Summary: While imprisoned in the dungeons of Fydoria, Raydan thinks the worst of himself.
Author’s note: This was written for Round 56 of #ChoicesCreates: Quirks/Flaws
In the Fydorian dungeons, Raydan had plenty of time to think. He could hear Lia’s words in his head: “Sly fox says you’re a good man.”
How wrong she was. He wasn’t a good man. He had caused so much pain. He had only shot Val to convince Azura of his loyalty, but he had still hurt his friend. He was surprised that she hadn’t hit him with her flail. It would have served him right.
He missed Kenna so much. He kept thinking of the night they had shared in the tent. It had never been like that for him before. He had either had a motive, or it was only for momentary pleasure. But he felt something real for Kenna, something he had never felt before. And it scared him enough that he had run off, and then kept his distance from her. How confused she must have been. He shouldn’t have done that to her.
Now Kenna probably hated him. How could she not? Surely Val had told the others what he had done. She probably thought he was a traitor too, that he had chosen Azura over her, even though Azura had killed Leon. Maybe she thought Leon’s death didn’t matter to him. After all, he was an assassin. He had seen death countless times.
Could she ever forgive him? Why would she? He had done so many terrible things. He thought back to his life in Lykos, when he had struggled to survive on the streets. If Kenna only knew what he had had to do, she would probably never let him touch her again. It would probably sicken her that she ever had.
Who was he to think that he could ever be with someone like Kenna? She was a queen. And he was lower than a mere commoner. He was a street rat. True, he was now more refined and better dressed, but inside he was still the same person. How could she love someone like him? Even his own parents hadn’t wanted him. They had thrown him out on the street like a worthless piece of trash.
He thought of the last thing Val had said to him: “If I ever see you again, I’ll kill you, traitor.” Kenna probably felt the same way. But if he had to die to save them, it was worth it. Their safety was what was important. He didn’t matter.