You Give Me Strength
By Misha
Disclaimer- Not mine.
Author’s Notes- Meet Moria, my second ACoR MC. This is a short little prequel to chapter one, exploring a bit of the dynamic between Moria and Syphax. Moira is very different than Porita and I hope I portray that. I’m looking forward to writing her more.
Pairing- Syphax/MC
Rating- PG
Summary- Moira prepares for her big debut and takes comfort in Syphax’s presence.
Words- 659
I paced my chamber, desperate for fresh air and escape, but know it would be denied to me. At least tonight. Lena would want to keep me contained, not to risk anything going wrong the following night.
The realization of the next night, of how soon it was, threatened to overwhelm me, so I kept pacing, wishing the stone floor would magically transform into grass. But it did not.
If there was any benefit to what was about to happen it was that soon I would enjoy more freedoms. I would be able to explore the city, to go on hunts and participate in social gatherings. More freedom than most Roman women would ever get to enjoy and all I would have to do is use my body, my smile and my charm as weapons.
That thought just quickened my pace. Could I do it? Did I have it in me? Lena had promised I didn’t have to do anything against my will but I understood I would have to charm, to pretend and some days I felt even that was beyond me.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door, causing me to stop my pacing. “Moria?” A familiar voice called out, laced with concern.
I hurried to the door and let my bodyguard in.
“Is everything alright? I could hear you pacing.” He looked at me carefully, studying my face, “it has been some time since you paced like that.”
LIke a caged animal. I had done it a lot eight years ago, when I’d first arrived at the scholae, but in time I had learned to control that impulse, like every other one. “I am just… Nervous, I guess, “I confided, “Lena has informed me I will make my debut tomorrow.”
Syphax nodded, though his face was suddenly guarded. “Yes, she told me that.” He looked at me carefully. “How do you feel?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But I know this is what I have to do… To survive, to get answers, to find my family again.”
Syphax nodded sympathetically. “Cassius has a reputation for being a good man, kind and fair, you could do worse for a first patron.”
“He is still Roman,” I countered and then I took a deep breath, reaching out and placing my hand on his arm to ease the look of concern I saw on his face, “Don’t worry, I won’t do anything foolish.”
“I will be there with you,” Syphax reminded me, his eyes gentle as they gazed into mine. The gentleness of his gaze and the soft assurance of his words had their intended effect and I found myself relaxing.
“I know,” I told him and then dropped my hand. I would have to remember not to take liberties like that, at least not in public. “I will try not to be too much trouble for you.” I sighed. “I should probably try to rest.”
“Probably,” Syphax agreed, stepping back into the doorway. His eyes met mine and I could see that there were things he wanted to say, but in the end, he just nodded once more and then shut the door.
I let him, even though I wanted to call after him, wanted to tell him so many things before everything changed. Except nothing was really changing, this moment had been coming for eight years, we had both always known it and it was why so much had went unsaid.
Yet, could it stay that way? Could I do what was expected of me with Syphax that close? Would I be able to hide my feelings? Lena obviously thought I was ready and perhaps that meant I had done a better job of concealing my feelings than I thought. Maybe I was ready.
And besides, at least I wouldn’t be doing it alone. Even if it was only as my bodyguard, Syphax would be my side and that would give me strength. It always did.
- End
Ooooh what an interesting dynamic here! Struggling with what she knows is coming but knowing she just do it to meet her goals. Then at the end when she realizes that she may truly be ready after so many years of masking her feelings. So deep and spot on. I loved this new pairing for you (and I love the name Moira too!).
Thank you so much! I had fun with this one, because Moira is so different than Portia, she feels things in such a different way and I love the idea of her drawing strength from Syphax, from their realtionship.
You captured their dynamic well and the conflict any Syphax loving MC would feel. Her wanting to do what she has to do for her family, knowing that means she can’t be with him in the way she wants to be.
Thank you so much M! Yes, Moira’s heart is torn in half, because she needs to find her family and that means doing what Lena bids of her, but at the same time she loves Syphax and she relies on him to help her do what she must (which is a unique torture for both of them).
I love this connect you have between Syphax and Moira, and the internal struggle she has at knowing what she has to do while also knowing that Syphax will have to be with her while it happens. The connection between them is tested as they both know what she has to do but he still supports her. I love how different she is than Portia, too!
Thank you! Moira is fun to write, because she is softer and in some ways, more desperate than Portia, but unlike Portia she still has hope. And I love the Syphax relationship, it has so much angst potential and so much genuine affection and it was fun to try and tap into that.
You always manage to come up with some pretty MC names! Also, poor Moira. I can definitely feel her soft, more uncertain nature in this piece, and I get the feeling that she has a lot more love in her heart than a certain other MC haha. But there’s fear and vulnerability as well, and I think she’s perfectly paired with Syphax (in my head at least!)
I can’t take credit for Moira’s name, it was suggested to me. But thank you! Moira is definitely more gentle and less vengeful, she just wants to be happy again and she is content to let Syphax love her. They are prefect for each other but trapped in this tragic situation. Thank you so much for the review.