You’re a Mean One (Part 1)

Okay, so I may have cheated with this one, but last week, my muse had plans of its own once mixed with alcohol. I had to do a shit ton of editing to fix the first edition of this.

A/N: Don’t let me write when I’m drunk.

This is for an anonymous request for the first sentence drabble prompt # 24: “Please tell me you know how to defuse a bomb.”

Disclaimer: Characters/canon belong to Pixelberry

“Please tell me you know how to defuse a bomb.”

Damien raised an eyebrow at Hayden’s odd question. “Do I even want to know?”

Hayden sighed on the other end of the phone. “Honestly? This is the best analogy I can use to describe your situation.”

He frowned. “What’s going on Hayden?”

“Long story short, Maya’s pissed at you and Nadia took her out drinking.”

His eyes widened. “At me? Why?”

“I don’t know, but they’re both at Archer and Hopps right now.”

Damien chuckled, shaking his head. “Of course they are.”

“Aaand I just got a text from Maya saying that ‘Detective Dumbass’ was gonna regret pissing her off on karaoke night.”

“Good thing I’m in a meeting right now,” he quipped, though his tone said otherwise.

“I’m serious, Damien. Shot glasses are taking up half the picture she sent me!”

He grimaced. Crap. They were drunk. Both of them. The Park cousins.

The Park cousins were drunk.

Damien knew from experience that that couldn’t be good for anyone. He groaned softly, hanging his head. That earned him a curious look from the woman sitting across from him, tapping her manicured nails impatiently against her pen.

He’d started working with a new client recently and she seemed to be developing a habit of changing meeting times at the last minute. Normally, this was nothing new with some of the cases he got. Clients could be unpredictable at times, much like this woman who always showed up to their meetings dressed to the nines, sitting a little too close for comfort. Damien had hoped that staying professional and keeping his distance was enough to just get through the case and be done with it …

There was a shift of movement and Damien glanced up to find her smiling at him coquettishly, one of her fingers was twirling at her blonde locks absentmindedly. At that, everything seemed to click.

Okay, Nazario, it’s clearly time to leave now.

Damien immediately stood and began to put his files away. “All right, can you do me a favor and head over there? I’m leaving now.”

“I’m already there- look- you’ve handled them before. Any advice for me?”

“Just go with the flow for now! I’m on my way. Thanks, Hayden.”

What?! What does that even-”

Damien hung up before Hayden could ask any further.

“Mr. Nazario?” The woman asked. “Is everything all right?”

“I actually have a family emergency, so I’m afraid I need to cancel.” He preoccupied himself with logging off and closing his briefcase.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that! When would you like to reschedule?”

“Umm …” He paused as he was shrugging off his jacket. “I’ll email and let you know. Sorry about that.”

“Sounds good!”

The words were barely out of her mouth as he rushed for the door.

——————————–

“Hey Flynn, right?” Hayden asked breathlessly as he dashed into the bar. “I’m looking for-” He stopped short when Flynn pointed in the direction of the stage, not even looking up from where he was wiping the counter …

A counter that was lined with used shot glasses.

Hayden groaned inwardly when he noticed Maya stumbling drunkenly onto the stage as Nadia trailed behind her, tinkering with the karaoke machine.

“Good evening New York!” Maya was lightly swaying back and forth as she clutched the mic stand. “I wanna sing a karaoke song,” She slurred. “’Cause I’ve been told it’s romaaantic to serenade your dumbass boyfriend.” That earned a few chuckles from her audience.

“Yeah, you tell ’em sister!” Nadia chimed from behind, her elaborate gesturing nearly causing her to topple backwards. “You tell ’em good!”

“Come one, come all!” Maya chirped into the mic. “I’d like to dedicate this song to my handsome, idiot of a buzzkill of a boyfriend! Who I love very very much.” Then she gestured in front of her face as if to whisper. “But don’t tell him I said that! He’s a detective! He knows everyyything!”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, pretty lady!” A man in the audience called out.

Hayden raced around to the end of the stage and leaned toward it, hissing at Nadia. “Nadia! Maya! What do you two think you’re-”

“Shhhhh!” Nadia held a finger in front of her face, her features scrunching comically as she barely held her balance. “Don’t be rude, Hayden! The show is starting!”

Right on cue, classic band music started playing from the speakers and Maya sang along, slurring and slightly off-key.

“Yooouuu’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch,”

I wouldn’t touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!“

Hayden shuffled nervously toward the stage, holding his hands out steadily as he thought through what to do next.

“You’ve got garlic in your soul,”

“You owe me big time, Nazario.”

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