Summary: As a clanless vampire, Jax’s days are numbered before he turns into a feral… And the ending might be coming sooner than later.
Note: My first (and probaly last) Jax Matsuo’s fanfic. Bittersweet and angsty.
There are some songs that inspired and helped me write this fanfic:
I Can’t Be With You – The Cranberries
Victoria paced around the spacious guest suite at the Raines building. It had been weeks since she last saw or heard anything from Jax. The last time they met was right after that first meeting with Senator Vega when somehow Adrian managed to get his vote to turn Lily a clan vampire.
A privilege Jax and the other clanless vampires did not get. And would never get.
Letting out a sigh, she looked down to the smartphone in her hand. Jax’s number was glowing in the screen. She bit her lip, unsure if she should call him or not.
But she wanted to see him so bad. She was missing him like hell.
Which was nonsense. She knew it was insane how quickly in love she fell for him. It didnʼt make any sense, they met, like, just a couple of times, and yet… there she was.
She couldn’t stop but remember that “Truth or Dare” game she had with Lily, Adrian and Kamilah on their way to the Awakening Ball, almost a month ago. She chose “Truth” and Lily asked her if she was in love. Victoria thought for a second before answering that she was, to Adrian and Lily’s surprise (but she didn’t tell them who this person was, obviously).
Yep, that was it. She was in love with Jax Matsuo.
And Victoria felt that the sentiment was reciprocate. She knew Jax wanted her as much as she wanted him. They were drawn to each other since the very beginning, when he saved her from The Baronʼs men.
And she knew he was close, but it was never close enough.
Making up her mind, she pressed the “call” button.
Jax collapsed in a chair, panting. The glow from his eyes faded as his fangs receded.
“You should rest.” – Arnold said, panting too, as another vampire cleaned up the room, dusting away the ash.
“As you should too.” – Jax answered.
They had just killed one of his people, who became a feral. It was no easy job killing them, since they lost all their consciousness and were incredibly strong and swift, just like any other vampire, but acting only by instinct. The ferals were like killing machines.
The process of becoming a feral wasn’t a pretty business. You start by losing consciousness. The thirst for blood greatly increases and you gradually lose control of yourself until you become a completely shallow beast.
They had already lost six of them just that month. Thankfully, he was able to kill them before they attacked someone or the others. The bite of a feral vampire was incredibly infectious and, if they bit any of the regular vampires, there would be more than a feral to deal with at a time.
…But the worst part was that he probably was the next one. To turn into a feral.
Jax noticed that something was off a couple of weeks ago. It started with losing memory lapses here and there. Sometimes the thirsty for blood was so much that it hurt. It felt like the blood was never enough.
He was losing himself. Just like many others he saw before. His time was ending.
He knew he was becoming a feral.
Jax felt his heart sunk. Although he was always very aware that this would happen sooner or later, he had this tiny and ridiculous hope that he would somehow be able to avoid it. Not because of the clans, but maybe a cure for this would be found before his time was up. Or maybe he would be dead before turning one.
And this hope only grew up after he met her. Victoria.
He… he wished he could walk through the city with her, the sun high in the sky.
Just when he was thinking about her, his cellphone started vibrating in his pocket. It was a number he didn’t have, but he knew right away whom it was from. He quickly accepted the call.
“Yes?” – he answered, his heart suddenly beating fast.
“Uh… hey.” – she said from the other end. – “It’s… Victoria.” – her voice was soft and she didn’t sound like she was in danger. Just a little anxious.
“Hey.” – he answered, a small smile tugging on the corner of his lips. – “You okay?”
“Y-yeah… I… uh…” – the line became silent for a moment. He could hear her taking deep calming breaths. “…Can we meet? Like now?”
“I don’t see why not. I see you in ten, outside the Raines building.”
“Okay.”
He ended the call, still smiling. Arnold was looking at him with a disapproving look in his eyes, his arms crossed.
“What?” – Jax asked as he stood up, innocently.
“Do you really think it is a good idea to meet the human girl?”
“No. I know it is not. But I’ve never had good ideas anyway.”
Arnold shook his head as Jax got out of their safehouse.
At least one last time, he would see her before it was too late.
Victoria stepped out of the Raines HQ to the cool night. She looked around to the almost empty street and her heart skipped a beat when she immediately recognized the lone figure in the alley across the street. Jax was casually leaning against a wall, looking handsome as hell, a grin in his face. She approached him, unable to hold back a smile.
“Thanks for meeting me.”
“It’s my pleasure.” – he looked around and tilted his head to the direction of the park down the street. – “Feeling up to a stroll through the Central Park?”
“I’m always up to it.” – her smile widened as she interlaced her arm with his. – “So… I was actually surprised that I didn’t see you sooner.” – she said softly, choosing her words with caution as they walked through the park.
He let out a sigh.
“Yeah, I’ve been busy these days.” – Victoria looked back at him, her eyes shining with curiosity. – “Some of my people… had become ferals. I had to take care of them.” – a silence fell between them. – “…I didn’t know you would miss me following you.” – he said with a smirk, trying to lighten the mood.
“Well, I was getting used to you.” – she admitted as they stepped into a bridge. They both leaned back against the bridge’s railing, in silence.
Victoria looked up to the dark New York sky, summoning all her courage, before she turned to him, her heart beating fast. Jax’s eyes were already on her face.
“I missed you, Jax.” – she whispered, feeling her cheeks burning. – “I wanted to see you so bad, but…”
Without saying anything, he took a step towards her. She felt a chill running down her spine when he rested one of his hands on her neck. She saw his eyes slowly turning red, glowing in the dark, before he leaned in and kissed her deeply.
Her body immediately reacted to his touch and she threw her arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss. His arms were already in her waist, holding her tight.
If having him feeding off her was delirious, kissing him was even better. Her whole body felt electrified. She moaned against his lips, wanting more of him.
He wanted more too. She was so damn intoxicating. She smelled so good.
Tilting her head back, Victoria let out a gasp when his lips descended to her neck, his tongue tracing her jugular vein. The sensation of his fangs brushing against her skin sent shivers throughout her body.
He wanted her so bad. He wanted her body. Her flesh and blood. Her life.
The yearning for her was so much that he felt dizzy. He didn’t know anymore if it was lust, desire or simply and pure hunger. The urge to feed off her was too much.
He suddenly pulled back, getting away from her, panting hard. He had to grasp the railing to steady himself.
“Jax?” – she said, the confusion in her eyes, her throat still sore because of the kiss. –“Whatʼs happening? Do you need to… feed?” – she tried to reach for him, but he dodged her touch. He could see the hurt in her eyes and this killed him a little. – “Jax…?” – she called him one last time.
After a few deep and calming breaths, Jax felt like his old self again, the glow of his eyes fading away and the fangs receding.
He had to tell her. He hadn’t told anyone about this. Not even Arnold. But he had to tell Victoria. Now.
“I-Iʼm becoming one, Victoria. My time is ending.”
She covered her mouth with her hands, realization hitting her hard.
“…A feral?” – he nodded. Tears started to roll down her beautiful face. – “No… NO! THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WE CAN DO!”
“Victoria… itʼs too late.”
“NO! I WONʼT LET YOU BECOME ONE, JAX!” – she shouted stubbornly. – “I wonʼt…” – he hesitantly approached her again and pulled her in a hug. She buried her face in his chest, sobbing. – “There must be a way… Maybe Adrian can help you…!”
“I donʼt want anything from the Clans.” – he scowled.
“But Jax!” – she pulled away from him, searching for his eyes. – “Maybe they have a solution!” – he shook his head. She glared back at him, anger in her eyes.
He knew that it would be a discussion none of them would ever win. He would never trust any of the Clans, and Victoria was loyal and very grateful to Adrian Raines. Victoria knew it too, and let out a heavy sigh, hugging him tight again.
“…I canʼt lose you, Jax.” – she muttered.
“I fear it is a little too late for me, Victoria.” – she felt his hands running up and down her back.
“I-I love you, Jax.” – he felt his heart aching inside his chest.
“And I love you, Victoria.”
They stayed like that until they lost track of the time. She eventually broke up the silence:
“How… how long do we have?” – he let out a sigh.
“I donʼt know.”
“Then… letʼs make the most of it, okay?” – she said, a sad grin in her lips.
They agreed it was better if she had let him enter by the balcony. It would definitely not be a good idea if he entered by the main doors of the Raines building.
Victoria ran towards the balcony’s glass doors as soon as the elevator reached the floor. Jax was already there.
“Nice place you got here.” – he said after letting out a low whistle as he entered the suite. – “Adrian is really taking good care of you, isn’t him?”
“Jax… I really don’t want to talk about my boss tonight.” – she said softly, her eyes shining with desire.
He smiled at her before she shoved him into the bed, kissing him passionately as if her life depended on it, her arms skillfully taking off his jacket. They quickly discarded the rest of their clothes.
“You’re so gorgeous…” – he muttered as he pulled her into his lap.
“You’re not bad yourself.” – she answered grinning at him, before letting out a gasp when she felt his lips and fangs tracing her collarbone and his hands holding her tight.
His hands wandered throughout her body as if he was trying to memorize each curve of her. His touch was delicate, but it sent shivers through her spine. Jax was an incredible lover, passionate and tender at the same time. Her moans soon filled the room and he growled low, waves of pleasure running throughout their bodies as they moved together in perfect sync.
She didnʼt want it to stop. Never.
And Victoria knew that, when it stopped, it would be the end. The end for them. For Jax.
Jax kissed her tears that wouldn’t stop falling.
She never wanted him to let go.
After what it seemed to be hours in each other’s arms, he eventually stood up.
“Are you already going?” – Victoria asked as she watched him getting dressed, feeling her heart breaking a little.
“Yes. It’s not safe to you be near me. Not anymore. Besides, it is almost sun rising.”
“Am I going to see you again?”
“I donʼt know.” – he confessed. – “The turning into a feral vary from each vampire to each vampire. It could take weeks, even months. Or just a single day.”
“I donʼt want you to go.” – he had just put his jacket on when he felt her arms around his waist, the warmth of her body on his back.
He felt that uncontrollably urge again and quickly got out of her embrace.
“Me too, Victoria. But I already am a goner. I know Adrian Raines will take good care of you. As he’s already been.” – he said, his back still turned to her. He took deep breaths, trying to compose himself.
When his heart was finally beating in a normal pace, he turned to her, a small smile on his lips. She tried to smile back, but her eyes were watering. She knew he was leaving, forever.
“Here, let me help you.” – he offered and helped her get dressed.
“Do you… do you want something to eat? I don’t know, I could fetch a breakfast for us…” – she asked when she was finally fully dressed.
“No, Iʼm good.” – he answered, a small smile still on his lips. – “I really need to go.” – she nodded and accompanied him into the balcony.
They looked deeply into each other’s eyes, none of them wanting to move first. When the first sunshine threatened to show up, he gently pulled her in and their lips met easily. She was so sweet. So intoxicating. So damn addictive. So dangerous to be around.
Jax felt something warm against his face. Victoria was crying. He hesitantly pulled out, his thumbs wiping off her tears.
“Goodbye, Victoria.” – he whispered in a crooked voice.
And with that, he disappeared into the night. Her legs gave in and Victoria broke down, her face buried in her hands, sobbing hard on the floor.
Back into the safehouse, his people greeted him. Lula showed him a drawing she has made. He asked for Arnold, who was talking with other vampires in another room.
Jax walked over to a cabinet and poured himself a drink out of a tall brown bottle. By the time Arnold arrived, he had already drunk everything.
“You wanted to see me, boss?” – Arnold asked, entering the room. Jax admired the empty glass in his hand.
“Yes.”
“Well, shoot.”
Jax looked up to the other vampire, a sad smile on his lips.
“My time is coming, Arnold. I’ll turn into a feral sooner or later.” – Arnold looked surprised at him. – “And I know it is unfair, but youʼre the only one I trust enough to do this. Iʼll need you to look after the rest of us. The clanless.”
“Of course.” – he nodded cautiously, trying to control his shock.
“…And I wonʼt let myself become one of those monsters. Kill me before I turn one.” –and he gave his katanas to Arnold.
The other vampire was taken a back for a moment, before accepting the swords. – “…If you say so, boss.”
“Glad to know that I can count on you until the end.” – Jax smirked.
“…And what about the human girl?”
“She knows about this.” – Jax shrugged, looking away.
Arnold nodded, knowing that there was nothing else to say or to do. Just wait.
The ending came eventually.
It was getting harder and harder to control his thirsty. His hunger. Jax even had a breakdown, almost killing some of his people. Thankfully, Arnold was prepared and they managed to hold him down.
“Get them out of here!” – Arnold shouted as one of his assistants rushed the rest of the clanless to the other room. Lula looked one last time to Jax being held against the floor, his eyes glowing red and his fangs out.
Jax struggled against the other vampires grip, trying to free himself.
Eventually, he came to his senses.
“You scared us, boss.” – Arnold greeted him.
“What are you doing?” – Jax simply asked. – “Why haven’t you killed me already?” – the vampires holding him shared an uncertain look. – “I told you, Arnold. To kill me before I completely lose it. And hurt, or worse, kill someone.”
“Yeah, I know, but…” – the other vampire tried to protest, but Jax had made up his mind.
“Just do it.” – he ordered.
He knew that it was his last relapse of conscience. Arnold hesitantly grabbed one of his katanas.
Jax looked up to the ceiling before closing his eyes, ready for his fate.
For the last time, he thought about her. Victoriaʼs beautiful face. The delicious taste of her blood, the sweet scent of her skin, the softness of her lips, the sound of her voice. Her.
Goodbye, Victoria.
He wished he had more time… But it was already too late anyway.
And then, Arnold laid down the katana right into Jax neck with a single and swift move. His body immediately exploded into a cloud of ash. Arnold even shedded a tear.
It had been a couple of months since she last saw or heard about him. Things were pretty chaotic in the vampire world, as always.
It was a Saturday night, and she was pacing through the suite again, looking for a midnight snack. Working for vampires really adjusted her internal clock. Victoria had just found a bag of chips when she heard a couple of taps in one of the windows. She
suddenly felt a chill, sensing that something was not right.
She ran towards the sound and pushed open the curtains, to find Arnold there, in the balcony. Her heart stopped for a single second. She knew why he was there.
Somehow, she managed to open the glass door and stepped out to the balcony. It was a windy night. The vampire greeted her with a single tilt of his head.
“Did he suffer?” – Victoria asked, taking deep breaths, her throat suddenly dry.
“It was swift.” – Arnold shrugged and she saw that he carried Jaxʼs katanas on his back. So now he probably was the new Clanless Leader. – “He asked me to do it before he lost himself completely, ya know?” – she nodded, feeling the tears in her eyes. “He didnʼt want to become a feral.”
“Y-yes… he told me.” – her mind immediately jumped back to that night.
When he told her about his numbered days. The first and last time they ever made love. The delicate touch of his fingers tracing her skin, the electric sensation of his fangs against her neck, the passion and desire in his red eyes, the burning kisses he left throughout her body. Her tears that wouldn’t stop falling. His black hair dark as the night, his arms around her waist, his body rocking against her, that delirious sensation of him. Him. Jax.
He was gone. Forever.
“Yeah, I guess he wanted me to let you now. That it was all good in the end. Good as it can be.” – Arnold said. Victoria nodded again to him, Jaxʼs last words to her before vanishing into the night, repeating in her mind like a mantra.
“Goodbye, Victoria.”
Arnold was actually impressed with that human girl. He could see the tears watering in her eyes, but she would not let him see her cry. The vampire turned around, saying nothing more. It was not necessary.
When he was long gone, Victoria cried until there were no tears left to cry.
Goodbye, Jax.
It was too little too late anyway.