Riley’s fingers carefully traced the image on the sonogram. She wasn’t sure how to feel since the technician told her she was having a boy, a son. Will he be Drake’s mini me? Her heart twinged, she hadn’t felt or heard him at the ultrasound; she had noticed he had been missing since the day she saw their baby’s painted nursery.
She felt as though she had lost him all over again. An ache once more forming in her chest, she wasn’t sure if she yearned to keep him near or if she was happy he felt she was ready to move on.
She pondered the last words she heard him whisper on the breath of the wind, I promise one day this will all make sense.
His words had been something she was sure she’d never make sense of. In what world would losing him make sense? How could her and their son going on without him be for the best?
Thump.
She looked down at her round belly, her hand rubbing where her son had struck. “Hey there peanut.”
Thump.
She smiled softly as he kicked her hand. “I was just thinking about your daddy … ” She paused as the words became lodged in her throat, her esophagus narrowing making it impossible for them to escape. “ … I’m sorry you won’t get to meet him … ” She wiped at her cheeks as the tears fell, wetting her pale cheeks. “He was a really great man … he was brave … ” She gulped as a sob threatened to break free. “ … he died so you and I could live … ” She trailed off as the meaning of her words sank in. She hadn’t thought of it like that until she spoke the words aloud to sooth her growing child.
Thump.
“There are a lot of people here who knew your daddy and can’t wait to meet you and tell you all their stories about him and the trouble he used to get into.” Well, all but one.
–
“Hey Li—your majesty.” Maxwell stumbled over his greeting. He’d known Liam all his life, they were lifelong friends, but ever since the day Drake died things had been tense.
He knew Liam felt all the friends took sides, when in reality they were torn in two over who to help. Riley won, while Liam lost a lifelong friend, Riley watched her husband die before her eyes, she needed them more.
Maxwell wasn’t sure how to behave around Liam anymore. They had always been the three musketeers, without Drake there was an empty void hanging over them. He felt nervous when he was nervous he’d dance or goof off, it just didn’t feel right anymore. While Liam had lost two friends that day, so had Maxwell, it only seemed right to ensure he didn’t lose three.
“Lord Maxwell, thank you for coming.”
Maxwell flinched at Liam’s flat tone. Should have seen that coming. He gave him a halfhearted smile, unsure how to respond to the man, king before him.
Liam had always carried the world on his shoulders, he always worried about doing what was best for everyone, but he still had a light in his eyes. The man across from him was worn and haggard, looking far older than he was.
Liam finally looked up from his untouched glass of scotch. He’d found it no longer numbed him, but the pouring of it came naturally. “H—how is she? How is Riley?”
Maxwell sighed, unsure where to start; how do you tell one of your oldest friends how broken he made the girl who took them all by storm? “I mean, she’s been heartbroken, but she seems to be getting better. It’s been hard, she nearly left a few months back—”
“What?” Liam gasped. “Why is this the first I’m hearing of it?” He shook his head, when did I fall so out of the loop?!
Maxwell shrugged. “Well Olivia caught her packing but Riley really wasn’t taking care of herself. We were all really worried. Olivia bargained with her, she could leave if she went to the doctor and the doctor gave her a clean bill of health.”
“Well you said she’s still here, so what was wrong with her?” His heart thudded in his chest. Was he about to lose them both anyway? Was he about to have to put the woman he loved in the ground? Could he survive losing her all over again?
“Nothing was wrong … ”
“Maxwell.” Liam leaned forward, the sound of his heart pounding in his ears echoed so loudly he could barely think. “You said she’s here and Olivia would let her leave if she was healthy, so … What. Is. Wrong?” His words were spat through clenched teeth.
Maxwell jumped, not used to Liam speaking to him in that manner. “Nothing was wrong … Olivia wouldn’t let her leave because she needed us.”
Liam felt like he was about to lose it, everything was out of his control. The world was spinning on, ignoring that he had lost everything he held dear. Goddamn it Maxwell, stop dancing around it and tell me! “Why did she need you?”
Maxwell gulped, he wasn’t sure Riley wanted Liam to know. He looked up into concerned chocolate eyes. I already started, there is no going back now. He’d find out soon anyways, right? “She needed us … still needs us … because of the baby.”
Liam sank back in his seat. Baby? The news that Riley was pregnant with Drake’s child left him completely winded, punching all the air from his lungs. No wonder she won’t talk to you! You killed her husband and the father of her child in one go! He raked his hand over his tired face, the realization that she’d never again talk to him settling in.
–
“Maybe over here?” Hana questioned with uncertainty, holding up a painting of stars and the moon.
“Hana.” Riley said softly, her hand resting on her large bump. “Please stop fussing, I can handle this.” It had been hard but she slowly pieced herself back together bit by bit.
She found talking to her belly and telling her son of Drake was slowly healing her aching heart. She would still feel twinges of pain, and some days she’d have to stop, her words becoming completely cut off by loud sobs. Most days she would get through her story with only a few stray tears.
She considered it progress. Baby steps.
She was finding ways to keep him close and still move forward with her life. She refused to completely leave him behind, but she knew she couldn’t keep going the way she had.
Her life wasn’t solely hers anymore, she had someone else to think about now. She could no longer allow her grief to completely rule her life, she needed to push against the waves crashing and trying to drag her down to the depths of grief and despair.
“Fine.” Hana replied reluctantly, she knew Riley was doing better but she still worried. She went into the closet pulling out a large white box. “What’s this?”
Riley turned, her throat growing tight at the sight of the box. I almost forgot about that. “That’s something special that Olivia must have brought over and hidden in the closet.
Hana looked at her friend perplexed.
Riley forced a small laugh at her friends confusion. “Here.” She took the top off the box revealing dark and light denim stitched together.
She carefully lifted the denim up out of the box, she moved over to the padded rocker sitting down pulling the item onto her lap. “It’s a quilt … it was my idea.”
Well that wasn’t completely true. She had been speaking to Olivia, telling her how she wished she had something from Drake to put in their son’s room. Olivia has mentioned there was a woman in her duchy who made quilts and pillows out of belongings of lost loved one’s; she joked that Riley put the ugly denim shirts Drake wore to good use and Riley was sold.
She ran her hand over the worn shirts. “These are all Drake’s, the underside is soft flannel. Peanut won’t be able to use it for awhile but it feels good knowing he’ll have a piece of Drake, always.” She swallowed around the lump forming in her throat. “Hang it over the rail of his crib for now.”
Hana nodded, carefully taking the quilt and draping it over the front rail of the crib.
“Perfect.” Riley said pushing herself up from the plush chair. “I’ll get the painting later.” She felt the familiar pull and swell of pain trying to crest and drag her under. Not now, not here. She moved to the door, ready to remove herself from her trigger. You’ll have to face it soon enough. She looked back at the crib as she closed the door behind her and Hana. Stay with him Drake.
I’m here Riley. I’ll always be here for you and Peanut.
