Marc Antony’s Woman: What the Heart Wants

Marc Antony’s Woman
By Misha

Disclaimer- Not mine.

Author’s Notes- And we are down to the events of the finale. However, that chapter was a beast, so I intend to split it into 4 chapter + epilogue (where I will borrow my dialogue from Shakespeare instead of Pixelberry). I had a request to include the Syphax diamond scene and so that is what this is. I had hoped to have this finished for ACOR appreciation week, but at least I got one chapter done. As always this is based off the chapter text, but I made a few tweaks and then expanded on certain ideas. 
Pairing- Marc Antony/MC, unrequited Syphax/MC
Rating- PG-13
Summary- The night before the planned assassination, Syphax and Portia talk and she tells him where her heart lies. 

Chapter Fourteen- What the Heart Wants

Antony left me before dawn, brushing his lips against mine once before departing. 

As I watched him slip out of the door, I wondered what it would be like to wake with him every morning but to stay wrapped in each other’s arms, nowhere to be, no worries about being caught. If all went well, then I would find out soon.

I did not have time to linger on thoughts of Antony. I had to catch up with my parents and make arrangements and then send for my brother, making sure all the pieces were in place, then finally I had to check in with Cassius.

Because it was late, Syphax had insisted on coming with me. He had returned to the scholae, but not as my bodyguard. He and Lena had both frowned when I’d insisted I didn’t need one, but neither had argued. The things I did, it was better not to have an escort. 

Though tonight was different, tonight the plans were almost all in place and when Syphax had insisted on accompanying me, I had let him, because I hadn’t wanted to be alone with my thoughts. Not when victory was so close. 

“What does Cassius need from you again?” Syphax asked as we neared the docks. 

“I need to see him.” I corrected. “I need to make sure neither he nor any of the other senators are going to back down. We need to be united.” 

That was crucial to the plan. Not one man, but many. Not one knife, but several. The guilt of many, not just one. For the senators, it was a way to escape consequences for their crime, for me… It was a way to bring down the whole institution and not just one man.

“Do you know yet what time this is all to happen?” Syphax asked, claiming my attention once more. 

“My father will rally the gladiators during the first bout tomorrow,” I told him, “and at dawn, I will make a sacrifice to Nemesis for their safety. We have only until then to ensure everyone is in their place.”

“And when must you confront Antony?” Syphax asked, a shadow passing over his face at the name.

“Before the Senate convenes. I must ensure he cannot interfere.”

But that he would arrive later. That was critical to my plan, if not Cassius and Brutus’s.

Syphax nods, his hand on his gladius, his face set in a solemn mask as he checked every alley. “That’s by far the most dangerous part, Portia. Antony won’t hesitate to kill to protect Caesar’s interests.”

“He will hesitate to kill me.” I insisted. Antony would not harm me, I knew that. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t possibly interfere in the mission in other ways, but he would not harm me. I was certain of that. And I really believed that I would be able to convince him of my plan, that we could rule Rome together.

“And what if you cannot trick him this time?” Syphax asked, seeming less than convinced. 

I wondered how he would react if he knew I had no intention of tricking Antony. That the promises I would make were entirely sincere. But I kept that thought to myself, knowing he would call me a fool. 

And besides, I would not risk my plan by speaking of it to anyone. I had almost everything in place, I would not jeopardize it now. 

“I will keep him the from the Senate,” I said instead, “Whatever it takes.”

I hoped all it would take was a few promises, the reminder of what we could be without Caesar. That if offered Antony the ability to have Rome and me, his famed loyalty to Caesar would disappear. I was wagering everything I had on that hope.

Before Syphax could say anything, we were suddenly attacked by four soldiers. 

“No one makes a fool of Caesar!” One declared. 

Syphax called for me to run, but I wasn’t going to leave him again. Together we took on the soldiers, until all four lay dead on the street, though one had managed to slice my leg first. 

“We have to get out of here,” Syphax told me, grabbing my hand. “Caesar may have sent others.”

Why had he sent them now? My victory in the arena had been weeks ago and I had gone off unaccompanied enough, though admittedly rarely at night, so why now? Did he know about what we had planned? One would think he would have chosen another target if that was the case, if he wanted to send a message to the conspirators.  

Unless he wanted to send a message for another reason. The previous day, Antony and I had appeared in public together for the first time since my arrest. Caesar’s most loyal lieutenant with the woman who tried to end his life, had this attack been a message for Antony? It seemed plausible, more than that, it gave me something to use to sway Antony, and I would. I would not pass up the opportunity to make Antony see how little Caesar deserved his loyalty.

“I can’t let you do this, Portia!” Syphax exclaimed suddenly, as he led me away from the docks. 

I glanced at him, pulled out of my thoughts and back to the present. “Do what?”

“It’s too dangerous to go after Caesar yourself.” He told me and then sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m not angry at you. But… Have you not done enough? You laid the plans. Can Cassius and Brutus not carry them out? Must you be there the moment they strike?”

“I don’t trust the others to do it without me,” I told him honestly. “I have to be there. I have to make sure nothing goes wrong.”

And I had to make sure the second part of my plan, the part only I knew about, was put into motion. I needed Antony to arrive at the right moment. 

Syphax looked like he wanted to argue, but he finally nodded. “I know. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

I was about to reassure him when my wounded leg buckled beneath me. “Ahh!”

Syphax stopped suddenly and looked at me in concern. “You’re wounded! You didn’t say anything.”

“I thought I could walk it off,” I told him. 

Syphax shot me a disapproving look and then pulled me down into the sand, sinking down next to me. He took my leg in his lap to look at it. “It looks shallow. The bleeding has mostly stopped.”

“It doesn’t hurt too much,” I assured him. I had endured worse pain, after all. 

“Let me bind it, just to keep the dirt out,” Syphax said, ignoring my protest.

I took a silk scarf out of my bodice and handed it to him.

Syphax wrapped it around my leg tenderly. “Better?”

I smiled as he helped me to my feet. “Much.”

I took a few steps forward, eager to get to my destination, but pause when I realized Syphax wasn’t following me. 

“You’re still limping,” he pointed out, “Maybe we should rest here for a time.”

“I can’t.” I protested, “Tomorrow–“

“Is still many hours away,” Syphax pointed out, “Let’s build a fire, you can relax and recover. Away from the city and away from any more of Caesar’s men.” He met my eyes and I could see the plea in his. “I would cherish some time alone with you before you put yourself in harm’s way.”

As much as I wanted to get this all over with, I couldn’t bring myself to turn down Syphax, not after he had done so much for me. I owed him a debt that I could never repay, the least I could do was give him a few hours of my time.

“Of course.”

It wasn’t long before Syphax had the fire built.

I stared into the flames, wishing for the first time I had inherited some of my mother’s gift and could see what the future would bring, could know whether all my careful plans would come to fulfillment and what would happen after Caesar was dead. 

“Portia, have you thought about what you will do if this attack on Caesar fails?” Syphax asked after a moment, almost as if he could read my thoughts. 

That was the question, wasn’t it? Yet, probably not for the reasons, he was asking. He was worried about my safety. I was worried about my heart.

If this failed, if Caesar somehow survived, then what future did Antony and I have? He would remain at Caesar’s side and after tonight, I was convinced that Caesar would never allow us to be together. This was my only shot.

Not just at revenge, but at happiness.

“Syphax, it won’t,” I told him with a confidence I didn’t quite feel. “My mother has foreseen that this time it will work.”

I had never been as strong in my faith as my mother, but that had changed after my time in the arena. She had done something, had helped me in a way I could never explain and if she told me that the gods were on my side, then I had to believe that.

“The gods are often cryptic in what they show.” Syphax pointed out, “They never include the cost.”

“What it is, I am willing to pay it,” I assured him and meant it. I knew this was not without risk, but I had to do this. For Gaul, for my family, but also for the life I wanted for myself. In a way, this would be both about letting go of the past, but also about sizing the future I dreamed of.

“And if you succeed?” Syphax asked carefully and I wondered how long he had harbored these doubts. Of course, I could not blame him, not with all he had suffered for me. 

“Then it is over and the Siochain are at rest,” I told him, gazing at the flames once more, remembering Gaul and nights like this and knowing that there weren’t likely to be many of these in my future. 

Not when my future lay in the heart of Rome.

“Rome isn’t likely to just fall in line behind the Senate once Caesar is gone, you know,’ Syphax said, “No matter what Cassius might think.”

“That is Cassius’s cause, not mine.” I told him with a shrug, though I refrained from adding that my goal was the opposite. I wanted the Senate to fall, in fact, I was counting on it. 

“So what will you do?” Syphax asked me. “When it’s over.”

I paused, knowing I couldn’t tell him the truth of what I planned. He would do his best to talk me out of it, perhaps even interfere in some way, besides I didn’t want to jinx it, not when so much could still go wrong.

“I will continue to work as a courtesan,” I lied. 

Syphax looked surprised, “I did not think it was a life you loved so much.”

I shrugged again. “It is what I know. I thought of returning to Gaul, but the Siochain are no more.” I gave him a guilty smile, though my next words were more truthful than my previous ones. “And truth be told, it would be difficult for me to give up my hot baths and silks to live in a forest again. I have grown used to my luxuries and the power that comes with them.’

It was true. I could no longer even really imagine living in Gaul. I pictured the simple way we lived and it is so foreign to me now. That was not my way of life anymore. Somewhere along the line, I had become more Roman than Gaul.

“What of you?” I asked him, “What do you want? You have held yourself hostage to my vengeance for far too long. Surely, you must have dreams of your own.”

Syphax gazed at me with a longing that broke my heart and made me regret asking the question. But perhaps this was a conversation we needed to have. 

“My dream is right here.” He told me, reaching for my hand. “I want to be with you, Portia. Protect you. I want you to love me, as I have always loved you.”

I glanced down at our joined hands, so I didn’t have to meet his eyes. 

If the world was a better place, I would love him. It was what he deserved, to be loved as deeply as he loved. He was such a good man. Far too good for me. 

“Syphax, I want to see you free,” I told him gently, pulling my hand from his. “You are the dearest friend of my heart, but I would not keep you with me only to dream of something that will never be.”

Besides, our futures were headed in different directions. I doubted he would wish to serve as my bodyguard if things worked out the way I hoped they would with Antony and even if Syphax was willing, I had a feeling Antony would object. 

I shifted, the fire suddenly feeling too warm, it’s light,  too revealing. 

Syphax took a deep breath. “Can I ask… Is there someone else?”

I considered lying, but I knew he deserved better than that. Besides what was the point of lying now? If it all worked out, soon all of Rome would know where my heart lay, Syphax at least deserved to hear it from me. 

“Yes,” I said softly, “I am in love with Marc Antony.”

“Antony!” Syphax exclaimed, looking angrier than I had ever seen him. “I never thought you’d be the kind of fool to believe false words glibly spoken. Antony is a liar and a dictator, no better than Caesar.”

“He is also arrogant, rude, capricious and cruel,” I said dryly, “Believe me, I know.”

“Then why?” Syphax asked, looking at me as if hoping I would take back my words or tell him I had been joking.

“I cannot explain it,” I told him, “perhaps Cupid’s arrows are as strong as the myth claims.”

I had never intended to love Antony. He was the last man I would ever have wanted to fall in love with and yet… Here I was, doing everything I could to pull off the possibility of a life without him, because the alternative was unbearable. 

Syphax took my hand in his again, squeezing it gently. I could feel his hand tremble, but he forced a smile.”While I may have wanted to hear something different, I shall count myself lucky to have earned your loyalty and friendship.”

He pulled me up from the sand with a sigh. “Is your leg feeling well enough to walk on?”

I nodded.

“Then we best get you to Cassius’s estates before the day dawns.”

He began to move and I followed, knowing that things had irrevocably changed between us and feeling horrible for having to break his heart. Cupid hadn’t been kind to either of us, having him give his heart to me, who did not deserve it, and making me give mine to Antony, when there were far better… And yet, at least my story had the possibility of a happy ending.

Once Caesar was dead, of course. 

**