Something Perfect

“Can you pass me the big knife?” Jax asked a starving but patiently waiting Grace.

“All these knives could be considered ‘the big knife’.” She teased, spinning the rotating knife holder on the counter to the rhythm of The Smiths song Jax had playing.

“The biggest knife.” He said, smirking. She gestured over towards his katana and he started laughing. She loved that sound, she didn’t get to hear it nearly as much as she wanted to. She knew she wasn’t being a super helpful chef’s assistant, but she was having way too much fun teasing him to stop. He reached across her, bushing against her slightly, and selected a large blade from the knife holder. “This knife.”

“Well, now I know for future reference.” Grace thought she noticed his smile fade slightly as he turned his attention back towards his cooking.

“Okay, eyes closed.” She obliged and he popped a piece of fish in her mouth.

“Mmm… More soy sauce, please.”

“You got it.”

It had been a few days since they had parted ways with Adrian and Kamilah. They were headed somewhere secure, they said. A safe house of Adrian’s not even Kamilah knew about. Though she hadn’t heard from them, Grace knew deep down that they were okay. And besides, she reassured herself, no news is good news, right? Jax has scouts all around the city, they would have heard if something had happened.

“And… done.” Jax slid the bowl of poke across the counter into Grace’s waiting hands. She sat down on the crate in the middle of the room and started happily chewing, unable to keep a grin off her face.

“What are you smiling about?” Jax came and squatted behind her, arms encircling her waist and head on her shoulder. He was being unusually affectionate tonight which made her a little suspicious, but she was enjoying it too much to care.

“You made this for me the first time we… the first time I came here.” She felt the small puff of air against her neck as he snorted.

“Oh hush,” she playfully shoved him off of her, “You know what I mean.”

“It was an incredible night, the first time you,” he leaned back in and kissed behind her ear, “came here. Well, for me at least.” He added. It took her a moment to put together that he was talking about the Awakening Ball. She had separated the memories of the massacre with what happened after in her mind.
“And,” He continued, “I’ve loved all the times you’ve… come here since.” Jax was trying to get her to blush and he was succeeding.He smiled and placed a hand on her chin, turning her head to face his.

“I love it when you do that.” He said, gently stroked her reddened cheek. His playful glance faded into a different look Grace couldn’t quite place. He was studying her face as if trying to memorize every detail. Her feeling of unease was getting harder to ignore.

“Well,” She said trying to lighten the mood. “If you keep cooking like this, I’ll be here so often you’ll get sick of me.” Jax flinched. He tried to hide it by rubbing the back of his neck, but it was too late. Grace’s smile died on her face and her appetite was suddenly gone.

“Jax, what’s going on?” She asked, quietly but firmly.

He looked for a moment like he might deny that anything was up, but he saw the intensity in her eyes, stood up, and sighed, “…We’re going after, Vega.”

“You’re… what?” She heard his words, but her brain refused to make sense of them. The room felt like it was spinning.

“Every day that goes by with him out there planning, my people are in more and more danger. He was able to take down Adrian Raines. He pulled one over on Kamilah Sayeed. Two of the most powerful vampires around, now both on the run. We can’t wait for him to come for us. We need to strike now, while he’s distracted and not expecting it.” His voice sounded very far away. She could feel her breath coming shorter. She forced herself back into the moment and onto her feet.

“What’s your plan?” She was fighting to keep her voice steady and failing.

“We’re going to ambush him, those who can fight. Evacuating those who can’t. There are still a number of safe houses that haven’t been compromised. If we succeed, we’ll take it from there.”

“And if you don’t?” He didn’t say anything. “Jax, that isn’t much of a plan.”

“Well, it’s the only one I’ve got.” His voice was getting harder.

“You can’t do this. It’s too much of a risk.”

“What other choice do I have?” He shouted in frustration, “I have to do this for my people! Protecting the Clanless, it’s everything to me, Grace. Don’t you get that?”

“Of course I get it! It… it’s just…” She tears she had been keeping back broke through. His face softened as he reached out to hold her, but she jerked her shoulders back. “It’s not fair! You’ve been a vampire for well over ten years. Vega for four hundred. Why now? Why is this all happening now, when we’ve just met, when I’ve just gotten to know you? It’s selfish, I know but… We could have had more time. We should have had more time!” She could tell he was fighting to keep tears of his own back now. He tried again to reach out and this time she let him stroke her arm.

“I know, it’s not fair. So much of life is not fair, you think I’d be used to it by now.” He flashed a weak smile and took her hand, “But when it comes to you, what we have… It’s why I wanted tonight to be so special. I wanted to give you something perfect to remember me by.”

“Remember you by?” She squeaked out, stepping back. That phrase was like a punch to the gut.

“I don’t… I’m not sure I’m going to make it out of this one.” He said, unable to meet her eye. “If this is our goodbye…”

“No,” She moved to stand in front of the door, blocking it with her body, “I don’t want to say goodbye. Not now.” She knew he could move her as easily as a feather. But he didn’t.

“Grace,” he said pleadingly.

“Did you ever once think of bringing me with you?”

He stared at her long and hard, “No.”

“Why?” She asked, her cracking voice betraying her hurt.

“Because I won’t risk you.”

“But you’ll risk you?”

“This is my fight, not yours. It’s what I have to do as leader of the Clanless.”

“Then I’ll follow you.”

“You can’t!”

“I’m not letting you do this alone, Jax!”

“You’re human, Grace, you won’t stand a chance!”

“But—” He silenced her protest with a kiss.

“I have to try.” He whispered, pulling back slightly.

“I know.”

He pushed her up against the door, his lips meeting hers harder this time, more desperately. A small moan escaped her lips, half out of pleasure, half out of anguish. She could feel a wetness against her cheek that she wasn’t sure was from her tears or his. She wrapped a leg around him and he took the hint, lifting her up by the thighs. Their kisses were messy and passionate as he carried her over to the bed. He lowered her carefully onto the mattress and dropped to his knees. Slowly, they removed their clothes, never taking their eyes off of one another, and then came back together in a frenzy, collapsing onto the mattress.

“Jax! Oh, Jax!” She couldn’t stop saying his name, assuring herself that he was really here. He buried himself into her as she wrapped her legs around him, pulling him in as close as possible, as if he could slip away at any moment. He pressed his face into her neck, breathing in her scent for a moment before she felt the sharp points of his fangs against her skin.

“Please!” She gasped, and he sunk in. She let out a cry, grasping at the bed sheet. Everything was a mix of pleasure and pain; the fire running through her veins matching the one in her heart. It consumed her.

After, Jax clutched her tightly to him and Grace held on tight as well. The gentle kisses he placed on the top of her head were soothing and she could feel herself fading away, but refused to give in.

“Jax… Jax… Jax…” She whispered over and over into his chest like an incantation, one that would keep him here with her and safe. The sleep she was fighting overtook her with his name still on his lips.

She knew he was gone long before she opened her eyes. She could feel the cold radiating off of the empty space next to her almost as strongly as she could feel the cold space in her heart. She sat up, pulled the bedsheet up to her chin, and glanced over towards the kitchen. He had left her breakfast, but she could tell there wasn’t a note. In the throes of passion, she had briefly entertained the idea that maybe she might be enough to stop him from going. But even then she knew it wouldn’t be. If she had been able sway him so easily, he wouldn’t be the man she adored.

“I love you” she called softly into the empty room, the ringing silence of the  empty Shadow Den was her only answer.