Forbidden: The Den

Forbidden
By Misha

Disclaimer- Not mine.
Author’s Notes- This is my take on the events of Chapter 11. This one was hard because really the story focused on letting the reader know the Clanless better, so instead I decided to focus on what Lilith is feeling. This also the calm before the angst storm that is going to hit next chapter.

Rating- PG-13

Summary- While in the Shadow Den, Lilith makes a decision.

Words- 1359

Chapter Six: The Den

I don’t know what I’d expected of the Clanless’s territory, but the Shadow Den wasn’t it. It was a town with markets and people, even a burlesque club.

As Jax gave Lily and me the tour, I took it all in, noting the faces and listening in horror to some of the stories.

Jax explained his deal with The Baron and my stomach clenched, at the realization that even Jax made compromises to survive. The system was broken and flawed and it all seemed to come back to The Baron.

He had to be the one pulling the strings.

I thought about what Adrian had said, how they’d bargained with a monster to check his power and they had to live with the consequences. It appeared the consequences were all around me.

A whole civilization of people, created against the rules and then discarded, with no end in sight, and the only Council member who profited from it was the Baron, that was certainly suspicious.

“Lilith, are you alright?” Jax asked after we left Liv’s club.

She’d been lovely, her story heartbreaking, and just another sign of how unfair the system was. But how could they fix it? The sheer numbers of the Clanless overwhelmed me, the number was far closer to that in the Clans than I’d expected, which was another complication. Could the city really support that many vampires and it would be a big shift in power.

“Just overwhelmed,” I answered, not wanting to share my feelings, remembering the way he’d reacted in the tunnels when I’d told him I was on the side of humanity. I liked Jax and I was grateful to him, I also respected his dedication to the cause, but… I was starting to realize it was all so much more complicated than I’d thought.

Thankfully, he didn’t press, just continued his tour, including a less than stellar meeting with Griff. The name rang a bell, Uncle Griff and Aunt Susan, this was one of the vampires Lula had mentioned, the ones who thought Jax was wrong and wanted to rise up against the Clans.

Watching Griff’s outburst, I could definitely see that and I felt my wariness increasing. Jax was a good leader, I could see that, but he was one man and how long could he control the frustrations? How long before it all boiled over and then what happened?

I was going to raise the subject to Jax, at least warn him, but he was focused n Lily, leading her to the feeding den. I watched in horror as she lost control, her volunteer screaming in pain.

This wasn’t Lily. This was something else. As Jax subdued her, it suddenly occurred to me how dangerous Lily was. It hadn’t really hit me yet that she was a vampire, that while she was still my best friend, she was changed.

“She can feed off me,” I volunteered, ignoring the uneasy feeling that washed over me.

“Are you sure?” Jax asked me.

I nodded. “Yeah, it’s what she needs.” And I was the reason she was in this position. If it wasn’t for me, Lily would never know about this world. This was the least I could do.

It wasn’t like it had been the time I’d let Jax feed from me, though it wasn’t unpleasant either.

I saw Jax watching me and Lily, saw the lust on his face, though I wasn’t sure if it was my blood he wanted or something else. Though, his comment about how he wouldn’t turn down anything I had to offer answered that. Oh.

A few days ago, that would have been an easy answer, I thought, remembering my immediate attraction to him and the way I’d felt when he’d fed off me. But that had been before Adam and with the memory of his touch, of his offer, still so clear, things felt more complicated.

I was still trying to find my words when Lily chimed in. “Me too.”

It took a second for me to realize what she meant.

No! Just no.

My refusal must have shown on my face because they both backed off. Jax met my eyes for a moment and I saw disappointment there before he excused himself.

“Sorry if we made you uncomfortable,” Lily apologized when she was done feeding as she sealed my wound. “I got caught in the moment.”

I sent her a wan smile. “It’s ok.” But it wasn’t and I think we both knew it and the moment descended into awkward silence. Honestly, it was all just hitting me.

The massacre, the Shadow Den, Lily’s bloodlust… In one night, I’d been exposed to a lot and I was starting to understand that there was a lot more to the vampire world than I’d originally thought. The shine was definitely starting to wear off.

Lily eventually dozed off, but I couldn’t sleep despite the fact that I was physically exhausted. There were just too many thoughts running through my head, including one big one: I didn’t want to be there.

I don’t know how much time passed before Jax returned. There was a moment of awkward silence.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” I began, “I mean…”

“It’s ok,” he said cutting me off, “we shouldn’t have put you on the spot like that. So you and Lily…”

“Just friends,” I told him and then winced, “or at least I thought so.”

“Feeding and sex can get mixed together,” Jax told me, “especially for a young vampire. All the emotions are stronger and more intense and if there was an attraction there, to begin with…”

I nodded, it made sense. It had been a little awkward, but it didn’t change how I felt with Lily, she was still my best friend. But it had helped me make a decision.

“I want to leave,” I told Jax, “I mean I’m so, so grateful to you for bringing us here, but I don’t belong here.”

Jax tensed. “If this is because–”

“It’s not,” I cut him off. “I’m human, Jax, a human who works for the Clans. I don’t belong here and I just… I know my presence here makes things complicated for you and I don’t want that. I should never have dragged you into this.”

“I gave you my number for a reason,” Jax reminded me, “I wanted to help.”

I nodded, thinking about the night we’d met. There’d been a connection and when I’d let him feed there had definitely been something but a lot had happened in a few days.

“And you did,” I assured him, I hesitated, “could Lily stay here? I can’t take her with me.”

“And where will you go?” Jax asked me, “you can’t go back to the human world, Lilith, it’s not safe. You have to know that.”

“I do,” I told him, “and I’m not. There’s a place I can go, where I’ll be safe, but the sanctuary offer was for me, not Lily.”

“A vampire,” Jax realized, “from a different Clan.”

“Yes,” I admitted.

There was a moment of silence and I worried he’d ask me who, because I was sure he had feelings about Adam and I didn’t want to have that conversation. I also didn’t want him to doubt my loyalty.

“I won’t say anything about the Shadow Den,” I assured him, “or you.”

“I know,” Jax said, but his expression was worried, “are you sure this is a good idea, Lilith? I mean, Adrian is one thing, but most Clan vampires can’t be trusted. It’s not Priya, is it? Because that’s a really, really bad idea.”

“It’s not,” I assured him, “I am aware of what Priya is like and no, I’m not sure, but…” I looked at Lily. “It just feels…”

“Ok,” Jax told me, his eyes sympathetic. “If you’re sure, then at sunset I’ll take you to the surface. But until then, you should get some sleep.”

I nodded and curled up, to do just that. Apparently, all I’d needed was to make a decision because I immediately drifted off into sleep, only to be woken sometime later by the sounds of a commotion.

**