/ Istvan – FC Rob Evans
/ Both images borrowed from their Instagram
/ I own none of these images, all used with love and respect <3
/ Rings – enoirvado / Vegas view – Instagram sin1city / Quotes – all taken from Pinterest and none had credit for where they came from.
As Mr Kolettis reentered the ultrasound suite he smiled at the royal couple,
“How was that?”
Istvan grinned at the physician widely,
“Thank you so much Mr Kolettis, our baby… I can’t believe it…”
Viktoria didn’t say anything, her eyes were fixed on the frozen image onscreen as she held Istvan’s hand tightly. Mr Kolettis ventured gently as he looked at the Queen,
“Your Highness? Was everything ok for you?”
Istvan squeezed Viktoria’s hand softly, jolting her back from the myriad of thoughts and images running around her mind. She whirled her head to look at the two men, eyes wide,
“I’m sorry, pardon?”
Istvan stroked her cheek, his heart surged as he looked at her. He’d been so caught up in seeing the baby and expressing his joy that he hadn’t really taken the time to notice how quiet his wife had gotten; that maybe her tears weren’t for the same emotions as his own…
He searched her eyes trying to get a read on her,
“Mr Kolettis was just asking if everything was ok for you, my love…”
Viktoria nodded, a serious expression on her pale face,
“Oh of course. I just want to be sure that everything is ok? With the baby I mean?”
Mr Kolettis smiled at the young queen, his expression soft,
“There’s nothing today that gave any cause for concern, from what I’ve seen, you have a healthy foetus that’s growing and developing inline with what we’d be expecting at this stage.”
He watched as Viktoria nodded, unconsciously chewing her lip.
“Ma’am, if I’m not too forward, are you ok? Do you have anything you want to me explain or go over? You seem very tense? A pregnancy is as much about mom as it is about baby…”
Viktoria’s heart leapt into her mouth as she looked at the kindly consultant, her eyes finding Istvan, looking panicked, she swallowed hard,
“I-I…”
She scrambled up the table to put herself at a height where she felt less vulnerable as Istvan wrapped an arm protectively around her shoulders, Viktoria shifted her dress down, covering the small bump with her arm as her husband spoke for her,
“Mr Kolettis the pregnancy is a lot for my wife. She’s got so much on her plate with the monarchy and the charitable trust. She’s always under a lot of pressure. And it’s a big change to our lives… Being parents is going to be a bit of an adjustment, for us both.”
Viktoria found her voice, albeit small,
“I want to be a good mom… And I’m really trying to do all the right things…”
Istvan placed a gentle kiss in her hair,
“She’s been feeling a bit overwhelmed, and we both thought the scan would help, but looking at you, I don’t think it has, is that a fair comment Viktoria?”
The Queens lip started to quiver as she scrubbed the tears from her big blue eyes,
“I feel like I’m letting everyone down, especially you and the baby Istvan. I should be so happy, like the way that Istvan is, and I just feel like I’m this terrible, cold, uncaring person Mr Kolettis…”
The older man frowned and took Viktoria’s hand in his own,
“You are far from a terrible person, admitting you’re struggling with something new isn’t a weakness you know? You’re a person in your own right, your feelings are completely valid. However, we can’t have you walking around feeling like this for the next six months, because it’s not good for you or for the baby. Why don’t you hop down from the table, we can all sit down and have a chat?”
Istvan nodded at her encouragingly as she slipped down from the table, smoothing down the skirt of her dress, hands resting over the little bump. Istvan smiled sadly as his large hand settled on her lower back guiding her to the chair by Mr Kolettis’ desk, his heart hurt to hear her admit how much she was struggling; she looked like a scared little girl rather than the warm, vivacious woman he’d fallen in love with and married…
As she sat down, a shaky breath left her, blinking back tears as Istvan squeezed her hand tightly in his. Mr Kolettis put his glasses on and peered at them both,
“Queen Viktoria. How are you sleeping?”
Viktoria dropped her head as she answered,
“Not great.”
Mr Kolettis nodded, jotting down something with a pen,
“In what way?”
She gave Istvan an apologetic sideways glance,
“I lie awake worrying about the pregnancy and the baby. I try to make a bond with it the way Istvan has, it’s so sweet and I want that too…”
Istvan swallowed hard, he hadn’t realised that… Mr Kolettis nodded,
“Ok. Appetite?”
Viktoria shrugged,
“Fine, I guess.”
He nodded again,
“How often are you feeling tearful?”
Viktoria shrugged again feeling slightly paranoid about the line of questioning,
“Quite often? But isn’t every pregnant woman like that?”
The consultant nodded silently,
“On a scale of 1-10 how anxious do you feel?”
Viktoria screwed her nose up, still coming off just a bit defensive,
“It varies.”
Mr Kolettis pressed her,
“Coming here today, on a scale of 1-10? 1 being really happy and relaxed, 10 being so anxious you feel physically unwell.”
A strangled whisper of
“Ten…”
left Viktoria’s throat as tears filled her eyes, giving up her shaky defence as the older man pushed for an answer; she was too exhausted to keep it up much longer… Her husband’s grip on her hand tightened as he looked at her, shock written on his face. He knew she was feeling stressed but, the extent of the anxiety she was feeling really scared him,
“Viktoria… Why didn’t you say it was this bad?”
Mr Kolettis interrupted,
“Because she feels like she’s letting you down and she feels guilty for how she is handling things, is that an accurate assessment Your Highness?”
Vik nodded as she wiped her eyes again.
Mr Kolettis smiled kindly at her,
“At home with King Istvan, when he talks about the future, you know, telling people about the pregnancy, having the baby, picking names, etc, how anxious do you feel? 1-10.”
Viktoria looked tentatively at Istvan,
“I’m so sorry. Please don’t be upset Ist… Between 3 & 8 depending what the conversation is about…”
Istvan said nothing, he blew out a deep breath and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand as he stood and paced back and forward across the room. Viktoria sprung off her seat, clutching at his arm,
“Istvan please, I’m really sorry. Don’t be angry. I’m trying to be honest…”
Istvan was wordless as he pulled her frame gently to his, holding his pregnant wife close for a minute before whispering,
“I’m not angry my love, I just hate that you feel like this, because I wanted all of this. I wanted a family, and I pushed you… I feel so guilty; you’re suffering because of me, God knows I never wanted to hurt you Vik…”
Mr Kolettis interjected,
“This isn’t anyone’s fault and I don’t want anyone feeling guilty or ashamed any longer: that stops today both of you. It’s shiningly clear how much you love each other. So you are going to get through this rough spot and you are going to be wonderful parents, both of you, I’m certain of it. Queen Viktoria I have one last question. It’s a little delicate I’m afraid… Have you ever suffered from anxiety or depression?”
Viktoria dropped her head, tears running down her cheeks. Istvan didn’t know all of this and she felt dreadful: another revelation today… She didn’t purposely hide the details from him, it was just so hard for her to talk about because it still hurt so badly; he would understand that, right? She began shakily,
“I struggled a lot when my mom was sick. I had to take time off work for stress, it was so difficult to watch her get sicker and sicker and not be able to do anything… I wasn’t looking after myself properly and collapsed at work, they had to take me to the ER because I hit my head on the tiles… My mom was disappearing in front of me and there wasn’t anyone to help me look after her… Then even when she went into hospital it was only me and her best friend who lived nearby who could visit. After she died I needed something to take the edge off, to get through the funeral and stuff… And then for a while afterwards I took some sleeping pills… Istvan I’m so sorry I never told you all of this before, honestly it was so horrifying and so awful, I’ve tried so very very hard just to forget…”
Istvan just shook his head as he pulled her closer to him,
“Vik…”
His wife had never looked so vulnerable or broken as she did right now.
Mr Kolettis looked at Viktoria and Istvan and sighed,
“I think you may be suffering from some level of antenatal depression Your Highness. It’s less heard of than post-partum depression, and to be honest it’s not really been given a lot of recognition until recently. But it’s believed to be as common as 1 in 7 women who experience it to at least some degree…”
Istvan gawped at the doctor, sitting back down, pulling Viktoria into his lap, enveloping her protectively in his strong arms,
“You think my wife has depression?”
Mr Kolettis winced,
“I don’t want to label it right now, but I don’t think Viktoria is feeling very well, and it’s making everything about this pregnancy seem much, much larger and scarier than it really is. With what you’ve just told me Your Majesty, you are predisposed to depression both during and after pregnancy given your history, also you live a very high stress life in the public eye. You’re comparing the bond you have with the baby to your husband’s, as if yours doesn’t hold up… You don’t have your mom around anymore either, which given what you’ve said, it sounds like you were very close, that must be a blow in itself… Other than your husband, what does your support network look like?”
Viktoria smiled sadly,
“No one else has kids really. Well Bertrand… We have a lot of friends but not that I want talk about this with… Mrs Levy’s been lovely…”
Mr Kolettis looked at Istvan,
“Any other family?”
The King shook his head,
“Only Leo and Regina. Vik doesn’t have any family. Just an aunt and cousin left in Poland who she doesn’t really know very well…”
Mr Kolettis smiled sympathetically,
“This could also account for why you’re feeling so overwhelmed. Listen, you honestly don’t have to worry, we can help you, how you feel right now isn’t as good as it gets, my dear. There’s various things we can do: counselling, relaxation and holistic therapies, and if necessary we can give you some meds to make you feel more like yourself again.”
Viktoria shook her head, hand on her stomach,
“No, I don’t want pills, won’t they hurt the baby?”
Mr Kolettis pulled a face,
“Well. A lot of schools of thought on this… Controlled amounts of selective antidepressants in your system could be less damaging than you walking around feeling like this for another six months. We’ll have to weigh everything up before we make any decisions…”
Istvan stroked Viktoria’s shoulder as he nodded,
“I just want Vik well. I trust you that you’ll look after the baby Mr Kolettis, but I agree wholeheartedly, my wife needs to feel better.”
Mr Kolettis continued,
“It’s essential King Istvan. If you don’t feel better, Your Majesty, there’s also a much higher risk of you developing post-natal depression. We need to make sure you are properly supported and feeling a lot happier, as soon as possible, because we definitely don’t want that. We want you to flourish during the remaining months of your pregnancy, to feel a strong bond with baby, then when he or she arrives, we want you to be a relaxed and happy mommy who feels well enough, not only to cope, but to enjoy the experience. Are you willing for my team and I to try to support you through to that point?”
—-
TBC -VP 💖
