Summary: Audrey worries about her last chance on set and lets herself lean on Seth.
Audrey has cried once since arriving in L.A. It was her second night there, over nothing in particular. She was excited and exhausted and nervous and everything caught up to her all at once. So she put on a sappy movie, let herself cry, and felt infinitely better in the morning.
She feels about ready to cry now on the way back from the desert, but she hates crying in front of people unless it’s part of a character, so she holds it in. Matt keeps glancing at her, and asks her once if she’s okay. He’s sweet, and sincere, and she thinks he’d listen and understand. But she’s not really in the mood to tell him.
When they pull up to her apartment, she calls out a goodbye and nearly runs out of the van. Tears start swimming in her eyes as soon as she gets upstairs, her fingers fumbling over the key and nearly dropping it. Audrey sucks in a shaky breath, trying again, and manages to get the key in the lock this time.
“Hey! Iowa!” Seth’s voice drifts towards her as he comes up the stairs.
No, no, no, she thinks in a panic. Any other time, she’d be happy to see Seth. He’s funny and a good listener and she likes spending time with him, but right now she just wants to have a good cry before she throws herself into practicing the scene that’s either going to make or break this start to her career.
She turns around, forcing a smile on her face as Seth approaches his door.
“How was-“ Seth stops abruptly, his smile fading, and looks at her with concern on his face.
“Hey,” he says gently. “What happened?”
She goes to say “Nothing”, to insist that she’s fine, but much to her dismay and with a little bit of horror, Audrey feels herself start crying.
She hears Seth say her name as she tilts her head down, willing herself to stop. His shoes come into view against the cheap carpet in the hallway, blurry through her tears, and then his arms are around her and she’s burying her face into his t-shirt and wrapping her arms around his back. Seth makes a quiet noise of surprise at her tight embrace, then relaxes against her, his hand drawing slow circles over her shirt. She’s not sure how long they stand there, maybe a few minutes, maybe just a few seconds, but even as she’s crying, she finds she doesn’t want him to let go.
The scent of his detergent and cologne is comforting, the fabric of his t-shirt soft against her cheek and a little damp when she finally lifts her head up. She has a fleeting thought of how used to this she could get. Not the crying, of course, but being able to lean on Seth and having him there when she has a bad day.
“Come on,” Seth murmurs when they hear someone come up the stairs, taking her hand and leading her into her apartment.
The door clicks quietly shut behind them, and Audrey lets out a watery, shaky laugh.
“This is embarrassing. I’m sorry,” she mumbles.
Seth nudges her gently toward her couch, sitting next to her.
“You don’t need to apologize,” he says. “What’s wrong?”
She sighs, sinking into the too-soft sagging cushions, scrubbing her hand over her face to wipe the tears away.
“The desert was fine. Fun, almost. I think Victoria might dislike me a tiny bit less now.”
Seth chuckles quietly. “That’s a positive, right?”
Audrey smiles. “Yeah. But…” She exhales noisily as she fills him in on having one last chance at the scene.
“I don’t know how to make it better,” she says in frustration. “I know I’m overthinking it and making it worse, but I’m just so nervous now.”
She pauses. “Well. More nervous.”
Seth is listening quietly, and she realizes she’s scooted closer to him while she’s rambled. She’s nearly leaning against him now. Audrey bites her lip, then rests her head against his shoulder. His arm comes up around her automatically, and she turns slightly, leaning into him.
“What if I bomb this?” she asks softly.
Seth squeezes his arm around her. “You don’t know that you will. You could go in there tomorrow and blow Markus away.”
Audrey snorts. “I think there’s a better chance of me growing wings and flying than that happening.”
“Well, you’d have a career for the rest of your life then,” Seth says, a hint of humor in his voice. “Problem solved.”
Despite herself, Audrey laughs. “Funny.”
“I try.”
“But what if I do terrible?” she can’t help but ask.
Seth tilts her chin up, his thumb brushing gently against her skin, his blue eyes searching hers. “Then you let yourself get upset, and move on to the next thing.”
She frowns a little. “But-“
“I know it doesn’t seem that simple. But you won’t be the first or last person in Hollywood to be told no or let go,” he says reassuringly.
Seth brings his other hand up, cupping her face in his hands. “It won’t be the end of your career, Audrey. No matter what happens.”
She swallows hard, suddenly overcome with wanting to hug him tighter, wanting to kiss him, wanting to surround herself with his comfort and the quiet strength he’s giving her. Her gaze flickers to his lips, and she hears him suck in a quiet breath.
“Okay?” Seth murmurs.
“Okay,” she murmurs back.
He leans in and her eyes drift closed, his lips gentle against one cheek, and then the other, like he’s trying to erase her tears where they’ve dried. She shivers a little when his lips brush against her forehead, lingering, before he leans back. Audrey opens her eyes slowly, watching him watch her.
“It’ll be okay,” he says, giving her an encouraging smile. “And if it’s not, then you know where to find me. I’ve been told I have a good shoulder to cry on, and really great taste in cheap beer.”
Audrey cracks a smile. “I can attest to that.”
They’re quiet for a few moments, lapsing into a comfortable silence as they sit together, the only sound the occasional drip from the kitchen sink that she really needs to call the landlord about. She finds herself leaning against Seth again, sighing quietly when his arm comes back up around her.
“This is nice,” she murmurs.
“Mm.” His chest rumbles under her with his reply. “It is.”
When she lifts her head up again, he looks down at her.
“Seth. I-“ She hesitates, suddenly unsure if she’ll be saying too much, wondering what she should say.
“I really like you,” she finally manages to get out.
Audrey feels a little flutter in her stomach at the way he smiles at her and the look on his face.
“I really like you, too,” he says.
Seth squeezes her hand again. “I-“ He sounds a little nervous, and so uncharacteristically lost for words.
“I wanted-want-to kiss you,” he says, his cheeks a faint pink, an almost shy look on his face. “But I don’t want to kiss you for the first time when you’re sad.”
Oh. Well. She can understand that. She likes that, actually. She doesn’t necessarily want to equate their first kiss with being anxious and sad over possibly bombing being on a major movie, either.
“Okay,” she says.
His lips quirk up in a half-smile as she settles back against his shoulder. “Okay.”
“What about the next time I’m really, really happy?” Audrey asks after a minute, tilting her head up and giving him a hopeful, playful smile.
Seth smiles back, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “Like I said, Iowa. You know where to find me.”