Disclaimer: The following is a prequel to Choices The Freshman and The Sophomore stories. It is a fictional adaptation. I do not work for Pixelberry Studios, the game developer or own the rights to the characters Chris Powell, Jo, Kyle or Nicole. All of the characters, story line and events were originally developed by me, some areas in part with @maxattack-powell, in conjuction to her adaptation of The Freshman.
Chapter 9: Hate That I Love You
Lunch tray balanced on one hand, Morgan uses her other to pull out a chair. As she does, all heads at the table lift from their focus on their plates and stare, their chewing movements slowing as the surprise sets in.
She glances at Ethan, Alex and Chris who gives her a tiny head nod as she lowers herself into the chair, placing her tray on the table.
Ryan, seated diagonally from her, sits up straight, eyebrows raised and eyes slightly wide at the sight of her return. She does not make eye contact with him.
“Welcome back,” Alex grins and elbows her.
She simply nods, grabbing her fork before digging into her salad. She shifts her eyes over to Chris who gives her a small smile. She returns it silently. A week ago, he had tried to make peace with her. She didn’t immediately jump back into her spot with their small crew, instead giving it a few more days to allow the dust to settle on their conversation. She needed more time to think. She had agreed they would remain friends but she had to reflect on exactly what that meant for her. She knew in large part she would have to let go any ideas she had ever held that they could someday be more than that. Since the talk, he has been more friendly in class and when passing her in the halls.
She was not sure however if she could ever return to friendship status with the young man staring intently at her from across the table. She looks up and Ryan’s eyes are on her. He forces an awkward smile but it drops when he sees her blank expression.
Across the cafeteria there is a cackle of laughter from the group of cheerleaders assembled around Nicole. Chris’s outburst the week prior had the school buzzing for several days but, as is the case often in high school, the student body had moved on to the next piece of gossip and it was old news. The Homecoming Dance had been on Saturday and rumor had it more than a few seniors had found themselves disheveled and nursing serious hangovers on Sunday morning. Ryan, Ethan, Morgan and Chris had all opted out of attending. Ryan and Ethan, in a show of solidarity with Chris had not asked any girls and quite frankly, didn’t want to deal with the headache of planning and selecting attire. The football playoffs were beginning and they needed to focus on their pursuit of a state title. Alex had gone to the dance with a girl in his junior class but said the entire soiree was boring and his pals had not missed much of anything. Nicole and Maya had gone with a group of girls and danced and partied the night away as single ladies. They were also among the group of seniors to find themselves in desperate need of Gatorade and aspirin the following day.
The heads of all those seated with Chris turn to look at Nicole and her squad laughing wildly, before turning their attention back to each other.
Morgan can feel Ryan’s eyes still on her but she will not look at him.
“Coach wants us to look at some more film today after practice,” Chris says. “You guys good to stay?”
“For sure,” Ethan nods.
“I’m down,” Ryan adds.
“Me too,” Alex chimes in.
“I mean Eastbrook was 4-6 this season and the last seed, but, won’t hurt to take another look at them, right?”
Chris glances around for a minute and then spots Aaron as he walks through the cafeteria, backpack on his shoulders.
“Aaron!” Chris calls. He looks up and Chris waves him over. He approaches their table, looking a bit awkward and anxious, shoving his hands into his pockets. His head is covered in a mop of dark brown curly hair and his eyes rest behind a pair of thin, rimmed glasses. The sophomore quarterback is all arms and legs. His gangly arms almost look too long for his torso. But he has large hands and strength in his arm and like most young men in Cherryfield, playing a sport was not really up for debate as he grew up. He would much rather read one of Shakespeare’s plays than the playbook. He looks at the senior quarterback.
“Uh, hey Chris…what’s up?” he asks. He seems anxious and to anyone who did not know him, they would think he was nervous. Chris and the team have come to understand, that’s just how Aaron is.
“Pipsqueak!” Ryan exclaims with a grin and a little laugh. “How the hell are you man?”
At the nickname, Aaron shakes his head slightly and sighs. “Hey Ryan…” His voice cracks slightly as he speaks and he clears his throat, only drawing a laugh from Ryan.
“More film after practice today, okay?” Chris says.
Aaron nods. “Okay, yeah, sure. But, um, you sure you want me there though?” He questions a bit surprised.
Chris looks at him. “This is your team next year. You need to start getting ready to be the starter. Time to learn.”
At Chris’s words, a sobering reality hits Aaron. He had one shot as the starter the week Coach Madison benched Chris but he knew it was temporary and he would return to his role as the backup. Next year the starting gig will be much more permanent, possibly for the next two seasons. He lowers his eyes and nods almost reluctantly. When he does lift his eyes again, he looks at the young lady sitting near the end of the table. When Morgan looks up at him, he looks back down.
“I’ll um, I’ll see you guys at practice then,” Aaron nods and spins before walking away, head down. He takes one more peek at the table before he walks out the door.
“That’s a weird cat right there,” Ryan says watching him walk away. He shakes his head. “We got to get him toughened up before next season or Alex, you and the Clippers are going to go 0-10.”
“He’ll be fine,” Chris says. “Just needs some confidence. He played well a few weeks ago.”
“Yeah, because he kept handing the ball to Ryan and Ethan,” Alex chuckles.
Chris, Ethan and Alex begin to discuss Aaron’s technique and the fate of the Clippers. Ryan looks at Morgan, thinking to himself for a minute as the others delve deeper into their discussion, before he stands and walks around the table. She looks up, frowning slightly and it only deepens when he takes a seat beside her.
He faces her, propping an elbow on the table and resting his face against his hand as he looks at her.
“Glad you joined us again,” he says and plays with the hair on the top of his head, a smirk on his lips.
“Chris asked,” she shrugs as if it is no big deal. She grabs her water and takes a sip from the bottle. Ryan focuses on her lips pressed against the rim of the plastic, watching the water and her gulps. He licks his lips slightly.
“So only ‘cause Chris asked, eh?” Ryan teases and rubs at his cheek with a sly grin. “That or could you just not stay away?” he winks. Morgan turns, her face sour and irritated and she lowers her water bottle back onto her tray. She opens her mouth to speak but thinks again and keeps it to herself. She cracks her neck and rolls her shoulders.
“Listen, I was thinking, maybe Saturday we could do something? Get together, dinner, movie or whatever?” he shrugs as he throws it out to her casually as if the request is no big deal. Internally, he feels his heart beat faster.
She glances around at their table, Chris, Ethan and Alex are still engaged in their discussion, paying no attention to their conversation.
She leans towards Ryan and he smiles as she comes closer, but her eyes narrow. “Are you serious right now?”
“What? It’ll be fun. You’ll like it, I promise. We’d have a good time,” he tilts his head and touches her arm. “Say yes.”
“How about hell no,” she says and grits her teeth. At this Ryan is a bit taken aback but if he is honest with himself, he knows he can’t truly be surprised.
“Morgan, look, the thing with Maya-“ he says keeping his voice low so the others won’t hear .”We can put that in the past too, right? I mean, really, it was nothing,” he lets out a small laugh. “Like not even nothing, less than nothing. With you though…If this,” he motions his hand back and forth between them, “if it would be what we both want then…it could be good,” he nods.
She huffs in disbelief and lets out a sarcastic laugh, trying to keep her voice low and her tone light so the others don’t hear. “Do you hear yourself? You don’t even know how to apologize, Ryan. You think you can just flirt and charm and all will be well because that’s how girls are with you,” she shakes her head. She leans in again and looks him point blank in the eye. “I’m not other girls. Hooking up is never nothing.”
“Morgan-“
“No, Ryan,” she shakes her head.
He looks down at the floor and swallows before sighing. He was not ready to admit defeat but when he looks back up and sees the anger in Morgan’s eyes, he gives her a small head nod. Silently he stands and returns to his seat, elbows on the table, not looking in her direction.
***
The next morning Ryan slides onto the stool in the Physics lab. Snow flurries were swirling when he left the house this morning. It was harder to leave his home and the warmth of his bed than usual today, but he is making progress in tutorials. He got an 86 on his last quiz and as much as he doesn’t want to thank her, he knows it’s all due to Tay’s help. They have been working together for the last month.
As he drove his Bronco to school this morning, he kept it quiet, a rare change for him. There is no radio or CD blasting loud music, dulling his thoughts and senses; Just the road ahead and his thoughts.
Since yesterday afternoon, something in his world has felt off. It’s a new feeling for him and he is not sure how exactly to cope. Whenever things had shaken his world a bit, he could typically hang with the guys, pound out frustration on the football field or call up any girl in Cherryfield that has caught his eye and find a way to blot out the emotions.
He found himself lacking a desire to do any of those. He had gone through drills at football practice and stayed behind to watch film with the quarterbacks, Ethan and the other starters but after that, he just wanted to go home.
Lisa could sense something was up with her son as soon as she called him to the dinner table. He sat quietly, eating his meatloaf, mac-n-cheese and potatoes. He answered her questions when she asked, but her chatty son was quiet in between anecdotes about her work day.
She had suggested they take their food and eat them on TV trays, taking in the Golden State Warriors and Cleveland Cavaliers game on television that night. Ryan had joined her and watched the game, starting to perk up a bit more as the battle on the hardwood unfolded on their TV screen.
“Girl problems?” Lisa finally asked him taking a drink of her soda.
Ryan lifted his eyebrows, but knew his mom could always sense when there was discord in his life. “Yeah…but it’ll be okay,” he shrugged.
She looked at his profile, the way his shoulders stooped. The corners of his eyes seemed to turn down. “This one must be special to you,” she questioned.
He ran his fingers through his hair, pulling slightly at a few of the pieces before licking his lips and nodding slowly.
“I’ll go get you some more mac-n-cheese,” she offered and headed to the kitchen. She did not press him to tell her more, giving him the space and privacy she tried to respect.
But after that brief exchange, he had focused on her statement. ‘This one must be special to you.’ He was realizing the extent of those words. His regret was that he didn’t realize their truth until now, when it was too late.
Quietly taking his seat in the lab, he takes off his coat, tossing it onto the table and unzips his backpack. He reaches in and grabs his physics book and his notebook, searching the bag for a pencil. Tay looks over at him. He isn’t very talkative most mornings, so that aspect of his current mood isn’t too different than any other day they meet. But she can see something else in his body language that doesn’t quite feel Ryan-like. The cocky way he holds his head, the confident strut when he enters a room knowing he owns the school, or even some smart ass comment before they get to work, they aren’t there today.
“Hey,” she says and looks over at him.
“Hey,” he says without looking at her. He finds a pencil and opens his book to the last page they worked on and flips to his notes in the notebook. He holds his pencil in hand, finally looking over at her as he waits for her to begin. He runs his fingers through his hair mindlessly, pulling and twirling pieces here and there.
“Alright, we were working on mass versus weight,” Tay says. Ryan nods keeping his focus on the book. “There’s some YouTube videos I found last night that can help with this too,” she says pulling out her phone. Ryan simply nods again.
“Okay…what’s your deal today?” Tay asks and sits her phone down on the table. At this he looks at her. Her signature bangs lie flat against her forehead, but her hair is down and slightly wavy. She is wearing a sweater with a crisp white collar, something you would have seen girls wear in the 50’s. Her leggings and short heels compliment the theme for the look. He tugs at his ear lobe, frowning slightly.
“My deal?” He questions.
“Yeah, you have been here for a solid three minutes and haven’t cracked one wise-ass joke or said something inappropriate like only you can,” Tay shakes her head and squints. “Something wrong?”
“No, nothing is wrong. Can we just work please?” he sighs.
“Whatever,” she shrugs and then types on her phone. She opens the YouTube app and does a quick search before finding the desired videos.
“This was really helpful when I was working on our assignment last night,” she explains. Ryan nods and watches as the video begins, both leaning in to watch it. A few details pop up in animated text as the video plays and Ryan huffs before reaching into his bag and retrieving a case. He opens it as Tay watches. To her surprise, he pulls out a pair of black glasses and puts them on.
“Tell anyone and I’ll slash your tires,” he mumbles, feeling her staring at him. Her mouth falls open and she lets out a laugh.
“Glasses? Seriously? Mr. Walking Afterschool Special needs glasses? How am I the only breathing soul at Cherryfield High with this knowledge?” Tay laughs a little.
Ryan reaches out and hits pause on the video. “I’m far-sighted okay…and some small texts…like on this damn video…I have trouble with….”
“What do you do during football games?” She frowns.
“Contacts,” he throws out. “I was tired this morning, didn’t put them in.”
She looks at his profile. “Let me see,” she says.
“What?” he frowns and reaches out to start the video back but she slides her phone away from him.
“Let me see! Turn around!”
“Screw off, no! You are supposed to be tutoring me, so let’s work,” he grumbles.
“Aw, come on Ry-guy…let me see,” she teases. “Lemmmeee seeeeeeee,” She sings.
“Damn, you are annoying!” he exclaims and turns around and faces her. “There! Go ahead! Laugh away, haha look at Ryan the dork.” He rubs his forehead and rolls his eyes before looking at her.
She stares back at him, mouth slightly open, then closes it. “Hmph,” she says.
“What does that mean?” he frowns.
“Huh?” She responds blinking. “Oh, nothing. Just, they don’t look that bad on you,” she shrugs.
“That bad?” He replies.
“Well what do you want me to say?” She folds her arms over her chest.
“I don’t know,” he shrugs and thinks. “Maybe that they make me look like a hot doctor or something like one of those Grey’s Anatomy dudes,” He cocks an eyebrow.
“Aaaaaand there he is,” Tay shakes her head. “Knew that couldn’t have lasted for long.”
“What?” Ryan asks incredulously throwing up a hand.
“You are a piece of work, that’s what,” she says. “Enough jerking around, let’s work.” She pushes her phone back between them.
“I was trying to and then someone got all distracted by my sexy doctor look,” he says wiggling his eyebrows.
“Do you think before you talk or is there just like this audio recording inside a little box in your throat of asinine comments?” She frowns and her eyes search his face as if she is studying him.
“Me? What about you? All you do is talk shit!”
“Yeah well, I didn’t exactly plan on spending my senior year of high school in some god forsaken town in Maine but here I am, so yeah, maybe I do talk a little shit because I’m stuck here and now I’m stuck every day with you and your bull,” Tay retorts. Her brow creases and she sighs. Her face turns slightly red and then she turns her face away from Ryan. She said way more to him than she intended to. She angrily hits play on the YouTube video and it resumes.
Ryan looks at her, ignoring the video for a minute.
“You moved here from Pittsburgh, right?” Ryan asks.
“Yeah?” She glances up at him, still a bit on edge.
He shrugs some. “That does seem kind of shitty. Having to move and be at a new school for just your senior year. Not knowing anybody here or anything….”
“It is what it is,” she says somewhat softly.
“Did you have a lot of friends back home?” he asks.
She looks at him and is about to make a snarky retort but his face shows he’s actually interested in what she has to say. She relents for a moment.
“Yeah…I had some really great friends…two best friends…which…are two more friends than I have here….” She says and huffs.
Ryan looks at her for a moment. She reaches over to back up the video so it can replay a portion they talked over. As she extends her wrist, he notices a silver bracelet on her wrist with a dark black text as the inscription. He’s seen it before, but wearing his glasses he pays more attention to the wording on it. He turns his head to read it: Pfc. Avery R. Worley, USMC. There is a date written on the side but at the angle she holds her wrist, Ryan cannot see it clearly.
“Your bracelet?” He questions slowly.
She looks up at him quickly then down at her arm. She pulls her hand back from her phone and then tugs her sleeve down, placing her hand in her lap.
“Uh yeah,” she says and clears her throat some.
“You…lost someone?”
She gulps and her eyes become sad. “Yeah,” she says, clearing her throat again. “My big brother. Two years ago…he was deployed and….didn’t make it back,” she nods.
Ryan stammers for a minute and then shakes his head. “I’m really sorry Taylor,” he says.
“It’s fine….Let’s just work,” she says. She turns up the volume on the video and they begin to watch it silently.
Ryan peers over at her, a different understanding of her beginning to take hold.
***
Eastbrook did not stand a chance against the Cherryfield Clippers this week. With renewed focus from the team’s star quarterback, the Clippers picked apart Eastbrook in the first round of the playoffs 32-7 on a snowy football field. Coach Madison actually took it easy on play calling going into the second half or the carnage would have been much worse. He pulled Chris, Ryan and Ethan from the game in the third quarter, avoiding risk of injury on the frozen field and let Aaron and the second string offense run the ball the rest of the game.
The team bus is boisterous after the easy win. The three captains sit together with Alex recapping the night and feeling every ounce of the thrill that comes with a high school football victory. Even Aaron, sitting with a few of the juniors from the team, is happy. They are the kings of their community and the march to state is on.
“How you pulled out of that tackle and stayed on your feet to throw me that touchdown, I have no idea!” Ethan says to Chris, placing both hands on his head and rustling his hair. Chris laughs hard.
“Houdini,” Ryan says. “He’s fucking Houdini that’s how.”
“Nothing magic about it,” Chris shakes his head. “Those guys just couldn’t tackle worth a damn.”
The bus explodes with laughter. Coach Madison peers back at his team and chuckles but quickly wipes the grin off his face. He told them good job, congratulated them on the effort, but that was enough. There was more playoff work to be done and the games would only get harder from here on out as the opponents became better.
“And this one over here, throwing out The Hawk dance on them tonight in the end zone,” Chris says pointing to Ryan. He extends his hand and Ryan slaps it, doing their elaborate hand gesture they developed as sophomores.
From his spot on the bus, Ryan does a limited version of the dance and the team cheers him on before he falls back down into the seat laughing.
“Hawk, party at your place tonight?” a question is asked from the back of the bus.
“Not this week guys, no more parties…” Ryan says and there are some disappointed groans. “Until state!” Ryan shouts and the bus explodes with cheers . “Then we are going to have the biggest fucking party Cherryfield, Maine has ever seen!”
Chris looks around him, smiling from ear to ear. He feels on top of the world. He has shared a victory with his best friends and this feeling makes the moments after a win some of the best nights of his life. He is not thinking of anything else other than what is presently in front of him, a victorious team that looks to him as the leader.
He looks towards the front of the bus. Coach Madison catches his eyes and gives him a head nod. Chris smiles brighter and looks back at Ryan.
“So what you got planned for tonight Hawk? No way you are just going home and chill. You calling up Maya or what?” Alex asks with a grin.
Ryan winces and shakes his head. “Nah…I think I’m done with all that,” Ryan says.
Ethan throws his head back. “Since when?” he laughs.
“Since I just said it,” Ryan smirks. “Let’s just kick it tonight guys.” He looks around to make sure the others can’t hear. “The four of us, hanging….just kicked back,” he shrugs.
“If I come over, I’m staying ‘cause-“ Ethan begins.
“You are going to go to sleep five minutes after you get there,” Ryan cuts off. Chris and Alex laugh.
“I got work in the morning,” Chris shrugs. He looks down at his phone, it’s already 11:40 p.m. and they are just a few minutes away from the high school.
“I don’t know man, I’m pretty tired too,” Alex says. “What about tomorrow night?”
“Yeah?” Ethan questions.
“Deal. You guys come over…I’ll talk to my mom about some barbeque, we’ll kick back….”
They all nod in agreement.
The bus pulls into the parking lot at Cherryfield High School. There are parents in cars waiting to get their sons and members of the band, dance team and cheerleading squad mill around the parking lot. The buses for the other student groups left before the team, as the players loaded equipment and other bags and took a bit longer. With the snow fall and temperatures plunging, drivers hoped to get everyone back safely before conditions became worse.
As the teams bus pulls up between the gymnasium and the field house, Chris glances out his window. He catches his reflection in the glass, illuminated by the flood lights around the school. He is smiling and thinks about how truly content he feels right now.
He catches a glimpse of Morgan as she carries her bag and pompoms towards her car. She is wearing a head band to cover her ears and a turtle neck under her track suit. Chris knows she must have been freezing on the sidelines during the game tonight. He loses sight of her as the parking lot gets busier. The bus eases to a stop near the gym and Chris glances back but as he does, something catches his eye and he freezes.
Standing on the platform near the double doors by the gymnasium is Nicole. She is wearing her cheerleading outfit with her track pants underneath her shirt and her Cherryfield Cheer jacket. But it’s not just her presence near the doors that catches Chris’s eye. She is standing and talking to Justin Dawes, a junior on the baseball team. Justin is standing extremely close to her and she tosses her hair back over her shoulder giving him an all too familiar smile that Chris recognizes. As she does, he slides his arms around her waist. Nicole rises up on her tip toes and he bends his head and places a kiss against her lips. He waits for a second before she reaches up and pulls his head down, deepening the kiss.
Chris hears no sound around him and feels the blood drop to his feet. It’s as if time stops.
“So tomorrow night at 8 at my house?” Ryan repeats to Chris. Chris’s eyes remain on the scene outside his window.
“Powell!” Ryan says and slaps his arm over the seat but still gets no response. He stands up and sees Chris frozen, looking out the window and follows his gaze. As he does, he lets out a slow, angry breath. “Son of a….”
“What?” Ethan frowns. He and Alex stand and look to see what Ryan and Chris are both gawking angrily at. When they see Nicole all but devouring Justin, they exchange troubled glances.
Ethan looks to Chris once more, seeing the silent rage and pain that had vanished a few weeks ago return to his eyes.