Was It Real or Just For Show

Note: I needed to write this chapter to sort things out a bit before whatever happens next chapter for my confused MC Gabi. The entirety of this chapter is contained in Ride or Die Chapter 10, and most of the dialogue comes directly from the book. I did make some additions and slight changes to fit my MC Gabi’s scenario. I played through twice to dance with both Logan and Colt at the rave. Since they only allow you to pick one in the book, I wove in her dancing with both and how I envision that could have played out.

Gabi smiles proudly after impressing Kaneko with her knowledge if nitrous tanks. He’s offered her one for her car to assist with the the stadium job the next day and has agreed to teach her how to use it. “Straight A’s in chemistry thanks to Ms. Mitsalas.”

Teppei Kaneko grins back at her. “I can see why my boy’s taken a liking to you.”

“He has?” Gabi is taken aback. She knows full well that Colt is into her, but she hadn’t known anyone else had a clue. She is still with Logan and only Logan as far as everyone else is concerned, and she and Colt have been careful not to do anything in front of others that would make them suspicious. If Kaneko knows, Colt must have said something, so she risks telling the truth. “I’ve taken a liking to him too. He’s smart. And ambitious. You should be proud of him.”

Kaneko works in silence as if carefully considering his response before answering. “I am.”

They get in her car and and Teppei takes Gabi to a spot he used to take Colt to practice, so the conversation naturally shifts to him. She’s trying not to pry too much, but she cares for Colt, and all he wants is his father’s approval. “Why’d he get into motorcycles?” Gabi asks thinking the question is innocent enough

“I think he wanted his own personal rebellion against me.” Kaneko frowns. “He was getting more and interested in my life…and I fought against it. I didn’t want him to end up like me. I didn’t choose this life for myself. I was raised in this life. So was my father. I just wanted Colt to choose his own path.”

“You say you wanted him to choose his own path, but you’re trying to stop him from doing just that.” She’s getting bold calling him out like this, but she feels an odd level of comfort with him already, and if anyone knows what it’s like to have a father try to control their path in life, it’s her.

“Perhaps you’re right.” Kaneko sighs heavily. “Perhaps I was always lying to myself. I did want to choose for him. And now, despite all my efforts, he’s here. Living the life I feared most. The worst part is…I’m happy about it.”

“You missed him. That’s why you bonded so closely with Logan. He was a replacement. Someone you could mentor and guide…but at the end of the day…” Gabi doesn’t want to finish the sentence out loud, but she doesn’t have to.

“At the end of the day, Logan is not my son. So if something happened to him…I could live with myself,” Kaneko admits the brutal truth Gabi already knew – what Logan himself always knew and tried to tell her, even though Gabi had hoped for Logan’s sake he meant more to Kaneko.

Although Gabi feels for Logan, she still understands the stronger bond between father and son, and she cares for Colt too. “You don’t have to keep this up. You can change your mind. I know you’ve enjoyed having him back and you’d feel guilty about pushing him away now. But you still can. You can make him leave, go back to his mom, to college… It’s not too late to save him from this.”

Kaneko stares out the window, a somber look upon his face. “I wish you were right but as I said…his die is cast.”

There it is again. That same phrase. “His die is cast.” The first time Kaneko had said it, Gabi thought it was just some expression a mechanic would use, but for him to repeat it seems significant. It’s not just saying Colt has made his choice, but that his path is set with no going back. She can’t think of anything thus far that he’s done that he can’t come back from, and now she’s worried about what she doesn’t know. She tries to push it out of her mind for the remainder of the lesson and has already gotten back to worrying about tomorrow’s task by the time they return and she sneaks back into bed.

~~~~~

Gabi can’t believe she’s going to a rave, but she also can’t believe she drove the getaway car through the narrow tunnels of Badger Stadium undetected either. Attending an illegal dance party is one of the least risky things she’s done lately and the crew deserves to celebrate. So what if she can’t dance? She did alright the first time she danced with Logan, but that’s a whole other issue. Who’s going to be her dance partner tonight? That’s a question for later as she wiggles into the bright orange fishnet stocks, cutoff pink jean shorts, and zip-up neon green bustier top. It is ridiculously bright and way more revealing than she’s used to, but it’s fitting for the occasion and at the risk of being too vain, she thinks she actually looks kind of hot in it.

Gabi makes her way downstairs to unveil her new look. “Okay, I’m ready!”

Colt coughs awkwardly like he’s forgotten how to breathe. “Er, uh…Took you long enough.” It’s a typical response from Colt that might not alarm anyone else, but the look on his face gives him away.

Unsurprisingly, Logan is more composed. “Perfect. You’re gonna love this place, Gabi.” She almost prefers Colt fumbling to pretend he’s not affected over any praise Logan could offer.

~~~~~

The area surrounding the rave is nondescript and less than desirable, but Gabi supposes that’s the point. After heading through a pitch black entryway and wondering if she’s being led astray, it opens up into a huge warehouse filled with people dancing to upbeat music. The neon graffiti on the walls is illuminated by the black light and her clothing is glowing just as bright. She’s a little intimidated at first, so she follows Toby’s lead and joins him jumping around on the dancefloor. Not to be upstaged, Salazar displays his surprisingly graceful moves and the whole crew laughs and applauds. Gabi points out a guy who appears to have eyes for Toby, so Toby wastes no time in introducing himself.

Her dance partner gone, Gabi looks to Colt and then Logan wondering what she should do. She wants to dance with both and neither at the same time, afraid of what the other may think. Colt’s wrapped up in conversation with Ximena and Salazar while Mona has just left Logan to go grab a drink. Seem’s her decision has been made for her.

Gabi makes her way over to Logan and nudges him on the shoulder. “Dance with me Logan?”

Logan smirks. “You know you don’t have to ask me twice.” He takes Gabi by the hand and guides her to the middle of the floor.  He pulls her close and they easily move together in sync with the music. “Just like we practiced back at the sideshow, right?”

“I’ve still got those moves.” She still barely knows what she’s doing, but with Logan taking the lead she doesn’t have to. As they sway to the beat she thinks back to their conversation in the car, just before Colt had interrupted to give them the go ahead for the job. “Hey..what was it you wanted to tell me?”

“What do you mean?” Logan is oblivious or at least pretends to be.

“Before the stadium job. You said you wanted to get something off your chest.”

“Oh, yeah! I, uh…can’t remember. Today’s been a blur.” He continues dancing but seems distracted.

The way Logan started talking in the car, there’s no way he would have just forgotten by now and the reasons why he won’t tell her leave Gabi unsettled. “What’s going on with you tonight?”

He grips her hips a little tighter. “You ever feel like things are..almost perfect, but not quite? And you know you should be happy and in the moment, but you can’t stop thinking that something’s wrong?”

“….I feel that way a lot. I’ve never been able to get everything lined up just right. There’s always been something eating at me.” Like right now and the fact that she’s falling fast for Colt and is afraid to admit to herself she could like him more than Logan.

“Exactly.” Logan smiles softly at her.

“Do you think we ever will? Feel perfect I mean?” Gabi contemplates out loud, not necessarily looking for an answer.

“I hope I let myself feel that way one day. But I don’t think I’ll ever get closer than this moment, with you in my arms.” His words feel bittersweet, and she’s not sure if that’s her fault or his.

Gabi doesn’t want to worry about any of it at this moment. She run her fingers through Logan’s hair and almost loses herself in his eyes. “Stop thinking about it. Better yet, stop thinking altogether.” She swings her hips, and Logan presses finger to her waist bringing body closer so she’s flush against him. “That’s better just how I like you.”

Logan’s gaze never falters. “You were incredible today, you know that right?” His lips are so close, inviting her in and she forgets that Colt could be watching.

“I do now.” She presses her lips to his, and he clings to Gabi and kisses her like he can’t breathe without her.

Logan pulls back and tenderly brushes a wisp of hair from her forehead. “This can’t be right. I’m not this lucky in life.”

Her heart sinks, knowing at some point she’s going to have to choose, but she tries not to let on. “You deserve everything you want, Logan.”

“All I want right now is you.” He holds holds her to his chest like it might be his last chance. She wonders if deep down he knows.

They make their way back to the others and Gabi avoids looking Colt in the eyes. She doesn’t want to see the disappointment on his face, or even worse, if there isn’t any at all. Logan keeps looking for Gabi any time she’s out of view, like he’s terrified she’ll disappear.

Gabi grabs his hand and squeezes. “I’m not going anywhere. Have fun!”  She feels bad because she’s wishing he’d go off and have fun on his own so she’d have a chance to talk to Colt.

“I’ll try.” Logan gives a half-hearted smile.

Gabi’s prayers are answered when Ximena drags Logan to the dance floor with her and Mona only moments later. He tries to make Gabi come too, but she convinces him she needs a breather.

She turns to look for Colt, but he’s already there. “I thought your shadow would never leave your side.”

“Well I’m free now.” Gabi motions to the dancefloor. “Come on Colt”

Colt hesitates and looks over at the rest of the crew. “I…don’t really dance.”

“Me neither! Now, come on!” Gabi doesn’t give him much of a choice, lacing her fingers through his and leading him to the opposite side of the room and out of the crew’s sight.

“Been waiting to get you to myself all day.” Colt wraps an arm around Gabi’s waist and pulls her close. He lifts a finger to her chin and tilts her face up to look at him. “Like this, follow me.”

“I thought you didn’t know how to dance?”

Colt shrugs. “I didn’t say I can’t, I just said I don’t.”

“I’m starting to think you might like me.” Gabi teases.

“I don’t like anybody,” Colts insists but he’s uncharacteristically all smiles. He lightly touches her waist and Gabi wraps her arms around his shoulders in response, dancing as close to him as she can get. Colt pushes her away with beat and pulls her back so she’s close enough to feel his breath on her lips. “Is Logan watching?”

“You don’t want him to see us?”

Colt smirks “Is it bad that part of me does?”

She doesn’t want to admit that maybe part of her does too, to force everything out in the open so she has to make her choice. “I’m not a possession for you two to fight over, Colt. I’m a person.” She feels hypocritical saying this because she’s kind of playing them both herself, but at least Colt knows the score.

“You’re far more than that, Gabi,” he responds sincerely, caching her off guard.

Her heart flutters in her chest, and she’s far more affected than she wants to be so she deflects. “So, your plan worked. I think you really impressed your dad today.”

“Did I impress you?” He cleverly brings it back to her again.

She’s enamored of everything he does lately, seeing him use his intelligence and take charge, but she can’t let it get to his head. “It takes more than that to impress me.”

“Good.” A smile tugs at Colt’s lips. Maybe he sees through her bluff, or maybe it’s just that he’s always valued her for who she is. He knows she’s smart and he’s not threatened by it, and he respects her conviction. He holds her close enough she can feel his body heat. She gives into the feeling and grinds her hips against his. “I thoughtyou didn’t know how to dance.”

“It’s like Ximena said. I’m doing what feels good.” And god does he feel good.

Colt leans in again until his lips are only a breath away. “Then you should keep doing what feels good.”

It’s all the invitation she needs. Gabi pushes her hand through Colt’s hair, and kisses him hard. Colt matches her intensity, and they make out on the dance floor like they’ve forgotten anyone else is around until they both need to come up for air.

Colt doesn’t go far, his lips still close enough to whisper in her ear. “You’re my driver forever, you know that, right?”

The butterflies in her stomach return. Coming from Colt this is a good as a proclamation of love. “Promise?” Gabi blinks up at him through her eyelashes. Colt doesn’t answer but kisses her deeply again. They dance as long as they can before raising too many questions and then rejoin the rest of the crew.

Logan sees them walk up together, but doesn’t ask any questions. He hovers by her like he had before, like he doesn’t want to let her out of his sight again. Somehow Colt finds a way to stay close to her too the rest of the night, sneaking in touches when he thinks no one’s watching. Gabi excuses herself to use the restroom and Colt not so coincidentally needs to go at the same time. Down the hallway and out of view, he pushes her up against the wall and crashes his lips against hers, working his way down her neck before regaining his self control and they return like nothing happened.

Gabi finds herself alone with Ximena as the night comes to a close and the guys are rounding up Mona and Salazar. “So…there’s something between you and Colt, huh?”

Apparently they weren’t as discreet as they thought. If Ximena noticed, Logan very well may have too. “What?” Gabi tries to shrug it off. “Oh, I don’t know…He’s very…complicated.”

“That wasn’t a ‘no’,” Ximena astutely observes.

“No, no it wasn’t,” Gabi sighs. “But there’s still something between me and Logan too. You probably think I’m a horrible person.”

“Oh Gabi,” Ximena wraps her arm around Gabi’s shoulder. “I was your age once too. I get it, and I’m not judging you, but from what I can see, they’ve both fallen hard for you. Take whatever time you need, but make sure you get it right.”

~~~~~

Gabi crashes as soon as they get back but bolts awake only a few hours later hearing a loud crash from the garage. She hurries downstairs to see toolboxes and equipment everywhere before she notices Logan and Colt pummeling each other.

“Lying…son-of-a…” Logan takes another swing at Colt.

“I’m not gonna…let you…ruin this for us!” Colt throws logan into the side of car and charges at im to throw another punch. Logan ducks and then hits colt in the jaw.

“Will you two stop it already?” Gabi yells.

They pause mid fight, but neither lets go of the other.

“Gabi…Gabi wait.” Logan pleads. He’s afraid she might run out of there, and he’s right. They release each other and Colt straightens his jacket.

Gabi looks back and forth between the two of them and hopes the disappointment is evident in her eyes. “What is this? Is this about me?”

Logan hesitates. “…Yes.”

“You’re out of control, Logan.” Colt hisses.

“No, you’re the one who’s out of control. And you’ve put us all in danger. You owe Gabi the truth!” Logan asserts angrily.

Gabi flashes back to her conversation with Kaneko. Does he know what Colt’s hiding, and is that what he meant by his die being cast?

Colt scoffs. “You really wanna go there? Don’t you think you’re the one who owes Gabi the truth?” Logan’s face suddenly drains of color, and the pit in Gabi’s stomach grows. “Don’t you think she deserves to know how you tricked her?”

Gabi can’t begin to comprehend what’s happening here. She thought they were just fighting over her, but there must be more to it. “…Tricked me?”

Colt wipes blood from lip and shakes his head in disgust. “Haven’t you ever asked yourself about how you met Logan that day? Why a guy like him would even look twice at a girl like you?”

Colt’s words sting, and she doesn’t know if that’s a slight at her or if he’s just trying to make a point. Hurt, anger, confusion. She doesn’t know what to feel and who to direct it at. They are both claiming the other has something to hide, but Logan is in the spotlight now. “I don’t understand. Logan, what is he saying?”

Logan stands motionless, eyes on the floor.

With Logan unwilling to speak, Colt doesn’t hesitate to chime in. “He knew. The whole time. He knew your dad was the cop investigating us. The entire reason he even spoke to you was because my father told him to.”

Gabi’’s blood runs cold, tears of hurt and anger welling in her eyes. “No…”

“I mean, come on! Who do you think called the cops on that house party? He did it so you’d owe him! So you’d trust him!”

“Logan? Please tell me this isn’t true…” Logan again fails to be able to speak or defend himself. “You can’t, can you?”

Logan finally looks Gabi in the eyes, his face expressionless. “No…I can’t.”

She can’t think, can’t breathe, and doesn’t know who to trust. All she can think to do is run.