/ Istvan – FC Rob Evans
/ Both images borrowed from their Instagram
/ I own none of these images, all used with love and respect <3
/ Rings – enoirvado / Vegas view – Instagram sin1city / Quotes – all taken from Pinterest and none had credit for where they came from.
Viktoria froze as she looked at Mrs Levy’s concerned face. A voice inside of her was screaming at her to open the floodgates and tell the kindly older lady everything, to say the words before the whole situation drove her quite mad, but how did she know if she could she trust her? How did she know that Mrs Levy wouldn’t run and tell Istvan everything? Viktoria hated herself right now, and she didn’t know how she could possibly go on if Istvan hated her too. And how could he not? She chewed at her quivering lip as she looked at Mrs Levy through watery eyes, debating what to do… She held onto the beautiful necklace that Istvan had bought her, she’d barely taken it off since that morning. She willed herself to speak, her breath coming out in little sharp puffs, trying to build herself up to beginning, because once it was out there, she couldn’t reel it back in… Mrs Levy was looking at her patiently, her dark eyes searching Viktoria, an open and friendly expression on her face. Viktoria’s mouth opened and the words finally found their exit; a barely audible whisper,
“I-I’m… I’m pregnant, Mrs Levy…”
Mrs Levy said nothing, she simply squeezed Viktoria’s hand and nodded. Viktoria looked at her, puzzled – she’d fully expected the older woman to have instantly started babbling congratulations and asking her questions. Mrs Levy noted the inquisitive look Viktoria was giving her,
“Your Majesty, I told you I would be an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. I will sit here and say nothing for as long as you want to offload. After that, if you want to hear a 54-year-old’s take on things, I would be more than happy to give you my opinions and suggestions if, and only if, you want them.”
Viktoria’s eyebrows went up as she nodded rapidly, her voice croaking as she gave the woman a weak smile,
“Ok. Thank you. You may be better grabbing a chair…”
Mrs Levy nodded towards the small arm chairs positioned in the bay window,
“Ok my love, why don’t we move over there? Then you can tell me everything that’s got you so upset. How does that sound?”
Viktoria wrapped her cardigan tightly around her middle, one arm defensively across her chest, the other fiddling with the end of her braid as she moved across the room to the sofa,
“I feel so ashamed Mrs Levy. Istvan is so happy. He wants a baby so much. So, so much. I wasn’t sure and that’s what we were arguing about when I left last year… But I can’t be apart from him Mrs Levy, I just couldn’t bear it. I love him…”
Viktoria’s head dropped into her hands as a sob wracked through her. Through her tears, the words jumbled out,
“I thought when I got pregnant it would be ok and all the reservations I had would vanish – that I would realise I was worrying about nothing. But it’s not ok – I should be over the moon, but I’m so scared Mrs Levy! I’m so damn scared that I can’t think straight and I can hardly breathe! I don’t feel like a mommy. I don’t feel anything. I keep trying, God knows I’m trying so hard and nothing’s happening!”
Viktoria wiped her swollen eyes,
“I hate myself Mrs Levy. I don’t deserve Istvan. He can’t know about this. Promise me you won’t say anything Mrs Levy, he’ll think I’m a monster.”
Mrs Levy sat quietly, saying nothing, shaking her head. Viktoria’s nerves got the better of her, feeling judged, panicking that she’d misread the older woman, she sprung off the armchair,
“I’m terribly sorry Mrs Levy, I’ve taken up quite enough of your time I’m sure…”
Mrs Levy touched her arm gently,
“Sit down…”
Viktoria opened and closed her mouth, sitting back down meekly, hands in her lap. Mrs Levy smiled at her,
“Your Majesty, you are far from a monster. But I do think you need to start being honest with King Istvan. I understand that you’re scared to talk to him about this, but how devastated do you think he would be to find out that you’re feeling this awful and don’t feel like you can talk to him? He’s a good man…”
Viktoria pulled a face and massaged her temples – stress visibly oozing from her,
“He talks to the baby Mrs Levy. He touches my stomach and whispers to the baby how much he loves it. And I know he means it. He’s the most perfect man alive and I’m carrying his baby. Why don’t I feel the same way? I want to feel it so badly. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me.”
Mrs Levy interrupted,
“Do you not think that you’re overthinking things my love? You’re putting so much pressure on yourself to feel and act in a certain way, it’s no wonder you’re unhappy? It’s normal to have fears and doubts. There isn’t a right or a wrong way to feel you know…”
Viktoria’s eyes assessed Mrs Levy,
“Do you really think so…?”
Mrs Levy nodded,
“You think you’re the only pregnant woman who’s ever been scared? I was 17 years old and unwed when I found out I was expecting my daughter you know.”
Mrs Levy chuckled,
“Back then it was a lot different to how liberal things are these days. I was scared witless I can assure you.”
Viktoria listened intently as Mrs Levy described how she and her now-husband were rushed down the aisle, the disapproval the young couple had faced as well as the financial struggles they’d endured during their first few years of marriage. By the time they’d talked for almost an hour, Viktoria felt the calmest she had in the past few weeks. Finally being able to voice how she was feeling, without receiving the criticism she’d so readily expected, was quite an overwhelming experience. Mrs Levy had even managed to convince Viktoria that she really should get checked over by the doctor, and that if she didn’t want to go to the hospital, they could surely have a doctor visit the palace. Viktoria had agreed to think about telling Istvan how she was feeling, but still wasn’t quite sure she was ready to face doing that yet. Mrs Levy smiled at her,
“One step at a time.”
—
TBC – VP 💖
