It was nearly midnight, the manor house was quiet and still, all of the staff having long since retired for the night. The soft flicker of firelight emanating from beneath the closed library door was the only source of light in the otherwise darkened house.
Drake sat alone in the dark, staring into the fire, his fingers wrapped tightly around a tumbler of whiskey. Hands shaking, he brought it to his lips, taking a long swallow of the burning spirit, letting it wash away the taste of bile from the back of his throat. His teeth ground together as he tried to calm the rising fury that was threatening to overtake him.
He hated that she still had this effect over him. Even now…even after all these years, the very mention of her name brought it all rushing back and he was a kid again, crying into his pillow, wondering what he’d done to make her leave, wondering why she didn’t love him enough to stay.
“Drake?”
He heard Ava whisper his name, but he didn’t look up, he couldn’t. He was too afraid of what he might say to her. He silently prayed that she would take his silence for the warning it was and just walk away.
He felt the anger boiling in his chest like molten lava, scorching hot and bubbling just under the surface, ready to spew forth at any second. He knew when it finally erupted it would destroy everything in its path. He knew it, but he had no more control over it than he had over the wind or the rain. His fury was a natural disaster, and Ava was standing directly in its path.
“Drake?” She said again as she moved onto the room. Suddenly she was leaning against the arm of his chair, her fingers stroking his hair. “Baby, are you okay?”
Normally her touch sent a fire racing through his body, but tonight it left him cold as ice. He jerked away from her. “I’m fine.”
Ava pulled her hand back, letting it drop to her side. “You’re obviously not fine.” She said, hurt evident in her voice. “Come on, talk to me.”
“Just leave me alone, Ava.”
“Drake please…don’t shut me out.”
“I don’t wanna do this with you right now, okay?” He fought to keep his voice even when all he wanted to do was yell, curse, put his fist through a wall… “Please just go to bed. I’ll be up in a while. I just need some time alone.”
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea you’d be so upset about this.”
Fuck.
His anger burst to the surface and he shot out of his chair, his expression thunderous as he faced her.
“How could you possibly not know Ava?” he shouted, “Have I ever had a single nice thing to say about her? In all the time we’ve known each other have you ever once heard me express any interest in seeing her again?”
“Well, no, but…”
“Then why the fuck did you invite her to our wedding? Why!?”
Ava’s eyes grew wide as Drake barked at her. He’d never so much as raised his voice to her before.
“I’m sorry…I just thought…”
“No! You didn’t think, Ava! That’s pretty fucking obvious! If you had actually thought about it, you’d have realized that it wasn’t your place to make this decision without talking to me first. Last I checked, this was still my wedding too.”
“I wanted to surprise you.”
Drake let out a humorless laugh and raised his glass to her. “Well, mission fucking accomplished.”
Ava felt a surge of anger course through her veins. He always reverted right back to sarcasm and condescension when he was angry. It was infuriating! Her heart had been in the right place when she’d reached out to his mother, why couldn’t he see that?
“How was I supposed to know you’d react like this, Drake?” She shouted back, “You never talk about her. Any time I try to bring her up, you immediately change the subject! Maybe if you trusted me enough to open up about how you feel about her, I would’ve known not to invite her to the wedding. All I know about her is what Savannah has told me.”
“Jesus Christ! Savannah…of course!” Drake threw his hands in the air, “I should’ve fucking known Savannah had something to do with this.” He glared at Ava, shaking his head, “My sister has always had this ridiculous romantic fantasy about our mother. She sees her as this tragic figure, so broken hearted and grief-stricken that she had to flee the country because she couldn’t bear to go on without her true love. But that’s bullshit, Ava…a fucking fairytale! Savannah doesn’t know the whole story. I spared her that! I didn’t want her to know that this this woman, who she’d put on a pedestal, was really just a selfish, immature bitch who gave up on us. Because that’s what you do when you love someone, you protect them from the harsh realities of the world. I wish someone’d done that for me.”
“It was a horrible thing that she did to you.” Ava agreed gently, “And Savannah is so lucky to have a brother who loves her like you do. You’ve always been there for her.”
“Someone had to be.”
“Maybe…maybe if you just talk to your mom, give her a chance to explain…”
“Why the hell should I give her the chance to explain anything?” He asked in a low, dangerous voice, “There’s no possible explanation that could ever justify what she did. Our mother abandoned us, Ava! She tossed us aside like we were garbage! You can’t possibly understand how that feels. It fucking scars you for life!”
Drake began pacing the room like a caged animal. “Savannah was just a baby when she left. She doesn’t know what really happened. She doesn’t know that our loving mother, the one person in the world who was supposed to love us unconditionally and take care of us no matter what, ditched us in the middle of the night.”
Drake stopped at the bar cart and refilled his glass, taking a long swallow before turning back to Ava with haunted eyes. “She took everything.” He said bitterly, “She cleaned out the bank accounts, took the insurance money and disappeared. The only thing she left behind was a note for Bastien, asking him to look after us. She told him raising two kids on her own was too hard on her. Too fucking hard!” He spun around and sent his glass sailing across the room. It hit the wall with a resounding crash as shards of shattered glass and whiskey rained down onto the wooden floor.
Startled, Ava cried out, her hand flying to her chest as she stared at Drake, who was shaking with fury.
“Our father had just been killed.” Drake’s eyes were black as coal as he met her sympathetic gaze. “We were still reeling from that when she cut and ran on us. She abandoned her children, Ava! What kind of person does that? What kind of mother does that?”
Ava’s heart broke for him. She wanted more than anything to take him in her arms and try to soothe his pain, but she didn’t dare. He was too wound up. She barely recognized the man standing before her with the wild eyes and an angry scowl on his face.
“Not only did she abandon us,” Drake continued bitterly, “But she left us with someone barely older than we were. Bastien was only twenty-five and suddenly he had two kids to watch over. But he fucking did it, Ava. He didn’t have to. We weren’t his responsibility, but he stepped up and took care of us when our own goddamn mother couldn’t be bothered. We grew up in the palace surrounded by the people who had always looked down on us, who despised us because we didn’t have noble blood running through our veins. And now you’ve invited that…that woman to our wedding. It’s meant to be the happiest day of our lives, Ava, and now it’s ruined.”
Ava shook her head, as tears sprang to her eyes. “No, Drake, don’t say that! It’s not ruined, I promise. I know she made a horrible mistake, there’s no denying that. But so much time has passed. Maybe now you can get some closure.”
“I don’t need any fucking closure. As far as I’m concerned, my mother died the day she walked out on us.”
He sat heavily in the wingback chair, hands clasped between his knees, his broad shoulders slumped. He looked so utterly defeated as he sat there, refusing to make eye contact with her. Ava’s heart ached as she watched him struggle to regain his composure. He brought one hand up and brushed angrily at a stray tear that dared to spill down his cheek.
She never would’ve thought that the man with walls of steel around his heart would ever allow her to see him so raw, so utterly broken. She knew that his anger was covering the real emotion that was driving his tirade…pain.
Deep down he was still that same sad, scared little boy whose father was murdered and whose mother had abandoned him. It was suddenly so clear why he always questioned her love for him. His mother had made him feel he was unloveable. She made him feel like no one would ever love him enough to stay for him.
Ava fell to her knees in front of him and reached out to place her hand on Drakes cheek. “I love you Drake Walker. I’ll love you until the day I die. You’re the best man I’ve ever known.”
Drake closed his eyes and turned his head away from her as he fought against the wave of pain that was threatening to choke him. He refused to give himself over to it. He refused to admit that he still cared about a woman who had absolutely no love for him. He felt the pain begin to recede as the anger built again. He welcomed it. Anger was a much easier emotion to to deal with.
He jerked his chair back and stood abruptly.
“Stop talking to me like I’m fragile, Ava I’m not broken! You don’t need to fix me! I’ve been perfectly fine for the last fifteen years without her!”
‘Have you?” She asked under her breath
“Just stop, alright! You can’t make this better. Not everything can be wrapped up with a pretty little bow so it fits nicely into your perfect little world. . Sometimes life isn’t perfect. Sometimes it’s fucking messy, but it’s okay. Sometimes things just need to be left the hell alone.”
“I’m sorry…I just want you to be happy, that’s all I was trying to do.”
“Do I look happy to you right now?” He snapped
Ava looked down and said nothing.
Drake let out a heavy sigh and raked his hands through his hair.
“Go to bed Ava, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“Come with me.” She pleaded, taking his hand.
He pulled his hand back, shaking his head, “I’ll be up in a while. I just need to be alone right now.”
“Drake, I’m so sorry. If I could undo it all, I would.”
“Well you can’t Ava.” He said with a sigh, “What’s done is done. She’ll be here in a few days.”
He returned to the chair and sat down heavily, scrubbing his face with his hands before looking up to meet Ava’s gaze. He had to look away when he saw the tears pooling in her eyes.
He knew deep down that she had nothing but his best interest at heart when she’d contacted his mother. Deep down…he understood that. But right now, all he felt was…betrayed.
“I don’t want her back in my life Ava.” He said slowly as he looked up, their eyes locking, “I’m not going to pretend that I’m happy to see her. And I’ll be damned if she’s given any special treatment at this wedding.” His jaw visibly tightened as he went on, “She doesn’t get to play the role of mother of the groom, she doesn’t get to sit in the designated family seats at the front of the cathedral and there sure as hell won’t be any special mother/son dance for us. She’s just another guest, do I make myself clear about that?”
Ava nodded her head.
“Ava! Do I make myself clear?” He growled.
“Yes!” She shouted back, “Yes, I get it, Drake! You don’t want her there! I’ve ruined everything! Our wedding is going to be a disaster and it’s all my fault! You’ve made that perfectly clear! ” Ava couldn’t hold back her tears anymore, she swiped at them as they streamed down her face. “I screwed up! I’m sorry!”
Sobbing, Ava ran from the room, slamming the door behind her.
The room fell into a deafening silence as Drake stared at the door Ava had just disappeared through. He hadn’t thought it possible, but he felt even worse now than he had just minutes ago. He’d just taken out his anger and frustration on the one person in the world that he loved more than anything else.
Why did he constantly go out of his way to fuck up every good thing in his life? Maybe he really was broken.
*****
Drake stood in the doorway of the room that would become their shared bedroom in just a few days time. He didn’t know how long he’d stood there watching the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest as she slept…a minute, five minutes, an hour?
He knew he’d over-reacted earlier. Just finding out that he was going to have to see her…his mother… had sent him into a downward spiral and he’d lashed out at the one person he never, ever wanted to hurt. He knew he had to apologize to her. Hell, after that fucking meltdown, he’d be making it up to her for the rest of his damn life. The problem was, he didn’t know what he could possibly say to her to make up for the way he’d treated her.
He’d have to show her.
His words may fail him, but he knew his body wouldn’t.
He crossed the room, shedding his clothing as he went. He pulled back the covers and slid into the bed next to her. Reaching out, he tenderly stroked the hair back from her forehead. Her eyes fluttered open and she gazed up at him. Even in the dim light he could see her eyes were red-rimmed and swollen. A wave of regret washed over him, so strong it nearly took his breath away. He was such a fool. He didn’t know what he’d ever done in his life to deserve this perfect, precious woman, but he was going to spend the rest of his life making sure he was worthy of her love. He vowed right then and there to never be the cause of another tear falling from her beautiful blue eyes.
“Hey.” He whispered, trailing his finger across her cheek.
“Hey.” She whispered back.
Drake leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers, “I’m so sorry baby. I was so outta line. This isn’t your fault. It’s mine. I should’ve told you how I felt a long time ago…”
Ava’s eyes were full of tears as she reached out to press her finger against his lips.
“Don’t…” She murmured.
He held his breath, afraid of what she might say next.
“I love you so much.” She whispered, as a fresh set of tears began to slide down her cheeks “You were right, I should never have made such an important decision without talking to you about it first.”
“Still…it didn’t give me the right to speak to you like that. I promise, I’ll never raise my voice to you like that ever again, I swear it, Ava.”
She smiled at him. She knew from the sincerity in his voice, and the determination in his eyes that he was telling her the truth
“I love you so much, Drake.”
“I love you, baby.”
Drake cupped her face in his large hands and pressed his lips to hers gently. They tasted salty from her tears, or maybe they were his, he couldn’t be sure.
Drake slid his lips from her mouth to her temple as he cradled her against his chest.
“Don’t cry baby, please. God, I hate that I made you cry.”
He looked down into her face, his dark eyes burning with intensity, “ I know I frustrate you. I don’t communicate well, I bottle my feelings, I have a terrible temper and a huge chip on my shoulder. I’m afraid every single day that I’m going to fuck this up. That you’re going to get tired of dealing with me and run.”
Ava reached up to run her thumb over his bottom lip, her eyes shining with love for him.
“I’m not going anywhere and I will never, ever get tired of you Drake Walker.” She vowed, “I love you.”
Drake pulled her close, burying his face in her hair. “I have no idea what I did to deserve you, or why you love me.” He whispered, “ But I’m so happy you do.”
He pulled away and gazed down into her upturned face as he ran his thumb over her soft cheek, “You’re everything to me, Ava. I’ve never needed anyone the way I need you, and I’m not gonna lie, sometimes it scares the shit outta me. But I wouldn’t change any of it. I love you, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure that you never have any reason to doubt that.”
He bent to brush his lips lightly across hers, “I’m marrying you in a week and it’s gonna be the best day of my entire life.” he said softly, “ Nothing can change that. Nothing.”
“Drake,” Ava murmured as she reached out to cup his cheek, “ I love you so mu-”
He cut off her words with a searing kiss that left her breathless.
In response, Ava wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body against his.
“Ava…” he whispered against her lips, “Baby, I need you”
Drake’s mouth closed over hers again and Ava gave herself over to the soul-deep hunger she felt for him. She slid her hands down his chest, caressing his warm skin, raking her fingers through the smattering of coarse hair that covered his pecs. Drake groaned into her mouth and pulled her even closer. She could feel him, hard and pulsating against her thigh and it sent a wave of desire coursing through her entire body. She’d never get tired of the intense reaction her body had to his touch.
Drake tugged at the bottom of her silky nightgown and Ava helped him pull it over her head.
He tossed the scrap of fabric to the floor and raked his eyes over her lush naked body.
“Jesus. You’re so fucking beautiful.” he whispered reverently as he reached out to fill his hands with the soft flesh of her breasts, grazing each rosy peak gently with his teeth before pulling them into his mouth, first one, then the other, as he slowly savored the taste of them.
His lips moved to her neck, as he ran his tongue slowly, tantalizingly behind her ear, down to the hollow of her throat, following the line of her collarbone until he reached her shoulder.
He grazed his teeth over her tanned skin before pressing a line of hot, wet kisses down her arm, drawing each finger into his mouth one at a time. He took her dampened fingers and placed them against her entrance. Ava moaned as he pressed her fingers deeply into her dripping core, coating them with her juices before pulling them out bringing them to his own mouth. His tongue curled around her fingers, as he sucked them clean.
He gave her a wicked smile as he dipped his head once again to kiss his way across her stomach and over the graceful curve of her hip before moving lower still, to her navel. He traced her bellybutton with his tongue, tickling her sensitive skin with his stubble. Ava giggled, but her laughter quickly turned to a moan when he dipped his head between her legs and parted her folds with his tongue. Drake circled her clit with the tip of his tongue, grazing his teeth gently over the throbbing bud before plunging his tongue deeply inside.
“Oh God.” she panted, tightening her grip on his hair as she ground her aching mound against his mouth.
She whimpered and bucked against him, her hands grabbing at the sheets, as the pressure began building deep in her belly.
Drake placed his hands on her thighs to keep her still as he buried his tongue inside her. He moaned against her clit and the vibrations sent a ripple of intense pleasure straight to her core. He slid two fingers inside of her and curled them upwards, pushing them in deep and hard, just how he knew she liked it. He bent his head and pulled her clit between his lips, sucking on the tight bundle of nerves as he fucked her with his fingers. It didn’t take long before he felt her clench around his hand.
She cried out his name as wave after wave of pleasure washed over her, but Drake didn’t stop. Ava wasn’t sure if it was the longest, most intense orgasm of her life, or if it was a series of smaller orgasms, all she knew was that when it was finally over, she was drenched in sweat, her bones felt like jello and she was having a difficult time forming words.
She turned her head to look at Drake, “That was…you are…” She shook her head, “Oh my God.”
Drake grinned down at her as he pushed her hair from her sweaty forehead, “We’ve only just begun, baby.”
He bent his head and caught her lips in a deep kiss. She tasted the sweet tang of her juices on his tongue and suddenly her energy was restored.
He waited until she came down from her orgasm before sinking onto the bed beside her and curling his body around hers, pressing his chest against her back as he cupped her breasts in his large hands, tweaking her nipples until she moaned.
Ava leaned her head back against his shoulder as Drake peppered kisses over her neck, stroking his hands slowly down her sides and over her thighs, causing goosebumps to erupt across her skin. Ava’s breathing quickened as his hands skimmed lightly across her stomach and she gasped out loud as his fingers once again found their way between her legs. She was dripping wet and her clit was so overly sensitive from her orgasms, that the rough rasp of his thumb sent a violent shudder through her whole body.
Drake smiled into her neck when she moaned and grabbed his hand, holding it in place as her body thrummed through yet another mind blowing orgasm.
He pressed his length against her and she pushed pushed back, bringing one knee up in a silent invitation.
He rocked his hips forward, gliding his cock against the hot, dripping center of her.
Ava gasped and let out a little moan. She was desperate to feel him inside of her, as close as they could possibly get, their two bodies as one
He nudged against her again, nearly entering her, but not quite.
“Drake, Please.” Ava whimpered, frustrated by his teasing. Reaching behind her, she grasped him in her hand and guided him where she needed him.
“Anything for you.” Drake whispered as he wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her close and sunk deeply into her.
Ava let out a little sigh of contentment as her body stretched to accommodate him. She felt so incredibly full as he pumped slowly in and out of her in long, deep strokes. His hands went to her breasts and he rolled her nipples between his thumb and forefinger, hard enough to cause little sparks of desire to shoot straight to her core.
Drake nudged her leg higher, pressing himself even more deeply inside, lost in the sensation of her tight warmth wrapped around him. He rocked against her slowly, rythmically until he felt the familiar pressure begin to build and knew he wouldn’t be able to last much longer. His breathing was ragged and his thrusts increasingly erratic as Ava pushed back against him, edging him closer and closer to his own release.
“Drake.” She panted, “Come for me, baby. Fill me up.”
Pushing into her as deeply as possible, Drake’s eyelids fluttered shut and he let out a low, long groan as he finally gave into his own burning need.
“Ava…fuck. Avaaaaa.” His cock jerked inside her and he emptied himself until he was spent.
Breathing heavily, he opened his eyes and found Ava smiling over her shoulder at him.
She snuggled back against him and closed her eyes as she let out a contented sigh.
“I love you.” She whispered.
Drake tightened his arms around her, nuzzling his nose against her ear. “I love you too, Matheson. For better or for worse.” he murmured. “Thank you for being my rock.”