Summary: As she falls, Elizabeth faces the regret and consequences of her actions and contemplates what could have been.
The moment her foot connected with the balcony floor, Elizabeth instantly regretted everything.
She regretted not paying closer attention to Rupert’s cautionary words, regretted that she’d let her anger get the better of her, regretted that she’d ventured out onto the balcony in the first place. She’d been so angry, furious almost that she’d failed to see what was right in front of her and now she was dearly paying the price.
It was like even nerve ending in her body was on fire, supercharged with alarm and fear, each fibre in her body screaming at her to move, get out of there. A tiny portion of her logical mind held court over the chaos, the one thing keeping her from plunging into total panic but she could feel it slowly losing the advantage the longer she looked down at the cracks.
You need to look away. It pleaded with her.
I need to look away…
Her eyes, however, refused to budge, the attraction to the spiralling fractures was too strong. It would be so easy to give in, to give up, and let it take her. She would have collapsed under the wave of panic if it wasn’t for Drake…
As their eyes met in one moment of pure terror, Elizabeth could see that he was just as scared as she was but was doing his best to hide it and she took refuge in that.
‘Don’t make any sudden moves Richmond.’ His usually calm voice trembled with fear but it did the trick, breaking through the spell that had kept her paralysed.
Elizabeth felt her wits return, the stubbornness and snarkiness coming to the forefront of the tangle of sensations in her, giving her strength to form a shaky reply.
‘Gee you think?’
A sickening crack was painfully audible as the floor fractured further underneath her almost as if in punishment for her sarcastic reply. Another surge of panic welled up but she fought against it, drawing resolve from the man in front of her.
‘Any day now Walker..’ She tried for a playful tone but the end of her sentence was raised in panic as the cracks only grew wider; the terror winning for a moment as he inched closer to her.
Nice and low… That’s what he told her.
Nice and low…
She could do that. It’s not that hard.. Come on Elizabeth.. she told herself, forcefully willing her body to cooperate.
Now bend your knees.. He knows what he’s doing.. You just have to listen to him.
She didn’t want to move her gaze from Drake’s brown eyes. They seemed to tell her: its okay, I’ve got you, it’s going to be alright.
In that moment she fully believed him. It was going to be okay. She’d get off this balcony somehow… And he’d be there to hold her. He’d wrap her up in his strong arms and never let go. She could practically feel his hands stroking her hair as his stubble tickled her face as he whispered that she was okay. This seemed to refocus her mind and the force of panic seemed just a little less smothering. This thought just beginning to inspire some strength in Elizabeth when it was dashed by another movement in the foundations, threatening to shatter at any second. Tears welled up in her eyes as the hope she had felt only seconds earlier evaporated and the weight of her circumstance hit her again harder.
‘Its going to be alright,’ his deep voice cut through the frenzy that was smothering her. ‘Just keep your eyes on me baby.’
Pulling her gaze to his once more, she found nothing but reassurance and love there. In that moment Elizabeth realised how much Drake really meant to her. It surprised her just how much she cared for him despite everything they had gone through and despite all the things she’d said and done in the last few days he was still choosing her, extending an olive branch almost literally now. And in that moment, she chose him him too. She reached for him, the words were already forming on her tongue: Thank you, I’m sorry, I love you.
Her fingers were mere inches away from the safety of his embrace when the bricks shifted again and in the pit of her stomach, Elizabeth knew.
This was it.
And Drake knew it too. She could tell from the way his jaw clenched, he didn’t want to believe it.
She didn’t either but she had to tell him she loved him, at least one last time. He needed to hear it from her that despite everything he’d done, everything she’d said, that in spite of everything that had happened she loved him.
God I love him so much.
She couldn’t leave him like this. He needed to hear it from her one last time.
But fate had decided to be cruel that day.
As the balcony collapsed under her, Elizabeth felt no fear. Fear, alarm, surprise any of the emotions, she’d imagined she’d feel, just weren’t there.
Or maybe they were… She couldn’t tell.
She only felt regret cold and crushing. Anger too, the red hot kind of anger pulsed through her, the two emotions fused together tightly in a vortex that swirled within her with one primary message.
Too little too late…
Those words had never rung truer.
As she fell, time seemed to slow down almost to the point where Elizabeth felt like she was suspended in the open air. It was a wonderful place to sort out your thoughts really… she mused as she looked up at the brilliant blue sky above her. The wind caressed her hair, slipping it out of elegantly styled updo, until it whipped across her face, obscuring the view of the cloudless sky as her mind drifted inwards to the storm there.
Perhaps this to be was her punishment, her comeuppance for treating the man she claimed to loved so terribly. The last few days had been a hurricane of emotions for her and instead of attempting to calmly organise and rationalise her thoughts, Elizabeth had chosen to ride the wave of impulse, thinking that she would be able to weather out the storm if she remained impassive. Instead she found herself devastatingly mistaken and the main person who had copped the repercussions was Drake. All the anger she’d felt at him had seemed justified in the moment when she’d first learned of what he did, leading to a lot of irrational decisions made on her part. And she’d allowed herself to be blind, willingly choosing to ignore all the amazing things about their relationship for the fact that he’d cheated on her..
But had he though? Some small voice asked. Did Drake really cheat on her?Because now that Elizabeth had a chance to think about it, did what he had done really matter? They weren’t really even officially together when he’d slept with Kiara so why why did she have to drive him away? What did he even do that warranted such fury from her anyway?
It was only small mistake that happened what felt like a lifetime ago but in her pride and anger she’d felt justified acting the way she did, choosing to give in to the anger and bitterness rather than work it out together like they should have done.
Elizabeth’s mind drifted back to the good memories they’d made together. The first time they’d held hands in Lythikos in the snow storm: she’d made up some stupid excuse about needing to be safe but really just wanted to touch him. And later that same night when she joined him for a drink in Olivia’s wine cellar and she got to know a bit more about the man behind the grumpiness. Their first kiss in the Beaumont study flashed back into her mind.
Oh god, she’d never been kissed like that before.
After so long, he’d finally kissed her with so much passion and longing, she wished he’d never stop. When he finally did, all she had wanted was to bring him back to her lips and keep him there forever. After the night of the Coronation and the scandal with Tariq, she thought she was never going to see him again but fate had brought them together again soon enough. She thought of all the moments they’d stolen together on the engagement tour, in the bathhouse after the barn building, dinner in Italy, the drinking game in the dive bar where Drake had really opened up to her.
All these moments and others had eventually lead the night of the attack when he’d jumped in front of a bullet for her she thought it was all over, remembering how his face had paled as he bled out in her lap before Bastien found them. She thought she’d lose him in that moment, feeling bitterly robbed that they’d barely even gotten started. But she hadn’t, they hadn’t. Fate had given them another chance and when Drake proposed, the vulnerability in his eyes telling her he’d be committed to her forever, even if he didn’t exactly say it out loud, she knew he was all in. He told her he’d loved her that night and she’d never been more honest in her reply that yes she loved him too. If they could make it through a terrorist attack and still come out stronger, they could make it through this.
They had to.
For a moment it felt as though she had the weight of the entire balcony pressing on her chest. Elizabeth truly felt terrified now, terrified as the regret of just how much she had destroyed in her selfishness hit her. Was she really going to throw their entire relationship away for such a trivial matter?
A tear slipped from her eye, the wind carrying off before it could reach her cheek. Through all that had happened, she did love him, she never really stopped and it had taken one collapsing balcony to make her recognise that again. Too little too late indeed, now that she was possibly falling to her death without resolving things between them, without him knowing that no it wasn’t his fault but hers entirely.
A fragment of the flooring brushed against Elizabeth’s left hand, pulling her back to reality as it clinked against the engagement ring on her fourth finger. She couldn’t die!
In fact, she refused to. Not when her and Drake were just about to begin their life together.
Her descent began to speed up as all memories that they’d yet to make flashed before her eyes. Introducing him to her family, watching him squirm under her father’s baleful gaze and mother’s gushing over his good looks. Laughing as she’d watch him square up to a drinking game with her brother and sit through endless interrogations from her sister.
She imagined how he would look at her as she walked up the aisle, the love and adoration that would spill from his face and hers as she joined him at the altar to be bound forever in holy matrimony. Elizabeth thought of the day she’d tell him she was pregnant, how he’d think she was joking at first until she produced the pregnancy test with two lines. Of how she’d grasp his hand as she screamed through labour only to forget all the pain when she was handed their first child. She envisioned Drake as a father, teaching his little ones to play soccer and ride horses while she watched from the kitchen window with a big smile on her face before calling them in for dinner.
As cliche as it might be, Elizabeth saw the two of them old and grey holding hands while they looked out on the porch from their rickety rocking chairs as their grandchildren played in the back yard.
All the memories they’d never make together…
The sky way further away now and she could hear as chunks of debris hit the ground below and suddenly the possibility of dying became so much more real. If she died today, Elizabeth hoped Drake would move on. Hoped he’d be able to find someone who loved him as completely and passionately as he deserved.
As she never would be able to again.
She just wished she could have done it right when she had the chance.
I love you Drake. I always will.
And then…
IMPACT