The Fall

Author’s Note: This is in response to the prompt “Just tell me why you did it?” “Because I love you, okay.” 

Summary: Nic confronts Ethan about an action he made without her knowledge and truths come out. 

“Why Ethan? Why the hell would you do it?!” I almost roar, bursting into the attending’s office and slamming the door behind me.

He looks up from the papers on his desk, his blue eyes peering over dark rimmed glasses. My heart rate jumps suddenly and I swear inwardly. Now is not the time for thirst. Even if he does look fine as hell in those glasses…

“Why would I assume I could get work done without someone rudely bursting into my office? You know, Carter, I was wondering the same thing.”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

I stride over to his desk. Hands on my hips I put on my best “don’t you sass me, boy” look.

“Cut the snark. It’s not cute right now. Why would you tell Chief Emery you were the mastermind behind giving Mrs. Martinez the trial drug and were the one to administer it? And you supposedly forced me to steal the drug from Declan? Really? How gullible is Emery to believe that  anyone could force me to do anything?”

Ethan settles back in his chair and motions to a chair off to the side. I drag it closer, noting with some pleasure how Ethan’s left eye twitches with every loud scrape, and sit with a huff.

“Authority figures have been known to do worse. I have power over you. Not only am I an attending while you’re merely an intern, but you’re currently competing for a fellowship in my department and I am picking the candidate. That’s reason enough for you to do what I tell you.” He raises a staying hand as I make an attempt to interrupt.

“Yes, I am well aware how likely you are to follow my orders if you really disagree with them. And while Emery doesn’t know you as well as I do, you’re right. She doesn’t believe I forced you into anything. Or that I had anything to do with the whole situation. But it doesn’t matter. It’s my word against yours, and in a courtroom or in front of the medical board my word is worth more.”

“But why?! The family is suing, Ethan! Maybe they’ll even try to press charges if there’s precedent for it. Why would you sacrifice yourself, your career, to cover for me? Damn it, Ethan, you could lose your license!” I’m nearly yelling by the time I finish. My hands are wrapped around the wooden arms of the chair in a white-knuckled grip.

“As an attending, I am your supervisor. I had an idea of what you were doing and I failed to stop it, effectively making me an accessory to your wrongdoing anyways. With my pristine and well known reputation, the consequences may prove to be less severe or at least less damaging to my career. It was the most logical course of action.”

Once I manage to pick my jaw up off the floor, I stand again, leaning against the edge of the desk so I’m gazing down at him. His blue eyes lock onto mine and I nearly lose myself in their depths. But the red-hot fury and confusion coursing through my veins pulls me out just in time.

“Do you have a shovel handy?” I ask, making a show of looking around the small room. “Because you’ll need it for that steaming pile of bull shit you just flung!”

“Nic,” he warns, frustration seeping into his tone for the first time during our conversation. “Just let this go. Let me do this.”

“No! I won’t let you. And I need to know why! I just cannot understand why you’re doing this. I know damn well if Jackie or Elijah or anyone else had pulled something like this, you wouldn’t be lifting a finger to help them. So why me? Why am I so darn special? I think you at least owe me that much. Just tell me why you did it!”

“Because…because I love you, okay.” The words are barely louder than a whisper, yet they seem to echo through every last inch of the room.

I’m not sure what I expected him to say, but it definitely wasn’t those three words. I know he has feelings for me of some nature, I’ve known for a while. I assumed it was merely strong attraction, but…love? Is it really possible?

“W…what?” I manage to stutter as I sink back into my chair, thoroughly flabbergasted.

A sigh emanates from Ethan, floating on the now tense air. He moves to the front of his desk, leaning back against the edge, his legs mere feet from mine.

“Or, at least I care about you very much. More than I should, without a doubt. And… all the people I care about, Nic, they’re all leaving. First Dolores and now Naveen. I can’t lose you too. Especially not now, not like this.” His voice is so soft, so full of pain and utter exhaustion that I barely swallow back the lump of emotion welling in my throat.

I try to meet his gaze but he’s studying the floor like there’s some great medical discovery etched on the worn linoleum.

Slowly and quietly, as though to not scare away this emotionally open side of him, I stand and close the distance between us.

“Ethan,” I say gently, capturing his large hands in mine. “You won’t lose me. I care too. No matter what happens you won’t lose me. But you can’t do this. You can’t take the fall for me. This is my battle and I need to fight it.”

Our eyes lock and my knees nearly buckle from the intense worry and tenderness staring back at me.

“I can’t let you do that. You deserve this chance, Nic, the chance to show the world who you can be, what you can do. I won’t let anyone take that away from you. I’ve had my chance. Now it’s your turn.”

“As noble an offer as that is, I won’t let you fall on this sword for me. You have to tell the chief the truth.”

“Damn it, Nic, why are you so stubborn?” He snaps, frustration evident in his expression once more.

“Why are you?” I retort with a half smirk.

Inching ever closer, I smell the subtle scent of his cologne as I lean in and whisper in his ear, “Please, Ethan. For me?”

He lets out a strangled grunt, grabbing my shoulders and pushing me away slightly. Assuming he’s going to argue more, I’m unable to stop the squeak of shock which escapes my throat when rough lips meet mine.

Soft at first, the kiss soon intensifies as Ethan places one hand on the base of my head and pulls me closer, his other arm wrapping around my waist. My arms somehow find their way around his neck. His tongue traces my lower lip and I moan.

God, of course he’s a World Class kisser, as if he’s not irresistible enough.

We stand there, locked in a tight embrace, a tangle of limbs and lips and bottled up truths finally set free.

After what feels like an eternity- yet far too short a time- we break apart, both a little breathless. I rest my forehead against his, not quite ready for the intimate moment to be over.

“Does this mean you’ll finally give in and let us be together?” I ask.

“Not likely”

“Will you tell Chief Emery the truth?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Well then what exactly did this conversation accomplish?” I say, exasperated, trying to pull away. A pang of dejection strikes my heart when Ethan doesn’t stop me.

“Well, it managed to complicate things even more than they already are,” he states coldly- just like that his walls are securely built up around him once more. “But one thing’s for sure, I will be taking responsibility for what happened with Mrs. Martinez. I can only hope, one day, you will forgive me.” 

– The End