Summary: Maxwell’s attempt at manscaping goes awry.
A/N: This is not an original idea. It was inspired by this post but after reading it I KNEW I had to se a Maxwell version for reasons. If I’ve done my job right, you’ll all be rolling with laughter soon. Slight Drake x MC Elizabeth here.
Maxwell Beaumont: Xavier Serrano
Thea Larkin: Olivia Holt
‘Are you going to take long little bird?’ Maxwell asked with a huff as he reluctantly guided the car through the streets of Cordonia.
He was currently driving his fiancee over to their best friend Elizabeth Richmond-Walker’s Atlantean manor for a girls afternoon with their friends Hana Lee and Olivia Nevrakis. He’d voiced his protest earlier at having to part with her for a few hours after expecting to have the whole day together to spend as they pleased.
‘Oh Max its just for one afternoon. Besides,’ Thea Larkin grinned, tossing a lock of blonde hair over her shoulder cheekily. ‘I think you’ll be very pleased with the result after we visit the beauty parlour.’
Maxwell’s eyebrows perked up as he caught her meaning, deliberately urging the car on faster. ‘Full speed ahead then! Beauty parlour here she comes!’ He announced as Thea let out a peal of laughter.
Maxwell was just driving away from the manor when something on the seat glimmered in the sunlight and he glanced over to find that Thea had left her purse in the car and immediately turned the car around. After one of Elizabeth’s staff members pointed him in the direction of her parlous where they were all gathered, he stood at the door, poised to knock before he heard their voices travelling through the door.
‘-believe he waxes Liv!’ Elizabeth was saying. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Of course I’m sure!’ Olivia’s voice conveyed a slight hint of irritation. ‘I’ve been married to Liam long enough that he can’t hide that from me…’
‘Huh I’m just surprised he would go to all that effort,’ Liz replied thoughtfully. ‘Drake just shaves, says it makes him look bigger.’
Maxwells eyes widened as he realised what the women were talking about. In spite of himself he glanced down his own body thinking of his negligence of proper grooming down there. Sure he’d attempted to clean up the downstairs in the past but after one very unfortunate encounter with a razor and a whole week of having to come up with an believable enough excuse for walking funny, he’d been deterred from the whole concept together. So far Thea hadn’t said anything about it when they’d been together so he’d just assumed she didn’t mi-
‘Does it really feel better like that Liz?’
That was Thea speaking now, her tone curious, revealing just how innocent she still was at 22 years of age. Maxwell leaned closer to the door, gripping the handle in anticipation, his ear flat against the wood to avoid missing a word of what she was going to say.
‘Thea girl…,’ Elizabeth answered, her voice dropping in pitch. ‘It makes all the difference in the world.’
‘Plus it makes blowjobs that much more pleasant,’ Olivia put in bluntly. ‘You won’t have to be picking hair out of your teeth hours later.’
A loud gasp escaped Maxwell. He forgot he still had a hand on the door handle in his surprise at Olivia’s bluntness accidentally twisted the handle. With the side of his body pressed heavily against the wood from his eavesdropping attempt, it gave way easily now and he tumbled headfirst into the room where the ladies were sitting.
‘Maxwell?!’ They gasped collectively at his abrupt entrance. Blushing furiously red and inwardly cursing his luck, he picked himself off the ground. ‘Hey girls… uh… Thea forgot her purse so I just dropped by to give it to her.’
He sheepishly handed the item to his surprised fiancée.
‘Quite literally too,’ Olivia purred in amusement as she eyed his reddened state.
Thea eyed him quizzically. ‘Max how long have you-‘
‘Barely two seconds,’ he called out over his shoulder, perhaps a little too loudly. He steadily avoiding all their gazes, making a beeline towards the exit. ‘I’ll see you girls later, have fun!’
–
“Place tub in microwave, warm in short bursts, stirring after each burst of heat until wax was a smooth, honey like consistency. Apply a liberal amount of wax to area to be epilated, apply linen strip rubbing firmly in direction of hair growth, pull skin taut and remove wax strip.”
‘Huh.. seems simple enough,’ Maxwell mused out loud, scanning the label on small round pot he’d found.
When he’d returned back to the Beaumont manor, instead of spending the afternoon playing video games like he’d planned, the girls’ conversation had made him curious and he’d immediately headed to the cupboard under the bathroom sink of Thea’s bathroom, rummaging around until he found it. A small pot of wax and the accompanying strips.
Rereading the instructions, he turned it over in his hands.
‘That doesn’t sound too hard. I got this,’ he reassured himself again as he made his way down to the vast kitchen. ‘If girls could do it so can I.’
House Beaumont was entirely empty, the servants had the day off and Bertrand was with Savannah and Bartie at her place so it was the perfect time to try this, he reasoned with himself, imagining how surprised Thea would be when he showed her the finished result.
Slipping the pot into the microwave, Maxwell headed to the cupboard in the store room holding their camping supplies, reasoning that this could be a messy process and he’d rather not face his older brother’s fury for spilling wax on their kitchen stools. Dragging out a canvas camping chair, he positioned it in front of the kitchen island as he waited for the microwave to finish, wrapping the flaps of his dressing gown tighter over his naked body underneath. When he heard the DING! of the microwave, he carefully extracted the pot and laid it to cool on the bench top.
‘So far so good,’ Maxwell muttered to himself, surprised at how smoothly this was all going before he realised his real predicament.
How was he supposed to get the wax on his man parts without slopping it everywhere?
He spent a few moments, attempting various positions to see which would be the most effective for the task he was about to undertake, finally settling on a seated position on the canvas chair with his legs raised up on the kitchen island spread in a wide pilates V. It took a moment to juggle with the positioning of his cock and balls but so far this was the best option he could think of.
Mortified at the thought of anyone — least of all Bertrand — walking in to see him in such compromising position, Maxwell reached for the stick in the pot, hoping he could get the task quickly without any major spills. He gingerly moved to apply it quickly to his skin almost immediately he cursed out loud.
‘Shit!’
He hadn’t left it to cool long enough and the wax was much too hot when it made contact with the tender skin of his balls, drawing reflexive tears of pain. When the intensity died down to a dull warmth, he hastily applied the linen strip over the area, rubbing it soothingly to ease the pain. No, he reminded himself. The most painful part was still to come.
‘Come on Maxwell,’ he muttered trying to psych himself up. ‘You can do this.’
Clenching his eyes shut, he took a deep breath and flexed his abs in preparation for the shock that was to come. With his fingers under the edge of the stip, he counted to three and ripped the strip off as quickly as he could.
‘Mother fucker!’
His shout of pain echoed through the halls of the Beaumont manor and if anyone were home they’d have some running by now. His vision flashed white as pain emanated from between his legs and he fought to keep his breathing under control. Eventually Maxwell opened his eyes, bringing the strip up to inspect his handiwork expecting to see it filled with unwanted hair but was surprised to find… nothing!
‘What the hell?’ Maxwell exclaimed, staring at the little piece of cloth, void of both hair AND wax.
’Something’s not right,’ he began, reaching for the pot to reread the instructions labelled there. He’d followed the steps perfectly.
Warm. Apply. Rub. Pull. It wasn’t rocket science!
He glanced down at himself to find the cooled wax perfectly attached to the pubic hair on his balls.
‘Maybe I didn’t put enough wax on,’ Maxwell reasoned with himself and reached for the stick again — another huge mistake.
In his hurry he’d taken too big of a scoop of wax out of the pot and it had dripped all over his flaccid cock making him hiss as the still-too-hot wax hit his most sensitive area. He’d put so much on that it began to drip down over his balls down to his taint in between his butt cheeks.
Unfortunately his attention was focused elsewhere for now as his fingers scrabbled across the bench top to reach for another strip of linen. When he finally placed it where he deemed appropriate, he patted it down with more force than earlier, attempting to distract himself from the strain of his muscles from keeping him in that position for so long. Gasping for breath, Maxwell braced himself for the impact as his held his skin tight and yanked the strip with all his might.
‘FUCK!’
His howl of pain was louder this time and a whole octave higher as the pain seemed to be ten times worse this time around. He was gasping for air, covered in a light sheen of sweat from the exertion and lifted his hand up to inspect his handiwork.
Surely that had to work this time…
He hadn’t put himself through that a second time to turn up –
‘EMPTY?’ Maxwell screeched, staring at the pristine wax strip staring back at him, almost mockingly. Defeated and angry, he dropped his legs from the bench top, hissing as his tired muscles spasmed when he closed his legs. His back was killing him too as and he tried to shift in the chair, his eyes widened in horror as he found himself unable to move!
‘I’ve glued myself to the chair,’ he stated blankly, trying not to lose his cool but failing miserably. ‘I’ve glued myself to the chair!’
And if things couldn’t get any worse, Maxwell shifted again only to find that he’d waxed himself… to himself!
A frantic panic welled up in him as he tried to pry his legs apart but they refused to move, sealed together perfectly by the wax. He let out a whimper of defeat.
How am I going to get free? What if I need to pee? Another more drastic thought struck him. What if I’m stuck like this forever?
His eyes widened at the thought of being confined to the chair for the rest of his life. I’ll never be able to dance again, he realised with horror before correcting himself. He’d never be able to be with Thea again. Now that shocked him into silence and he stayed frozen like that for a few moments.
He needed to do something… He couldn’t remain like this forever. He refused to. Channelling his inner Bertrand, he psyched himself up again. He was Maxwell Percival of House Beaumont. Surely he wouldn’t let a little bit of hot wax get the better of him.
Steeling his nerves, Maxwell gingerly attempted to inch one butt cheek off the chair which caused a slight sucking noise to echo out through the kitchen and if it was possible he felt himself blush even more at his own predicament. While his sense of urgency told him to hurry, his pain threshold screamed at him to take his time, lest he got himself into an even more compromising position. His muscles strained with every inch he shifted but eventually he was able to peel himself off the chair.
Next problem, his legs were still glued together.
Maxwell’s mind raced trying to find a solution that did not involve stripping himself of his ability to have children and finally settled on the first somewhat sensible option that came to him.
Grabbing his robe and phone, he began to take painfully tiny steps towards the bathroom. No matter how big or small his movements were, each step was a new fresh hell as the wax pulled at his hair and genitals. Instead of walking, he resigned himself to an awkward sliding motion as he shuffled towards the stairs, realising all the bathrooms big enough to accommodate his needs were stationed one level above. Sweat dripped off his body as he painfully inched himself up the first step, gasping heavily when he’d cleared it.
Only fifteen more to go….
–
In the bathroom, Maxwell turned on the faucet as warm as he thought he could handle and when the tub was sufficiently filled, he eased himself into the water, sighing in relief rather than pleasure that he would finally be able to be free of this accursed wax. The bottle of rose scented bubble bath caught his eye and he reached for it, hoping for something to make his unfortunate experience a little better. Shortly after dumping in a generous dollop, the bubbles began to form and he leaned his head back against the bathroom wall, giving himself a few moments to relax before he tackled his downstairs issue.
It had barely been over a minute when he felt something tickling his nose and opened his eyes to find his entire visual field filled with foam as the bubbles had multiplied incessantly filling the entire bathtub. He shut the water off and swiped a few bubbles out of his way.
Surely the wax would have melted by now…
Maxwell attempted to a slight wiggle to adjust himself
Nothing happened….
He wiggled again…
Still nothing..
For some reason his body was refusing to cooperate! Frantically he swiped more of the bubbles away to find that instead of melting the wax off his skin the warm water had the complete opposite effect and in his attempt to free himself, he’d essentially created a vacuum seal between his balls, legs and the bathtub!
Maxwell was shocked to his very core, unable to decide whether to laugh or cry about his predicament. Instead he reached for his phone, dealing the first person he could think of… Bertrand.
His older brother had gotten him out of scraped a hundred times over. Surely he’d know what to do right? Maxwell drummed his fingers against the side of the tub while the phone rang over and over before finally going to voice mail.
‘Bertrand’s always got his phone on him,’ he exclaimed. ‘What could possibly be happening now?’
Sighing in frustration he dialled Liam’s number. Surely the King of Cordonia would have a solution for him? Unfortunately that call too went to voice mail and Maxwell sighed again. Liam was probably off doing kingly things and didn’t have time to answer.
His finger hovered over Thea’s contact, millimetres away from pressing the green button before he clicked out of the contact. She was busy with the rest of the girls at the salon… Besides he sure as shit wasn’t about to tell his fiancee about his stupid endeavour, knowing she’d tease him endlessly about it. He’d be taking this to the grave, which left only one other person to call.
‘Drake? Drake my buddy, my best friend how are you?’ he began nervously, relieved that someone picked up.
Drake’s flat tone told him immediately that he was neither impressed not entertained this. ‘I’m fine.’
‘Greaaaat’ he replied and immediately realising he’d drawn out the syllable a bit longer than necessary. ’Say whatcha doing right now?’
‘I just got Darcy down for her afternoon nap,’ his friend replied shortly before his voice got suspicious. ‘What do you want Beaumont?’
Maxwell felt his face heat up at the prospect of having to explain his situation to his ever cynical best friend. Of all the scrapes he’d gotten himself into this one was definitely up there with the worst of them. ‘I… uh… might have gotten myself into a bit of a… ah, sticky situation.’
‘Get to the point Maxwell,’ Drake replied, his tone definitely irritated now. ‘What have you done now?’
Maxwell shifted uncomfortably then immediately regretted it as the strands of waxed hair pulled painfully against his balls. ‘I think its better if I show you,’ he squeaked in pain.
‘Beaumont if this is another one of your fucking pranks, I swear to god I’ll-‘
‘Drake just get over here!’ he burst out desperately, unable to take it anymore. ‘I need help!’
‘Alright, alright, just sit tight I’ll be there soon,’ he grumbled before clicking the call off.
Maxwell settled his phone on the bathtub’s edge and waited, praying his best friend would arrive quickly and have some sort of idea on how to get him out of his predicament. Twenty minutes passed and the temperature of the water in the bathtub dropped by more than 10 degrees but he was still no closer to becoming unstuck.
‘Come on, come on,’ Maxwell muttered under his breath, hoping to the highest heavens that Drake hadn’t forgotten and would arrive soon. Ever since Darcy had been born, his best friend had taken his fatherhood role very seriously which meant he’d seen less and less of him in the last few months. At long last his phone buzzed and he lunged for it, sure enough finding a text from Drake.
I just got here. Where are you?
in the master bathroom. hurry, idk how long i can be like this
After what felt like hours but was probably about a minute, Drake appeared in the door way carrying some sort of large basket in his hand.
‘Drake buddy!’ Maxwell burst out in relief. ‘Man am I glad to see you.’
‘Maxwell, please tell me you did not disrupt my daughters nap just to show me you were having a bubble bath,’ Drake growled, setting the basket down and Maxwell caught a sight of baby Darcy inside, still sleeping soundly.
‘No Drake its not like that!’ he protested before gesturing down to himself. ‘I’m stuck!’
His friend’s face crumpled in confusion and irritation. ‘What the fu- What do you mean you’re stuck?’
’I’m stuck Drake!’ he wailed despondently, almost on the verge of tears.
‘Alright alright! Keep your damn voice down,’ Drake grumbled, jerking his head at the sleeping baby. ‘Why don’t you tell me what happened from the beginning?’
‘I wanted to surprise Thea so I tried to self-wax my… um… you know — I mean if Liam can do it, it shouldn’t be that hard right?’ Maxwell began rapidly, keeping his gaze firmly away from his friend’s as he continued. ‘And I followed the instructions but then the wax didn’t come off, and oh my god it fucking hurt, so I tried it again but it still didn’t work, and when I put my legs down… everything sealed together and now I’m stuck to the bathtub!’
He glanced up to see Drake’s eyebrows raised almost to his hair line in astonishment and the two men just stared at each other for a long moment before Drake burst out into uncontrollable laughter, his broad shoulders shaking.
‘Fine, fine,’ Maxwell grumbled. ‘I guess I deserve that… Laugh all you want.’
‘Wow Beaumont,’ his friend replied sarcastically, not even bothering to hide his amusement. ‘You’ve really done it this time,’ he replied, wiping a few tears away.
‘Ok yea I admit it was a dumb idea but will you help me now?!’ He demanded.
‘Hang on I’m not done yet,’ Drake shot back and laughed for a few more seconds to Maxwell’s chagrin.
‘Okay now can we focus on the real problem here?!’ He almost yelled, completely disregarding the sleeping child a few feet away.
‘Shit Maxwell I have no idea how to help you. Right now Google is our best bet I guess. But before we try anything, you should drain the bathtub,’ Drake advised in what Maxwell could only describe as his “dad voice”. ’Nothing’s gonna work if with all those bubbles in the way… I’m also gonna assume you’re naked under all that..?’ He gestured vaguely to the soap suds.
Maxwell nodded and silently obeyed, pulling the plug and letting the water drain out, rinsing himself of the soap suds as Drake thumbed through his phone, looking for a solution.
‘Here it is,’ he finally spoke up. ‘Do you have any olive oil?’
‘If we do it would be in the kitchen,’ Maxwell answered, confused but not about to argue with his best friend who immediately disappeared and was back in a few seconds with it.
‘Cotton pads?’
‘In the drawer,’ Maxwell pointed to indicate which one it was. Handing both the items to him, Drake slowly walked him through the process of unsticking himself from the bathtub floor with surprising patience and soon enough Maxwell found himself effectively detached from the porcelain.
‘Drake buddy come here,’ he exclaimed, lunging up from the bathtub entirely relieved to be free. ‘You’re the best friend a guy could ask for!’
He attempted to pull Drake into a hug but his friend deftly sidestepped him, squeezing his eyes shut. ‘You know how I feel about hugs Beaumont. And you’re still naked by the way.’
Maxwell glanced down to find that he was indeed still naked and grabbed a towel from the nearby rack.
‘Oh thanks for the reminder, pal,’ he replied shakily.
Drake shook his head vehemently, shuddering. ‘Ugh don’t think I’ll be unseeing that anytime soon… Come on get dressed,’ he instructed, throwing Maxwell’s robe at him.
‘Where are we going?’ he asked curiously as he slipped the robe over his shoulders, watching Drake pick up his still sleeping daughter and head out of the bathroom.
‘Just do it,’ he ordered authoritatively over his shoulder and Maxwell had no choice but to follow after him. Drake loaded all three of them into his Jeep and turned glared at him.
‘If you get wax on my new car, I will personally seal you to the roof of House Beaumont, got it?’
‘Got it,’ Maxwell gulped, knowing his friend was entirely capable of following through on his threat and the entire car ride was silent until Drake finally pulled up to a strip mall.
‘What are we doing here?’ Maxwell questioned as he got down from the vehicle.
‘Doing what you should have done in the first place,’ his friend replied as he carefully extracted his daughter from her carseat and heading towards the entrance of a beauty parlour. ‘Getting it professionally done. Are you gonna stand there on the sidewalk all day Beaumont?’
Shaking his head, Maxwell scurried after his best friend away from the strange looks he was receiving from passerby on the street. He’d barely taken two steps into the salon when a woman’s voice called out his name.
‘Maxwell?’
His eyes almost fell out of his head when he saw Thea, Elizabeth, Olivia and Hana seated on the large massage chairs getting their nails done.
‘Uh… hey ladies…’
‘What are you doing here?’ His fiancee questioned, looking at him curiously.
Maxwell felt his face heat up alarmingly. ‘Umm… I mean y’know… I was so lonely at home I decided to come join you…’
‘Don’t be fooled,’ Drake cut in. ‘You’ll never believe what he did to himself this time.’
‘Thats it!’ Maxwell exclaimed out loud, heading for one of the waxing rooms at the back of the store, hoping to escape the ribbing his friends would inevitably give him. ‘I’m already late for my appointment!’
As he settled himself down on the waxing bed, he could hear his friends laughing as Drake related the entire story to them.
That’s the last time I attempt to do anything like this myself…