Author’s Note: I am really enjoying writing Seth and Jessica! They are just such a fun, playful, sarcastic couple and these goofy little stories just kind of write themselves. I think I’ll be writing more of these two soon once RCD drops this week and my muse (Seth) returns.
This idea came to me last night while I was eating pizza with my family and I thought of a silly way to fulfill @lizeboredom’s request for sarcasm prompt #109 “Such big evil in such a little thing.” Hopefully it makes you giggle … I know I did when I wrote it!
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“Hey Babe, I’m home!” Jessica calls out as she walks through the door, shutting it behind her and tossing her keys on the entry table. She walks into the combined living room / dining room / kitchen room of their tiny apartment and starts flipping thru her mail that Seth had left out for her on the counter. After flipping past bills, solicitations and more bills, she grabs the latest issue of Glamour from the stack and sets it on the kitchen table to savor while she eats.
Seth comes in from the bedroom, still wearing his sloppy sweatpants and t-shirt she’d seen him in this morning on her way out the door. “Hey Iowa.” He mosies up beside her and places a welcoming peck on her cheek while she fills a glass of water at the sink. “How was your day?”
“Ugh, exhausting! We had to run this one scene at least ten times today because Chris couldn’t get his lines straight. And it wasn’t just a little scene … the director made us start at the beginning every time so we could, and I quote, ‘feel where the scene was taking us’ each time.” She paused to take a drink of water, before setting the glass down and making her way towards the fridge. “And you know how much I hate all that Paleo Keto stuff they cater in for lunch … give me some carbs! I am STARVING!” She starts digging through the contents of the fridge on a mission. She shifts boxes and containers and jars and bottles before finally glancing up at her boyfriend with a worried look on her face. “Seth, please tell me you didn’t throw away that box of leftover pizza from Luciano’s???”
“Uhhhhhh … I definitely didn’t throw it away …” Seth mutters hesitantly, suddenly unable to make eye contact with her.
“Seeeettttthhhhh … if you didn’t throw it away, then where is it?” Jessica cocks an eyebrow at him.
Seth lets out a slow exhale before finally meeting her eyes. “I kinda … ate it.” He flinches a little as he’s waiting for Jessica to launch into a full-on hunger-induced assault. But she doesn’t. She just stands there calmly before bending back down to hunt for something else edible.
“Oh, okay. No big deal.” She states matter-of-factly. But then her voice drops to a low whisper. “I’ve only been looking forward to it all day.” She mumbles under her breath.
“What? I didn’t hear you.” Seth asks in a worried tone. When she doesn’t acknowledge him, he launches into his best attempt at an explanation. “I’m sorry, I was just here working on a script all day and I didn’t want to leave and I didn’t think you would mind … so I ate it.”
“It’s fine Seth, really.” She replies absent-mindedly as she starts grabbing items out of the fridge and setting them on the counter. “I’ll just make a sandwich.”
“Okaaaaaaayyyy … “ Seth starts backing away slowly, not wanting to jeopardize the peaceful response he’d just received. Jessica starts assembling a sandwich, seemingly paying him no mind. Relieved at the avoided conflict, Seth escapes quietly to the the couch and turns on the TV.
“Hey Babe?” Jessica calls from the kitchen. “I’m gonna have a beer. Do you want one?”
“Yeah, sure.” He responds as he flips through the channels. “I think there’s one more of those craft IPAs in there.”
Jessica saunters out of the kitchenette, the craft beer in one hand and a bottle opener in the other. “What, you don’t mean this one … do you?” She smirks as she deliberately pops the cap in front of him and slowly lifts the bottle closer to her mouth.
“Jess, you wouldn’t … that’s the last-“ Seth stops mid-sentence as she takes the bottle in her mouth and takes a long chug. He’s dumbfounded as he watches her drain nearly a third of the bottle.
“Ahhhhh.” Jessica exhales with a smug grin. “That’s good.”
“I- I can’t believe you did that … “ he stares at her in shock.
She shrugs her shoulders nonchalantly as she continues to smile. “Sorry, it was just right there … and I was sooooooo thirsty.” She chuckles as she reaches behind her to pick up a can off the kitchen counter and walks it over to him. “But here, I got you something too.” She sets down the plain silver can of Coors Light on the coffee table in front of him.
He stares down at the container of the mediocre excuse for alcohol and then back at her again, smiling devilishly above him. “You … you’re … Such big evil in such a little thing.”
“What can I say? Payback’s a bitch.” She winks at him before taking another swig of the craft beer and waltzing back into the kitchen.
END