Forgiveness

Walking up to the porch of Cynthia Lily’s house, Ajay steadied himself with a calming breath and a reminder of the mistake he needed to fix to quell the nerves simmering under the composed surface. He adjusted his glasses while glancing down at his phone to make sure the house matched address Erin gave him. He had no clue why Erin and Skye were so eager to help him when he messed up so badly with Cynthia Lily.

Ajay regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth. ‘Clever’? He just accused Cynthia Lily of scheming to get the part when deep down; he knew she wasn’t capable of such a heinous action. Now, he witnessed as tears pricked at the corners of her eyes as she hastily turned her face away from the group. She didn’t want them to see her cry. She didn’t want them to know that they hurt her. When Mr. Olson ended the practice for the day, Ajay watched as Cynthia Lily sprinted out of the theater without looking back and the fleeting sound of sobbing. He stayed behind everyone else—wrapped up in his own self-loathing—and cursed at himself.

Then came the next day when Cynthia Lily was essentially shunned from the table. Natalie, Danielle, and Clint verbally attacked her and cast her away from the table. But what did he do? Nothing. He allowed it to happen by avoiding making eye contact with her because he knew he would break seeing her cry again. He would have abandoned impartiality and rallied to her defense, hoping to be her knight in shining armor. When she left in tears, he realized that he was only standing back because he didn’t want to be vulnerable by letting his steadily growing feelings for Cynthia Lily get in the way of the truth. But in reality, his feelings were guiding him in the right direction. He messed up big time. So, he texted Erin and Skye about where Cynthia Lily ran off to and asked them to stay with her. Ajay decided, at that moment, that he needed to apologize to Cynthia Lily and worked on the right words to say.    

Ajay, snapping out of his reverie, decided that he was done loitering around Cynthia Lily’s front yard. He was “trying to work up the courage,” but he knew that the longer he stood around meant the less he would be willing to be brave. He stepped onto the porch and uttered a series of sharp knocks against the front door. Moments later, the door moved slightly inward, and an older woman with kind eyes peered from inside the house.

“Hello there, can I help you?” She inquired and Ajay—fighting through the sudden dryness of his throat at the thought of facing Cynthia Lily—sheepishly rubbed at the back of his neck. The woman at the door (who Ajay assumed was Cynthia Lily’s mother) blinked in astonishment and wondered if Cynthia Lily was even up to having visitors. She recognized him from that party she dropped Cynthia Lily and Casey off at weeks before.

“I am here to see Cynthia Lily, ma’am. Is she- is she home?” Ajay wondered and cast his gaze down at the floor. He fully braced himself for a door slammed in his face and the disappointment of failure but hoped that he could see her.

“She is… She’s not in the mood for visitors at the moment.” Cynthia Lily’s mother declared in a mixture of firm and sadly.

“Oh, I see. Thank you, ma’am—and I’m sorry to bother.” Ajay felt himself physically and emotionally deflate a little bit. He turned and started to walk to his car and kick himself for being such an idiot in the first place. Cynthia Lily’s mom watched Ajay carefully and noted how dejected he appeared. She wondered if this was the Ajay that Cynthia Lily talked about so often—with the fervor of a girl crushing hard—and the same one that Casey teased his sister about.

“Wait,” She remarked, and that stopped Ajay from heading back to his car. He glanced over his shoulder and turned around. Cynthia Lily’s mom gestured for Ajay to return to the porch and he complied, hesitantly. “Perhaps getting some fresh air might help her. We have a bench in the backyard so you two may speak.”

“Thank you, ma’am.” Ajay bowed his head in graciousness and failed to notice a curious Casey peeking out from the stairwell. Cynthia Lily’s mom chuckled and flashed a motherly grin at Ajay.

“Calling me ma’am is not necessary.” She smiled and opened the door all the way, allowing Ajay into the West residence. The interior of the house was small yet cozy with pastels on the walls and simply chic décor. Cynthia Lily’s mother guided Ajay through the house to the backyard where a wooden bench rested under the shade of a peach tree. Ajay graciously nodded and wandered over to the bench, taking a tentative seat in one of the corners. He surveyed his surroundings with great interest and figured distracting himself might be an excellent way to relax his nerves.

“What are you doing here?” Ajay turned to the door where Casey stood, leaning up against the side of the house. He looked less than pleased at Ajay’s presence, and his arms were furiously crossed over his chest.

“I’m here to see Cynthia Lily… to apologize to her.” Ajay bristled anxiously in his seat at Casey’s tone. Even though Casey was only a freshman, he was actually intimidating when he wanted to be. Casey narrowed his eyes at Ajay; he knew that Cynthia Lily really liked this guy, but it was his brotherly duty to protect her from harm.

“You know, you and the other drama kids really hurt her. Cynthia Lily is one of the sweetest people I know and couldn’t hurt anyone, much less do it for such a selfish reason.” Casey retorted, and his tone screamed ire. Ajay steadied himself with another calming breath and nearly responded with a collected answer. It hit Ajay that sounding rehearsed, but calm might only make the situation worse than being genuine but stumbling through his apology.

“I know. I was an idiot for not standing up for her and letting my judgment be blinded. I just want the chance to make it right.” Ajay remarked sincerely and watched Casey’s expression with bated breath. Casey searched Ajay for any signs of lying when he came to the conclusion that Ajay wanted to apologize. One look in his eyes and Casey wondered if Ajay felt the same way about Cynthia Lily as she did about him.

“Alright, I’ll see what I can do,” Casey replied before ducking back into the house. Ajay released a breath he forgot he was holding and assumed that staring down into his lap until someone showed up again might be for the best. He waited for a few minutes before the sound of the door to the backyard opened up and Ajay’s head perked up. Cynthia Lily, dressed down in some sweats and a loose t-shirt, stepped out of the house and stared at Ajay quite pained. Even from a distance, her red and swollen eyes telegraphed that she had been crying recently and for copious amounts of time. Looking at her, Ajay felt like he was punched in the gut.

“Cynthia Lily…” Ajay stuttered over himself. He was shocked she actually came to hear him out. His heart hammered away in his chest, and he knew he had to say something.

“Yes, Ajay?” She inquired, and the two held eye contact while Ajay struggled to find the words to say. On the way to her house, he went over several things he wanted to say and tried to work out phrasing, much to his dismay when he couldn’t make an apology he felt worthy of Cynthia Lily. Eventually, she turned to the side and furiously wiped at a stray tear from her eye, “If you only came to gawk, then it would be best for you to leave…” She turned her back to him and reached for the door, which spurred Ajay into action.

“Cynthia Lily, I am sorry.” Ajay proclaimed, and Cynthia Lily stopped mid-turn and marched herself over to where Ajay stood and planted herself a few inches away from him. She gestured for him to go on. “I am sorry for not defending you when I know that you couldn’t hurt anyone. I am sorry for saying nasty things to you without any semblance of thought. I am sorry for letting ‘impartiality’ blind me when it was anything but. I am sorry for listening to something that Danielle said over someone like you who I know to be caring and gentle. I am sorry for causing you pain. I am sorry for causing those tear tracks that stained your cheeks. I am sorry for being an utter idiot and an ass. You are an amazing person, Cynthia Lily. I rightfully don’t deserve forgiveness from you for what I did. But I come before you with the hopes that you can forgive me. I leave it up to you, and whatever you choose, I wholeheartedly accept. I just couldn’t live with myself without giving you an apology…” Ajay finished, and that was when he observed fresh tears rolling down Cynthia Lily’s face. She roughly wiped at her tears while Ajay resisted the urge to rub them away with his thumb. Although he couldn’t tell, Cynthia Lily was moved by his apology.

“Oh Ajay, I forgive you. I just feared that you hated me because of the accusations.” Cynthia Lily disclosed rather sheepishly, and Ajay was taken aback. He placed comforting hands on Cynthia Lily’s shoulders, and that caused her to make eye contact with him, much to the skip of her heartbeat. Ajay swallowed the lump in his throat and hated himself for making Cynthia Lily think he hated her.

“I could never hate you, Cynthia Lily. Cynthia Lily, I-” Ajay trailed off, and there was a far-off look to his eye. Cynthia Lily glanced at him in concern. Ajay felt his heart speed up when he stared down the beautiful freshman with a high blonde ponytail, an infectious smile, and the cheerful attitude that could brighten any room. All the things he could say with enough courage…I care about you, Cynthia Lily. I never should’ve let my feelings turn me so harsh. Every single time you enter the room, my heart races a mile a minute. You showed me that dating someone might be nothing like Kelly. Things that Ajay desperately wanted to say ran through his mind, and he stuttered, hoping to regain some control before he said something he might regret. He just finished apologizing for being an idiot to her; the last thing he needed was to speak without thinking and embarrass Cynthia Lily again. He met her eyes, patiently waiting for him to finish, and regained the confidence to follow through, “I promise you that we will figure out who framed you and they will pay.”

“Ajay, thank you…” Cynthia Lily so overwhelmed with emotion, threw her arms around Ajay and buried her face into his chest. Ajay stiffened from the sudden contact and found himself unable to control the warming of his cheeks and the abrupt increase in the beat of his heart. When Cynthia Lily remembered who exactly she was hugging, she gasped and moved to let him go. However, the reciprocated presence of Ajay’s arms around her kept her from walking away and she, without another thought, allowed her head to relax against Ajay’s chest. Ajay glanced down at Cynthia Lily in his arms but didn’t have the heart to tell her to move. After the whirlwind of accusations the theater kids (including him) bought into, the least Cynthia Lily deserved was an apology and a hug.