Better Than Me – Chapter 4

catch up here: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

“I’ll always risk myself for you, Hartford. I’m stupid like that.”

He took a deep breath.

“That’s what you do when you’re in love.”

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Drake waited with bated breath, staring into Annie’s shocked eyes and willing her to accept his words, accept him. She blinked once, twice, three times before whispering,

“You love me?”

Her eyes clouded with tears, but whether they were happy or not, Drake couldn’t tell. He reached up to caress her face, her beautiful face, running his thumb across her cheekbone and catching the stray tears as they began to fall.

“Why the tears, Hartford?”

She sniffled, shaking her head and looking down.

“God, I don’t know, I just never thought you’d feel this way. In Lythikos, you made it pretty clear -”

Drake brought his lips to Annie’s, kissing her softly, his touch full of apologies for the way he’d been treating her. “I tried to stay away from you, Hartford, to keep this . . . whatever it is . . . from happening. You deserve the world, to be Queen. You deserve someone like Liam. I can’t give you anything but myself, and I’m nothing, nobody.” He felt the sting of his words as he spoke them, the truth of his inadequacies burning deep inside. Dropping his gaze to the floor, Drake swallowed hard. He felt too vulnerable, too open. He’d never let someone in like this, not even his family. He stared at the carpet, forcing himself to get the words out, to tell her how completely he belonged to her.

“Hartford, I’ll never be good enough, but you have to know, no matter what I said or did, I was trying to do it for you, so you could be happy. I’ve wanted you since that first night in New York, when you walked out of that bar in your green dress and into our lives, and I’ve fallen more and more in love with you ever since. I’ve never met someone as perfect for me as you.” Drake finally lifted his eyes to meet Annie’s, watching as tears rolled helplessly down her cheeks.

“Oh, Drake,” Annie murmured, her hands reaching up to brush the wetness from her face. She rose from the bed, crossing to an armchair where a robe lay tossed on the cushion. Lifting the silky garment, Annie slid it over her exposed body, covering herself from Drake’s view. His stomach clenched as he watched her hide from him, as though the passionate embrace they’d shared before hadn’t happened. Annie stood at the window silently, looking out into the darkness for a moment before turning to face Drake again.

“Drake, when I told you I was in love with you in Lythikos, I meant it. Maxwell brought me to Cordonia for Liam, to fall in love with him. I thought Liam was amazing when we met, he was kind and funny, and so sweet, so coming here and giving up my life in New York didn’t feel like a sacrifice – I had nothing tying me down to the city and here was a chance at love with a great guy.” Annie moved back to stand before Drake, reaching her hand out to him. He tentatively grasped her outstretched palm, unsure why she was telling him all this and afraid to interrupt.

“And, then, I got here and Liam was never around. There were tons of women here for one man and I felt like I had stumbled on the set of some weird Bachelor-type show.” Annie shook her head. “It was naïve of me to think that I had a chance with a future king when I barely knew him, and all of these other women had been around the court for their whole lives. I was totally out of my league here and I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.” She raised her eyes to Drake’s, confusion and pain emanating from their depths. Squeezing his hand gently, she continued.

“Then there was you. Drake Walker, sarcastic sidekick and resident whiskey snob, and I thought I had found my home, my person, you know? But you wanted nothing to do with me.”

“Hartford, that’s not – ”

“Drake, I’m not a mind reader. You seemed pretty damn sure that you didn’t want me anywhere near you. When I apologized to you at Olivia’s I figured that was that, that if I could get through the social season and get home, that I could get over you.” She shrugged. “It didn’t work. I tried staying away from you like you wanted, but we were always forced together, doing some ridiculous court activity. I couldn’t stand it because here I was, feeling stupid because I’d basically thrown myself at you and you couldn’t care less. But my dumb heart just wouldn’t let you go.”

Annie dropped Drake’s hand, running her fingers through her hair in frustration. His fingers felt cold without her touch and he itched to reach for her again, to hold her close, but he held back. Something had shifted in Annie, the heat and passion from earlier replaced by reluctance. Annie sat down hard on the bed next to him again, and Drake hoped she couldn’t hear his heart pounding in his chest as he waited for her to continue.

“Goddamn it!” Annie cried, slamming her fists on the mattress next to her. “Drake, why couldn’t you have just told me?” She turned to face him, despair creasing her features. “I told you I loved you, and you pushed me away for weeks! And then you show up here tonight, and you play the hero, and you punched Tariq, and . . .” she sucked in a breath, “and make all these feelings that I’ve been fighting so hard come rushing back in, and then you kiss me the way I’ve been dreaming about, and – and –  it wasn’t supposed to be this way!”

Annie’s voice rang out loudly in the large room, tinged with despair. She broke down in tears, her hands coming up to cover her face as her body curled into itself, sobs racking her frame. Drake sat, stunned, wondering how this had gone so wrong.

“Annie, what are you talking about? I love you, please just talk to me.”

His words only made her cry harder. Drake reached out to her, desperate to make contact with her, to get back to the place they were less than an hour before, when they were wrapped in each other’s arms. She allowed his touch, letting his fingers brush back the strands of hair that flew about her face, then trailing behind her to gently rub her back. Helplessly, Drake watched as Annie dropped her hands to her lap, defeat outlining the gesture. She turned to him, devastation written across her face, her next words thick with tears.

“Drake, there’s someone else.”