Contradictions

Contradictions
By Misha

Disclaimer- Not mine.
Author’s Notes- This is an alternate ending to Chapter 4. Instead of the diamond scene with Syphax, I decided to write an extra scene between Antony and my MC, Portia, elaborating on the dynamic between them. This was inspired by a lot of Antony’s dialogue in Chapter 4, including screenshots I saw of what he says if you don’t do his diamond scene and how if he simply wanted to possess her, he would just deal with Lena instead of trying to win her over, and I kept that dynamic in mind as I wrote this.
Pairing- Marc Antony/MC
Rating- PG-13
Summary- Antony and Portia discuss the contradictions that define their relationship.
Words- 1981

“I did not realize the hunt would end so late. I should have arranged for a wagon to take us home,” Syphax apologized.

“It’s fine,” I assured him, “I am in no hurry to be back in the city.”

Not that life at the scholae was terrible, but it reminded me that I was a prisoner. Out here in the open air, I had the illusion of freedom.

Syphax smiled, though it vanished at the sound of hooves approaching. He pushed me behind him protectively, shielding me from view.

The horse came to a stop. “I see fortune smiles on me, for I have managed to catch up on you.” I peaked out on the sound of Marc Antony’s voice.

“You didn’t stable your horse with the others?” I asked curiously, stepping out from behind Syphax.

“I stable him in the city,” Antony explained, “I use my horse for more than hunting.” Of course, he did. His military career would demand that he have a way to travel quickly at short notice. He quickly dismounted. “I would offer you a ride back to the scholae but I feel your bodyguard would object.”

Syphax’s glare was answer enough.

“So instead I just ask to walk with you,” Antony continued, “If you’ll let me.”

I wanted to say yes. There was something about Antony that fascinated me and I wanted to learn more about him. The yes hovered on my lips, stopped only by the memory of Lena’s instructions.

“I will settle things with Lena when we return to the scholae,” Antony assured me, “As long as payment is made, she will have no reason to complain.”

Antony will not obey the rules I have set for you.  I heard Lena’s warning in my head and knew she was right. He would do things as he pleased, but instead of scaring me, that simply intrigued me.

“Very well,” I told him. I saw Syphax frown. “Lena–”

“Lena will be fine, as long as she gets her coin,” Antony interrupted. He held a coin out to Syphax. “If you wish you can keep this for safekeeping, to make sure I do not go back on my word.”

Syphax glared at Antony and did not move, his eyes focused on me. I nodded slightly and Syphax took the coin, but I could tell he was not happy. I knew I was about to make him even less happy.

“Syphax can walk with your horse,” I volunteered, “though we will have to stay in front of them, so I can stay in his sight.”

“Portia–” Syphax began to protest and then it trailed off and he nodded tersely, taking the reigns from Antony. The look he gave me let me know I would be hearing about his later, probably along with another warning about the dangers of Mark Antony.

“Given that you were on horseback, you should have been back in the city by now,” I commented after a moment as we began to walk, Artemis happily lumbering along between us. “Did something delay you?”

“I had some matters to discuss,” Antony said carefully, “I did not attend the hunt just to watch members of the Senate amuse themselves.”

No, he would not. I thought of the disgust in his eyes as he’d watched them waste the meat, remembered what he’d said about Caesar.

“You were gathering information,” I said slowly, “for Caesar.”

Antony gave me an appraising look. “Very good, but then, I shouldn’t be surprised. It is your intelligence that intrigues me as much as your beauty.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Is that so? I thought men only cared about beauty.”

“Some men, perhaps,” Antony agreed, “I won’t deny that I enjoy looking at you, but there are many lovely women in Rome. Yet, none who intrigue me as you do.” We approached a meadow and he slowed his pace. “Will you sit with me?”

I hesitated, glancing back at Syphax, before nodding. “For a moment.”

Antony took my hand and led me to the base of a nearby tree. “I appreciate the quiet, there is so little fo that in Rome.”

“Do you not enjoy the city?” I asked him as we sat, Artemis sat near us while I saw Syphax tie Antony’s horse of nearby, then move to stand guard.

“It has its pleasures,” Antony said with a shrug, “but I cannot say I truly enjoy city life.”

“I suppose that is why you have made your life away from the city,” I commented lightly.

“That was a necessity,” he corrected, “If not for the legions, I would be nothing. I did not have a fancy name to fall back on, I had to make my own name.” There was pride in his words, but also hunger. He envied the Senate, and what they had been given as a matter of birth, but he was also proud of what he had achieved on his own.

“So you slaughter innocents to achieve power,” I countered, unable to keep the disgust out of my voice. No matter how much I wanted Antony’s patronage, and his access to Caesar, there were some things I could not hide and I would not even try.

“I do what is necessary for the glory of Rome,” Antony told me, watching me carefully, “For power yes, but also to restore balance. Without power, there will never be change. Caesar knows that.”

“Caesar wants to be the one in charge,” I argued.

Antony merely shrugged. “Of course, he does. But that doesn’t change the fact that he wants to see change.” Antony ran his calloused fingers under my chin, tilting my face up so I was looking at him, “more than one thing can be true at a time, Portia. For example, you despise everything I stand for, do you not?”

“I do,” I agreed, knowing he did not want a demure denial from me.

I was right because my answer seemed to please him.

“Yet, you still find yourself drawn to me,” he continued, “my company pleases you more than you expected.”

“It does,” I admitted, noting the pleased look in his eyes. He did not want my simpering agreement like some patrons might, but he was pleased by my admission. He wanted me to challenge him, but he was hoping to be victorious in the end and it would serve me well to let him think that was a possibility.

“I will be compensating Lena for your time this evening,” he reminded me, leaning in closer, “and yet, you are also here because you want to be, are you not?”

“I am,” I told him, “But I do not see what that has to do with Caesar.”

Antony dropped his hand from my face. “Stubborn to the end, I see. I was merely pointing out that you can despise everything Caesar stand for and still align yourself with his goals.”

The idea of ever aligning with Caesar made me ill, but I repressed those feelings. Antony was too valuable as a potential patron. I might need his protection and his connections. So I merely shrugged. “Perhaps.”

“I suspect that is the best I am going to get from you tonight,” Antony remarked, rising to his feet and offering me a hand, helping me to my feet. Though his hand remained around mine once I was standing. “At least when it comes to Caesar.”

“Is there something else you want from me?” I asked archly, running my tongue over my bottom lip as I did so. Antony’s gaze lingered there, full of heat and desire.

He pulled me flush against him, so I could feel every hard line of his body molded against mine. “There are many things I want from you, Portia,” he told me, “but for now this will do.”

He lowered his lips to mine and kissed me. This was different than our earlier kiss. He had let me call the shots then, not so now. He was the one in control and I knew I should object, as it went against what I had been taught, but it excited me more than it scared me.

“Is that all you want,” I asked breathlessly.

Antony laughed, “not even close, but it is all I can take right now.” His lips returned to my skin, skimming their way across my neck, “as I said before, multiple things can be true at once. Like how much I want you and the fact that I can not let myself have you, at least not tonight.”

His hands slid over my back to the curve of my bottom, settling there possessively as his lips continued to trail across my skin. “Or the fact that I want this to be freely given.” His lips return to mine. He nipped at my bottom lip, making me sigh and push myself closer to him, my arms wrapping around his neck. His tongue sought entrance to my mouth, which I gave willingly, opening up to him. He took what I had to offer for a moment and then suddenly, he pulled away.

He held me at arm’s length and I found myself missing the warmth of his body. “Yet, I can not let myself forget that I have to pay for the pleasure and there is only so much I can take now, only so much I can give.”

Reality came crashing back, the fog of desire lessening with the blunt truth of his words.

“I want to take you right here, right now,” Antony told me, his breath ragged, his eyes still dark with lust, “but I know that is impossible. Lena will forgive me this evening with you, but only if we stop here.” His eyes moved passed me. “Your bodyguard knows that as well as I do and I suspect that he would intervene if I were to take that liberty.”

I stiffened, I had somehow managed to forget all about Syphax. Still, even though I knew he was right and reality was starting to come back, my body was aching with need. “Do you always follow the rules?”

Antony laughed. “Rarely.” His expression turned serious then. “But I am not the one who would pay the price if we broke the rules now, you are.” He was right. Lena set her rules for a reason, the rules I had to follow, the ones that everyone assured me kept me protected from the more savage natures of Roman men.

“And that matters to you?” I asked lightly.

“Yes,” Antony answered simply. Despite his words, he drew me to him again. “I will return you to the scholae and settle up with Lena,” he told me, his hand gentle on my cheek, “and then I will make proper arrangments with her to spend the night in your company, paying whatever she asks. I will have you, Portia, but only if that is what you want and when I know you will not suffer for it.”

I nodded, unable to form words, his concern for me catching me off-guard. But then, as he said, multiple things could be true at once and why could it not be true that Marc Antony was a cruel and ambitious man who could also be a kind and generous lover?

If so, I was about to find out, because I had set on this path and there was no turning back now. Nor did I want there to be. I wanted my revenge, yes, but I also wanted him, and at least in this, I was lucky, because I could have both. I just could not let my desire distract me from my goal.

More than one thing can be true, but I could never lose sight of my truth, and I just had to remember that, even as I allowed myself to explore other truths and other possibilities.

• End