Lay It On Me by Vance Joy
It wasn’t until he flopped down onto the couch that Damien realized how drunk he was. He had been drinking steadily throughout the evening. Of course he had, it was a night that called for reinforcements. Still, feeling the room spin around him as he sat perfectly still gave him an idea of how gone he was.
Nadia was throwing a party to show everyone how much better off she was without Steve. More like to convince herself, he thought. Though he was concerned about her, tonight was strictly about self-pity.
It was at a party just like this that he first met Hayden.
“Damien Nazario… Are you jealous?” Aurora teased, after asking his opinion on Hayden.
“Jealous? … Me? … Jealous?” Nice save, dumbass, he scolded himself.
The truth is that he was jealous. How could he not be? Aurora didn’t date much. In fact, she was one of those girls who seemed to be perpetually single; a date here, a fling there, but no actual relationships in the time that they’ve known each other. It was the same with him, and one of the things they bonded over; he had come to count on her being his partner in singledom. When Nadia suggested that Aurora bring Hayden along to her and Steve’s housewarming party, he expected her to insist that though their date had gone well enough that they were planning a second, it was just that. Casual dates. But she agreed and here he was.
And as much as it killed him to admit, Hayden was perfect. Almost suspiciously so, though Damien was suspicious of just about everyone. He was handsome, polite, had an impressive job as a travel photographer, and a dog. How was he supposed to compete with that? Simple, there wouldn’t be any competition. His feelings aside, he and Aurora were friends. Best friends by this point, and he didn’t plan on doing anything to complicate that. Plus he truly wanted to see her happy, and this seemed like the kind of guy that was going to make her happy. So if that meant having to plaster a smile on his face as he watched Hayden kiss her on the cheek as he delivered her a new drink, he would do that. For her.
And that’s what he had been doing again tonight.
He blinked his bleary eyes back into focus. Right in time too, he realized that he was staring right at Aurora, and she has realized this as well. A small smile on her face, she made her way over from across the room and dropped down right next to him. Sinking fully into the back of the couch, she let her head drop to the side to look at him.
“Hi!” She said cheerfully, she was always so cheerful.
“Hey, Rory.” He responded.
“I’ve hardly seen you at all tonight! Enjoying yourself?”
“I’d be enjoying myself a lot more if Nadia’s place would stop moving.” Even he could hear the slur in his voice.
“Whoa, D, how much have you had?”
“Oh, don’t trouble yourself with that.” He clumsily waved his hand in the air, trying to ignore the concerned look on her face, “So where’s your other half?”
She laughed, “My what?”
“Your other half! Your perfect match!” His joking tone dropping a bit, “Your boyfriend, Hayden.”
“You’re changing the subject. Always so closed up.” She teasingly scolded.
“He is your boyfriend isn’t he?”
Now her joking tone dropped a bit. “I haven’t decided yet.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. There are… factors involved.”
He scoffed, “What kind of factors?”
She rolled her eyes at him, “C’mon D.” He just shrugged, silently cursing himself for bringing this conversation up. He normally found people so easy to read, and Aurora was a particularly open book; she felt everything so strongly and had a hard time hiding it. It was actually one of the things that endeared her most to him. However, when it came to her relationship with Hayden, Damien had a hard time getting a clear picture. He was so used to her being single that he didn’t know what was normal for her in a relationship. Was her evasiveness about Hayden just her being private? Or could it be that she was unsure about him?
“Fine,” she conceded when she realized he was not going to give anything away, “Hayden left, if you must know.”
“Not very chivalrous,” he scoffed, “leaving his date behind to fend for herself.”
“Chivalrous? It’s the 21st century.”
“I know that, but does he? He’s acting like he’s courting an antebellum debutante. What’s next, is he going to ask me for your hand? Because I hate to break it to you, Rory, but your dowry isn’t as impressive as…“
“Damien,” she cut him off, “What is with you tonight? Did Hayden… I don’t know, did he say something to you?”
“What makes you think Mr. Perfect said something to me?” He asked, laughing bitterly. He could feel himself getting more petulant, more combative, but he couldn’t help it. The copious amount of drinks he consumed had washed away his filter.
“Because you’re getting hostile every time he comes up. Even more so than usual.”
“Yeah, well, I was just joking around, obviously.”
He got up to walk away, to go anywhere where he didn’t have to be having this conversation, but she quickly intercepted his path. Just watching her move that fast made Damien unsteady on his feet. He wished he hadn’t drank so much. He wished he had another drink right then.
“Damien. What is this really about?” He opened his mouth to respond with some witty retort, but she held up a hand, “And don’t go making a joke. I’m serious.”
“Nothing. I’m just giving you crap, Rory. Don’t I have that right as your friend?”
“No. Its more than that. Even the way you said ‘friend’ just now.” He knew he was giving himself away, but he couldn’t stop.
“I know I joked about you being jealous before, but, Damien, do you have a problem with me seeing Hayden?”
“Why would I have a problem? You seem happy, he seems happy,” he grabbed a beer from the ice filled basin on the ground next to them and lifted it in a mocking toast, “so I am happy as well.”
She let out a howl of frustration and stomped off towards the kitchen. He popped the cap off the bottle and started chugging it, eyes closed. He had barely made it a third of the way through his beer before she came charging back into the room.
“I am only going to ask you this one time, and please, just be straight with me.” Aurora took a deep breath and looked at him with such intensity that he couldn’t break her gaze, as much as he wanted to, “Do you have feelings for me, Damien?”
“It would be pretty silly for me to have feelings for someone who came to this party with someone else, wouldn’t it?” He said quietly. Taking advantage of her momentary shock, he started making his way down the hall, but she recovered quickly and blocked the entrance of the bedroom where everyone had left their coats. He was simultaneously annoyed by how well she was able to predict his actions and by how slow the drinking had made his reflexes.
“What if I hadn’t come with Hayden tonight?”
“But you did.”
“But if I hadn’t? Would things be different?”
“Isn’t it pretty to think so?” He said sarcastically, gently but firmly moving her aside to enter the room.
“Hey! Hey!” She shouted, following him in, “No way, Damien Nazario. You do not get to quote Hemingway at me and then walk away!”
She snatched his jacket before he could. “It’s snowing out there. You’re gonna need this before you go.”
“Are you serious, Aurora? Give it.” She held it behind her back and stared him straight in the eye.
“Be real with me,” she pleaded, her brown eyes starting to tear, “for once. Please.”
Before his defenses came down, he grabbed his jacket and ambled out of the party.
It was bitterly cold that night, the shock of frigid air started to sober him up slightly. The snow swirled around his head as he waited for his Lyft to arrive but he hardly noticed.
He was staring put the window of the quiet dive bar, transfixed by the sparkle of the freshly fallen snow in the light of the street lamp. So transfixed, in fact, that he didn’t notice her come into the bar. When he did look up, he almost didn’t recognize her.
“You like?” Aurora asked, tossing her head from side to side. Her hair, once a simple chestnut brown, was now a deep purple, the shade shifting and lightening throughout. He thought it suited her perfectly; vibrant and colorful like the natural phenomenon that was her namesake. It made her stand out even more than she did on her own.
He briefly considered telling her all of this, but instead said, “Not exactly inconspicuous is it? That’ll do you no good when trying to be discreet, anyone could pick you out in a second.”
She rolled her eyes, hopping onto the bar stool next to him. “What exactly do you think I’m going to be getting up to? And so you know the response I was looking for is, ‘You look pretty, Rory!’”
“You look pretty, Rory,” He conceded, before clearing his throat, “So, uh, what made you want to make such a… colorful change?”
“Oh you know,” she feigned nonchalance, her breath slightly shaky, “just thought it would be fun to switch it up.”
He swiveled in his seat to face her, she looked down at the bar. “Aurora, I can tell when I’m being lied to. It’s literally part of my job. Plus I know you better than that.”
She bit her lip, “Kyle’s getting married.”
“Kyle? Is that the ex, he-who-shall-not-be-named?” Damien had heard about Aurora’s college boyfriend a few times, mostly from Nadia. He didn’t know much, but what he did know is that this guy shattered her heart.
“Yeah.” She sighed, “It’s not even really about Kyle per se. I just… I see people around me making these major life changes while I seem to… stay in the same place. I felt like, I don’t know, like had to switch something up.”
“I personally like you just the way you are, but I can see what you mean. I’m sorry you’re going through this.“
“I’m okay, really. It’s the moments like this that make us really appreciate when we’re happy, you know?” She forced a watery smile onto her face.
It was at that moment that he realized that he loved her. Not as a friend, or as a little sister as he constantly told himself. But truly loved her. Seeing her in this much pain he wanted to comfort her, kiss her, kick Kyle’s ass, make a joke, buy her a drink, maybe all of those things at once.
He thought about telling her about his feelings then and there. But who was he kidding? Aurora was a creative type, excited each day by the possibilities of life. He was a jaded ex-cop afraid of his own damn feelings, not to mention 5 years older than her. Why would she see him as anything more than a drinking buddy?
He felt his phone buzz in his pocket and slipped it out to check it under the bar. It was a text from Maggie, the woman he had been hooking up with the past few weeks.
‘Hey handsome. The blizzard’s expected to pick up back again over the next few hours. Why don’t you come over and we can get snowed in?’
He took one look over at Aurora, staring into her beer, tears still gathering in her eyes, and typed back ‘Can’t tonight. Maybe another time.’
He put his phone back in his pocket and wrapped an arm around Aurora as she leaned into his shoulder and cried.
“Do you hate it?” She asked, tugging at a strand of her hair.
“I think it’s very you, so I adore it.”
“I adore you too, D.” He gave her shoulder a quick squeeze and dropped his arm.
“Jimmy I think we’re gonna need a couple of tequila shots over here.”
He shook the memory from his mind and the snow from his hair.
After the Lyft dropped him off, Damien stumbled into his apartment, completely missing the counter when tossing his keys. He collapsed face forward onto the couch, burying his face into the throw pillow.
“It feels like you’re setting me up for a loss here, D.” She sighed as they wandered the labyrinth that was the aisles of IKEA.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean how am I possibly going to successfully help you pick out a throw pillow for your living room when I’ve never actually seen it?”
“I’ve told you, my couch is brown! Just help me pick something out that goes well with brown.”
“Yes but what kind of brown?” She exclaimed, her voice taking on an exasperated tone, “Does it have a warm hue to it? Cool? Is it leather? Fabric? What color are the accent pieces around the room?”
He tossed his head back with a groan. “Does it matter? Just pick out something you think is nice and I’ll let you know whether or not it matches.”
She shook her head, “You’re impossible.”
She ran her hand along the bin filled with throw blankets silently for a moment. “Don’t you think it’s weird?”
“What?”
“That we’ve been friends for four years and I haven’t been to your apartment.”
“No, not really.”
She let out a small grunt of frustration and turned to face the shelves full of pillowcases. “Sometimes I just don’t get why you…”
“Why I what?”
“Nothing. Forget I said anything.”
“No, tell me. Sometimes you just don’t get why I…”
She whirled back around to face him, “Why you just won’t let me in.” He held her gaze for a moment, her brown eyes burning holes into his own. Then, he blinked. She turned back towards the shelves.
“Aurora…”
“What do you think of this one?” She asked, pillowcase in hand.
“It’s got birds on it.”
“I think they suit you!” She beamed, “You’re like kindred spirits, both flying away at the first sign of discomfort.” She started giggling.
“Alright alright, give ‘em here.”
Damien rose up onto his forearms, looking down at that stupid bird pillow. Sighing, he rolled over onto his back and out his hands in his stomach. He heard a soft crinkle. Reaching into his coat pocket, he pulled up a small, folded piece of paper.
Let me in.
He sat there, staring at those three small words written in her cramped hand, for he didn’t know how long. After finally making up his mind, he grabbed his keys off the kitchen floor and rushed out the door.
He had decided the J train would be the most efficient way of reaching Aurora’s apartment, but didn’t factor in the late night weekend hours. 12 minutes until the next train, just enough time to begin overthinking. Damien paced back and forth down the platform thinking of what he was going to say when he saw her. Oh God, what am I going to say? He hadn’t considered that when he made his decision. Though conversation and banter always flowed easily between the two of them, he had never been one to talk about his feelings to anyone. Especially in a situation that left him so vulnerable. She always said she wanted him to open up, but what if once he did it backfired? What if he once he revealed the depths of his love it became too much for her? There were so many feelings and thoughts rushing through his mind that he was struggling to piece together one cohesive sentiment. He felt like he was on the verge of something when train pulled up and the doors opened. Time was up.
She opened the door a few seconds after he knocked, the tired look on her face turning into one of delight. “Damien…” she started. He lunged forward, capturing her lips in a soft but urgent kiss.
“I just had to see you tonight.” He whispered after he pulled back.
“I’m glad you texted, it’s been a while.” Maggie took him by the hand, leading him into her apartment. He reached into his coat pocket with the other hand and fingered the note that was still inside.
