Everything I Am

Everything I Am
By Misha
Disclaimer- Not mine.

Author’s Notes- My first Antony smut! I’ve been working my way up to this. So this follows “All My Desires” and also references “Contradtictions”, but it also takes place after the events of Chapter Five. My stories (at least these ones) take place in a parallel canon that incorporates some events of the story and adds my own twist and take. Special thanks to LizEBoredom for listening to me rant about this fic as I tried to make it come together.
Author’s Notes2- I edited the first part of this to fit better with the next bit of “Portia: A Roman Tragedy” which will come out this week, I hope.
Pairing- Marc Antony/MC
Rating- NSFW
Summary- After Portia is caught red-handed, it is up to Antony to save her and the passion between them erupts.
Words- 2085

After Senator Rufus caught me red-handed at the scene of his son’s murder, chaos erupted. There were accusations and I was immediately seized, a million thoughts running through my brain, all cursing myself for my foolishness. How had I ruined it all so quickly?

Then, before I could even process what was happening, Syphax stepped forward. To my shock and horror, he confessed to the crime, spinning a story to cover his actions, a story I quickly backed up, my mind still reeling.

I could tell the Senator didn’t believe us or that even if he did, he didn’t care. I tried not to wince as he spat out how a whore’s honor wasn’t worth his son’s life. I knew anger wouldn’t help Syphax, neither would panic.

“I should arrest you too,” Rufus spat, “Unless you have some reason why I shouldn’t?” His eyes were cold and I knew that my reputation would not be enough to save me from his wrath, but I knew something that could.

“Ask Marc Antony,” I said cooly, “he will give you a reason.”

There was surprise on Rufus’s face and then it settled into a hard line. “You think Antony will save you, girl? Whores are common enough in Rome. Allies are much scarcer.”

I stayed silent, ignoring his taunts. I knew that Antony had no love for any Senator, besides hadn’t he offered to help me kill the tribune? If I had listened, I would not be in this position, which was a very bitter thought.

“Send for Antony,” Rufus barked at a servant, before returning his attention to me. “If Antony doesn’t vouch for you, like you are so sure he will, then you will share your lover’s cell.”

The wait was long and torturous, a million thoughts running through my mind, like what I had done. I had no regrets killing Tribune Rufus, but I cursed my impulsiveness. If I had taken Antony’s aid, would this have gone differently? I had seized the opportunity when it presented myself partially because I had wanted to avoid being in Antony’s debt and yet, here I was…

It was not long before Antony arrived. He had obviously been roused out of bed, yet he looked as sharp as ever.

“This girl,” the word was dripping with disdain, “says you will vouch for her.” Senator Rufus told Antony, his skepticism.

Antony gave me a cool, appraising look before addressing the Senator. “And I will. Portia’s reputation is above reproach.”

The Senator looked furious, but he didn’t argue further, just glaring at me as Antony led me away, tucking me protectively into his side.

“We will have to manage on foot,” he instructed in a low voice, “I did not have time to arrange for a horse or a litter.”

“I should go to Lena…” I told him, thinking of poor Syphax.

Antony glanced at me, “Lena can wait,” he said sharply, “I believe you owe me an explanation first since it was my name you evoked to get out of this mess.”

I nodded, knowing he was right, he did deserve an explanation, so I allowed him to pull me along. We did not talk as we navigated the city, before returning to his residence.

Once we were inside and alone, Antony turned to me and I could see fury there. “You little fool,” he uttered, shaking his head, “do you know how close you came to being executed?”

I stayed silent.

“It is the only quick thinking of your bodyguard and the fact that Rufus will not cross me that allowed you to walk out of there,” Antony continued, “and even then, you have now made a powerful enemy.”

“He was already my enemy,” I stated definitely, “simply based on his support of Caesar.”

I had meant my words as a challenge, but Antony merely chuckled. “Yet, it is my support of Caesar that helped save your life,” he reminded me, running his hand down my cheek.

“You are the one who constantly reminds me that multiple things can be true at once,” I countered, my numbness starting to wear off, which was good because I needed my wits to deal with Antony.

“Yes,” Antony agreed, “like the fact you are now in my debt, despite the fact that your impulsive actions were in part to avoid such a thing.” He drew me to him. “If you had taken my help, this all could have been avoided,” he murmured in my ear, “including your bodyguard’s fate.”

I stiffened at the mention of Syphax, pulling out of his embrace. The worst part was that he was right. I had acted impulsively, jeopardizing eight years of careful planning and creating a mess. “I got new that the tribune was leaving Rome in the morning,” I defended, “I didn’t think your aid could come quick enough.”

The insult did not hit its intended target because Antony merely shrugged. “We will never know, will we?”

“No,” I agreed. Would things have gone smoother if I had trusted Antony enough to take him up on his offer? Perhaps, but it had been a leap I had been unwilling to take, to put myself in his debt, and yet… Here I was. More than that, when thinking of a patron to name to come to my aid, it had not been Cassius I had chosen, but Antony. Why?

I could tell myself it was because I thought Senator Rufus would react better to Antony than Cassius, but… I knew it was more than that. I had trusted Antony to come to my aid, even though I had not trusted his offer. Another contradiction.

“However, I do owe you a thank you,” I told him, stepping towards him, “you came to my aid and things could have gone very badly for me without you.” I placed my hands on his shoulders, reaching for the straps of his armor.

Antony went very still. “And is this how you plan on thanking me?” I remembered his comment about how my body was not payment, how he wanted this to be freely given.

“Do you have any objections?” I asked, slipping his armor off.

His fingers closed around my wrist, stilling my hand. “Don’t play games with me, Portia,” he said in a low voice, “I’ve told you before that you won’t like the outcome.” He yanked me against his body. “For example, I am happy to take what you offer, but it’ll be on my terms. Are you prepared for that?”

Was I? There was nothing gentle about him now, sometimes there was. As powerful as he was, as dominating as he was, there was occasionally a sweetness to him, at least in the bedroom, but there was no sign of it now. And that actually relieved me. I didn’t want the sweet, unnerving Antony, not today, when everything else was such a mess. I needed something to make sense and when he was like this, at least I understood him.

“Yes,” I answered, pressing my lips to his. “If you won’t let me show my gratitude, then take what you want.”

I didn’t need to tell him twice. He immediately deepened the kiss, his tongue demanding access to my mouth, which I gave him willingly, happy to submit to him. After a moment, he lifted me into his arms, his mouth still devouring mine. He carried me the short distance to his bedchamber before finally setting me on my feet. He yanked his armor off impatiently, tossing it aside, and then reached for the silk of my gown.

I half-expected him to rip it, but he didn’t. His movements were impatient, but not rough as he stripped me bare before him. His eyes darkened with need as he ran his eyes over my body, almost as if it was the first time he was seeing me like this, though that was far from true.

“No woman should be this beautiful,” He muttered, more curse than compliment, his voice raw with longing. “The things I would do for you… And you know it, don’t you?”

It wasn’t a question he wanted an answer too, which he proved by crushing his lips to mine again, cutting off any potential response. He dug one hand in hair anchoring me to him, while the other slid between my thighs, feeling the wetness there.

“My one comfort is knowing that I do this to you,” he informed me, his lips moving from my mouth along my jaw, his fingers still teasing me. “That as much as I want you, you want me just as much.” He pushed me against the wall to give himself a better angle to slide his fingers inside of me.

I moaned at the intrusion and then immediately pressed myself closer. It was always like this with Antony. I tried to control the pleasure, make it more about him, trying to control my own lust and he never let me. His lips and teeth trailed my neck as his fingers pumped in and out of me, setting my body on fire.

I tried to fight it, biting my lip to cover the moan, but it was impossible. I dug my fingers in Antony’s shoulders as the pleasure overwhelmed me, though at least I managed to bite back the moans that wanted to come out.

He waited a moment, holding me against the wall and then his hands gripped my waist, picking me up and carrying me to the bed. We tumbled onto it together, the hard muscles of his body pressing me into the bed. He grabbed a hold of my hair again, kissing me roughly as he lined up our bodies and slid into me. This time I couldn’t prevent the little moan of pleasure, though it was buried in his kiss.

His body began to move against mine, hard and fast. He positioned my leg over his shoulder to give himself deeper entry and I dug my nails into my palms to keep from crying out in pleasure, thrusting my hips into him, eager for everything he could give me. Why did it have to feel so good?

His hands were on my hips so hard that I knew there would be bruises, but I didn’t care. I didn’t need him to treat me like fragile pottery. I had never wanted that from him. I wanted this, even though it scared me to admit just how much I wanted it. Wanting things was dangerous. They were supposed to want me, not the other way around, but with Antony things rarely went the way I planned.

I don’t know how long we were like that, our bodies moving in tandem, Antony taking everything I had to offer, but giving me just as much, causing my body to be caught up in the waves of pleasure yet again. Finally, as I started coming down from my high, Antony reached his, spilling himself inside of me as he groaned my name. He dropped my leg and then collapsed against me.

HIs lips found mine again, less demanding this time, but still possessive. He was still inside of me, our hips touching, as he continued to kiss me, the heat between us threatening to erupt again. He finally broke the kiss, his forehead resting against mine, is body still between my legs, his manhood half hard.

“You are a dangerous woman,” he told me, “sometimes I think I should walk away and yet I know I never will. You know it too, don’t you?”

This time I answered, but not with words. Instead, I wrapped my arms around him, drawing him to me for another kiss, letting that be my answer. I knew what I did to him, but I suspected that he also knew what he did to me. The dangerous power of attraction went both ways with us and it was as exhilarating as it was terrifying. I wanted control, but with Antony that would never be possible and sometimes I thought that was part of his appeal.

Still, even if I could not control him, I could use him, take the help he offered and deal with the consequences later. I had miscalculated with the Tribune, it had gone badly, and could have gone worse. I would have to be more careful in the future and if that meant counting on Antony, well, then that what was what I would do. After all, it wouldn’t be without reward.

• End