Not If, but When

Note: scene with Khaan this chapter (Chapter 12) left me wanting more, so this is in alternate ending. The dialogue comes straight from the chapter until it diverges from canon.

Leila and Khaan have been toeing this line for quite some time now. There was that time training on the beach when Khaan had her pinned against the sand, the look in his eyes telling her he would have taken her right then and there if no one else had been around. There have been many late night conversations when everyone else has gone to bed, a current of electricity between them they both tried their best to ignore. She’s not sure what’s been holding Khaan back, but Leila has her own reasons. She ended things with Hayden recently, and with how intertwined they are right now, she hasn’t wanted to throw a new relationship in his face, but Khaan isn’t making it easy. He does things like compliment how good she looks, tell her he’s trying to impress her, and say he misses her in one breath, only to change the subject or walk a way with the next. Is this all a game for him, or are they both trying to fight the inevitable?

After the disaster that was Winona’s show, Nadia suggests they all go out clubbing to unwind, and even Damien agrees. Khaan’s been laying low recently due to Hamza, so even though he’s in on the group text, she tries not to get her hopes up that he will come.  When he texts back “That sounds nice” with a smiley face her stomach fills with butterflies. It doesn’t help that she’s still reeling from Khaan texting her earlier that he’d feel better if she were there with him, making it clear he meant it. She rummages through the cupboards, finding a bottle of Bacardi and a shot glass and slams one shot and then just a splash more to quell her nerves and temper her expectations. They’ve played this game time and time again. She shouldn’t expect it will turn out any differently this time, but part of her still can’t help but think it might.

Things start off innocently enough at the club, Leila having a couple drinks and dancing with no one in particular, until she gets the courage to ask Khaan to dance.

Leila shimmies over to Khaan. “Dance with me?

Khaan’s jaw drops, like it was the last thing he expects. “This isn’t exactly my style of music, but I might be able to pull something off.” Leila laughs to herself as his fluid movements don’t quite match the thumping beat of the music, but it’s so Khaan and its part of his charm. He starts to lose himself in the music and locks eyes with Leila, putting his hands on her hips and pulling her close. ”Leila…” His voice is barely audible above the music. His hand travels up her back bringing her closer still, their hips grinding together to the beat.

“Khaan?” She doesn’t want to question it, but she’s also not sure what’s come over him.

Khaan trails his thumb near her throat and then suddenly seems to come out of his trance. “Oh, I’m,uh…” He lets Leila go and takes a step back. “Maybe that’s enough dancing for tonight.”

Leila forces a smile to hide her disappointment before they part ways. She dances more with her friends but can’t get the feeling of Khaan’s body up against her’s out of her mind. The ghost of his touch remains on the small of her back, and she longs for a chance to get him alone.

Leila needs a break from the dance floor and sidles up to Alana and Khaan engaged in banter over who is getting hit on the most. The score is Alana four to Khaan zero, which makes Leila happy because she can’t bear the though of him going home with anyone else. She’s pleasantly surprised when Khaan suggests she head upstairs to the private lounge with him. Much to her delight, it is deserted when they arrive, but again she tells herself it doesn’t mean anything is going to happen.

They are engaged in casual conversation, Khaan lamenting about how he misses Hamza, which Leila finds adorable, and then he does that thing he always does.

“You know, I…Between Hamza and Eros, I haven’t really dated much in the last five years.” Khaan admits. “I’m not entirely sure I know how to date someone anymore.” His hand moves towards Leila like he wants to touch her but then he sets it down on the sofa with a pained expression on his face.

Leila’s pulse quickens. Talking about dating, wanting to touch her. The same will he or won’t he. “Khaan…” is all she says, but there’s a pleading invitation there.

“And also, because of Hamza,” he continues, I have to be careful with who I let into my life…It’s not just my life anymore.”

“What are you trying to tell me Khaan.” She needs him to say it. She can’t keep wondering anymore.

There’s a burning desire in his eyes and his voice is soft and low. “I’m trying to tell you no matter how much I want you..How many times I’ve almost kissed you, almost invited you back to my room, to my bed, I…” He swallows hard. “I can’t let it be more than that. At least not right now.”

So many thought are swimming around in her head she doesn’t no where to focus. All those times she thought they were one more drink, one more touch, one more admission from something happening, he was thinking the same thing too. Yet at the same time he’s still telling her it can’t be anything more than what they have right now. She doesn’t have any children of her own, but she can only imagine what a big decision this is for him.

“I respect your reasons…I would never want to do anything to hurt Hamza, or you. I’m more than happy to move at your pace.” Better that than nothing at all. Leila inches her hand up against Khaan’s and after a moment of hesitation, he wraps his own hand around Leila, his warmth radiating into her.

“Wisdom would have me hold back, wait and see… Ease Myself into any new intimacy with care…with caution…” Hi lifts Leila’s hand to his lips, his rough stubble leaving a tingle across her knuckles. “And yet I can’t stop dreaming of all the risks I might take for you.” He gently kisses each of her fingertips, holding each one to hips long enough to stir the heat in her core.

“Khaan…” Don’t stop she wants to say, but if it’s not going any further, what does he think he’s doing?

“I can’t help but allow myself this one soft moment.” He smiles warmly.

Leila smirks back. “What about playing it safe?”

Khaan presses one final kiss to the smooth skin on the center of her palm. “Your beautiful spirit, the kindness and loyalty you have for your companions…You make caution difficult Leila.”

“I bet you say that to all your dates.” She plays it down a bit, as its all a bit much to take.

Khaan brings her hand to to heart and then lets it go. “Only those as remarkable as you.”

“Khaan, I…” She’s never connected with anyone on this level before and she doesn’t know how she can just go home and get on with her life after this, but she cannot, in good conscience, push him when he’s not ready either. “Never mind, we should get back.” Leila Leans his to hug Khaan a press a kiss to his cheek, but Khaan is one step ahead. He turns his head so his soft full lips, tasting of tequila and spice, meet hers.

Leila starts to pull back, thinking it was a mistake – a momentary lapse in judgement on his part, but he has a tight grip on her and doesn’t let her go. “Screw being cautious. I want you, Leila.” He crushes his mouth to hers, lips parting and tongues twisting together. His kisses are urgent and needy, yet some somehow soft and slow all at the same time, like some sort of witchcraft.

Khaan lifts Leila onto the table and slides between her legs. His eyes never leave hers and he lifts up her wrist, sending shivers down her spine as his mouth moves over the sensitive skin. He leans in to nibble and suck her neck, blazing a fiery trail up to her earlobe and she moans. “Khaan…”

“I wish I could take my time with you. Have you over and over again all night.” He whispers in her ear, and she aches to feel him inside her, her panties already wet in anticipation. “We can wait if you want to do this prop-”

“Shh.” Leila brings a finger to his lips. “Take me now. I need you.”

A guttural sound escapes Khaan’s throat. “I was hoping you’d say that.” He palms her thighs and creeps upwards under the short skirt of her rose gold dress until he reaches the waistband of her silk panties and smoothly slides them off, sticking them in his pocket. He traces a finger through her slick folds and she shudders as he grazes her clit. “Damn, Leila. You are so wet.” His fingers travel back down and he glides two inside her just fast and hard enough to cause her to gasp as he hits her sweet spot.

She wraps her hands around the back of his head to coax him in to kiss her again as he works his fingers in and out. She feels a familiar pressure building, threatening to explode. “Now. Fuck me now, Khaan,” She begs.

He pulls a condom from his back pocket. “I was playing with fire bringing this tonight. I should have known the moment I put it back there I was already giving in to you. The things you do to me, Leila” He unbuttons his pants and slides the zipper down. He pushes down his boxer briefs just enough to free his cock. He tears open the wrapper and Leila watches in awe as he sheaths his hard length.

Leila kicks off her stilettos which land on the floor with a thud. She wraps her legs around his waist as he positions himself at her entrance. He thrusts in slow and deep and she can feel every inch of him. “Oh, Khaan, you feel so good.”

“I’m just getting started,” He breaths. and he pushes in again, even deeper than she thought possible. He nibbles at her collarbone and slides down the strap of her dress exposing one of her breasts. He languidly licks and sucks her nipple, pleasure shooting straight to her core as he continues his rhythmic pace.

Leila rests her hands back on the table to brace herself while Khaan rubs circles over her clit, bringing her closer and closer to the edge. His quickened breaths and movements tell her he’s getting there as well. She squeezes her legs around his waist pulling him in harder and he bites down on her shoulder. “Keep going, I’m so close.” She commands. His fingers match the frenetic movements of his thrusts and Leila cries out as intense waves of pleasure course through her body from the inside out.

Khaan moans as her walls contract around him. He holds Leila up with one hand around her back while he grabs the table with his other for leverage. He sinks his teeth into her shoulder again to muffle the sound as he finds his release. He holds her close as they both struggle to catch their breath, and then he helps her down from the table so they can get cleaned up and put back together.

Khaan is the first to speak. “I hope I didn’t make a mess of things.” He tugs at his slightly disheveled bun. “I wish we could do this every night but-”

“I know.” Leila spares him from having to say the rest. She knew the score going in. He doesn’t need to apologize. She clasps one of his hands in between hers. “I can wait for you. I’ll take whatever you can give, whenever you are ready to give it. You’re worth it, Khaan Mousavi.”

A wide grin spreads across Khaan’s face. “You, Leila Park, are one incredible woman, and I’ll do my best to give you all you deserve – not if, but when, and that’s a promise.” He laces his fingers through hers as they head back to reality. No matter what happens, this is a memory Leila will never forget nor regret.