Summary: Zig reveals a secret about himself while he struggles with the secret feelings he has for MC (Emma).
Zig was pouring some coffee into a travel mug when Emma opened the door to her bedroom, already looking harried.
“Morning,” Zig said, nearly forgetting what he was doing as he splashed coffee onto the counter. Smooth move, ace.
“Hey, Zig,” Emma said, mustering a semblance of a smile.
“Isn’t it a little early to already be so stressed out?” he asked as he ripped off a couple paper towels to sop up his mess. “It’s only the second day of classes.”
Emma laughed, but the worry didn’t leave her brow.
“I know, I know,” she said. “But I overslept this morning and I’m going to be late for class if I don’t sprint all the way there.”
“Well, don’t run so fast that you spill this,” Zig said, holding out the travel mug. Emma took it gratefully and smiled.
“You can take the boy out of the coffee shop, but you can’t take the barista out of the boy, huh?” she asked with a grin.
“Guess not,” Zig said as he reached for another travel mug for himself. “Hey, I was thinking we should still have some kind of celebratory thing in honor of you moving in.”
“Sure!” Emma said brightly. “That sounds awesome. Since we weren’t able to do it last night, do you want to do a pizza dinner night here?”
Zig thought briefly of the sounds he’d heard through the walls the night before and tried not to grimace when he stomach twisted at the memory.
“Actually, I had another idea,” Zig said. “But it’s a surprise.”
“A surprise, huh?” Emma asked. “Can I get a little hint?”
Zig grinned and shook his head.
“Nope.”
Emma gave an overly exasperated sigh but she smiled anyway.
“Fine,” she said as she took a sip of coffee. “I can meet you here around 5:30, does that work?” Zig nodded. “Great, it’s a date!” she exclaimed. Then, with a quick salute with the coffee mug, she was out the door.
“No,” Zig said aloud sadly. “It’s not.”
__________
“But I’ve been so patient!” Emma exclaimed as Zig’s car navigated the city streets.
“And you have to be a little more patient!” Zig protested. “Besides, we’re almost there.”
A few minutes later, Zig pulled his car into the parking lot along the sand and climbed out.
“The beach?” Emma asked. “See, if you’d told me, I would’ve brought my suit!”
“Oh no, it’s way too cold to swim,” Zig said. “Come on, let’s go.”
They climbed out of the car and the two of them walked down towards the water. The sun had already begun to dip low in the sky, casting a dark honeyed glow over the beach.
“It’s beautiful out here,” Emma said, wrapping her arms around herself as the wind blew in off the water. Zig noticed her thin sweater and shrugged off his leather jacket, handing it to her. “Oh, thanks,” she said as she put it on. Zig loved the way his jacket looked on her. He sat down and she followed suit.
“Back after my arrest, I was really angry a lot of the time,” Zig said, gazing out at the water. “Everything felt really unfair. No one cared that I had just been defending my sister, all of my college acceptances had been revoked … I felt like I had nothing.” He paused, swallowing hard. “I came out here and I was ready to … I don’t know. But I came out here and I looked out at the water and as I sat here, watching the waves roll in and out, everything seemed okay for a moment. So I kept coming back, every day if I could, and slowly things seemed to be … not so bad.”
Zig stopped talking and watched the waves for a moment. After a little while, he realized Emma was watching him. He felt incredibly raw and exposed. He couldn’t believe he’d told her that. He’d never told anybody that before. Christ, now she was going to think he was crazy and damaged and–
Zig’s train of thought was interrupted when he felt Emma’s head on his shoulder. Then her hand snaked into his and she clasped his fingers in hers. It was a friendly hold, nothing romantic about it, but it was the type of hand hold he needed in that moment.
“Thanks for telling me,” she said softly, her voice barely audible over the rising tide.
“Don’t … don’t tell the others,” Zig said. “I’m not sure I want them to know yet.”
Emma lifted up her head and rested her chin on his shoulder, her face turned towards his. He could feel her breath on his ear and he shivered.
“Oh no, are you cold?” she asked, picking up her chin and leaning away from him, the moment broken. Zig silently cursed his involuntary reaction as she started to take off his jacket.
“No, I’m fine,” he tried to protest, but he knew their moment had passed.
“We should head back anyway,” Emma said. “Come on, pizza’s on me.”
Zig stood up and offered a hand to Emma to help her up, which she accepted. He could feel the grainy sand on her palm, gritty to the touch. He didn’t want to let go of her hands, but he reminded himself that he had to. Suddenly, her phone rang, the electronic jingle jarring in the serene beach setting.
“Sorry, I should get this,” Emma said as she checked the screen. Zig nodded and she answered the call. “Hey, James,” she said. “Sorry,” she mouthed to Zig before taking a couple steps away. Zig stayed where he was, turning his gaze back out towards the ocean as she chatted with her boyfriend. He wondered why he was continuing to punish himself like this. Yes, they were friends, but he knew it wouldn’t be more. She’d been dating him for a year now and, despite what she said about their relationship being on shaking ground since James came back from LA, they were still together and Zig didn’t have any realistic reason to suspect they’d break up. Would Zig even really want that? Yes, he had feelings for Emma, but he didn’t want to see her hurt. And James was a great guy. If Zig was honest with himself, James could offer her a lot more than he could. What was he but a barista and a college freshman with a criminal record? She deserved more. James could give her more.
“Hey, sorry about that,” Emma said, her voice breaking into his thoughts.
“Oh, don’t worry about it,” Zig said, forcing a smile on his face. “So, what kind of toppings do you want? I’m so hungry I’ll even eat pineapple if you really want it.”
“Actually …” she started, a pained look on her face. “I have to take a raincheck, I’m so sorry. James just called and there’s a last minute staff meeting at the paper. I tried to get out of it, but James pointed out that it might look like I’m getting preferential treatment by dating the editor if I don’t show up … are you mad? I’m so sorry, you have every right to be mad.”
“Of course not,” Zig said, disappointment flooding his body. “I totally understand. I’ll even drop you off on campus, if you want.”
“You’re the best,” Emma said, linking her arm through his as they walked back to his car. “And I promise I’ll make it up to you. I owe you a roommate pizza for sure, no pineapple.”
Zig took his arm from her and instead slung it around her shoulders in a side hug.
“You don’t owe me anything,” Zig said, unable to stop himself from noticing how perfectly she fit next to him. “Besides, what are roommates for?”
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