Old Wounds
By Misha
Disclaimer- Not mine, I’m just borrowing them for a little while and will return them unharmed when I am done.
Author’s Notes- This is an old fic that has been re-written. I considered not posting it at all, but it’s such a pivotal moment for Eleanor that I just rewrote it to fit into my canon instead. This takes place between Chapters 12 and 13 of Book 2. The prompts for this one are “are you drunk” and “I want an answer goddammit”. There is a brief reference to gun violence in this one. It builds on my back-story for Eleanor, which is hinted at in “Background” and also references the events of “Wine and Sympathy”.
Pairing- Liam/MC
Rating- PG-13, a brief reference to gun violence
Summary- Eleanor has a bad night.
Words- 1238
I stood at the hotel room window, just staring out at the moonlit sky, a glass of whiskey in my hand. I didn’t normally drink alone, but tonight was different. I had managed to bottle my emotions for most of the day, going along with the events of the engagement tour without any major slip-ups, and then once we had returned to the hotel, I’d cornered Drake and asked for a bottle of whiskey.
I could have just gotten something from the hotel bar, but I knew I had a reputation to try and restore and getting drunk alone in my hotel room wasn’t something I wanted to get out, so I needed to be discreet and find a way to get alcohol that wouldn’t get back to anyone and create more gossip. That meant either Drake or Olivia since I knew she carried wine on her, but I knew Olivia knew what day it was and I wasn’t in the mood to face that knowledge, so I’d gone with Drake. He had been surprised, but I guess he could read my mood because he handed it over without another word.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. I sighed and put my glass down, going to open it. “Maxwell, I’m not—” I began and then trailed off when I saw it was Liam. “Oh.”
“Drake said you were drinking,” Liam said, stepping inside. “I wanted to make sure everything was ok.”
Maybe I should have gone to Olivia after all, she wouldn’t have ratted me out.
“I’m fine,” I said dismissively, picking up my drink and going back to the window.
“You’re standing here drinking alone,” Liam countered, coming to stand next to me, “it’s unlike you.”
“How do you know?” I asked, shrugging off his touch. “You barely know me, Liam. You only know what you want too.”
He looked wounded and I knew that I’d regret my words in the morning, but couldn’t bring myself to care at that moment.
“Are you drunk?” Liam asked, glancing at the half-empty whiskey bottle by my feet.
“Getting there,” I said with a shrug, “I know, it’s not proper behavior, but tonight… Tonight I don’t give a damn.”
“Did something happen?” Liam asked, genuinely concerned “Is this about my father?”
We hadn’t had a chance to talk about that, about the fact that his father had set me up. Part of me wanted to say yes because that would be an easier conversation, but this had nothing to do with that. Not really. I didn’t know how to answer, because as sweet and understanding as Liam was, this wasn’t something he could fix. So I ignored him and continued to stare out the window.
“Eleanor, you have to talk to me.” Liam was starting to get frustrated. Apparently, even his legendary patience had its limits. “I want an answer goddammit!” He yelled, surprising me and probably himself, because he immediately softened, “I mean…”
“I know what you meant,” I said dryly, finally turning around. I could see the love and frustration battling on his handsome face and realized how unfair I was being. We were in love, we wanted to share our lives together, I at least owed him an answer. “Three years ago today my parents were in the wrong place at the wrong time and were victims of a mass shooting,” I told him flatly. “They were amongst the nine people killed that day.”
Liam looked stunned by the revelation… “You never… You don’t talk about your parents.” He looked embarrassed. “And I never thought to ask.”
No, he hadn’t. He had asked surprisingly few questions about my background. Part of me had just assumed that he had done his own background check on me, similar to the one his parents and Olivia had run. Apparently, everyone had had me investigated except the man who loved me, which was either very sweet or a sign of a bigger problem and tonight I wasn’t in the mood to try and figure out which one it was.
“I guess I was afraid to mention your life in New York,” Liam admitted, “I was afraid that if I did, you would get homesick and leave, especially after everything went wrong. I guess I felt that as long as I didn’t mention it, I might get to keep you.”
“It’s not your fault,” I said after a moment, “I could have brought it up. I liked that you didn’t ask, because then I didn’t have to talk about it. Didn’t even have to think about it. I could just pretend that life began the night you walked into that bar.”
I turned back to the window, staring out at the Shanghai skyline.
“It was so appealing… The idea of just walking away from my life.” I admitted. I had been attracted to Liam, yes, but I had also been attracted to the idea of a new life and a place with no memories. “I could just leave the tragedy behind and become a new person and for a while, it worked. I became Lady Eleanor and then after the Coronation… It became even easier because I had something to focus on. But today… Today it hit me that, that no matter how far I run, I can’t leave it all behind because I’ll always carry it with me.”
“Is that why you came to Cordonia?” He asked slowly. “To escape your past?”
“Yes… No…” I took a deep breath and turned to look at him again. “That first night with you was the first really good night I’d had since my parents died. With you, I felt happier than I had in years. When Maxwell offered to bring me here, I jumped at the chance because I wanted to keep feeling that way. Running away was definitely part of it, but a bigger part was the fact that I liked the way I felt when I was with you.”
Liam reached out for me again and this time I accepted his touch. “What do you need?” He asked me, wrapping me in his arms and holding me against him.
“Can you just hold me?” I asked softly. “I mean, I know you probably have to get back to your own room…”
“I’ll stay here as long as you need me,” Liam assured me, his lips brushing against the top of my head. “I always want to be here for you, Eleanor.”
I smiled and shifted in his arms so that I was once again looking out the window, this time from within the security of Liam’s embrace.
I knew that sometime soon we would have to have a serious talk. That tonight’s conversation had exposed holes in our relationship and that we’d have to deal with that, along with the revelation about his father’s role in the conspiracy against me.
Liam and I had gotten too good at about pretending our relationship existed in a bubble, which had worked up until now, but if we were going to build a life together, we had to communicate. We couldn’t pretend that the outside world didn’t exist.
However, that was something to be dealt with in the future, tonight I just wanted to lean on him, taking comfort in his strength and realizing that for the first time in three years, I wasn’t alone. I would never be alone again.
- End
