Aesthetic Credits: Viktoria – FC Joanna Prus
/ Istvan – FC Rob Evans
/ Both images borrowed from their Instagram
/ I own none of these images, all used with love and respect <3
/ Rings – enoirvado / Vegas view – Instagram sin1city / Quotes – all taken from Pinterest and none had credit for where they came from.[/caption]
Viktoria’s breath shuddered, ‘It’s now or never…’, she’d bottled all this up for so long, he was going to think she was insane. But by not talking to him, she’d actually made things worse…
She began tentatively as Istvan listened to all of her fears spilling out,
“What if I actually can’t give you an heir at all? What if I can’t get pregnant and you’re totally crushed? All I want is for you to be happy! What do we do then?”
She raised her eyebrows at him. Opening his mouth to speak, she shook her head silencing him.
“Or say we try, and something goes wrong? With the pregnancy? With me? With the baby? What happens?”
She shook her head again as if baffled by the whole hypothetical situation. Istvan took her hands in his, moving closer to her on the sofa.
“Viktoria, you’re getting ahead of yourself sweetheart. No one knows if they’re going to have fertility problems before they start trying for a baby. And we would work that out if we came to it. There’s nothing in your medical history to suggest there would be a problem before or during a pregnancy is there?“
She rolled her eyes,
“Not that I know about, but that doesn’t mean it can’t happen Istvan… Women and babies can still die during pregnancy and childbirth nowadays you know… I’m scared Ist.”
He squeezed her hand a little tighter,
“You would have the finest medical care money could buy, you don’t have to be scared. I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.”
He tipped her chin to look in her eyes, in a solemn voice he vowed,
“Vik, I will never let anything bad happen to you, do you hear me?”
A thin smile flitted across her face, momentarily, replaced by the nervous biting of her lip again.
She continued,
“I don’t have the first idea how to look after a baby. Do you? I don’t know anything about bottles, or colic, or changing them, or whatever else they need! I’m afraid I get everything wrong and the baby gets hurt.”
He smirked. She shot him a warning glance. He straightened his face quickly,
“My love, I’m sure every new parent feels like that. We would learn together as we go I’m sure. And we’re more fortunate than most, we can hire professional help. Anything we aren’t sure of, an experienced Nanny would be able to assist with and advise us on the best course of action.”
She sighed loudly,
“Istvan are you going to have an answer for everything?”
He frowned,
“I’m trying to quash your fears? I’m trying to make you feel better.”
She dropped her head, massaging her temples, getting frustrated with him,
“Let’s see what your solution is for this one… I’m so so afraid that we have a baby and I don’t love it. What if I just can’t ever find it in me to love it, Ist? I don’t have the urge to be a mom, I don’t know why. So, what if we do this and I’m just a horrible, awful mother? Because I don’t have all these maternal feelings that other women seem to have, cooing and clucking over babies in the street. What if I’m cold and they live their whole life feeling like their mother regretted having them? What sort of life is that for a child? Or what if I can’t cope Istvan? What if I turn out to be just like my dad, and walk out on our kid? What if I leave you to raise it alone?”
He sat back shocked for a few seconds, mouth ajar shaking his head,
“Viktoria why would you say that?! You are the most loving, giving person I’ve ever met; your love changed my whole life! You’re a good person! Are you forgetting all the charitable work you do? How kind you are to the palace staff? The way you care about our friends? You sat reading and talking to my father for hours everyday before he died – your compassion astounded everyone Vik, especially given your history with him. Good God, these things are all part of the reason I love you so much!”
She shrugged her shoulders, sighing. He carried on,
“Okay, so you aren’t crazy about random kids in the street, but you’d love our baby, because it would be ours. We’d be connected to it. It would be part of us.”
He pulled her close to him, kissing her forehead,
“You’ve coped with so much since you came to Cordonia, I just can’t understand why you don’t think your capable of this. Everything that’s happened in your life, you’ve handled it, you’ve adapted, you’ve came out stronger; why would this be any different? We would be in this together, forever, neither of us are walking out. You would be an amazing mom.”
He smiled at her,
“Even when I see you with our dogs, how affectionate you are, how you trained them, the way you look after them personally when they’re sick, your face lights up when they trot in the room… Viktoria, you’re a natural parent. I don’t know why you can’t see it, it’s so bloody clear to everyone else.”
Viktoria looked rattled, running her hand through her hair,
“Okay, so, say we have a baby. Assuming I do love it, and stick around – what if I make terrible decisions and fuck it’s life up completely?“
He shook his head, his patience starting to wear a little thin,
“I don’t know why you’re being so down on yourself about this. We’re the fucking King and Queen of Cordonia, we make decisions that impact tens of thousands of people on a daily basis, I’m sure we could handle it!”
Raising an eyebrow, she grinned at him,
“Ok, I do concede on that point.”
She dipped her head and peered up, questioning him, her cheeks flushed,
“A baby would change my body – I’m worried… That you maybe… Maybe you wouldn’t want me anymore Ist?“
He gawped at her,
“How could you even think that?? I adore everything about you and I always will! Do you really think I’m that shallow…?”
Viktoria mumbled,
“I’m sorry, no, I don’t think you’re shallow… But be honest, my body is pretty important to you Istvan. You always tell me how good I look when I’m in fitted dresses. You spank my ass when I walk past you. You can’t keep your hands off me. When we’re in bed you whisper to me that you love how tight my body is. Istvan, I love our sex life. I’m your wife… I want you to be crazy about me – I don’t ever want that to change…”
Istvan grabbed Viktoria’s face and kissed her deeply, taking her breath away. Their foreheads leaned together as they parted,
“I will never not want you. I promise you that Vik. You drive me wild, I can’t get enough of you and that’ll never change, you just have to trust me on that. Ok??”
She kissed him softly,
“Ok.”
Silence fell over them for a moment, Viktoria was biting her lip again, debating whether to air her last concern or not… She looked him in the eye and quietly asked him,
“Have you ever thought what would happen if the anti-monarchists rise up again…? What if they succeed next time Istvan and I’m left to bring up the heir to the throne alone? I couldn’t do it on my own. Or what if they target the child and we can’t keep them safe Istvan? What if our child is murdered because of who we are?”
TBC – VP 💖
