked around her side holding her close to him. Viktoria tried to focus and count her breaths as they walked, her heart banged inside her chest to the point she felt like it might break free, her stomach turned somersaults. Istvan’s strong arm around her felt like the only thing that tethered her to the ground in that moment…

—-

Arriving at the private room off the main wing, Mr Kolettis greeted them personally. He grinned as he shook Istvan’s hand firmly, then grimaced as he looked at Viktoria,

“Your majesty, are you feeling ok?”

Viktoria pulled a weak smile across her pale face,

“I got car sick…”

Mr Kolettis nodded sympathetically,

“Ok. Dad, need to be a little less heavy footed perhaps… How about you sit down and we get you a glass of water? Take ten minutes til you feel a bit more settled, then we’ll go through and you both get to see your baby for the first time? There’s no rush your highness.”

Istvan nodded at the grey-haired consultant as Vik slumped down into a plush chair, taking a glass of cool water from the young nurse who rushed towards her.

—

After ten minutes Viktoria looked across to Istvan who had been silently stroking her hand, patiently waiting despite being desperate to get the scan done,

“Ist are you ready, I think I feel ok now…”

The young king beamed as his dainty wife, squeezing her hand in his,

“I’m so ready for this my love, are you ready?”

Viktoria inhaled deeply as she nodded her head silently, her heart once again thumping inside of her chest… Istvan raised a hand, gesturing to Mr Kolettis and he sprung into action,
“Ok your highnesses, please come with me. Mom, I need you to hop up on the table, lay your head on the pillow. Dad, you can stop at the opposite side from the monitor, I’ll tilt it around so you can both see what’s going on, ok? Your highness, I’m going to need you to lift your dress up to just underneath your the band of your bra, I’ve got a blanket here you can throw over your bottom half. I’m going to put some tissue paper at the top and bottom of your tummy so the gel doesn’t get on your clothes.”

Viktoria nodded, following Mr Kolettis’s instructions, Istvan draped the blanket across her as she shimmied her dress up, exposing the tiny bump, Istvan could feel her trembling as he took her hand, he whispered softly,

“It’s ok Vik. We’re doing it together. You’re doing so well my love…”

Mr Kolettis turned to look at Viktoria as snapped on his gloves,

“Are you nervous your highness?”

Viktoria closed her eyes and nodded. Mr Kolettis patted her hand kindly,

“Honestly, this is really quick and painless, there’s nothing to be nervous about. Wait and see. Now, this gel will feel a bit cold…”

Vik winced as he squirted copious amounts of freezing cold solution onto her stomach,

“A bit cold??”

Istvan laughed as he clasped her small hand in both of his, kissing her knuckles, patiently staring at the monitor. Mr Kolettis looked at the young royals,

“Ok. We are set up. Are you ready to see your baby?”

Viktoria closed her eyes tightly, holding her breath as Istvan laughed,

“Mr Kolettis, I can’t wait…”

The physician grinned back at the expectant father,

“That’s what I like to hear. Queen Viktoria, I’m going to start the scan, you’ll feel the probe press against your stomach, but it won’t hurt, ok?”

Viktoria silently nodded. Mr Kolettis placed the probe against Viktoria’s stomach, moving it around until he got into the correct position, smiling, he looked at the screen, then at King Istvan,

“And there your majesty, is your little baby…”

Istvan gulped back a sob as he kissed Viktoria’s hand,

“Oh my god Vik look!!”

Watching the tiny figure on the black and white screen he was mesmerised, the look of utter adoration shone out of him as he whispered,

“Hello there, my precious, beautiful little button…”

Viktoria lay there staring at the screen… Their child… Her child… Her mouth felt dry, the world felt like it was spinning, she could hear the blood surging through her veins. She turned from the screen to look at Istvan. He had tears of happiness rolling down his dark cheeks, his smile had the radiance of a thousand suns. He was so proud, his love for his unborn baby so heartfelt. Viktoria sucked in a deep breath, trying hard to keep her flaring nerves under control, she looked back at the monitor, worrying her lip between her teeth,

“Is everything ok Mr Kolettis? Is the baby healthy and is everything the way you’d expect? Is it all ok?”

Mr Kolettis was busy by the monitor, looking up smiling at her,

“Your majesty, there doesn’t appear to be any cause for concern, looking at the measurements, our initial calculation was pretty accurate, you are twelve weeks pregnant at the moment.”

Viktoria nodded. She focused hard on the little image, on their baby, it was so small, wriggling in front of her eyes. By now Istvan was on his feet beside the monitor to see better, asking Mr Kolettis questions.

Viktoria listened to the deep voice of her strong, kind, beautiful husband intently; he was so connected to the little baby already, he sounded so caring it tugged at her heart.

She could feel a wave of nausea sweep through her, her pulse elevating and her head swimming as she watched on. This was all so very overwhelming; she’d wanted it to feel real, now it was as feeling very very real indeed. So very very real… Viktoria felt tears springing to her eyes as Mr Kolettis told the couple he was going to turn up the sound to try to let them hear the babies heartbeat: this was too much, this was all too much, she just needed to get out of the room, she was suffocating…

“wooomp, woomp, wooomp, wooomp, woomp, woomp” rang out around the small suite.

Istvan gasped, his hand flying over his mouth as he listened, awestruck. Viktoria tensed, remaining quiet as she listened, feeling so utterly torn. She was pleased everything was well and she was so totally delighted for Istvan, how could she not be? ‘Look at how happy he is, look at his face. You’ve made him so happy. Pull yourself together Viktoria…’ She had thought once she saw the scan she would suddenly feel a flood of love and all her fear would disappear but now it seemed so scarily real, and she felt even less confident in her abilities to be a mom and look after the baby… Looking at that tiny little life growing within her, she felt something that she didn’t know how to define: it wasn’t a blinding sensation of love like she’d expected, it was a primal feeling inside that it was up to her to raise it and protect the baby, but she was so scared of failing, it was all-consuming… ‘What’s wrong with me, how can I be afraid of my own baby? This is all wrong!’ Lying there listening to the sound of the baby’s heart and her husband excitedly talking to the consultant, Viktoria covered her face with her hands as the tears started to roll down her cheeks. She wasn’t cut out for this, all she wanted to do was run away and hide. But how could she? Running away wasn’t an option this time, it didn’t matter where she went, she was going to be a mommy, she was responsible for this tiny bundle, and she always would be…

Mr Kolettis smiled softly at Istvan as he looked at the screen,

“King Istvan? I think mom is feeling a little bit emotional after hearing baby’s heartbeat for the first time…”

Istvan turned quickly to look at his wife, a mess of tears and smudged makeup,

“Oh Vik… Are you ok? It’s amazing my love…. Our baby…”

Viktoria did what she did best, faked a wide smile and nodded her head at her husband,

“This is really happening, isn’t it?”

Istvan nodded, pulling her face to his, kissing her forehead,

“This is the most magical gift anyone could ever have given me… You are amazing, do you know that? Look what’s happening inside of you darling…”

Vik just raised her eyebrows at her husband and painted on a big smile, saying nothing; what could she say?

Mr Kolettis advised that he had taken some still pictures and recorded the heartbeat for them and then he left the room to sort a couple of future appointments and tests out. Istvan looked Viktoria in the eye, despite her avoidance of his intense gaze,

“Vik, isn’t this just, uhh. It’s so wonderful? Now that you saw the baby? Do you feel better sweetheart, it’s so much more real, there’s a little piece of both of us growing inside of you! My darling, I love you Viktoria, both of you. More than anything.”

He beamed at her as she smiled back. How could she tell him that, although she was really happy and relieved that the baby was healthy, and she felt so proud of him, how he was , and that she was giving him something so precious that he wanted more than anything… That she felt even more terrified of what was to come than she did before?

—-

TBC -VP 💖